194. Setting Boundaries without Pressure + Panic

Happy 5th Anniversary of Failing Motherhood!Welcome to the LAST episode, #200.If there's one thing I will be known for, let it be this mindset shift. And in this episode, I don't just explain it, but I share a clip from a coaching call where we apply it in real time to a common frustration.IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:How to recognize when you're having "first thoughts"Creative ways to problem solve struggles with cleaning up their own thingsHow to take your power back + no longer feel like the victimDON'T MISS:What I'm going to be working on in the future!// YOUR NEXT STEPS //#1 - Leave a review in Apple podcasts if you have grown as a parent while listening and share it with a friend to help us celebrate!#2 - Stay connected through email newsletters by registering for any of these FREE downloads- PDF Guide for MORE Patience: www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/patiencePDF Guide on Managing BIG Emotions: www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/emotionsMasterclass on the Kind + Firm Approach your Strong-willed child needs: www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident// MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //GAME CHANGER: Free Live Class on Tuesday, May 29th - register here: https://www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/game-changer// CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Not giving up. Not giving in. Not settling. Being all in. Today's episode recounts the story of Abbey, Jake, and their 7-year-old son finding purpose rather than despair, leaning in, offering mutual respect, and feeling like a united front.From feeling desperate and helpless, having "no good days" to parenting authentically, strategically, enjoying time together again.From their son never doing something he doesn't want to do, to not saying no anymore.From considering divorce, to the strongest they've ever felt together.IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...How Jake took a good hard look at his relationship with his sonWhat they had to do to get the "Jerry Springer" moments to stopThe heartbreaking question their son asked and how they transformed his self-esteemDON'T MISS-The power that comes from asking for helpI believe in you + I'm cheering you on.https://www.speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

We have a returning guest today! KC Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor, author, speaker, the creator of the mental health platform, Struggle Care, AND the author of the brand new book, out today... Who Deserves your Love (How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End any Relationship).In our conversation, we discuss the problems within the traditional self-help industry and the parallels of mom guilt and our effect on the people and the relationships we love.  The heart of our conversation centered around having clarity in our decision making using her "relationship decision tree" and finding more creative ways to sustain relationships rather than the pendulum swings between being a complete doormat and cutting off contact completely. So if you need more skill building around healthy boundary setting, self-love and what it looks like to be a "good person" in your relationships, let's be honest, this episode is for all of us.IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...Why shame isn't a sustainable motivatorHow to create the "Plinko board" our relationships flow within while remaining in integrityThe truth behind "if they wanted to, they would"DON'T MISS-A counterintuitive (yet MORE effective) way to spend quality time// MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //Special Time Cards// CONNECT WITH KC DAVIS //Who Deserves your Love (How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End any Relationship) Book — KC DavisWebsite: www.strugglecare.comInstagram: @strugglecareTikTok: @domesticblistersI believe in you + I'm cheering you on.https://www.speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Welcome back!This is the 3rd of 3 episodes breaking down the vast array of parenting resources we have at our fingertips. Today we’re talking: personal therapy, marriage counseling, one-off or 1:1 parenting coaching, and virtual parenting programs / memberships.For each, I break down the family that resource is BEST for, the benefits it provides, the unique Pros and Cons of utilizing that support vs. another, and ultimately, for some, the way they fall short. IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:What a therapist will never tell youWhy 1:1 coaching actually takes LONGER to see resultsThe nuance missing from programs developed 50+ years agoDON'T MISS:The program that has it *all* if you are still looking for a breakthrough // MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)Nonviolent Communication (N.V.C.)Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.)Active ParentingTriple P (Positive Parenting Program)How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will TalkPositive DisciplineLove and LogicDare to Discipline // CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Welcome back!This is the 2nd of 3 episodes breaking down the vast array of parenting resources we have at our fingertips. Today we’re talking: Occupational Therapy, Parent Child Interaction Therapy, Child Therapy (play therapy) and seeing a Psychologist.For each, I break down the family that resource is BEST for, the benefits it provides, the unique Pros and Cons of utilizing that support vs. another, and ultimately for some, the way they fall short. IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:When play therapy would most benefit your childWhy PCIT is less likely to work with strong-willed kidsThe criteria often necessary in order to get a referral to a psychologistDON'T MISS:A study on childhood anxiety and what treatment style was most effective - the answer may surprise you! // MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //2019 Yale Study on Combating Childhood Anxiety // CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Welcome to my VERSUS series!This is the 1st of 3 episodes breaking down the vast array of parenting resources we have at our fingertips. Today we’re talking: parenting content, parenting courses & books, and in-person parenting classes.For each, I break down the family that resource is BEST for, the benefits it provides, the unique Pros and Cons of utilizing that support vs. another, and ultimately for some, the way they fall short. IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:Why it’s extra hard to implement strategies from a bookThe topics I recommend buying courses forWho benefits most from parenting classesDON'T MISS:The Industry standard completion rate for online courses vs. mine // CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: speakneurodivergent.comSend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

What does it even look like to set + hold good boundaries?Boundaries can feel like an illusive mystery. Our preconceived notions of what we should be doing can create really rigid metrics for succeeding or failing, when in all actuality, there’s often no right or wrong!Today’s discussion includes validating the intention to “find the line”, why boundaries isn’t a binary but rather a spectrum, and the mindset reframes needed to be more effective and successful while still allowing for exceptions to the rule. IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:How the lack of boundaries leads to entitlementWhat your true responsibility isHow much time you actually have to address the behaviorDON'T MISS:An important distinction to realize when parenting strong-willed kids // CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: parentingwholeheartedly.comIG: @‌parent_wholeheartedlyAPPLY: parentingwholeheartedly.com/applySend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Well that backfired!When we parent out of fear, our short-sighted reactions can add fuel to the fire. This can create unintended consequences, like MORE helplessness, MORE sibling resentment, and MORE attention-seeking.In this episode, I cover where this starts, two extremely common examples, and what to do instead.IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:The Boomerang Effect: What you push away, comes back full forceA parallel to the movie- Monsters, Inc.The "Veruca Salt" mentality we're all afraid ofDON'T MISS:How the best of intentions can actually create MORE entitlement or sibling rivalry// MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //Dr. Shefali Tsabary books// CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: parentingwholeheartedly.comIG: @parent_wholeheartedlyAPPLY: parentingwholeheartedly.com/applySend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Cooking during daytime hours, running in & out of a store, joining a homeschool group... these may seem like everyday occurrences to some families, but at Lisa's house, they felt impossible.She was tasked with getting her neurodivergent son up to state curriculum standards last year while homeschooling, but his pathological demand avoidance made cooperation so hard to attain.NOW - she shares what IS possible now, how her confidence has grown, and what seemed to help when nothing else did.IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...The multi-faceted feelings of failure Lisa struggled withThe breakthroughs she experienced while we worked togetherThe remarkable progress they've been able to make DON'T MISS-The unorthodox solution that helped her son wash his hairI believe in you + I'm cheering you on.Come say hi!  I'm @parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.Apply to work together: parentingwholeheartedly.com/ApplySend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident

Does it ever feel like your strong-willed child SNAPS and turns into someone else entirely? Like an alter ego took over?You’re now walking on eggshells trying to diffuse a bomb before it explodes. There are two wires, which one do you cut?Choose SILLY over SERIOUS. IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:A situation in college you’d have handled in a similar wayThe ramifications of doubling down on seriousnessWays to inform your mindset that boost your patience and compassionDON'T MISS:Several examples of ways to effectively choose the sillier option without letting them “get away with it” // CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //Website: parentingwholeheartedly.comIG: @‌parent_wholeheartedlyAPPLY: parentingwholeheartedly.com/applySend us Fan Mail over Text.Support the showSTART HERE:CALM + CONFIDENT: THE MASTERCLASS Master the KIND + FIRM Approach your Strong-Willed Child Needs WITHOUT Crushing their Spirit OR Walking on Eggshells *FREE* - www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident