Understanding the Child Welfare Experience from the Birth Parent's Perspective

As a mom of four children through birth and adoption, I’ve been there and done that in terms of parenting. I’ve made more than my share of mistakes and have had my share of successes as well. I’ve also had the privilege of interviewing the top parenting experts over the last almost 17 years we’ve been doing the Creating a Family podcast. It can be hard in the heat of the moment (and there are plenty of hot moments in parenting) to remember too many “rules”.  Listen for my top two tips for parenting.Resources:Parenting Kids with Challenging Behavior (Resource page)Raising Kids with Neurodiversity - ADHD, Autism, & Learning Differences (Resource page)Managing Technology & Screens (Resource page)This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Children adopted from foster care or from abroad have often experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma. These children require a different form of parenting. In 2015, we interviewed Dr. Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, and the founder and Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development. In this episode, we cover:Why is parenting kids who have been abused or neglected different from traditional parenting?What are the 3 most important things I should do during the first 6 months home with a newly adopted child?How can we discipline our children while still remaining connected and creating attachment?How can we help a child who has tantrums whenever he hears the word “no” or is told he can’t do something?How long should parents stay home (if possible) when you adopt?An adult adoptee asks: I’ve seen before where you say that “Adoptive parents become the biological parents through connection. We change their Biology.” I’ve seen adoptive parents now call themselves biological parents because of this statement. I wonder if it isn’t important for adoptive parents to accept they aren’t their child’s biological parents? Does their lack of acceptance affect how the child adjusts and reacts?You talk a lot about being proactive with children who have experienced abuse and neglect in order to help them and to improve their behavior. Can you explain what you mean?Parenting kids adopted from foster care and internationally can be hard on the marriage, especially when one of the parents is the one getting educated on the type of parenting these kids need and the other one has not “bought into” it yet. How to help that parent get with the program.Suggestions for maintaining a strong marriage when adopting older kids?How to handle criticism (implied or direct) about your parenting style when you are trying to follow the empower-to-connect style?Practical tools for encouraging attachment.This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Question: My foster child only likes junk food and will not eat anything that doesn’t come out of a box. We aren’t fanatics, but we try to eat pretty healthily. I don’t want to feed the rest of my family the boxed junk, and I don’t want to feed him separate stuff. Help!Resources:Food Issues (Resource page)Raising Foster Children (Resource page)Creating a Family Online Support Group This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

We talk a lot about the child's experience in foster care, but what is this experience like for the child's birth parents? You may be surprised! Join our conversation with Dr. Darcey Merritt, a professor at the University of Chicago School of Social Work who researches this topic.In this episode, we cover:What is a typical scenario, if there is such a thing, of how a parent finds themselves connecting with the child welfare system?What rights do parents/birth parents have within the system?What are some of the challenges birth parents face before the child is taken into custody?What are some of the challenges that they face once the child is in foster care?How can you become an ally to the child’s parents?How does poverty factor in?Who most commonly reports a family to child welfare?How does race factor in?Research in the area of working memory on parental decision-making.This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

What are the red flags that may alert  that a potential agency may not have the child’s or your best interest in mind? Your adoption agency will guide your international adoption, so choose wisely. Dawn highlights some of the red flags to be aware of and Creating a Family has a 3-step process for finding an adoption agency, and we include a list of questions you must ask agencies before you select.  Note that all international adoption agencies must have Hague accreditation to place children in the US.Resources:US Dept of State Complaint RegistryInternational Adoption (Resource Guide)Questions to ask an international adoption agencyThis podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Have you ever considered being a foster parent but thought that it was just too hard? You need to listen to this podcast with a group of experienced foster parents sharing the joys of being a foster parent.In this episode, we discuss:Why did you become a foster parent?We talk a lot about the challenges of fostering because we want people to go into it with realistic expectations, but we also need to talk about the many joys you have experienced as a foster parent. Let’s go around round-robin style to share some of the joys.Does the pain of when a child leaves outweigh the joys?Does it bother you that many of the children you love and care for won’t remember you?How to build a support system.This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Question: My husband and I have been matched with a mom expecting twins any day now. One topic that was a particular stress point for us that we found difficult finding resources on was the logistics of flying/traveling with a true newborn, let alone two, and handling the waiting period for ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children). We're working with a national agency and in our particular case, we live in Texas and our twins are being born in New York. We have a lot of questions.Is it better to fly or drive?Weighing the risk of communicable disease in an airport vs the risk of driving cross-country while sleep deprivedWhat the options if flying - carseat, plane bassinet, or carrying the infant?How to travel and feed the infant - powdered or pre-mixed formula?What is needed for the stay away from home while waiting for ICPC?Resources:Adopting a Child from Another State (CreatingaFamilyEd.org Online Course)Basic Baby Care (CreatingaFamilyEd.org Online Course)Adoption Resource GuideThis podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Join us to talk about the very important topic of youth suicide. Our guest will be Dr. Angela Tunno, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Assistant Professor at Duke University Medical Center, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science. One of her areas of specialty is trauma-informed suicide prevention.In this episode, we cover:Suicide is one of the leading causes of preventable death in the US. How prevalent is suicide in the US for all ages?How common is suicide for people under 21? How common is suicide for children and youth in foster care or otherwise connected to child welfare?Why are youth in foster care at greater risk for suicide?What are some warning signs that a child or youth may be considering suicide?What are the risk factors for a youth or child who may be at greater danger of suicide?Are youth with other diagnoses more at risk for suicide? (For example, ADHD?)Who is in the position when a child is in foster care to recognize these signs? If you are worried that a child/youth may be contemplating suicide, what are the evidence-based steps you should take? How to be trauma-informed when helping to prevent a child or youth from committing suicide? Get support or therapy for yourself to help you cope and to help you support the youth better.When should we take the youth to the hospital?ResourcesAFSP: https://afsp.org/SPRC: https://sprc.org/TREVOR: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/International Association for Suicide Prevention https://www.iasp.info/ The Jason Foundation https://jasonfoundation.com/The Jed Foundation https://jedfoundation.org/ This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Question: I was the one who wanted to adopt.  My husband agreed because I wanted it so bad, but now, I’m the one who wishes we hadn’t done it. We adopted a 5-year-old little girl, who is now 7.  The awful truth is that I don’t love this child. I don’t even like her very much. I wish I could turn back the clock. Resources:Creating and Cultivating Attachment (Resource)Understanding and Overcoming Blocked Care (Free Course)Creating a Family Online Support GroupThis podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingSupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Are you confused about having an open adoption? Do you worry about what this means for your family. Join us today to talk about open adoption with Sara Easterly, an adoptee, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, a birth parent, and Lori Holden, an adoptive parent. In addition to co-authoring the book, "Adoption Unfiltered", they host a podcast of the same name.In this episode, we cover:What is meant by the term “open adoption”?Contact vs. openness.What open adoption is not:Co-parentingA courtesy to birth parentsConfusing to the kidsAbout/for the parentsWhat are some of the challenges of open adoption from the birth parents’ perspective?Lack of understanding of what open adoption means when they place their child.Renewed pain after each contactTwo vs. oneLack of powerFearWhat are some of the challenges of open adoption from the adoptive parents’ perspective?What are some of the challenges of open adoption from the adoptee's standpoint?What are some of the benefits of open adoption from the adoptee’s perspective?What are some benefits of open adoption from the birth parent’s perspective?What are some of the benefits of open adoption for adoptive parents?How to establish healthy boundaries with an open adoption, including both ways.Examples of healthy boundaries from the adoptive parents’ perspective.Examples of healthy boundaries from the birth parents’ perspective.Examples of healthy boundaries from the adoptee standpoint.Keys to establishing healthy boundaries.How do you handle “openness” when birth parents are unreliable?How to maintain an attitude of openness or the spirit of openness without contact.Importance of birth siblings. How the existence of children that the birth parents are parenting affects adopted children.Allow space for change and growth on all sides of the adoption constellation: birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees.This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the Show.Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily