Come As You Are Conversations: Off the Page with Dani Shapiro

There are so many unfathomable events happening in the United States every week, no one news story receives the attention it deserves. I genuinely wonder how historians will look back on this time, and what conclusions they’ll draw from a world gone absolutely off its rocker. Catch and Release is about the disease of hatred. The thing that happens when we loathe a certain segment of our neighbors to such a degree, there’s a constant fire burning in our hearts. That fire grows, and it starts to blaze through rational thought. You know it when you see it because people start to say and do incomprehensible things. I saw it during the wildfires in Los Angeles this fall, when friends of mine lost their homes, the children’s artwork, their photo albums, their children’s sense of security and innocence…and people online said things like, Good! You and your celebrity friends can buy new mansions next week. Boo-hoo, get Gavin Newscum to help you! Those were just a couple of actual things actual people said, and they were not the worst.The political assassination of Minnesota state representative Melissa Hortman - who was tragically and horrifically killed alongside her husband Mark and their family dog Gilbert a couple of weeks ago, and the attempted assassination of Senator John Hoffman, his wife Yvette and their grown daughter Hope the same night - are already out of the news cycle. That isn’t normal or okay. What is even less okay is that a few hours after it happened, Utah Senator Mike Lee posted “Nightmare on Walz Street” on X, and the always lovely Marjorie Taylor Greene posted a picture of herself aiming an assault weapon. That is a pathological lack of empathy. A vicious, cruel, wholly un-funny level of cruelty with zero thought about the Hortmans’ children, other family members, friends and colleagues in shock. Mike Lee and MTG simply did not care, because Democrats fall outside their circle of compassion. Screw those people, who cares if they suffer, I’m going to laugh while they try to process what has just happened. That is a disease none of us want, friends, and that’s what Part 2 of this podcast is about.Sadly, the Hortmans and the Hoffmans and the entire story is being overshadowed by the Budget Bill, the horror-show happening in the Everglades right now à la the POTUS, Noem, DeSantis - and some sadistic fantasy they’re playing out using our tax dollars to create Alligator Alcatraz - the ongoing feud with Musk, and the latest grift of a presidential fragrance line. More on all that later this week.Trump’s latest financial disclosure showed he made $57,355,532 last year from his cryptocurrency stake in World Liberty Financial, $2.8 million from his watches, $3 million from his “Save America” coffee table book, and $50 million from Mar-a-Lago and his members-only club. Ummm, what? I wouldn’t be talking about this now, but in light of the Budget Reconciliation Bill being pushed through by Republicans in the Senate (with the tie-breaking vote provided by Vice President JD Vance earlier today) - which would gut Medicaid to fund even more ICE, and make billionaires even wealthier - it seems pretty pertinent, and also disgusting. Aside from the fact that it’s wildly illegal because of the Emoluments Clause. But his supporters do not care. I wonder if they will care when they don’t have health insurance.I suppose it’s understandable that there isn’t time to process, to grieve, or even to integrate all the terrible things that are happening, and yet - we’ve never seen anything like the planned assassinations of 45 lawmakers belonging to one political party (in this case, Democrats) in the history of our country. Never before have we had a person so poisoned by political extremism, he has a list of lawmakers in his car, along with their addresses - guns and ammo at the ready. This is not a thing that happens in a healthy, functioning society, and the Hortmans’ grown children are only just beginning to grieve the loss of their parents. The fact that this man was stopped is not the story. The fact that the current level of vitriol has risen to such a degree that this story does not even make it through one news cycle, is. I know we are all swimming in so much grief and stress. Keep reassuring yourself this is not how things should be, and know that if you’re struggling, it makes sense. It means you’re sane and compassionate. Surround yourself with people who understand that, and keep raising your voice. We aren’t built for this kind of chaos and violence. No good person wants to see someone else suffer. So strange the things you have to assert these days. It matters that we acknowledge when decent, kind, hardworking people are harmed. It makes a difference when a lot of us are saying this is not right. You might not think it matters, but the kids are watching. If someone shot me in my doorway, I’d want my children to see the grownups continue to say that wasn’t okay for more than a week, wouldn’t you? Hang in there, friends. I can’t promise everything is going to be okay, but I can promise you aren’t alone. There are a lot of people who want the world to be a lot kinder than this. I truly think the thing to do is hold the line. Keep saying the true things out loud. Keep showing up with love for the people who need it. For the people who are cruel, who laugh while you cry - my god I would never want to be them. Ever.Here is part two of the podcast I recorded the week of the assassinations, and I dive right in, because I hadn’t intended to break this into two parts. So you’ll notice I’m pretty fired up right out of the gate - because I’m not okay with cruelty, and I know you aren’t, either. Maybe I should mention I am so fired up I drop a few f-bombs, so if you tend to listen with your little ones around, this might not be the episode. I’m sorry. If you’re in a position to donate to the Hortmans’ grown kids, here is the gofundme created by their uncle. Sending you so much love. Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

I decided to break this podcast into two episodes because I talked about two essays - last week’s, I Know What the Riot Is, and this week’s, Catch and Release. They’re inter-related essays about all the different things we’re going through in the states, so it made sense to talk about them together, but I split the talk into two 45-minute episodes because I thought that would be easier to digest. I think about your digestion, I’m a mom. Sadly, I don’t think these topics are relevant only to those of us living in the U.S.Part 1 is about what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship. Which might sound strange at first, because weren’t we talking about the government and the country? And yes, we were. We are. For many of us, waking up in this country right now is very much like waking up when you’re living inside an abusive relationship and you don’t feel safe. You’re told that what you’re seeing with your own eyes is not true. You push back, and you’re screamed at by people on the internet who don’t live where you live, but still want to tell you how things are. The first 10 minutes is about my definition of healing. The rest is about how we’d really better start to understand what’s happening here. The threat is coming from inside the house. They want us yelling at each other so we don’t pay attention as they dismantle our democracy, sell off our public lands, gut Medicaid, kidnap our neighbors off the street, arrest our lawmakers when they try to intervene, and laugh at a politically-motivated assassination and assassination attempts (we’ll get to that in Part 2). Thanks for your incredible comments under both essays, and under all the essays. You make me think more deeply about all these things. Sometimes you make me laugh out loud. The things you share often bring me to tears, make me know I’m not alone, and shape the podcasts every week. Thank you so much for being here.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

Dear Friends,If you’re a new subscriber, welcome! There are a lot of you this week, and I’m so happy you’re here. It truly means the world to me. You might be wondering what this Come As You Are Conversation is all about. Once a month or so I go live with a writer whose writing I love, respect, appreciate, and admire - to talk about - you guessed it, writing. Inevitably, the conversation turns to life, love, grief, inspiration, loneliness, connection - and what it is that draws us back to the page again and again. One thing you can count on with most writers, and certainly the ones I gravitate toward, is that they’re willing to be vulnerable and honest. These conversations are always such a gift, especially during these times which feel so dark and fraught. It’s important life-giving to open yourself up to people who still believe in the power of art, poetry, music, words, kindness, love and laughter. We need these things like we need oxygen these days.So far I have gone “Off the Page” with the wonderful Paul Crenshaw whose phenomenal ‘stacks I cannot recommend enough. He has two - Melt with Me for his fantastic essays, and Establish the Habit, for those of you who want to make writing an important part of your life, and could use a gifted guide. I had one of my favorite conversations ever in life with one of my closest friends, Dani Shapiro. Maybe someday we’ll get her on Substack ;) but not right now because she is writing a new book. You can find these talks in the archive - they make my heart happy, and I hope they’ll do the same for you. Tonight, I spoke with the extraordinary Kate Mapother. Kate is a poet and essayist, and she is currently working on a novel. She’s also one of the best people you could ever have in your corner. We had such a beautiful conversation about grief, longing, writing through these painful times, gender, connection, and whether “letting go” is really even a thing. I know if you listen, you will see why I love Kate so much, and if you go and read her work, you’ll see why I am sobbing into my coffee many mornings a week. Here is the poem I was referencing tonight, but honestly, you don’t want to miss any of them. A big thank you to Paul Crenshaw, Nicole Peattie, Chris Keller, Man In Back, Jennifer Smith, Wendy Wolf who did a phenomenal sketch of us while we talked!! What?! And all of you for tuning into Off the Page with Kate Mapother! I hope you’ll join me for my next Come As You Are Conversation in July.Sending you so much love,Ally HamiltonCome As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I appreciate your re-stacks so much, and always love meeting you in the comments! I’m working on this week’s essay for you, too. Love y’all. Stay gold. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This week’s episode is about uncertainty, the one thing we can all count on. We never know what will happen next - all of our careful plans can be turned upside down on a regular Tuesday without notice - and we, ourselves, may be unsure of how we feel about what’s happening around us unless we pause, tune in, and give ourselves some space to breathe. We don’t know how long we have, or what happens after this. The ability to sit with our own vulnerability is the key to finding ease in this world. It’s also the source of art, poetry, music, love, longing, connection, and all the genuinely beautiful parts of being human. If we get to the place where we can’t sit with discomfort, where every space is filled with noise, where the moment our fingertips hover over the keyboard a machine asks if we want help or suggestions, and we say yes - we are going to lose the essence of what it means to be human. We’re going to train that right out of ourselves, and at that point, all is lost. I almost called the essay “Rage Against the Machine” but it’s bigger than that. Artificial Intelligence might be useful for generating grocery lists or keeping track of expenses, but it’s soulless. It has no intrinsic light, and we need light in order to live. If you’re going to rage against something - and I hope you do - rage against the dying of the light.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a talk about grief in all its forms. It's a talk about losing my mom, and feeling like I failed her in the moments after her death. It's about finding three expensive, very similar black sweaters hanging in her closet, and why that broke my heart. It’s about being at war within yourself, and why it’s so important to try to find some peace and forgiveness - not just for your own wellbeing, but for everyone around you. It’s also about who we say we are versus who we’re being in the world. Sometimes it’s hard to read people, and sometimes they telegraph exactly who they are and what they want. It’s about the innocence of a four-year-old, and why that’s worth fighting for - whether we’re talking about the four-year-olds walking and talking in the world around us, or the ones who still exist inside us.And it’s about hyper-normalization and why it matters that we all fight against it, stay awake, and hold onto hope.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thank you for being here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

Thank you Paul Crenshaw, Ellen Sue Stern, and many others for tuning into our live conversation, that was such fun! And a huge thank you to Dani for sharing so generously. You can find Dani’s books, stories, essays, workshops, news, all things Family Secrets, and all of her upcoming events at danishapiro.comI think you should know I did not fix the first few minutes where we are sideways on the screen and then upside down because -1. It is hilarious (thank you for jumping in to get us right-side-up Michael Maren, and please everyone, note that this is my fault because I’ve never gone live with someone I was next to, and did not know we had to be vertical.) * If I fixed the first ten minutes, then we’d be sideways for the rest of it, and also, you wouldn’t get to see how awesome Michael is. * It’s 2025. This is not a problem. It doesn’t even qualify as a blip. Hope you enjoy!Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

“Flooding the zone” is a strategy used to overwhelm opponents in politics or media. You throw so much information into the mix that it is nearly impossible for your critics to respond to everything, and eventually people stop responding to anything - they give up, they turn away, they can’t take it anymore. That’s the strategy being used, openly, by the administration in power in the United States right now. Something dreadful happens, and if you do speak up, you’re told the thing you’re upset about is fine, nothing to see here, just democracy on fire. If you play the game this way, you’re in a constant state of responding to all the horrific things that are happening - and some of them do require your response and your passionate resistance. It can’t be all about resistance and trying to survive, though, because then they are controlling the narrative and deciding what the game is - and this is a terrible game with no winners. They want to plunder the earth, colonize Mars and let AI take over the world. Also, this is not a game, it’s our lives, the lives of our friends, our children, our communities, and our planet. We need to be in a conversation about how we got here, what we want, and how we go about making it happen - and we need to bring as many people into the conversation as we can. We need our own 900-page document, or maybe ours doesn’t need to be that long. I think the things we want are simple, but it’s time to re-think our approach, get clear about our vision, and get to work. Yes, we’re late, but it’s not the first time in history a country was taken over by authoritarian forces before it decided to fight back and remake itself. We say “it” when we refer to a country because it’s a noun, it’s a thing…but it’s made up of people…meaning us. If you start asking yourself, who are we to be having this conversation? we are the we in: “We the people…” Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a talk about impermanence and vulnerability. It’s about losing people you don’t know how to live without, and this feeling we have that things are more solid than they are - that our feet planted here and we can count on that. There are two ways to ride the ride - you can embrace change and open to the uncertainty, love your heart out, keep your eyes open and your mind, too - or you can respond with fear. People who respond with fear want to pin things down, they want control. They plant their flags and pound their chests. They hoard and dominate, but it’s never enough. That’s when they start looking toward Mars.Either way you ride the ride, you don’t get to ride forever. One way feels a lot better than the other. This is also a talk about grief, loss and longing. It’s about understanding there’s no such thing as other people’s children. It’s about missing my mom so much it takes my breath away sometimes, even though we had a complicated relationship. Sending love to all, and a little extra to anyone struggling with Mother’s Day. It can be a tough day for many reasons.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe