Episode - 7 - For mental health week - Singing with the Carpenter's Solitaire
This is just a quick addition to the normal episodes for mental health week. I love to sing and should have pursued it, but the bullies won over me, reminding me daily how useless I was and couldn't sing. I sadly listened, and it is only over the last 10 or so years I have finally told myself I can actually sing, but sadly now I can't very often. My allergies are very difficult to manage and require several medications, which dries out my vocal chords. I have not yet found a way to sing for any length of time and often my throat hurts despite not being a throat / nasal singer. I had considered taking a singing exam recently, just to prove to myself, but with our situation I cannot.
Try to never let the bullies get you down, Karen Carpenter helped me through so many moments, her songs will always be poignant to me. It is so sad what happened to her and that she was finally on the road to recovery, but so much damage had happened, she couldn't cope. Please please remember to talk about your problems, to anyone who will listen. I never did and came from a time when metal health issues were brushed under the carpet and it forever scarred me. I went though several boughts of starving myself and refusing to eat food as a teenager, thankfully for me, I did not have enough determination to carry out anything longer than a week, and at 16, I met Mal who helped me through those dark times pulling me through - like a shining beacon in the dark. I remember sadly upsetting a lady called Anne - she was a wonderful lady and both Mal and I worked with her for years. At the time, I was nearly a size zero!! I didn't mean to be, I just was after having medication issues that turned out to be an allergy. Only after the second time it was discovered, but I went from a plump 16 to an 8!! Back then I walked everywhere it was quicker than the bus - miles and miles a day to and from work a few villages away. I was 7.7st, and 34" bust and hips with a 24" waist! I can't believe it now, but I was for years - and guess what, I used to tell this lovely lady how fat I was!! She was quite insulted by me, even at my protestation and nipping my tummy to show her my inch of fat (skin). I never understood then. Mal used to call me a waif and yes you could see and feel all my hip bones, they really jutted out. I still remember it though like it was yesterday - honestly believing I was fat. Now I do need to lose weight!! But I know now, I didn't then. Sad how our brains trick us and we believe them.
Please do talk about mental health issues, and if possible seek therapy, it can honestly be helpful. I had two lots donkeys years ago and I take what I learnt then and it carries me forward. I also try to check myself and keep my life in proportion to others. Sadly, there really are many more people in this world far worse than you and I. We need to learn to embrace what we do have. I am thankful for my children every day. I know without them, my life would be very different. Please raise awareness of Mental Health issues talk to your children and loved ones. I do with my children all the time. They need to know they can trust me if they are struggling. I will always be there for them no matter what.
Thank you for listening, apologies for the crackles and rubbish voice, but I wanted to pay tribute to such a wonderful person.
Take care and stay safe. Carrie
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