Scroll 113 — Schedules, SpongeBob & Wet Wipes

Unk makes more money in one week than ever before, but financial freedom comes at a cost. Between a disastrous first shift, a Halloween costume with questionable implications, and a customer dispute over the smallest amount of American currency, his new career is already testing his sanity. But when an open bar and a disgruntled stallion collide at the staff Halloween party, Unk discovers that sometimes the best way to handle a bad night is to become a workplace legend. Plus, a four-year library fugitive returns to the scene of the crime, and DeepFriedLogic enters a new chapter.

One minute, Unk is getting his flowers at work. The next, he's screaming questionable lyrics at a Kevin Gates concert with a $57 bar tab and a newfound appreciation for older women. But when a spontaneous stop at a Nashville dive bar introduces him to a 39-year-old accountant with an unusual set of hobbies, the night takes a turn nobody could've predicted. Between unexpected chemistry, chemically enhanced overthinking, and a possible test from God, Unk discovers that stepping outside your comfort zone is one thing. Knowing when to go home is another.

Fresh off quitting his old job, Unk discovers he might be the greatest waiter to ever board the Titanic. Armed with backyard training, Southern hospitality, and a little Mississippi magic, he takes on his first tables and walks away with more than just tips. Meanwhile, a solo trip to see Dave Chappelle turns into a night of questionable finances, unexpected friendships, and an overwhelming sense of freedom. With a new job, new creative connections, and life finally looking up, Unk finds himself asking one question: Is this what being 25 is supposed to feel like?

The Unemployment Arc is over, but Unk's problems are just getting started. His first shift at a comedy bar brings outrageous stand-up routines, a surprisingly promising payday, and a celebratory margarita that sends Sober October straight to the graveyard. Meanwhile, an old flame's apparent departure leaves your favorite uncle feeling unexpectedly sentimental, a late-night rendezvous threatens his TSU Homecoming plans, and Deep Fried Logic faces its first AI-generated merchandise controversy. Between historic football victories, questionable financial decisions, and a growing audience that somehow hasn't cured his loneliness, Unk discovers that starting a new chapter doesn't mean you've finished dealing with the last one.

A disastrous Sunday at Nissan Stadium leaves Unk questioning the Tennessee Titans, making questionable claims to bathroom history, and walking away with enough leftover chicken to survive a small apocalypse. Meanwhile, his father introduces another legendary vehicle to the family fleet, and a nerve-racking second interview sends your favorite uncle into full WWE entrance mode. With his bank account running low, a mysterious $20 back massage on the horizon, and an unexpected opportunity waiting behind the next door, Unk discovers that sometimes life has a way of working itself out. The Unemployment Arc reaches its season finale, and God might just be writing the funniest plot twists of all.

Fresh out of the workforce and dangerously optimistic, Unk enters his next chapter with a promising comedy-club interview, a hot chicken gig at a Titans game, and an ambitious attempt at Sober October. Meanwhile, his father continues building a fleet of trucks with increasingly outrageous names, fantasy football has Unk questioning his linebacker instincts, and the bills are still very much employed. With November rent approaching and no guarantees in sight, your favorite uncle is betting on himself. The schedule is wide open. The bank account has concerns. And the plot refuses to slow down.

Freshly unemployed and dangerously optimistic, Unk reunites with his high school crew at an Egyptian wedding, questions whether marriage and Deep Fried Logic can coexist, and gets romantically pursued by yet another stray cat. Somewhere between contemplating the golden handcuffs of corporate America, discovering he's technically a four-year-old adult, and battling his phone addiction, Unk realizes that losing his job might've opened up his entire world.

Fresh off a spectacular workplace crashout, Unk actually follows through and quits his job. But newfound freedom gets a brutal reality check when a 12-hour restaurant shift pushes even the dishwasher to his breaking point. Somewhere between dissecting Hulk Hogan's complicated legacy, questioning whether he's qualified to give anybody life advice, and preparing for the dangers of cuffing season, Unk discovers that taking control of your life is a lot scarier when the safety net is gone.

A 54-hour workweek sends Unk into a full-blown employment crisis as a previously retired SpongeBob-related insult makes its triumphant return. Somewhere between questioning whether God is trying to push him out of his comfort zone, dodging fake basketball players outside Kroger and making sure potential unemployment doesn’t interfere with proper hygiene, Unk has to decide just how much control over his time he’s willing to give away.

While folding clothes at home, Unk plots on a complete stranger’s downfall, revisits the hater who accidentally changed DFL history and establishes the laws of proper wife beater maintenance. Somewhere between Wiz Khalifa’s cultural immortality, a comma finally appearing in the bank account and realizing the DFL warehouse is currently under his bed, Unk starts imagining what life could look like if all this shit actually works.