#84 - Self-esteem | A deep understanding of what it is & how to build it

This is a deep guide to happier relationships and the skill of empathy. Learning this skill will make you important in other people's lives. You will be able to know what to say in difficult situations and solve almost any conflict. In this episode we will dive into six different topics. Topic 1 - Why empathy is important  Empathy is a complicated word. In our first topic we will explain what it means and how it feels.  We used to be bad at empathy ourselves, without even knowing, so here we will also dive into how to know if you are good or bad at empathy. Topic 2 - 4 Stages of empathy  This topic is about the 4 stages of empathy that you will climb on your way to mastering this skill.   You will learn which stage you are currently at, and what the next step is for moving forward.  Topic 3 - Behaviours that block empathy  This topic covers the main goal of empathy - and 3 common misunderstandings that makes most of us fail at this goal.   Becoming aware of these common misunderstandings is the first step to moving up the empathy ladder.  You will learn all the behaviours that block empathy - so you can stop doing them, and spot them in others. Topic 4 - How to give more empathy  This topic will deepen your understanding of what state of mind you need to be in to give empathy to others.   You will learn useful techniques that will allow you to build trust and have deeper conversations with anyone you meet.  Topic 5 - How to receive more empathy  This topic is all about getting other people to give us more empathy and understand our emotional experiences.  When we get good at this we will have many more friends, feel less lonely and have other people genuinely want to be there for us and help us out when we are in pain.   You will learn how to get other people to understand and care about us Topic 6 - When empathy is your superpower  This topic is all about how you can use the skill of empathy to turn difficult relationship experiences like anger, conflict and frustration into positive experiences.   When empathy is your superpower, it will be your number one tool for happy relationships.   You will learn practical techniques that you can use each time you feel angry or there is conflict in your relationships.  -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

For you listening, today you will learn the answer questions like "Why are we lying?", "How can I be more honest?", "How can I stop lying?", "How can I make others stop lying to me?" and much more! In this episode, we will dive into five different topics. Topic 1 - Lying to avoid difficult conversations. These are the kind of lies we tell our friends and family members when we are put in difficult situations. Lies like saying we would love to visit our parents in law, when we actually don't, or saying that sure we want to come to that dinner, when in fact we would rather stay home. When are these lies a good option, and what are the effects of them? Topic 2 - Lying to avoid responsibility These are the kind of lies we tell to avoid taking responsibility. Often we tell these lies to ourselves and never even notice. It can be things like "I would go to the gym if I had the time" or "I would quit my job if I could afford the risk". What is the good things about lies like this, and when do they make your life worse? Topic 3 - White lies These are the lies we tell to protect someone else's feelings. The tricky thing about them is that they almost always have hidden intentions that we don't even know ourselves when we say them. How can we understand these lies better? And when are they good to use? Topic 4 - Lying to get something These are the lies we tell to get something. Money, status, attention or even freedom. How can using these lies make your life better? And if you never get caught, what are the effects of these lies? Topic 5 - Toolbox for honesty In many situations where we lie, honesty would be the better option. But honesty is hard. In our toolbox we give you 6 steps to how you can have difficult conversations of things that we commonly lie about. We will also answer questions like "Why are we lying?", "How can I be more honest?", "How can I stop lying?", "How can I make others stop lying to me?" and much more! -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

For you listening, today you will learn: How everybody have values they don't even know about, and how these values secretly runs out lives. How these values are the reasons why we make certain decisions and why we take different actions. And how you by understanding your values better can create lots of meaning in everyday life, get access to more energy, excitement and motivation. All of this, you will learn today! This episode is split up in five different topics: Topic 1: How values are born. In this topic, you will learn why you can’t just look at a list of values from a leadership book and chose the one that sounds best, like honesty, or philanthropy, or bravery. Instead, we explore how all values are born from emotional experiences and unless they are lived, they won’t matter. Topic 2: How values fail us. In this topic, you will also understand that not all values are positive. You can have values you feel ashamed of and would never admit. You can also have values that make your life worse. In other words, values that fail us. In this topic, you will learn how to detect and change failing values faster. Topic 3: How to find better values. If your values are doing a good job, your life will feel great. On the other hand, if your values work poorly or you don’t know your values, you are likely to feel anything from confusion to a feeling that your entire life is empty and meaningless. Topic 4: How values guide you Values are an internal compass guiding us to a better life, but what happens when the compass breaks down? Many of us want to be guided by our values, but unless we are willing to be in touch with our feelings, that won’t be possible. In this topic we will learn what happens when we ignore the internal compass, and also how to start being guided again. Topic 5: How we, Emil and Erik found our core values Make sure to listen to the 5th topic because here we share the top values we believe are essential to embody to live a great life. And we are also answering questions like: How do you find your personal values? How to understand yourself? What are values? Where do values come from? And much more! Learn about what are personal values and how can you use their benefits today! -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

Today we will talk about "long-term thinking". What does it even mean to "think long term" and how can you listening apply it in your life? What are the small practical ways to use "long-term thinking" today to make sure your life gets better? We will teach you how to use long-term thinking to solve everyday problems like: - What should I eat today? - I don't want to go to the gym! - And, I don't have enough money! All these problems can be solved with long-term thinking! What is long-term thinking? And what are long-term thinking benefits? Topic 1: What is long-term thinking? And why should you care? We discuss why we believe long-term thinking is one of the most important mindsets you can have and how it will make everything in your life exponentially better. Topic 2: Long-term thinking within health. We use long-term thinking to find unexpected ways to make your sleep, exercise and eating habits both easier and better over time. Topic 3: Long-term thinking within relationships. A strategy you need to build communication skills and a social circle that keeps getting stronger throughout your life. And just a heads up, Erik takes this to the extreme. Long-term thinking within relationships. Long-term thinking around money. Topic 4: Long-term thinking around money. Money can create stress and worry, either by not having any, or by not knowing a smart way to invest them. We explore a long-term strategy for solving both those problems. And we are also answering questions like: What does long-term thinking mean? What are examples of long-term thinking? What are the best strategies for long-term thinking? What are the benefits of long-term thinking? How does long term thinking apply in business? And much more! Learn about what is long-term thinking and what are the long-term thinking benefits today! -- Books discussed: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - Robert Moore Podcast episodes recommended: About communication: Becoming Great.com, episodes 76, 77 and 78. About the relationships with yourself: Becoming Great.com, episodes 84 and 85. -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

If your confidence is low, you will have so many regrets. You will be too afraid to start that business, you will not tell that person you love them, and you will let people walk all over you. School never taught you how to build self-confidence - and it never taught us. As a result, we suffered from low confidence, and we have lots of regrets. So we had to learn how to build strong confidence ourselves. We learned that confidence is not something you are born with, confidence is a skill - a skill that you listening will learn today. Today we both run businesses, we challenge ourselves daily on social media and we've both found the women of our dreams. All thanks to the confidence we have built. We don't want you to suffer as we did. Today we will teach you the skill of confidence. Today's episode is split up into 5 topics about how to build self-confidence and get strong confidence over time. 1. When our confidence has failed us. We share personal stories from when we have suffered from low confidence and what the consequences have been. We show that confidence is not something you are born with - it's a skill you can learn - and we introduce the concept of the four pillars of confidence. 2. The first pillar - Experience Here, we teach you how to build self-confidence for something you are horrified to do. And we show how building strong confidence in one area will spill over in lots of other areas. 3. The second pillar - Control Here, we will talk about the most common mistake that leads to low confidence. A mistake that both of us have done over and over, and that you listening are most likely doing as well. 4. The third pillar - Values Here we talk about the importance of choosing what values you will build your self-confidence on. Most of us have never chosen our values but just been brainwashed into certain ideas by movies or parents, which leads to low confidence. We will show you how to break free. 5. The fourth pillar - Reflection In our final topic, we talk about the most misunderstood part about building self-confidence - reflection. This is the stage where you both find how to build strong confidence in your own way, and where you cement in your confidence over time. -- These are the questions from the reflection toolbox: - What is important to me right now? - Why is this important to me? - Do I want this to be important to me? - Is what's important to me within my full control? Once you know what is important to you, why it's important to you and you know that it's in your control, you ask: - Knowing what's important to me, how should I take action? -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

If you are suffering from overthinking, envy, comparing yourself with others, procrastination, or fear of failing - you most likely have the same problem as we've had - you are emotionally poor. Being emotionally poor has been the source of most of the pain both me and Erik have felt in our lives, and almost everyone suffers from it. In this episode, we will teach you how to become emotionally rich, how to deal with negative thoughts, become a doer that goes after their dreams, and believes in themselves. We have split this podcast episode into five topics about self-esteem and how to build self-esteem: 1. Our most painful experiences. Here we talk about how our chase for sexual and social validation has caused constant pain. 2. The emotional bank account. We explain why you can be rich and famous but still be miserable and how to deal with it. 3. The reason for low self-esteem. We look at how our negative thought patterns are the root of our pain. 4. How to deal with negative thoughts. We teach you how to deal with negative thoughts and how you can learn to understand their hidden messages. 5. A powerful exercise for self-esteem. We give you a simple 5-minute exercise that both of us have done every day for years and that has given tremendous results. With these five topics, you will be able to learn how to deal with lots of pain caused by comparing yourself with others, feeling envy, fear of failure, and much more. An episode of our podcast about self-esteem! --- In the first topic, we are diving into how low self-esteem impacted Erik and his fiancée's sex life and lead to the relationship ending. Erik explains that most of the pain he has experienced in his life can be tied back to low self-esteem. Emil shares how low self-esteem impacted him in tons of social situations and created worry for what other people thought about him and even turned him into a bully to be liked. Emil agrees that most of his pain has been caused by low self-esteem. In the second topic, we give you a metaphor to better understand low self-esteem: the emotional bank account. With this metaphor, you can see positive or negative behaviors and thought patterns as deposits or withdrawals from your bank account. In the third topic, we look into the reason behind low self-esteem and how it all comes back to the voices in our heads: how we think and talk about ourselves. In the fourth topic, we learn how to turn our painful and heavy thoughts into valuable lessons that we can learn from. This way we can turn what previously has been harming us into something that now makes us stronger. In the fifth and final topic, we give you an exercise that both Erik and Emil do daily, just a five-minute thing that creates an internal autopilot that every day helps to build your self-esteem without you ever thinking about it. That's all for our podcast about how to build self-esteem. -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

Networking is a very misunderstood term. Most people think that it's just about business - but your networking skills can even mean the difference between a sad and lonely life, and becoming rich and happy. Today we will teach you how we have found: - business partners - new clients - friends for life - and even love by simple techniques that are easy to learn. And stick with us to the end, because we will share with you how to write the perfect email if you want to find a mentor or get your dream job. The topic of today is How to network online and how to find inspiring friends. We have split the episode into four topics: 1. What does "networking" even mean, and why should you do it? 2. How to use social media for networking? 3. How to build a networking machine that works while you sleep? 4. How to write the perfect email to get a job or a mentor? With these four topics, you will be able to learn how to network online and how to find inspiring friends. -- Today's episode is a personal development episode, where Erik Bergman and Emil Ekvardt explore topics about how to grow as a person and get a better focus. We are both personal development junkies and spend many hours every week sharing our ideas and reading about new things. This episode is great for you who want to learn about our latest perspective. We share lots of personal stories, talk about how it applies in our lives, and where we have learned it from. -- In the first topic, we talk about how networking is a misunderstood term. What the differences are between networking wide and networking deep. How Erik started by networking very wide in his teenage years and how that has given a foundation for deep relationships today. It started with Erik asking himself "How to network online?" and "How to find inspiring friends?" In the second topic, we talk about what the easiest way to start networking online is. How you can use the social media traffic of big accounts to get yourself out there and find more people to inspire and that can be inspired by you. There are some tricks that surprisingly few are using that we will teach you. In the third topic, we are building networking machines that network for us. Once again we are utilizing social media but this time we teach you how to use your own account to find people with similar interests and make them come to you - a crucial part of how to network online and how to find inspiring friends. In the fourth and final topic, we dive into what might be the most important part. How to write a perfect email that makes someone wants to hire you, be your mentor, or even your business partner. Very few people know how to write great emails, so we will give you a step by step formula. -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

Your dreams will never come true unless you beat the number, one dream killer - procrastination. Nothing is more frustrating than having a great idea, knowing what you should do, but for some reason not being able to get started. The key to beating procrastination is to build habits for better focus. With the right habits, you will get better focus and you can stay away from distractions. Today's episode is split up into four topics that will teach you 26 habits for better focus. 1. Why you procrastinate, and what actions to start with. The things you need to do once, that will still have a big impact. 2. It's not your willpower that is the problem, it's the environment and distractions around you. How do you change an environment that stops procrastination? 3. Biggest weapon against procrastination is to have friends that crush it. How do you find friends that are doers? 4. How to create a step by step plan that will increase your motivation and solves the procrastination traps. With these four topics, you will be able to build habits for better focus and stay away from distractions. -- Today's episode is a personal development episode, where Erik Bergman and Emil Ekvardt explore topics about how to grow as a person and get a better focus. We are both personal development junkies and spend many hours every week sharing our ideas and reading about new things. This episode is great for you who want to learn about our latest perspective. We share lots of personal stories, talk about how it applies in our lives, and where we have learned it from. -- In the first topic, we talk about the common advice of how to deal with procrastination - "just work harder". This is bad advice because it doesn't help you to get better focus, quite the opposite. It will make you feel worse about yourself which will make your performance weaker, not stronger. We touch upon how we struggle with procrastination ourselves and how it feels to deal with it. In the second topic, we look at what differentiates people that have lots of self-control from people who don't. What is it that the people with lots of self-control do, and how can you apply it in your life? This is the key to being less distracted and keep your focus. In the third topic, we look at one of the most powerful ways to stay focused on your goals. Finding friends who are inspiring doers. Surrounded by the right friend's everything is easier when it comes to staying focused. In the fourth and final topic, we look at how you can build your motivation so it's much easier to be focused. When you want something enough it's easier to stay engaged with it and limit your distractions. -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

Erik has over 200 000 followers on Instagram and "How to stop procrastinating?" and "How to stop overthinking?" are by far the most common questions that he gets. Almost everyone has this problem. You are not alone. Today's episode has been split up into four topics: 1. Why we are overthinking? What is the reason that we struggle to get started even when we know what to do? 2. How to stop comparing ourselves with others? 3. What to do when we are feeling overwhelmed? 4. How to remove self-doubt? We are exploring why we are overthinking and how to stop overthinking. -- Today's episode is a personal development episode, where Erik Bergman and Emil Ekvardt explore topics about how to grow as a person. We are both personal development junkies and spend many hours every week sharing our ideas and reading about new things. This episode is great for you who want to learn about our latest perspective. We share lots of personal stories, talk about how it applies in our lives, and where we have learned it from. -- 1. In the first topic we are diving into why we are procrastinating and overthinking. What is it within us that stops us from taking action even though we know what to do? We explain the reasons behind it, when we are struggling with overthinking ourselves and what you can do to stop overthinking and procrastination. 2. In the second topic we are looking into how you can stop comparing yourself to others. One big reason for overthinking is that we compare ourselves and that causes us to feel bad, which lowers our energy and makes it harder for us to take action. To understand this is an important part of how to stop overthinking. 3. In the third topic we are explaining how we deal with the feeling of being overwhelmed. The feeling of not knowing where to start and feeling that there are too many things going on at the same time. How to break tasks down and make it easier to stop overthinking by getting a sense of control over the situation. 4. The fourth and final topic is about changing our mindset and the way we think about things around us. What meaning do we give to different situations and how can we shift that meaning to something that serves us better. One great way of how to stop overthinking is to get better at seeing hard things as challenges rather than problems. -- Social media channels: http://linktr.ee/smilingerik http://linktr.ee/emil.e

Erik has invested $900 000 in the domain name Great.com because he wants to build a company that will change an entire industry from the inside and out. In this episode, we will explain the business model of Great.com, what industry we will change first, and why we will succeed. And stick with us, because somewhere in this episode, I will tell you how much money I think that we will make. Today's episode has been split up into three topics: 1. What is the business model of Great.com? 2. How much money Erik believes that Great.com will make per year? 3. The thing that most people think is crazy about Great.com, that we will give away 100% of our profits. How does it make sense? Let's learn about what is the business model of Great.com -- This is a "Business secrets episode". These episodes are very rare, only once per quarter, we will do an episode where we reveal the strategy behind Great.com and how we will succeed. This is an opportunity for you to get a behind the scenes look at what it feels like to build a company - and also get an update on our progress. What you learn here is not something you will read in a book. It’s the real story of how Great.com gets built. -- 1. In the first section we dive into the product of Great.com. What is that we are building and what can it be compared with? What value does our service bring to people? And how did Erik come up with it? Has this business idea always been his dream? 2. In the second section we are looking into what it means to give away 100% of our profits to charity. We are explaining how it works to rank high up in Google since this will be an important part of how Great.com will make money. We are also sharing some personal stories about previous challenges with ranking high in Google and when we managed to trick the big company back in 2012 (and how they tricked us back). 3. In the third section we are looking at how it benefits our business model to give away 100% of the money. How it makes us unique in many ways and creates unexpected advantages for our business that our competitors can't do. Follow Erik Bergman and Emil Ekvardt on their social channels! linktr.ee/smilingerik linktr.ee/emil.e