Assuming the worst

When we reduce uncertainty, we have a better chance of effective problem-solving through communication and calmer, more thoughtful decision-making.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/    

Barry Moline joins me on the show.  We talk about the concept of Ethical Influence and its role in personal lives, the public arena, business transactions and more.Barry describes key features to evaluate an idea someone is promoting: is it true? Does it make sense? Is it wise?  All three are necessary for an idea to be reasonable.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/     

We can be aligned because we share the same values. Our foundational beliefs are in sync. But we are not in agreement. Our lack of agreement may be based on misunderstanding.  We may rely on different assumptions. We may have slightly different priorities. We may champion different strategies to move toward the same goal. We may disagree on urgency. We may have access to different resources.What can we do about it?  We can be careful to probe for misunderstandings, especially if our feelings are passionate on a subject. Relying on assumptions can create trouble even when we rely on the same ones! Check them.We may always have different resources.  We may never have perfect agreement on priorities, strategies, or urgency. We can communicate. And we can honor our alignment.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/     

Agreement without alignment.  Most obviously, I can agree to something but really, truly do not want to do it. What could help? For the other person (or people) to recognize that I don’t like it. To be respectful. To allow me to have a voice, before the agreement is crafted. To consider – if it is worth it to the others – if there are ways to make the agreement more palatable.Another possibility is that I genuinely don’t understand the agreement.  What to do? Prevention! Make it possible – easy, even – for someone to say, “I don’t understand”.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

I was recently reminded of the value of talking less and listening more. There are plenty of variations on that theme.Whichever way it is phrased, it’s worth putting into practice.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

Matt Wesley joins me on the show today. We talk about his work with families, fostering resilience over generations. We discuss the concept of family culture, the power of grace, and the distinction between fate and destiny.You can learn more about his work and explore resources and writings at his company website:https://www.ascendfamilyadvisory.com/  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/   

Last time, I said a few words about the concept of “satisficing”.  Herbert Simon, a Nobel Prize winner for Economics, coined the term decades ago. It’sa combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s tempting to embrace maximizing – if I look long and hard enough, I will find the best possible option. But there is a cost.How does the concept of satisficing apply to conflict? Different ways.  First, we can get frustrated if events, people, or relationships are not rolling out as we wish they were, in our ideal world.We can consider, right off the bat, if that maximizing perspective is serving us well.Second, we can decide that we really want to address a specific problem.   If we are set on satisficing, we can consider with some care what we can live with.Third, when we are actually addressing the problem, with one or more other people, we can look at the possibilities. If we are maximizing, we might refuse to agree to a less-than ideal option. Yet, if we are satisficing, we can look at the bigger picture.What is the cost -- to me – of standing my ground, refusing to bend. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/   

Herbert Simon coined the term “satisficing” – a combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s easy to think that the best way to make decisions is to search for the very best option.  If we look carefully and take plenty of time, we will find it. This approach is called maximizing. Simon believed this was the wrong approach. Not necessarily obvious on the face of it. But he understood that the searching itself had a cost, a cost that’s easy to overlook.  In contrast to maximizing, satisficing calls on us to consider a few alternatives, evaluate them, perhaps get some advice, and reach a decision. A decision that will satisfy and suffice. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

Jay Hughes returns to the show to talk with me about the new book he co-authored with Mary Duke and Stacey Allred, Family Flourishing: The True Meaning of Wealth. We talk about his abiding interest in wealth as well-being, some of his insights on history and philosophy, and practical ideas that any family can put into practice.Jay refers to the book Homo Ludens (A Study of the Play-Element in Culture) by the Dutch cultural historian and philosopher Johan Huizinga, which translates literally from the Latin as "man the player" or "man at play". (The book Man at Play, with that exact English title, was written by the German Jesuit theologian Hugo Rahner, Rahner explicitly drew his inspiration and foundational concepts from Johan Huizinga's Dutch work.)The mission of The James E. Hughes, Jr. Foundation is “Advancing the study of family governance and generational well-being.” Many resources are available here: https://jehjf.org/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/     

When we are in a situation that is mildly unsettling, a little dicey, possibly heading toward a nasty conflict, we can assume the worst about the other person, the situation, and/or ourselves. That assumption does not serve us well.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/