Partner Relationships and Complicated Kids with Caron Starobin

For some kids, the most powerful support is not one more program. It is an adult who keeps showing up. Jorie Das is the Executive Director of Friends of the Children Los Angeles, an organization doing something that immediately got my attention: pairing children who have experienced significant adversity with paid, professional mentors who make a 12-plus-year commitment to them. These are not volunteers dropping in for a semester or a program that disappears when the funding cycle ends. Friends spend intentional time with kids at school, at home, and in the community while helping them navigate goals, transitions, new experiences, and the very ordinary business of growing up. As Jorie says, childhood is not a program cycle. A kid can be doing beautifully at eight and struggling enormously at thirteen. Schools change. Families change. Adolescence happens. The commitment is designed to stay in place through those changes because the child does not have to reach a milestone or behave a particular way to earn the relationship. That becomes especially important when we talk about trauma. Jorie explains that we cannot expect a child who has experienced instability in relationships to immediately trust a new adult just because that adult has excellent intentions. Kids may pull away, shut down, or test whether this person is really staying. The mentor gets to respond through their actions: "You don't have to earn my consistency. I'm still here." Over time, that relationship can create new experiences of safety, predictability, and repair. Mentorship is not a replacement for therapy when a child needs clinical care, but a safe and consistent adult can absolutely be part of the healing environment. What I also love about the Friends model is that the child is not treated as though they exist in a vacuum. The organization supports caregivers, works with schools, connects families with community resources, and supports the mentors themselves. Because if we are asking adults to show up consistently for kids carrying a lot, those adults need people showing up for them too. We also talk about neurodivergence and educational advocacy. Jorie shares that a large percentage of the young people served by Friends LA have IEPs, which has pushed the organization to build more training around ADHD, autism, IEPs, and helping caregivers communicate with schools. Sometimes the parent knows something is not working but does not know the language, the process, or even who they are supposed to talk to. Having someone who knows the child and can help bridge that gap can change the entire conversation. And underneath all of this is something very simple and very human: kids need people who do not give up on them. Not because the relationship will always be easy. In fact, sometimes the most important moment may be after the really hard day, when the adult can say, "I'll see you Tuesday." For a child who has learned that people or support can disappear, knowing somebody is coming back can be a very big deal. Key Takeaways Consistency can be an intervention, especially for children who have experienced trauma or instability in relationships. Children should not have to behave a certain way or reach a milestone to earn a trusted adult's continued presence. Long-term relationships give adults the chance to know the whole child as they grow and change over time. Trauma can make it difficult for children to trust adults, even when those adults have good intentions. Safe, predictable relationships can create new experiences of trust, repair, and connection. Mentorship can support healing, but it does not replace therapy or other clinical care when those services are needed. Supporting children also means supporting caregivers, schools, mentors, and the larger community around them. Neurodivergent children and their caregivers may need additional support navigating IEPs and advocating within school systems. When a child pushes an adult away, curiosity about what they have learned about relationships can be more useful than taking the behavior personally. Sometimes the most powerful message an adult can give a child is simply, "I'm still here." About Jorie Das Jorie Das is the Executive Director of Friends of the Children Los Angeles, where she leads an evidence-based professional mentoring program serving children and families impacted by the child welfare system. With more than a decade of experience in nonprofit management, youth programming, and advocacy in Greater Los Angeles, Jorie is deeply committed to positive youth development, trauma-informed care, and the transformative power of long-term relationships. Her own experience in foster care also brings an important lived perspective to her work. Under Jorie's leadership, Friends LA has expanded its reach across Los Angeles County, growing the number of youth and families served and developing additional programming to support young people as they move toward adulthood. She previously served as Interim Executive Director at InsideOUT Writers and held executive roles at Baby2Baby and Free Arts. Jorie holds a BA in Ethnic Studies and Art from the University of Oregon and an MA in International Affairs and Business from Chapman University. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤  Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

If we spend childhood teaching a kid that adults know their body, needs, and limits better than they do, it is a pretty big leap to expect self-trust to magically appear in adulthood. Jenn Glacel is back on the podcast, and this time we are talking about what she calls radical acceptance of children's inner knowing or wisdom. Before anybody starts rolling their eyes, this is not an argument that a four-year-old has all the information necessary to run the household. Jenn makes an important distinction between knowing something about your own experience and having the language, context, or skills to explain it. Kids may know what they are feeling or what they need without being able to communicate it in a particularly useful way. We also talk about the difference between autonomy and independence. We tend to treat autonomy as something children earn once they can be independent in the ways adults expect. But needing help does not mean a person should lose their say over their own body, preferences, or experiences. The humble winter coat becomes our case study. If your child says, "I'm not cold," and you repeatedly respond, "Yes, you are," what are they learning? Maybe they are learning about coats. But they may also be learning that their own bodily experience is less trustworthy than an adult's interpretation of it. This does not mean we let a kid wander into ten-below weather in shorts because autonomy. Context matters. Sometimes the adult has information the child simply does not have yet, and safety requires us to step in. But at 45 degrees, maybe we bring the coat and let the kid gather some data. A lot of learning can happen without a lecture. That trust becomes especially important when we ask children to try something new. Jenn makes a point I love: when a child knows that their "no" will actually be honored, a push can feel safe. They can try the roller coaster, the new activity, or the unfamiliar experience because they know that if they change their mind, the adult will listen. If we say, "You can stop anytime," and then immediately argue when they want to stop, we have changed the deal. We also talk about shifting from judgment to curiosity. Jenn's starting assumption is that if a child can do something, they will. If it is not happening, instead of jumping immediately to lazy, defiant, disrespectful, or "they just don't want to," we can ask what is getting in the way. As I say in the episode, you can be right and indignant, or you can be curious and in relationship. And yes, sometimes what we discover is that the dishes are not going to get done on our preferred timeline and, tragically, we may have to wash them ourselves. That same idea of mutual respect comes up in the tiny daily interactions too. If we want children who say please and thank you, are we saying please and thank you to them? If we want respect, are we treating them as people worthy of respect? Kids are watching what we do much more closely than they are memorizing the lecture. None of this requires children to communicate their needs beautifully. Dysregulated kids can express themselves in some truly spectacularly unappealing ways. Our job is not to assume that a badly delivered need is not a real need. Our job is to become detectives, slow things down, and figure out what the child may not yet be able to tell us clearly. Because helping kids trust themselves starts with showing them that we are willing to listen. Key Takeaways Children can know something about what they need or feel even when they cannot explain it clearly. Autonomy and independence are different. Needing support does not mean a child should lose their voice or choices. Children build self-trust when adults take their bodily experiences and signals seriously. Supporting autonomy does not mean ignoring safety. Adults still provide protection, context, and support when the stakes require it. Kids may be more willing to try something new when they trust that their "no" will actually be honored. If a child is not doing something we expect, curiosity is more useful than immediately assuming laziness, defiance, or disrespect. Sometimes the question is not "How do I make my child do this?" but "What is preventing this from happening?" Respect works both ways. Children learn respect by experiencing it, not just by being told to show it. Dysregulation can make it difficult for kids to express what they need in ways adults can easily hear. Parents can become detectives, slowing down enough to look beneath the behavior and figure out what their child may be communicating. About Jenn Glacel Jenn Glacel is an autistic licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with a private practice in Falls Church, Virginia. Through Seven Corners Psychotherapy, she works with children, adults, parents, and families through a radically neurodiversity-affirming lens. Her work includes child-centered play therapy, family support, and education for parents and practitioners about what neurodiversity-affirming care looks like in practice. Jenn's approach focuses on helping people better understand and trust themselves while building relationships rooted in mutual trust, respect, and acceptance. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

When your child needs so much from you, your relationship with your partner can quietly become one more thing that gets put on the back burner. There is always something more urgent. A school issue. An appointment. A meltdown. A sibling who also needs something. A decision that has to be made. Caron Starobin's argument in this episode is that the relationship between the adults is not separate from all of that. It is part of how the family gets through it. Caron is a clinical social worker and couples therapist who works extensively with neurodivergent people and their families. She explains that raising complicated kids can take enormous amounts of time, energy, money, and emotional resources. When the relationship between the adults is also full of tension and conflict, that becomes another source of depletion. When there is enough security and connection between the adults, the family has one less complicated thing to navigate. And no, we are not talking about a perfectly harmonious partnership where nobody ever gets annoyed. We are talking about being connected well enough to navigate the storms together. One of the biggest traps Caron sees is the very familiar idea that, "If my partner would just do this differently, then I could feel better." The problem is that our regulation cannot depend on somebody else regulating first. Your partner may absolutely be doing something that activates you, but you still have to figure out how to come back to yourself. That also changes how we define whether regulation "worked." If you got calmer and your partner did not, that does not mean you failed. You regulated yourself. You stayed in your seat. You kept two dysregulated people from escalating together. That counts. Caron also talks about what happens when old relationship patterns get activated. The ways we learned to protect ourselves in our original families can show up again with our partners. Maybe you shut down. Maybe you get loud. Maybe you leave. Maybe you start trying desperately to make everybody happy. Those responses may have been useful once, but they may not work particularly well in the relationship you are in now. Sometimes, as Caron puts it, it is basically two adaptive teenagers trying to run the adult relationship. We also bring this back to the kids, particularly teens and young adults. Parents often arrive saying their child is disrespectful, unmotivated, angry, or refusing to listen. Underneath the frustration and worry, what they usually want is connection. They want trust. They want communication. They want to know that they can still reach their kid as the stakes get higher and their direct control gets smaller. Caron makes an important distinction here too: taking your child seriously and building connection does not mean abandoning boundaries. In fact, the trust you build when children are younger gives you a much stronger foundation for navigating the harder conversations that come later. Raising complicated kids is a long game. And the relationship between the adults does not have to be perfect. But it does deserve to be part of the plan. Key Takeaways The relationship between parents or co-parents is part of the family system and deserves attention too. Ongoing conflict between adults can drain energy that is already stretched by the demands of raising complicated kids. A healthy partnership does not mean never struggling. It means being connected enough to navigate hard things together. Your own regulation cannot depend on your partner calming down first. Co-regulation starts with someone choosing to work on their own nervous system rather than trying to control someone else's. Success can simply mean that you stayed grounded, even if your partner was still having a difficult day. Stress can bring old relationship patterns back to the surface, including shutting down, getting loud, withdrawing, or people-pleasing. Recognizing those old patterns can help you respond from a more grounded adult place. When parents say they want their teen or young adult to listen, what they often want underneath that is more connection and trust. Building connection with your child does not mean giving up boundaries. Trust can make those boundaries easier to navigate. About Caron Starobin Caron Starobin, LCSW-C, is a clinical social worker, couples therapist, and owner and clinical director of Starobin Counseling, a private practice based in Olney, Maryland. For more than 25 years, she has worked with individuals, couples, and families, with a particular focus on relationships, neurodivergent people, and families navigating autism and other complex needs. Caron's work is relational and neurodiversity-minded, with extensive experience in couples and family therapy and Relational Life Therapy. Through Starobin Counseling, she and her team also offer groups including Parents Together, which provides support and connection for parents raising autistic children, teens, and young adults. Her approach helps families strengthen communication, understand one another more deeply, and build relationships with greater connection and ease. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

You cannot teach your child to trust you while constantly second-guessing yourself. There is no shortage of parenting information out there. Books, podcasts, influencers, experts, schools, research, and your neighbor's cousin all have thoughts about what you should be doing with your child. And sometimes all that information makes parenting harder. In this episode, I talk with fellow parent coach Allyn Miller about something underneath all those strategies: self-trust. Allyn's premise is simple and also slightly inconvenient. We cannot ask our children to trust us if we do not trust ourselves. That does not mean ignoring good information, deciding experts know nothing, or confidently making every parenting decision while birds sing around you. It means getting clearer about what actually matters to you, your child, and your family. Allyn suggests paying particular attention to the word "should." When you hear yourself thinking, "My child should be doing this," or, "I should be parenting this way," ask: Who says? Sometimes there is a perfectly good answer. School has requirements. Families live inside communities and systems. There may be real consequences to stepping outside a particular norm. But sometimes we discover that the mysterious "they" telling us what we should do does not actually exist. We also talk about what this looks like when you have to advocate for your child. It is one thing to know what your kid needs at home. It is another thing entirely to walk into a school meeting, talk to someone you perceive as an authority, and say, "This is not working." Allyn encourages parents to get curious about what they are bringing into those conversations. Your own experiences with school, authority, failure, approval, and conflict are coming into the room with you, whether you invited them or not. Which brings us to the voices in our heads. Allyn makes a distinction I love: there is a difference between an internal voice and an external action. You can see five granola bar wrappers sitting next to your kid and have a very judgmental thought. The thought happened. Fine. Your brain is allowed to be dramatic. But there is still a space between that thought and what comes out of your mouth. That tiny bit of space is where we get to choose. And if "just pause" feels completely impossible when your brain is moving like a freight train, Allyn has a wonderfully concrete suggestion: move your body. Literally walk in a circle. Change your physical position, come back to your adult self, and see whether you can return to the interaction differently. We also talk about how our own younger parts show up in parenting. Sometimes there are not just two people in the interaction. There is you, your child, and the seven-year-old version of you who just got activated and would also like someone to meet her needs immediately, thank you very much. None of this is about becoming a perfectly regulated parent who never has an ugly thought. It is about noticing what is happening, reconnecting with what matters, and giving yourself a little more choice about what happens next. Because trusting yourself does not mean always knowing the answer. It means knowing you can come back to yourself and figure out your next move. Key Takeaways Parenting advice can be useful, but too much outside information can make it harder to hear your own judgment about what your particular child and family need. Self-trust starts with getting clear about what actually matters to you rather than automatically following every parenting rule, trend, or expectation you encounter. When you notice yourself thinking that you or your child "should" be doing something, ask who is setting that expectation and whether it actually fits your family. Not every conventional expectation should be thrown out. Parents can consider the real risks, resources, and consequences involved before deciding whether to follow a norm or choose a different path. Advocating for your child is easier when you understand what you are bringing into the conversation, including your own past experiences with school, authority, conflict, or being judged. Vulnerability can create room for collaboration. A parent does not need to walk into a school conversation with every answer in order to clearly say what they are seeing and ask what might be possible. The thoughts running through your head are not the same as the actions you take. An angry, judgmental, or fearful internal voice does not have to determine what comes out of your mouth. Old family patterns and younger parts of ourselves can get activated during difficult parenting moments, which is why the reaction can sometimes feel much bigger than what is happening right now. When mentally "pausing" feels impossible, changing your physical position or moving your body can create enough interruption to help you step out of an automatic reaction. Building self-trust is not about becoming a parent who always knows exactly what to do. It is about noticing what is happening, remembering what matters, and choosing how you want to respond. About Allyn Miller Allyn Miller is a former teacher, parent coach, and founder of Child Connection. She helps parents build healthier, more connected relationships with their children by focusing on the everyday interactions that shape trust, communication, and family dynamics. Her work helps parents move away from rigid parenting "shoulds" and toward a more intentional approach grounded in self-trust, connection, and clarity about what matters most to their family. Allyn is especially passionate about protecting children's dignity, helping parents break unhelpful patterns, and creating relationships that support both the child and the parent. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Understanding the problem is not always the same as changing the pattern. In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Julie Lopez, founder of Viva, for a conversation about trauma, implicit memory, brain-based therapies, and why talk is not always the language the nervous system understands. Julie starts with a story from early memory research that shows something fascinating and, honestly, a little unsettling. A person may not consciously remember an event, but their system can still remember enough to respond. The body may hold information that never becomes a neat story with a beginning, middle, and end. Which matters a lot when we are talking about complicated kids. So many of the kids we talk about on this podcast have sensory systems, nervous systems, stress responses, and bodies that are taking in the world in ways they may not be able to explain. They may not have language for what feels unsafe, overwhelming, painful, intense, or confusing. And when they do not have words, their bodies may speak instead. Crying. Kicking. Screaming. Biting. Shutting down. Melting down. Refusing. Running away. Looking like they are "being difficult" when something much deeper may be happening. That does not mean those behaviors are fine. It does mean we need to be curious about where they come from. Julie and I talk about the limits of relying only on talk, especially when the struggle is not stored only in the thinking, explaining, logical part of the brain. Talk can be connecting. It can help people feel seen. It can help us organize a story and make sense of what happened. But if the body is still reacting as if the danger is happening now, understanding may not be enough. And that is where this conversation gets really interesting. Julie explains implicit memory, the role of the nervous system, and why experiences from very early life, high-stress moments, trauma, or overwhelming sensory experiences may be stored outside of conscious language. We talk about babies, NICU experiences, sensory triggers, and the way a child may respond to an environment that their body recognizes as dangerous, even if their conscious mind cannot explain why. We also talk about therapies that work beyond talk, including EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, sensory motor psychotherapy, and other approaches that help the system process what got stuck. One of my favorite moments in this episode is when Julie describes the goal of this work, and I realize that what we are talking about is not erasing memory. It is uncoupling the event from the full-body alarm that still comes with it. You may still remember what happened, but you are not still living inside it. That feels important. This episode is not anti-therapy. It is not anti-talking. We are relational creatures, and being with another human who can listen and help us make sense of ourselves absolutely matters. But some things cannot be talked into changing. Sometimes the body needs a different language. And when we understand that, we may have a better chance of helping complicated kids, complicated adults, and, frankly, all of our complicated human systems. Key Takeaways Talk can be helpful, but it is not always enough to create deep nervous system change. Some patterns are stored in implicit memory, outside of conscious language. The body can remember and respond to experiences the mind does not consciously recall. Complicated kids may not have words for what their nervous systems are experiencing. Behaviors like crying, kicking, screaming, shutting down, or running may be communication from a system that feels overwhelmed or unsafe. Understanding why something happens does not always make the body stop reacting. Trauma-informed care asks what the nervous system is trying to tell us, not just what behavior needs to stop. Brain-based therapies like EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, and sensory motor psychotherapy work beyond storytelling alone. Effective therapy can help uncouple a memory from the physiological alarm that still comes with it. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes there is a knot in the system that needs a different kind of support. About Dr. Julie Lopez Dr. Julie Lopez is the founder of Viva, a mental health organization serving clients in DC, Maryland, and Virginia, as well as through telehealth. Julie is passionate about helping people understand how their complicated human systems work so they can move beyond outdated models of change and access therapies that work with the brain, body, nervous system, and implicit memory. Her work focuses on trauma-informed, brain-based, and body-based approaches that help people create lasting change without relying only on talk or storytelling. Through Viva and her educational work, Julie helps adults, parents, clinicians, and families better understand why some patterns do not shift through insight alone and what becomes possible when we use tools that speak the nervous system's language. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌸 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Your child should not have to become a different kind of learner just to prove that they can learn. Dr. Emily King is back on the podcast, this time to celebrate the release of her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner. Emily is a child psychologist, former school psychologist, and parent of two neurodivergent kids, so she has spent a lot of time on pretty much every side of the school-family-provider table. At the heart of the book is an idea I love: your child's path is the right path. Neurodivergent kids do not always develop or learn according to the timelines and expectations built into traditional school systems. And instead of spending all of our energy trying to squeeze the square peg into the round hole, Emily asks a much more useful question: Why does the hole have to be round? We talk about the difference between something that is truly disabling and something that is simply different. A movement, sound, learning style, or way of regulating may only become a problem because of the expectations of the room. That distinction matters because it changes what we try to fix and what we might need to accept, accommodate, or understand differently. Emily also gives us one of my favorite images from this conversation: strategies are the sprinkles on top. Before we start throwing visual schedules, sticker charts, scripts, and other strategies at a kid, we need a foundation. Does the child feel safe? Does the pace work for their brain? Are they interested and engaged? Is their nervous system actually available for learning? And safety is not determined by whether the adult looks around the classroom and thinks, "This seems perfectly lovely to me." The child's nervous system gets the deciding vote. We talk about the kids whose dysregulation is impossible to miss, but also the compliant, perfectionistic, people-pleasing kids who look great at school and completely unravel at home. That difference between environments does not mean the problem is not real. The difference itself may be the clue. This is where parents, teachers, and providers have to get curious together. What is working? Where is it working? When does the child run out of steam? What changes between doing math at 1:30 at school and trying to do more math at 4:30 at home? Sometimes the strategy really is deciding that this kid has done enough math today. Most importantly, Emily wants us to protect our kids' relationship with learning. School is one place to learn, but it is not the only place. Kids learn through their interests, activities, relationships, travel, cooking, stories, and all the other experiences that make them curious about the world. As I tell Emily in this episode, The Neurodivergent Learner feels like a giant permission slip to follow your child's signals, be the detective, and advocate collaboratively for what they need. Because learning does not have to look the same for every child. Neither does success. Key Takeaways Neurodivergent children do not always develop or learn according to traditional timelines, and success may mean following the child's developmental path rather than forcing the expected one. Some things about neurodivergence are differences, not problems. The challenge may come from the expectations of the environment rather than from the child themselves. Strategies are the "sprinkles on top." Before adding tools or interventions, adults need to look at foundational needs like sensory safety, relational safety, pacing, and engagement. Safety is determined by the child's nervous system, not by whether the adults in the room believe the environment should feel safe. Dysregulation is not always loud or disruptive. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, compliance, and holding everything together at school can also be signs that a child is struggling. A child who looks fine at school and falls apart at home is giving us important information. The difference between settings may help explain where their energy and coping capacity are being used up. When something is not working, parents, teachers, and providers need to stay curious together instead of dismissing the concern because it does not appear everywhere. Pacing matters. A child who is bored because learning is moving too slowly and a child who is overwhelmed because it is moving too quickly may both disengage for very different reasons. Protecting a child's lifelong relationship with learning matters more than forcing them through one particular academic path, especially when school has already become a source of stress or burnout. School is only one place where learning happens. Interests, relationships, extracurriculars, travel, cooking, and everyday experiences can all be meaningful ways neurodivergent kids build knowledge and skills. About Dr. Emily King Dr. Emily King is a Child Psychologist and former School Psychologist who has worked with neurodivergent children and teens for more than 20 years. She received her Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she worked at the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute and the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities. She began her career supporting K-12 students in Houston public schools and has worked in private practice in North Carolina since 2010, supporting neurodivergent youth, their families, and teachers. Dr. Emily hosts the Learn with Dr. Emily Substack, where she shares blogs and parent workshops, and is the creator of The Neurodiverse Classroom®, a professional development curriculum for educators. She has been featured on MSNBC's Morning Joe and quoted in The New York Times. Her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner, is available August 25, 2026. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Schedule a free 15-minute session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids on YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: Gabriele Nicolet Blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: Live Workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: Workshop Replays ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Get the Orchid Kid Checklist Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

You are not just invited to the IEP meeting. You are part of the team. In this episode, I'm joined by Vicki Christensen, founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy, special education advocate, and parent of two children with IEP experience, for a conversation about helping parents understand their role in the IEP process. Vicki shares that her own advocacy work began after sitting in an IEP meeting for her son Luke, surrounded by professionals, services, goals, assessments, and more information than any parent could reasonably absorb in the moment. Everyone was kind. Everyone seemed well-intentioned. But she left thinking, "I sure hope they do what is right for my son." And as she says in this conversation, that is not how a parent should have to leave an IEP meeting. We talk about why special education can feel like a foreign language, especially for parents who are new to the process. There are acronyms, present levels, services, accommodations, goals, eligibility categories, assessments, and progress reports. The people inside the system may use these words every day, but that does not mean parents should be expected to understand all of it without support. So we talk about asking questions. We talk about cutting yourself some slack. We talk about asking for draft documents or assessments ahead of time, making a simple bullet point list of questions and concerns, and sending that list to the team before the meeting. Nothing fancy. Just enough to help you walk in with a little more clarity. One of the biggest reminders in this episode is that parents are part of the IEP team. Not observers. Not visitors. Part of the team. The student is in the middle, and the adults are around that student, bringing different kinds of expertise. Teachers, therapists, specialists, and administrators may know the classroom, the testing, the services, or the law, but nobody knows your child the way you do. That does not mean the meeting has to become parents versus school. Vicki talks about the importance of keeping the conversation student-centered, collaborative, and focused on what the child needs. Parents can be assertive without being aggressive. They can ask hard questions without burning bridges. They can respect the professionals in the room while also bringing their own knowledge of their child into the conversation. We also get into the IEP document itself, including present levels, goals, accommodations, services, and progress. Vicki explains why more goals are not always better, why goals need to be specific and measurable, and why parents can ask for the work samples or data behind progress reports. If a goal says a child reached 80% accuracy, it is reasonable to ask 80% of what, measured how, and under what conditions. And yes, we talk about emotion too. Parents often apologize for crying or tearing up in IEP meetings, and Vicki is very clear that there is no need to apologize. This is your child. Of course it can feel emotional. The goal is not to become a robot in the meeting. The goal is to stay regulated enough to understand what is being said, ask questions, and participate meaningfully. This episode is practical and reassuring. It is a reminder that parents do not need to know everything before they walk into the room, but they do deserve to understand what is being said. They deserve to ask questions. They deserve support. And they belong at the table. Key Takeaways Special education can feel like a foreign language, especially when parents are new to the IEP process. Parents do not need to know every acronym before they walk into an IEP meeting. Asking questions is not a problem. It is part of meaningful participation. Parents and guardians are part of the IEP team, not outside observers. The student should stay at the center of the conversation. Parents bring essential knowledge because nobody knows the child the way they do. Before an IEP meeting, parents can ask for draft documents, assessments, and progress information ahead of time. A simple bullet point list of questions and concerns can make the meeting more productive. IEP goals should be connected to present levels, areas of need, accommodations, services, and measurable progress. Work samples and data matter because goal progress should be supported by actual evidence. About Vicki Christensen Vicki Christensen is the founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy and the mother of a 21-year-old with global developmental delays who proudly wears blue glasses. Drawing on both professional training and firsthand experience, Vicki helps parents and guardians navigate the special education system with greater confidence, clarity, and understanding. She holds a Special Education Advocacy Certificate from the University of San Diego and is a member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates. Vicki also co-founded the Special Education Advisory Committee in her local school district, organizes inclusive community events, and was honored with the North County Consortium for Special Education 2023 Collaborative Parent Award. Through Blue Glasses Advocacy, Vicki equips families with practical tools and strategies for navigating the Individualized Education Program, or IEP, process and building positive, collaborative relationships with school teams. Her approach combines advocacy expertise, empathy, and a deep understanding of the challenges and triumphs that come with raising and supporting a neurodivergent child. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Birth is part of the story. It is not the whole story. In this episode, Emily Roper is back to talk about birth, early development, and what those first experiences may have to do with the complicated kids we are parenting later. And before we go anywhere else, we say this clearly: this is not an episode about looking back and deciding you should have done everything differently. No thank you. We have enough parent guilt already. This is about awareness. It is about connecting dots. It is about understanding how pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can give us clues about a child's brain, body, stress response, movement, feeding, sensory processing, and regulation. Emily is a neuro-developmental delay therapist, certified midwife's assistant, and owner of Early Roots. She works with children who have developmental delays, sensory challenges, ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, retained reflexes, vestibular differences, visual development issues, and regulation challenges. She also works in the birth world, supporting families during labor and postpartum. Which means she lives in the overlap between early experience and later development. That overlap is where this episode lives too. Emily explains that birth is not just the way we get the baby out. During labor and delivery, the baby's body is doing a tremendous amount of work. Stress hormones shift. Reflexes activate. Movement patterns are used. The baby is preparing to breathe, digest, regulate, move, and live outside the womb. Which is a lot, really. We also talk about what can happen when that process is disrupted or modified. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, birth trauma, feeding challenges, torticollis, latch issues, and unsettled newborn patterns can all become pieces of a larger developmental picture. Not because any one of those things determines a child's future, but because they may help us ask better questions. One of the biggest themes in this episode is that babies do not develop in separate buckets. A feeding issue is not always just a feeding issue. A neck issue is not always just a neck issue. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. The body, brain, movement system, sensory system, stress response, and regulation system are all connected, especially early on. Emily and I talk about what parents can do with this information at different points. If you are pregnant, it may mean asking more questions about your provider, setting, and support. If you have a newborn, it may mean looking at feeding, body tension, floor time, movement, postpartum mental health, and your own regulation. If your child is older, it may mean finding someone who understands primitive reflexes, sensory-motor development, and the way early patterns can still be supported later. Because this is not a "you missed your window" conversation. Neuroplasticity is real. Development keeps going. Bodies can be supported. Nervous systems can become more organized. Kids can make meaningful changes long after the newborn stage. That is why I like talking with Emily so much. She helps us widen the lens without turning the whole thing into blame. Early history may not explain everything. But it may give us one more way in. Key Takeaways This episode is about awareness, not guilt. Birth can be part of a child's developmental story, but it is not the whole story. Pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can affect how the brain and body learn to function. Birth is an active process for the baby, involving movement, reflexes, stress hormone shifts, and major physiological transitions. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, and birth trauma can matter developmentally without becoming moral judgments. Feeding, latch, torticollis, fussiness, sensory processing, and regulation are often connected through the developing brain and body. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. Fussiness can be communication that something is uncomfortable, stressful, or hard. Body issues are brain issues, especially in babies, because early development is deeply physical. Parents can support development through feeding support, body work, movement, floor time, nervous system support, and attention to postpartum mental health. About Emily Roper Emily Roper is a Neuro-Developmental Delay Therapist and a certified Midwives Assistant. She owns Early Roots, a specialized therapy practice for children with developmental delays. Her work helps providers and families better understand and support children and parents. Emily has an educational background in psychology, midwifery, and neuro-developmental delay. She has spent over a decade helping children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, sensory challenges, and other developmental delays. She has attended more than 600 births and supported hundreds of families through their postpartum period. In addition to her hands-on work, Emily is passionate about education and bridging the gap between the birth world and psychology. She teaches and speaks to both parents and professionals about how early experiences, specifically pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period, shape long-term neurological development. She has trained midwives, taught post-graduate students, spoken at conferences, and hosts The Early Roots Podcast, where she makes complex developmental topics feel practical and accessible. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

The best college preparation may not look like college preparation at all. By the time a student gets to college, we expect them to manage syllabi, deadlines, different professors, long-term assignments, and a schedule with far less adult oversight. But the executive function skills needed to do all of that do not suddenly appear when the dorm-room key lands in their hand. In this episode, I talk with Marcia Miller, an executive function coach who spent 14 years working with high school students, about how families can help kids build those skills long before college. Marcia describes executive function as the old-fashioned secretary in the brain. It helps us initiate tasks, organize information, plan ahead, remember what is expected, and follow through. For some kids, that secretary is organized, color-coded, and running a tight ship. For others, she is very quiet, somewhat overwhelmed, or apparently away from her desk. When those internal systems are still developing, students need external strategies. Calendars, reminders, routines, written directions, and repeated practice are not shortcuts. They are tools that help a student manage the work until more of the process becomes familiar and automatic. We also talk about reliability, which Marcia calls one of the least exciting and most essential skills. College professors, employers, friends, and family members all need people to communicate, meet deadlines, follow through, and say something when they are confused or stuck. The first step is often figuring out where the hiccup is. A student may understand the material but forget the deadline. They may know how to solve the problem but become completely derailed when asked to slow down and show each step. They may want to begin the project but have no idea how to turn one enormous assignment into several manageable actions. This is why conversations about how brains work matter. Kids need language for what comes easily, what requires more effort, and what happens inside their brains when a task falls apart. That kind of self-understanding helps make invisible processes visible. Marcia and I also talk about the shame that can build when a smart student repeatedly struggles to do what school asks. When kids hear only about the missing work, forgotten folder, or disappointing grade, they may begin to believe they are simply bad at school. The alternative is not ignoring the struggle. It is helping the child identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and develop strategies without treating every difficulty as a character flaw. Parents can begin by rewarding communication and collaboration. When your child remembers to tell you about the poster project before 3:00 in the morning, that is progress. They have brought the information to the team, and now the team can work on planning, organization, and follow-through. Preparing a child for college is not only about grades or whether they can complete an application. It is about helping them understand how they learn, ask for support, recover from mistakes, work with other people, and build systems that allow them to be more reliable and independent. 🎯 Key Takeaways College readiness begins long before college, but it does not need to be framed that way for kids. Executive function includes skills like initiation, planning, organization, working memory, follow-through, and managing deadlines. For many kids with ADHD or executive function challenges, directions can disappear quickly even when the child wants to do the task correctly. External strategies are important while executive function skills are still developing. Reliability may not sound exciting, but it is a major life skill for school, work, relationships, and independence. When something goes sideways, adults can help by asking where the hiccup is instead of assuming the child does not care. Smart kids can still struggle deeply with showing work, breaking down steps, remembering directions, or managing deadlines. Repeated conversations about how a child's brain works help build metacognition and self-understanding. Shame can grow when kids are repeatedly reminded of what they are not doing well. Parents can support future independence by noticing strengths, rewarding collaboration, practicing strategies, and helping kids understand that their brains may work differently and still be good brains. About Marcia Miller Marcia Miller is an executive function coach based in Washington, DC, who works with teens, young adults, and families throughout the DMV area. After a 14-year career at a private high school, Marcia developed extensive experience supporting both neurotypical and neurodiverse teens, especially students with ADHD. Before working in education, she built a diverse career across corporate settings, law firms, volunteer work, and parenting her own daughter with ADHD. Marcia brings humor, warmth, and a shame-reducing approach to her work. She helps young people embrace who they are, identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and build practical strategies for success. She also enjoys partnering with parents and believes that perspective is essential to effectively coaching teens and young adults. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read the latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Not speaking is not the same thing as not having something to say. In this episode, I'm joined by Elizabeth Vosseller, founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC, the International Association for Spelling as Communication. And we are talking about communication. Not the easy kind. Not the "say what you mean with your mouth and everyone understands what is happening" kind. We are talking about what happens when a person has thoughts, language, ideas, preferences, humor, opinions, and vocabulary, but cannot reliably use speech to share them. Elizabeth explains that Spelling to Communicate (S2C) is a method of teaching communication to nonspeaking people. And nonspeaking is the word we want here, not nonverbal. Because nonverbal means without words. And the people Elizabeth works with are not without words. They may have no speech, very few spoken words, or lots of speech that is not reliable or communicative. They may script, loop, say the opposite of what they mean, or struggle to get their bodies to do what their brains are asking them to do. Which brings us to one of the biggest themes in this conversation: communication is motor. Speech is motor. Typing is motor. Pointing is motor. Signing is motor. Getting an idea out of your brain and into the world requires the body to participate. And for some kids and adults, that is where things get complicated. Elizabeth walks us through praxis, which is the process of having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not go the way it was supposed to go. For people with apraxia or dyspraxia, the idea may be there. The plan may be there. But the message between the brain and the body may not move smoothly. And if we do not understand that, we can make some very big mistakes. We can look at a child who is not following a direction and assume they are being noncompliant. We can look at a child who is hitting, grabbing, bolting, or making sounds and assume the behavior is intentional in a way it may not be. We can look at a nonspeaking child and assume there are no words inside. That is a dangerous assumption. Elizabeth and I also talk about rich language environments, spelling, reading, communication regulation partners, and why support does not automatically mean influence when the support is trained, careful, and ethical. This conversation is especially close to my speech therapist heart because it asks us to slow down and separate language from speech, communication from behavior, and intention from motor access. Which is not always easy. But it matters. Because when we assume a child has nothing to say, we may stop offering them enough to think about. When we assume a behavior tells the whole story, we may miss what the body is struggling to do. And when we assume speech is the only real path to communication, we may miss the person who has been there the whole time. Key Takeaways Nonspeaking is different from nonverbal. Nonspeaking means a person cannot use speech reliably and effectively. Nonverbal means without words, which can wrongly suggest a person does not have language, thoughts, or vocabulary. Spelling to Communicate (S2C) teaches nonspeaking people to use pointing to letters as a motor-based way to communicate. Communication depends on the body. Speech, typing, pointing, signing, and texting all require motor planning and motor execution. Praxis involves having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not work. Apraxia and dyspraxia can create a breakdown between what a person intends to do and what their body is able to do on demand. A purely behavioral lens can lead adults to misunderstand kids whose bodies are not reliably following their intentions. Rich language and literacy exposure matter, even when a child is not speaking. Communication regulation partners provide motor coaching, sensory feedback, and regulation support when they are properly trained. Assuming competence means being careful about what we say, what we offer, and what we believe may be possible. About Elizabeth Vosseller Elizabeth Vosseller is the founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC. Since 1995, she has worked clinically with individuals with complex communication and sensory-motor differences across hospital, university, and private settings. Her work focuses on motor-based access to communication, advancing education, training, and research for nonspeaking individuals. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story Blog: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog Live Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops On-Demand Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛