Ep 194: Stop Othering Yourself

"When you tell yourself you’re the only one who's different, you reduce everyone else too."Everybody else is richer. Prettier. More established. They all know each other. Ever walked into a room and thought one of those? Me too. For YEARS.In this episode I get really honest about how I used to decide I was "different" in every group I walked into, and why your brain does it to you too. We're tribal animals, and that old survival alarm is trying to protect you. But it backfires. It makes you quieter, more performative, more distant... and then the rejection you were afraid of comes true.And here's the part nobody talks about: when you other yourself, you don't just hurt YOU. You blend a whole room of specific, wonderful humans into one gray blob called "everybody." That's a disservice to them too.In this episode:Why it goes both ways: "I'm lacking" vs. "they're lacking"How the tribal brain turns one thought into real distance, using my Regenerative thought modelThe loneliness epidemic and what we're feeding our brainsThe research that proves nobody's watching you as closely as you thinkWhy the word "everybody" is the tellThe Four Columns exercise, with my own sticky notes as the exampleBridge thoughts: how to build a NEW self-fulfilling prophecyTry the Four ColumnsYour qualities: physical traits AND characteristicsWhat people have said to you about themWhat you COULD let your brain tell you that meansThe thought you choose to practice until it's your default beliefThen notice: Which Column three thoughts are loudest? How are they trying to protect you? What leap are they keeping you from? What reasons are they giving you that you don't belong?Bridge thoughts to try"Maybe someone else in here feels this too.""These are just friends I haven't met yet.""I belong here."Research mentionedThe spotlight effect: Gilovich, Medvec & Savitsky (2000), the Barry Manilow T-shirt study (summary)The liking gap: Boothby, Cooney, Clark & Sandstrom, Psychological Science (2018) (APS release)The beautiful mess effect: Bruk et al. (2018) (BPS Research Digest)Outgroup homogeneity: "they're all alike, we're all different" (overview)The acceptance prophecy: Stinson et al. (2009) (summary)"The Problem of Othering" by john a. powell & Stephen Menendian, Othering & Belonging Institute (PDF)U.S. Surgeon General's advisory on loneliness and isolation, 2023 (PBS NewsHour)[Add Vibe by Adam Grant here only if the stat checks out and you use it.]Ready to do this work with a room full of women who'll see you as YOU? Visit dothebloom.com and join us in the Moxie or the Bloom Room. How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

What if you could be 100% committed to your biggest goal and still not take yourself, or the goal, so seriously?Marie opens this episode with a birthday: her daughter just turned 14, and the party featured a mocktail hour, a spa night, karaoke, and a surprise visit from “spa technicians” (one of them Marie’s mom). She also shares a gift idea for the person in your life who is impossible to shop for: a natal chart reading. It was a huge hit.Then she shares some good news from inside the Moxie Mastermind. The ten women in the cohort just finished their future vision visualizations, and as soon as they did, a few of them started seeing pieces of those visions show up in real life.From there, Marie digs into the question underneath it all: how do you hold your goals like a marriage or a mortgage, and still have your days feel like the best party you’ve ever thrown?What you’ll learn in this episode:How to hold a goal as your most important work and stay fully committed to it without letting it swallow your joyThe story of Tal Ben-Shahar, who won the Israeli national squash championship at sixteen, expected it to bring him peace, and felt it fade in about a day (and why that led him to name the arrival fallacy)Why we hit a goal and immediately want the next one, and what the classic hedonic adaptation research says about the thrill wearing offWhy we make our own rules and then hold them against ourselves: how a fun idea quietly turns into an obligation, and why you’re allowed to change your mind about something you inventedWhat the self-concordance research shows about why you pursue a goal mattering as much as what the goal is, and why well-being builds during the striving instead of waiting at the finish lineA new retro question to add to your weekly review: “Am I enjoying this, and do I still want it?”How women have been socialized around productivity and efficiency, and what one coaching client’s 12-hour training day teaches about “we do it this way because everyone does”What the violinist research and a century-old factory study suggest about rest, recovery, and why your best work doesn’t come from your longest hoursWhy a busy calendar isn’t the same as burnout, and how to ask yourself “says who?” about being behind on something you inventedThe Host Check-In: a five-minute weekly practice for treating your week like a party you’re hosting, including Marie’s “plenty of time” shower trickMentioned in this episode:Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar and the arrival fallacyThe 1978 study “Lottery Winners and Accident Victims: Is Happiness Relative?” (Brickman, Coates, and Janoff-Bulman)The self-concordance model by Kennon Sheldon and Andrew ElliotAnders Ericsson’s study of elite violinists at the Berlin Academy of MusicJohn Pencavel’s research on working hours and outputThe Time Whispering courseThe Moxie Mastermind and the future vision visualization process (more on this in an upcoming episode)How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

You know that moment when you finally look at your bank statement and go, "Wait... how much did I spend on DoorDash?!" Today we're doing that same thing with your ENERGY, your most precious resource.In this episode, Marie walks you through a simple, judgment-free Energy Audit: two quick drawings and four questions that show you exactly where your energy is going, where it's coming from, and how to start choosing more intentionally. Grab a pen and paper. This one's interactive!In This Episode, You'll Learn:How to draw your Energy Out circle and map every place your energy is going right now (yes, even the scrolling)How to draw your Energy In circle and spot what's truly filling you back upWhy arrow length is about ENERGY, not time, and why that changes everythingThe Four Questions to ask once your drawings are doneReal examples from Marie's coaching community: the one big drain, the activity that fills one woman up and drains another, and the trick for not getting pulled into other people's dramaThe difference between two big arrows and a hundred tiny arrows, and why "if you have more than two priorities, you have none"How to zoom in and do an Energy Audit on your career, a project, or a relationshipThe Four QuestionsWhat do I want less of?What do I want more of?What's missing?How can I choose more intentionally?Your HomeworkDraw your Energy Out circle. Make your Energy In list. Ask the four questions. And if your drawing looks like a sea urchin, choose three arrows to erase.Do it all as a compassionate observer: "Oh, interesting. Look at that."Mentioned in This Episode: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeownJoin the Bloom RoomWant to do exercises like this one live, with a community of bold, brilliant women cheering you on? Inside the Bloom Room, auditing your energy, choosing your priorities, and designing a life that fills you back up become skills you'll use for the rest of your life.Join the Bloom Room right now and save your spotConnect with MarieInstagram: @the.bloom.coachdothebloom.comIf this episode helped you, share it with a friend whose arrows are going in a hundred directions, and leave a review so more women can find the show!How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Episode 191: Blue Sky ThinkingMarie opens this episode with two stories. First: the time she wore a wig made entirely of live flowers for her brand photoshoot — heavy, fragrant, slipping sideways — and came away with the image that became the signature of this podcast. Second: the time she ended up in a sheer black dress, Back to the Future sunglasses, holding a teacup and saucer under a giant spotlight in total darkness, having absolutely no idea why — and came away with some of her all-time favorite photos.Neither shoot had a plan. Neither made logical sense. Her brain tried to talk her out of both.And that is exactly the point.Oh — and somewhere in the middle she also accidentally shipped mermaid skeletons, rain boots, and press-on nails to her friend in New York instead of herself. (The 4-year-old is keeping the skeletons.)Today’s episode is about blue sky thinking: the practice Marie has used for over 15 years in innovation education, teaches inside the Make Ideas Real course, and uses constantly in her own life and work. And if your brain is already saying okay but how do I actually do it — that’s exactly the brain this episode is for.What you’ll learn in this episode:What blue sky thinking actually is, where it lives in the design cycle, and why skipping it is the reason most people end up with smaller, safer, more derivative versions of what they could have builtWhy your brain automatically rules out anything it hasn’t seen before — and the one simple thing you can say to your brain to get it to drop its defense shield and actually playThe neuroscience of what happens when you enter real ideation: why the prefrontal cortex (your bouncer) quiets down, how your brain starts connecting concept A with concept Z, and why neuroimaging of jazz musicians is one of Marie’s favorite thingsThe three principles every innovation lab agrees on: quantity leads to quality, wild ideas spark realistic breakthroughs, and deferring judgment unlocks creativityThe Flamin’ Hot Cheetos story — a janitor, a broken machine, some chili powder, and a pitch to the executive teamHow Marie used blue sky thinking to start writing her book: a full month of voice notes, journal pages on planes, a notepad by the bed, and zero filtering before the pile was enormousThe Stanford d.school circle game — grab a pen and paper, you’re playing it in this episodeThree rules for blue sky thinking: go for fluency AND flexibility, avoid constraint, and be ridiculous at firstThree ways to practice this week: free-flow writing, the quadrant method, or the Post-It method (Marie’s favorite — one idea per sticky, 15-minute timer, no judging, then cluster by theme and notice what lights you up)How to use blue sky thinking for anything: a side hustle, a birthday party, a career pivot, a family vacation, a yard redesign, your social lifeMentioned in this episode:The Make Ideas Real course — where the full blue sky thinking process livesThe Institute for the Future in Palo Alto and Stanford d.schoolAdam Grant’s new book Vibe (Marie heard him speak live the night before recording this)David Allen’s “someday maybe” list — for all the ideas that don’t make the top 3 but are too good to throw awayPhotographer Stacy Keck and florist Natalie Gill of Native Poppy — San DiegoOne spot just opened in the Moxie Mastermind — and doors close this weekend. They won’t open again until March. If that spot is yours, reach out to Marie directly now. Find her on Instagram or at dothebloom.com.How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Marie opens this episode fresh from a weekend in Ventura watching her husband — torn meniscus and all, after barely two rehearsals — get on stage in front of over a thousand people and absolutely nail a reunion show in honor of a beloved friend they lost this year. Was it a little delusional to say yes to that? Absolutely. Was it worth it? You already know the answer.Which brings us to today’s topic. Because Marie has a confession. And an accusation.The confession: she is a professional delusional person. Rock bottom in her early 20s to grad school to VP of a B Corp. Left a 15-year career to launch a podcast, build the Bloom Room and the Moxie, and create a multiple six-figure coaching business from scratch in eight months. Now writing a book in six months. All of it built on zero external evidence and one tiny, twinkling glimmer of possibility.The accusation: you’re delusional too. Or at least you have the capacity to be. And the world desperately needs you to lean into it.What you’ll learn in this episode:Why everything real today sounded ridiculous yesterday — and the Lizzo story that proves it better than anything Marie has ever found (Truth Hurts dropped in 2017 to complete silence, she cried in her bedroom thinking nobody would notice if she quit, and two years later the exact same song hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100)What productive delusion actually means — and what it absolutely does not mean (not clinical, not magical thinking, not sitting on the couch visualizing a billboard chart-topper while the emails go unsent)The neuroscience of identity and destiny: the Stanford research on your brain’s default mode network, and why anchoring your idea to who you are rather than what you want to do makes you statistically far more likely to actually do itHow your reticular activating system (RAS) filters reality — and how belief literally changes what evidence gets past your brain’s bouncer, straight from a 2020 University College London studyPronoia: the opposite of paranoia — the audacious conviction that the universe is rigged in your favor — and what happens to your brain when you actually operate from that placeThe catch with delusion — why purely positive fantasizing can actually sap your psychological energy, trick your nervous system into thinking you’ve already won, and send you straight off course (the NYU study on job seekers is wild)Why retros are the secret weapon that make delusion productive: being wildly ambitious about what’s possible while staying rigorously honest about what’s actually happening right nowThe 5-step practice for productive delusion: name it and attach it to your identity, put on your pronoia goggles, get clear-eyed about right now, love your protector parts, and collect evidence with retrosWhy delusion is a team sport — and why surrounding yourself with people who believe in your idea is one of the most important things you can do when your lizard brain starts fighting backMentioned in this episode:Lizzo and the story of Truth HurtsEmily McDonald’s Stanford research on identity and destinyImaginable by Jane McGonigal — and the Institute for the Future’s motto: Be Ridiculous at FirstGrit by Angela DuckworthThe podcast episode Retros Are EverythingThe Moxie Mastermind — doors close one week from this episode’s release date for the next six monthsTwo spots just opened in the Moxie Mastermind — and doors close next week. If you have an idea living in your head and you’re ready to make it real, reach out to Marie directly or apply at dothebloom.com/apply.How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

This episode has been peeking around every corner, asking Marie to make it. It kept coming up in groups, in conversations, in the book she's writing. And today she's finally giving it its own space — because these stories and this practice are some of the most powerful things she's ever experienced and taught.It starts with a six-year-old girl lying on her bed, watching a piece of paper peel off the wall, feeling a tube of blue glowing light buzzing through her body and up into the sky — and thinking: this is the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.Everything Marie has learned, practiced, and taught since then has been, in one way or another, about getting back to that.What you'll learn in this episode:The story of six-year-old Marie's first experience of transcendence — what it felt like, what she saw, and why she spent decades trying to find her way back without realizing that's what she was doingThe Reiki experience at 21 that brought the first flicker of that buzz back — and the extraordinary moment at a dying woman's bedside that Marie still can't fully explainWhat changed at the last Moxie Retreat when Marie stopped trying to memorize what she was going to say and just became completely present — and why the coaching that happened there was unlike anything she'd ever facilitated beforeThe candle story: waking up with a woman's face in her mind, the feeling not to blow the candle out, and what happened two minutes later that made Marie think there you areWhy the more Marie protects her internal space, follows her intuition, and drops into presence, the more synchronicities happen — and why she trusts this compass more than anything elseThe short list of practices that grow your internal buzz of aliveness: trusting your yes and your no, setting boundaries with your time and energy, following your joy, and stopping people pleasingThree daily practices to cultivate and anchor this state: a meditative practice in whatever form works for you, turning the dial down on your thinking mind and dropping into your body, and anchoring the physical sensation of your deepest presence so you can access it anytimeWhat the buzz actually feels like in Marie's body — and how to find and name what it feels like in yoursMentioned in this episode:The Moxie Mastermind retreatEssentialism by Greg McKeown — the chapter on creative ways to say noEckhart Tolle's concept of the high-quality noMarie's earlier episode on anchoring presence (search: Three Ways to Get Present)Finding Moxie — Marie's book, in progress nowReach out to Marie on Instagram and tell her: how do you cultivate your own state of wonder and aliveness? She genuinely wants to know.How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Marie just got back from 8 days in Sardinia and Milan with 9 women — most of them strangers — celebrating one woman's 50th birthday in a villa on one of the most breathtaking islands in the world. She knew two people going in. She's keeping all of them.And somewhere between turquoise waters, catamaran rides, ship captains cooking pasta, and a DM from a Sardinian listener who heard her podcast the day she boarded the plane — she got to thinking about five contradictions that define everything she teaches, everything she's writing, and everything she believes about what it means to be a woman making her ideas real in the world.Some of these might rub you the wrong way. That's kind of the point.What you'll learn in this episode:Why the women in Sardinia — entrepreneurs, lawyers, designers, artists, AI specialists — were such a living embodiment of Moxie, and what their hero's journeys taught Marie about what's possible no matter what you've lived throughContradiction #1: Be full of yourself AND full of everyone around you. Why owning your brilliance, your story, and your gifts doesn't diminish anyone else — and why the most magnetic people do both at once. (Oprah agrees.)Contradiction #2: Say no to say yes. Why the most generous thing you can do is protect your time and energy for your biggest contribution — and the crucial difference between being nice and being kind, straight from Trevor NoahContradiction #3: You are whole, perfect, and complete — AND you have gifts to give. Why Marie flinches a little every time she hears "you don't need to do anything to be worthy" — and why settling into worthiness without contributing is a missed opportunity the world can't affordContradiction #4: If you want to receive, give more. Why a service orientation — asking how your work, your relationships, and your life can be an act of love and generosity — is what creates the deepest satisfaction at the end of the day, and the end of a lifeContradiction #5: You don't have to be anti-anything to take a stand. Why villainizing, counter-identifying, and focusing on what you're fighting against is less powerful than pouring everything into the antidote — and how Marie lives this personallyThe black-and-white thinking trap that keeps us from holding two true things at once — and what opens up when we allow contradiction to be wisdom instead of confusionMentioned in this episode:How to Know a Person by David BrooksEssentialism by Greg McKeown — specifically the chapter on saying no with grace and humorEckhart Tolle on the "high-quality no"There's still time to join the Moxie Mastermind for this cohort — but just barely. Reach out to Marie on Instagram or apply at dothebloom.com/apply.How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

After 187 episodes, Marie has noticed something. Every methodology, every thought leader, every spiritual practice, every goal-setting framework is essentially teaching the same three or four things. The problem? They tell you what to work on but rarely tell you how to actually do it.This episode is the how.Consider this your DIY framework — four tools, four episodes to pair them with, and everything you need to make any idea real, change any habit, or achieve any goal. It's also the exact foundation the Moxie Mastermind is built on.What you'll learn in this episode:Why every methodology from business to spirituality to goal-setting is essentially teaching the same three or four things — and why most of them leave out the actual toolsThe closed-loop system your brain runs on: what you focus on, you see; what you see, you create; what you create becomes evidence of what you were focusing on in the first place — and how to break that loop intentionallyHow the reticular activating system works as your brain's bouncer — blocking out what you don't believe and letting in what you do — and why that makes your focus the most powerful thing you can manageWhy your nervous system is going to get a little punky when you set a big, beautiful goal — and how to work with it instead of letting it run the showWhy aligned action without managed thinking and emotions will only get you so far — and what changes when all three are working togetherThe fourth tool that most people don't talk about: working with the subconscious mind through self-hypnosis and visualization — priming that 95% that's running under the surface every single morningThe four tools in one clean framework: your focus, your emotions, your action, and your subconscious mind — and exactly which podcast episodes to go to for each oneThe four episodes Marie references:🎙 Regenerative Thinking — the thought model for managing your focus and perspective🎙 Feelings Are Your Superpower — the tool for processing emotions instead of stuffing them down or acting them out🎙 The Blueprint — how to turn your idea into a time-bound, measurable, audacious goal and work it over six months🎙 Future Trippin' / Self-Hypnosis — how to prime your subconscious mind every morning with a visualization of what you're creatingThe Moxie Mastermind September cohort has one to two spots left — and closes to new members in early October. If you want to do this work with Marie and an incredible cohort of women, now is the time. Apply at dothebloom.com/apply or reach out directly.How to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Marie just said yes to writing her book. In six months. Alongside her daughter, who is also writing a book. And she's here to tell you exactly how that happened — and why the sequence of events that followed her yes was nothing short of magic.But first, she needs to talk about your elephant.This episode weaves together the science of the subconscious mind, the power of visceral visualization, and one of the most important moments in Marie's own story — because understanding how your brain works is only half of it. The other half is knowing what to do when the big, scary opportunity actually shows up in front of you.What you'll learn in this episode:The elephant and the rider — why 95% of your thinking is happening under the surface, and why that 95% is running on negativity bias, threat detection, pain avoidance, and old shame programming that will absolutely override your best conscious intentions if you don't train itWhy your lizard brain is always going to do three things — take the easy road, avoid pain, pursue pleasure — and what that means for anyone trying to make something real in the worldTwo ways to train your subconscious mind to line up with the future you're creating instead of pulling against itWhat visceral visualization actually is, how to do it, and why spending time every day in a full sensory dress rehearsal of your future self's life is one of the most neuroplastically powerful things you can doWhy your brain won't even recognize the opportunities that match your desired future if you haven't trained it to look for them — and what it's scanning for insteadMarie's morning visualization in full — the salty sea air, the coffee, the meditation, the kids, the husband, the assistant calling, the bestseller notification — and what happened when a book publisher in Denver started pursuing a deal with her six months laterWhat happened the morning after she signed the contract: 45 minutes of voice memos downloading the entire book, and thing after thing after thing lining up in a way she's experienced too many times to call coincidenceWhy ignoring the niggling feeling — that quiet, persistent pull toward the thing you actually want — makes life muddy and weird, and why listening to it feels like magicThe three-step process: follow the language your body speaks, visualize the future you're creating every single day, and when the big scary opportunity shows up — say yesWhy every single person who has ever made their dream real had to take a scary leap. Every single one.Mentioned in this episode:The Moxie Mastermind — where subconscious mind training, visualization, and making ideas real is built into the work every weekMelissa Tears — originator of the neuroplastic trigger-release technique Marie referencesFinding Moxie — Marie's book, now officially in progressHow to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

It's almost September — where are the fireworks? For most of us, fall is a much bigger New Year than January ever will be. In this episode, Marie makes the case for why September actually feels like the biggest reset button in the year, and what it takes to make sure that reset doesn't just get swallowed by everyone else's requests.In This EpisodeWhy the hell do we celebrate in January? For a lot of women — especially moms — September is when everything actually happens: the sports league sign-ups, the PTA meetings, the new backpacks and schedules, the Goliath mountain of logistics. By the time it's "handled," it's fall, not winter, that feels like the fresh start.The Fresh Start Effect — Just like New Year's Day or a Monday, the shift into autumn signals novelty and motivates us to pursue new goals. Back-to-School Conditioning — Years of academic calendars have programmed our minds to associate September with new supplies, fresh classes, and personal organization. Grounded Introspection — Unlike the fast-paced energy of spring, fall provides a balanced, reflective drive that favors inner growth and deliberate planning. The Moxie Take: time whispering — Once you finally get your time back, if you haven't practiced putting what matters most first, that time fills right back up with everyone else's requests. With the right boundaries, your New Year can feel like freedom — like a party.Managing the Autumn Energy Shift- Shorter days — Less sunlight can lower your serotonin and raise melatonin, making you feel tired earlier.Combatting the fatigue — Get outside during daylight hours, keep a steady sleep schedule, and stay physically active to support your circadian rhythm. September is our new year. Make sure you have the skills to put the things that are most important to you first. This year can be different.Resources MentionedFall Is the Best Time For Manifestation — The EverygirlThe Yin of Fall — Spirituality & HealthEmbracing Fall as a New Year — Katie Turner PsychologyThe Brain and Seasonal Changes — MediumWhy Am I So Tired This Fall — Vybe CareHow to connect with Marie:On the Web | The Local BloomInstagram: @the.bloom.coachAll Things Marie on LinkTreeJOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!