Two Dads, Two Surrogates, Two Kids: One Gay Couple's Complete Surrogacy Journey

Fertility treatment can make you feel like almost nothing is in your control. Sleep is one thing you may be able to work on. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with neurologist turned sleep expert Dr. Stasha Gominak to talk about why eight hours of sleep is not always restorative sleep, why "just relax" is not a strategy, and what she says about vitamin D, B vitamins and sleep. Sleep is not a guarantee of any fertility outcome, but it is connected to your overall health and how your body recovers. What you will learn in this episode: Why you can sleep eight hours and still not wake up rested Sleep disorders beyond sleep apnea, and signs people often miss Why Dr. Gominak calls poor sleep a hidden epidemic What she says about vitamin D and B vitamins and their role in sleep Why sleep may be when the body does much of its repair, including the science of sleep paralysis How sleep connects to chronic illness, the microbiome and epigenetics, in her view Why outdoor exposure matters, especially for children Practical steps people can take right away This episode is for education only and is not medical advice. Dr. Gominak shares her own clinical views. Please talk with your doctor before starting or changing any supplement, especially during fertility treatment or pregnancy. Chapters: 0:00 Why sleep matters when treatment feels out of control 2:53 Dr. Gominak's path from neurology to sleep 6:09 Sleep disorders beyond sleep apnea 8:58 The hidden epidemic of sleep disorders 11:49 Vitamin D, sleep and fertility 14:47 Sleep and reproductive health 18:09 Sleep and chronic illness 20:59 Sleep paralysis and how the body repairs 23:56 Addressing sleep problems 35:23 Sleep and the family building journey 37:41 The role of vitamin D 40:06 B vitamins and sleep 44:27 Nutrient deficiencies and chronic illness 49:18 The microbiome 52:41 Epigenetics and health 56:16 Practical steps to try 1:01:17 Outdoor exposure 1:07:03 Resources for ongoing support Learn more about Dr. Gominak's RightSleep program: https://drgominak.com/ Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. #sleep #restorativesleep #vitamind #bvitamins #sleepdisorders #fertilityjourney #fertilitytreatment #ivf #ivfjourney #infertility #reproductivetherapist #familybuilding #sleeptips #wellness #familybuildingjourney

She was interviewing Gabrielle Union, Anne Hathaway and Lady Gaga on camera. Off camera, she was doing fertility shots in a broom closet. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with entertainment journalist Emily Orozco to talk about her long fertility journey. She shares how a breakup at 32 led her to freeze her eggs, why she advocated for a second retrieval, how she created embryos after meeting her husband, and the heartbreak of a failed transfer. She also opens up about the shame, grief and isolation she carried while staying composed in a highly visible media career. What you will learn in this episode: Why Emily pushed for a second egg retrieval at 33 and what self advocacy looks like with your clinic What it was like to freeze eggs after a breakup and then create embryos later Why a failed transfer can hurt more than you expect, even when you have multiple embryos How switching clinics and getting a second opinion led to a successful transfer What it was like to work in entertainment news while bloated, exhausted and overwhelmed by hormones How conversations with women like Gabrielle Union, Anne Hathaway and Lady Gaga helped her feel less alone The pressure to appear graceful when fertility treatment makes baby showers and casual conversations painful Why not everyone deserves access to your vulnerability and how to find the right people How jealousy, gratitude, fear and love can all be true at the same time What pregnancy after infertility feels like, including the fear that follows If you are in the middle of treatment and putting on a brave face, this conversation is for you. Chapters: 00:00 From secrecy to pregnancy 02:27 Freezing eggs after a breakup 03:24 Advocating for a second retrieval at 33 04:50 Creating embryos and the clinic wait list 06:13 The heartbreak of a failed transfer 07:48 Switching clinics and a successful transfer 09:40 Working in TV during retrievals and hormones 12:50 Anne Hathaway's empathy and advice 16:32 The pressure to be graceful 22:35 Shame, secrecy and choosing who knows your story 26:43 Pregnancy after infertility and the fear that follows 34:46 Emily's message to others still in treatment Follow Emily: https://www.instagram.com/emorozcoo/ Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. #ivfjourney #eggfreezing #fertilityjourney #infertility #ivf #fertilitytreatment #failedtransfer #fertilitypreservation #pregnancyafterinfertility #reproductivetherapist #familybuilding #fertilitysupport #ivfsupport #youarenotalone #familybuildingjourney

Shanthi was widowed in her twenties. By the time she was ready to build a family she was 44 — and the path forward looked very different from what she had imagined. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with Shanthi to talk through her journey from grief and uncertainty to becoming a first time mother at 52 through donor eggs and a surrogate. This is one of the most honest and grounded conversations about third party reproduction you will find anywhere. What you will learn in this episode: How being widowed young affected Shanthi's family building timeline and how she eventually found her path Why donor eggs became the right choice at 44 and what that decision felt like emotionally What she learned after a difficult first donor cycle that resulted in no embryos How she researched donors more carefully the second time — including AMH, genetics and previous outcomes How she balanced practical criteria with a personal sense of connection when choosing a donor How her feelings about surrogacy evolved and what she considered when choosing a surrogate The legal protections, communication expectations and birth preferences she thought through carefully How she created meaning for her future child through a hibiscus flower, a life book and personal details What she wants to say to anyone who feels stuck or wonders if it is too late If you are facing donor conception, surrogacy or wondering whether your family building path is still possible — Shanthi's story will give you something real to hold onto. Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. #donoreggs #surrogacy #familybuilding #reproductivetherapist #fertilityafter40 #eggdonation #gestationalcarrier #donorconception #firsttimemom #familybuildingjourney #ivf #fertilityjourney #motherhoodlater #intendedparents #youarenotalone

What does it actually take to build a family through surrogacy as a gay couple, from choosing an egg donor to navigating failed transfers, COVID era matching, and doing it all twice? In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with Alexander Paykin to talk through every stage of the surrogacy journey he and his husband Ricky took to become fathers of two children. This is one of the most honest and practical conversations about gay surrogacy you will find anywhere. What you will learn in this episode: How Alexander and Ricky got on the same page about timing when one was ready and one was not How they chose their egg donor from a smaller pool and what made her feel like the right match Why they were surprised to learn the surrogate matching process was completely separate from embryo creation What COVID did to their timeline and how early interviews happened by phone and Zoom The difference between their first surrogate Ashley who became like a sister and later surrogate experiences Why repeated failed transfers and matching setbacks did not stop them How family reactions changed once the babies arrived If you are a gay couple considering surrogacy, or anyone navigating this path, Alexander's story will give you something real to hold onto. Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa Schuman LCSW is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity.

Donor sperm can cost over a thousand dollars a vial. Sometimes over two thousand. And most people start spending that money before they have asked the most important questions. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with Dr. Elizabeth Ginsburg, past president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive medicine at Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women's Hospital, to walk through everything you need to know before starting donor insemination. This episode is especially valuable for single women, lesbian couples and clinicians who want a clearer framework for donor selection, fertility workup and when to move from IUI to IVF. What you will learn in this episode: Considering carrier screening before choosing a donor so you do not miss a shared recessive mutation Why psychological screening matters for single women, lesbian couples and known donors What a known donor agreement actually needs to cover and why a legal agreement is essential What fertility testing should happen before you spend thousands on sperm What AMH does and does not tell you about your chances with donor insemination When to consider moving from IUI to IVF and how cost and geography affect that decision Why donor inventory matters if you want a second child with the same donor What clinicians should be discussing proactively that most patients never hear If you are using donor sperm to build your family, or thinking about it, this episode will give you a framework you will not find anywhere else. Resources: Article: https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(26)00565-0/abstract Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa Schuman LCSW is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity.

How many times would you try before you gave up? Kristin Duncan already knew what it took to become a single mother by choice. Her son Blake was conceived with donor sperm. But trying for her second child brought a whole new level of heartbreak, repeated IVF rounds with her own eggs, ovarian PRP, multiple clinic changes, a backup donor who fell through, and a journey that tested everything she had. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Kristin sits down with Lisa to share the full story of how she finally conceived her daughter Brianna using both donor sperm and donor eggs, including how she found her donor through Instagram, why she preferred a known donor over a bank donor, and what it actually felt like to keep going when everything kept failing. What you will learn in this episode: What it is really like to pursue IVF with low ovarian reserve and endometriosis as a single mom How Kristin navigated multiple clinic changes, ovarian PRP and round after round of unsuccessful transfers The emotional toll of parenting one child while desperately trying to give him a sibling Why her first backup donor did not work out and how devastating that was How she found her egg donor through Instagram  Why she preferred a known donor and what that relationship looks like The mental shift from repeated disappointment to trusting that this child was the one she was meant to have What she wants every single mother by choice to know about fertility testing and planning ahead This is one of the most honest and moving conversations about persistence, donor eggs and single motherhood you will hear. Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa Schuman LCSW is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. Guest Resources: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mysmbclife/  

If you or someone you love has been told there is no sperm, this episode is for you. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa talks with Dr. Eric Forman of Columbia University Fertility Center about STAR, Sperm Tracking and Recovery, an AI powered system that can find ultra rare sperm that human embryologists may miss entirely. What you will learn in this episode: What STAR is and how it works — scanning millions of images in under two hours to find sperm hidden among debris and other cells The difference between obstructive and non-obstructive azoospermia and why it matters for your treatment path What STAR can and cannot do — it finds sperm that are nearly impossible to see, but it does not create sperm or improve sperm quality How STAR works alongside surgery, IVF and ICSI rather than replacing them The Klinefelter syndrome case where STAR helped find sperm after surgery and led to a healthy birth Why a reproductive urology consultation still matters even when your clinic is focused on IVF What causes sperm problems — testosterone use, anatomical issues, genetic conditions and more How available STAR is today and how to access it This is one of the most important conversations about male infertility and what is now possible for men who have been told they have no sperm. Free Resources: Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa Schuman LCSW is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. Episode Resources: Time article: https://time.com/collections/best-inventions-2025/7318439/columbia-university-star-method/ Website: https://www.columbiadoctors.org/specialties/obstetrics-gynecology/our-services/columbia-university-fertility-center/our-services/sperm-tracking-and-recovery-star

Your donor conceived child almost certainly has donor siblings. That is not a maybe — it is one of the realities of donor conception that every family needs to understand. In this episode Lisa Schuman, LCSW covers the three realities of donor siblings, what the research actually shows about donor conceived children and sibling relationships, why families connect with sibling pods and what they are looking for, how these relationships evolve over time, and how to use the Zoom Out framework to make this decision with clarity rather than panic. Whether you are just starting to think about this or you are already navigating a pod — this episode will help you think it through. Resources mentioned in this episode: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: https://familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz/ Privacy vs Secrecy episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg1sLYzkvWo&t=239s

When Dana and Ben received a diagnosis of zero sperm count they had no idea what came next. Donor sperm? Adoption? And how do you make that decision together as a couple when everything feels impossible? In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa Schuman LCSW sits down with Dana and Ben to talk about their journey through male infertility. They cover the diagnosis, the emotions, the decision to use donor sperm, the process of choosing a donor, and what it has been like to build their family and share their story with their children and the people around them. What you will learn in this episode: What it actually feels like to receive a zero sperm count diagnosis as a couple, how Dana and Ben navigated the decision to use donor sperm, how they chose their donor and what that process was really like. They also talk about how open communication and humor helped them get through the hardest moments, how they prepared to share their story with their children from the very beginning and what they want other couples navigating male infertility to know. This is one of the most honest and generous conversations about male infertility and donor conception you will hear. It is one that could change everything for someone navigating this right now. Resources: Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.net Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz

Could you have PMOS and not know it? For many women the answer is yes, and the wait for a proper diagnosis can take up to ten years. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa Schuman, LCSW talks with Dr. Elizabeth Gardner about PMOS, formerly known as PCOS, a complex hormonal disorder that affects millions of women and goes far beyond fertility. What you will learn in this episode: What PMOS actually is, and why it starts as a communication problem in the brain Why diagnosis can take up to ten years and what to do if you suspect you have it The biggest misconceptions about PMOS that are still causing harm The role of genetics and environment in PMOS. Also discussed are serious health risks beyond fertility, including uterine cancer and metabolic issues, current treatment options and what is on the horizon including KIS peptin How to advocate for yourself with your doctor and get the individualized care you deserve. Whether you have been diagnosed with PMOS or PCOS, are struggling with irregular cycles, or are navigating fertility treatment, this episode will give you information and tools you can use immediately. Take the free quiz: familybuilding.net Lisa Schuman, LCSW is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. #PMOS #PCOS #fertility #womenshealth #reproductivehealth #hormonalhealth #reproductivetherapist #ivf #fertilityjourney #endocrinology #donorconception #buildingafamily