You’re Miles Apart and Still Love Each Other: Now What?

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/i3vNYsGMDtc. Why do couples so often start off passionately in love, and over time end up feeling miles apart? And if you’re in that situation, what can you do about it? In this episode, we talk about how that happens and how to deal with it. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/B4933wXvmY8. Our guest in this episode, Malisa Hapner, told us she maxed out the Adverse Childhood Experiences questionnaire—which means she went through an enormous load of trauma. Judy and I found her journey of overcoming shame and finding compassion for herself and others to be inspiring, and I hope you do too. Malisa’s website is https://linktr.ee/Mdhepner. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/s5dehbrTc84. Why are couples surprised when they first experience conflict with each other. And how can they manage it without freaking out? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins, works with couples to help them get past problem patterns and turn toward each other. Dr. Higgins’s website is https://drjessicahiggins.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/qcNpMScyLWE. I’ve worked with couples for whom how to load the dishwasher has been the topic that has brought them close to divorce. What’s going on? Our guest in this episode, Talia Bombola, applies insights from psychodynamic therapy to help couples and individuals figure out what’s going on, and save themselves from a lot of misery in the process. Talia’s websites are  https://www.therapywithtalia.com/ and https://taliabombola.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/oSYU5GCa0YM. Our guest in this episode, Kristan Swan, has been a landscape designer and business coach. We talk about how her work helping entrepreneurs has often overlapped with the kind of relational work that Bruce does with couples. Kristan’s book Spaghetti on the Wall is designed to help people learn more about themselves and thereby make better decisions. She has also developed an eight-week workshop called “Discovering Your Spiritual Autobiography.” Kristan’s website is https://kristanswan.com/. The Stability and Intimacy Assessment form Bruce mentioned is at https://forms.gle/1Pj8MUQDH2cYfbVW7. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/NFNHWEpG2nM. In my book Betrayal and Forgiveness, I define forgiveness as an “inside job.” Among other things, that means that you can forgive people who have committed acts of pure evil—because forgiving just means you can think about what happened without being consumed by anger or panic. Forgiveness is about healing yourself. To paraphrase Anne Lamott, forgiveness gets the rat poison out of you. Then you can think about how to handle the rat. Defined in that way, forgiveness has essentially nothing to do with your relationship with whoever hurt you. You can forgive people you still don’t trust. You can forgive people you’ll still divorce, or sue, or prosecute. You can even forgive people you went to war against, and would do so again if necessary. I commented in the book that this implies that I, a Jew, could forgive the Nazis. Well, Judy and I put that to the test. We returned recently from a Jewish heritage trip to Germany. It was…well, listen and see what you think! Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/inmBJ6AlwNU. Judy and I had the great honor and delight of interviewing the doyenne of Jewish cooking, Joan Nathan. Our interview took place on a cruise along the Main River in Germany, where we were on a tour of Jewish historical sites along the Main and Rhine. Joan was on the tour, and we all had the magnificent experience of a bistro meal with her, using her own recipes. We’ll be doing another episode about how the experience of touring Jewish-related sites in Germany fits in with my (Bruce’s) writings about forgiveness. It’s complicated! But for this episode, we’re focusing on Joan Nathan. She talks about how her career got started, her long marriage that ended with her husband’s death about five years ago, and more. Joan’s website is http://joannathan.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/B7buGaYYF98. Couples in which one or both have a diagnosis of ADHD can encounter some particular challenges. Our guest in this episode, Lisa Rabinowitz, specialized in working with ADHD or otherwise neurodiverse couples. She tells us about how she helps them find their way to more satisfying relationships. Lisa’s website is https://counselorforcouples.com/. The assessment tool that Bruce mentioned is at https://forms.gle/1Pj8MUQDH2cYfbVW7. Please take it for a test run! Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79  

Welcome to Short Take #5. In this series Judy and I talk about some of our (well, mostly my) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: Betrayal and Forgiveness This short take is about…well, betrayal and forgiveness. What is betrayal? And does forgiveness mean you’ll restore your relationship?   Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com, for more about our podcast, access to past episodes, and links to contact us to make suggestions and sign up for a time to be a guest on our show. Visit Dr. Chalmer’s website, brucechalmer.com, for information on his practice, to find his books, and to sign up for his Substack newsletter. Visit Laria Zylber’s website, lariazylber.com, for information on her book The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible. (Laria is Judy’s pseudonym, and as you’ll see in the videos on her website, she looks just like Judy, except she has blue hair!) To see the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/t_EQM32MZso.  

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/OtUSEC7Fk58. Why are so many Millennials deciding not to have children? How does therapy culture affect how young people view the prospect of becoming parents? Judy and I talk about a New York Times article by Michal Leibowitz that discusses this. She organized her article according to stanzas in Philip Larkin’s poem “This Be The Verse,” which famously concludes, “Get out as early as you can / And don’t have any kids yourself.” Along the way, we also talk about tribalism—both good and bad!—and mention Daryl Davis’s TEDx talk, where he describes why he, a black man, has attended KKK rallies. Michal Leibowitz’s article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/opinion/therapy-estrangement-childless-millennials.html Daryl Davis’s TEXx talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/daryl_davis_why_i_as_a_black_man_attend_kkk_rallies Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.