364: PDA Through a Problem-Solving Lens: Moving from Power Struggles to Partnership, with Stacey Curnow, LCMHC

"It wasn't a demand, it was just a request. What's so hard about this?" If you’ve thought that about your own kid, you’re not alone, and your nervous system reaction makes complete sense.In this episode, I sit down with Stacey Curnow, LCMHC, founder of Asheville Family Counseling, to talk about PDA: what it is, what it isn't, and why she reframes it as a persistent desire for autonomy rather than a pathology. We get into why even a gentle request can register as a threat to a PDA kid's nervous system, and why fight, flight, freeze, and collapse are really all the same signal wearing different clothes.Stacey walks through Dr. Ross Greene's collaborative and proactive solutions model, why "I won't" is so often actually "I can't," and how slicing requests thinner, asking instead of telling, and choosing connection over compliance changes the outcome of these moments. We also talk about the nervous system math nobody warns you about: when your child's nervous system gets overwhelmed, yours very often does too, and what it looks like to extend that same compassion to yourself.Stacey also shares what it looked like to raise her own PDA-profile son, who is now 21 and reflects that same curiosity and compassion right back to her.If you have a kid who hears "put your shoes on" as a demand, or you are tired of power struggles that feel like two dueling solutions instead of one shared one, this conversation will give you a different lens and some real, doable next steps for moving from power struggles to partnership.Come listen.Not sure where to start with your neurodivergent child? Take the free quiz: parentingadhdandautism.com/quizReady to stop collecting strategies and start getting real support? Apply for the SIGNAL Parenting Program: parentingadhdandautism.com/signalMore from this episode: parentingadhdandautism.com/364Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There is research behind that four-beat pause on Blue's Clues. It wasn’t a creative choice or a lucky accident . It was Angela Santomero, co-creator of Blue's Clues, Super Why!, and Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, standing on set and asking herself how long it actually takes a child to formulate a real answer. That pause — the one your kids leaned toward the screen for — is the same pause that can change everything about how you talk to your neurodivergent kid.In this episode, I sat down with Angela to talk about what she learned across thirty years of co-creating some of the most beloved children's programming ever made, and what parents of neurodivergent kids can take directly from that research and apply at home.We talked about why repetition is not boring, but how kids master skills. We talked about scaffolding without taking over, and the difference between giving kids answers versus giving them a little more room to reach their own. Angela shared why kindness is not soft (it is actually a leadership skill backed by research) and how to raise intrinsically motivated, kind kids without nagging them through it.We also got into how these shows can help neurodivergent kids process emotions through the buffer of a character. The story Angela shared about a little boy who used a Daniel Tiger strategy to handle his pizza cheese sliding off, actually singing himself through it, is exactly the kind of thing I want every parent of a neurodivergent kid to hear.Plus Angela introduced her newest project, Princess Penelope's Purse of Preposterous Things, and what she designed it to do for a generation of kids who need critical thinking, resilience, and a sense of humor.This one is packed. Come listen.Not sure where to start with your neurodivergent child? Take the free quiz: parentingadhdandautism.com/quizReady to stop collecting strategies and start getting real support? Apply for the SIGNAL Parenting Program -- fall cohort enrollment is open: parentingadhdandautism.com/signalMore from this episode: parentingadhdandautism.com/363Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Joy is not a luxury, it’s a nervous system need for adults and kids alike.I had to really sit with that reframe fro a while. When we talk about raising joyful kids, we are not talking about giving them everything they want or making sure they are happy every minute of the day. We are talking about creating the conditions where they feel safe, connected, and regulated enough to actually experience joy. And it turns out, that is something we can actively nurture.In this episode, I am joined by Kira Willey, children's mindfulness and yoga expert, author, and kids' recording artist. Kira has worked with children and the grown-ups who love them all over the world, and her approach to building joyful, regulated kids through movement, music, and play is both practical and science-backed.We talk about what a joyful child actually looks like (hint: it is not a calm child, and it is not a compliant child), and how self-awareness is the real foundation of regulation. Kira shares her "connect, then direct" mantra for navigating the hardest moments of the day, why rhythm is one of the most powerful tools we have for our neurodivergent kids, and how music can quite literally change the emotional state in your home in minutes.We also get into what happens when kids get older and we start forgetting that they still need to play, move, and be silly. Kira has practical ideas for teens and tweens too.This one is full of real, doable strategies you can start using today. Give it a listen.Take the free quiz to find out where to start with your neurodivergent child: parentingadhdandautism.com/quizReady to stop spinning your wheels and get real support? SIGNAL Parenting™ applications are open now, the next cohort begins this fall: parentingadhdandautism.com/signalMore from this episode: parentingadhdandautism.com/362Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Parenting a neurodivergent kid is already one of the most demanding roles a person can hold. Add a co-parent with a completely different approach, a different upbringing, and a different nervous system, and the friction can feel relentless. Whether you are parenting side by side under the same roof or navigating two separate households, those differences in how we each show up as parents can create real strain, and in families raising neurodivergent kids, the stakes feel even higher.In this episode, I sit down with Martina Nova, a registered clinical counselor, co-parent, and author of Same Page Parenting, a book of conversation starters designed to help partners understand each other more deeply before, during, and long after having kids. Martina brings both professional expertise and lived experience.We explore what actually drives those differences in parenting approaches, hint: it goes way deeper than personality. We talk about the invisible mental load that so many parents are quietly carrying, often alone, and why one parent becoming the default parent happens gradually, without anyone choosing it. Martina walks through how to have the conversations that actually get underneath the conflict, especially when disagreements are really about fear, grief, or identity, not just strategy.We also get into what it means when your child falls apart with you but holds it together with the other parent, and why that is not a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship. This episode is full of warmth, honesty, and real tools you can start using today.Hit play, and let's talk about what it really looks like to parent as a team, even when it is hard.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/361Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Are you accidentally making things harder for your gifted child by constantly calling attention to how smart they are?So many of us celebrate when we find out our child is gifted. And understandably so. But giftedness is far more complicated than a high IQ or a "smart" label. How we talk about it with our kids can shape their identity in ways that either opens doors or closes them.In this episode, I sit down with Mark Talaga, director and owner of the Center for Identity Potential and host of the Hopelessly Gifted podcast. Mark specializes in working with gifted, neurodivergent, and twice-exceptional kids whose complex developmental profiles don't respond well to typical approaches.We talk about what giftedness actually means beyond intelligence, why asynchronous development is at the heart of the gifted experience, and how the "smart" label can inadvertently create a performance-based identity that leads to perfectionism, anxiety, and avoidance.Mark shares why he sees perfectionism as a defense mechanism rather than a personality trait, how anxiety in gifted kids often signals a skills gap rather than a psychiatric problem, and why his practice focuses on activating potential rather than reaching it.If your child is gifted or twice-exceptional and you've struggled to find language that feels supportive without adding pressure, this conversation is for you.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/360Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Your body has been keeping score, and it may be time to listen.So many of us are living in a state of constant caregiving stress, navigating the endless layers of raising a differently wired child. We are managing meltdowns, fighting for accommodations, fielding calls from school, and pouring ourselves out day after day. But here is what we do not talk about nearly enough: what all of that stress is quietly doing to our physical health.In this episode, I sit down with Andrea Jones, a registered nurse, functional health practitioner, and fellow special needs parent, to have the honest conversation about what chronic caregiving stress actually does inside our bodies. Andrea spent 15 years in inpatient pediatrics supporting families through health crises before experiencing her own. After her daughter was diagnosed with PANDAS, Andrea watched her own body begin to break down, and she had to completely change how she thought about self-care, resourcing herself, and survival.We talk about the difference between acute and chronic stress, why chronic caregiving stress is so unique and layered, and the three most common physical symptoms she sees in caregiving parents. We dig into cortisol, why it is not doing what you probably think it is doing under long-term stress, and what that paradoxical low-cortisol burnout pattern actually looks and feels like.We also get honest about why self-care feels impossible and even insulting when your day involves sensory meltdowns, skipped meals, and zero margin. Andrea reframes what resourcing yourself actually means when your situation is more extreme than average, and I share how figuring out my own mindset was the only thing that actually moved the needle on my physical health after years of unanswered symptoms.This conversation is for every parent who has pushed through the blinking lights on their own dashboard and told themselves they were fine, right up until they were not. Press play and let this one land.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/359Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.This episode includes AI-generated content.

The season of parenting a neurodivergent young adult is one of the most quietly demanding chapters no one prepares you for. You have spent years learning your child, advocating fiercely, and adjusting everything you thought you knew about parenting. And then, just when you think you have found your footing, the relationship itself asks you to change again.In this fourth installment of our series on parenting neurodivergent young adults, Debbie Reber of Full Tilt Parenting joins me to go deep into the relational and emotional layer of this season. We talk about what it really means to offer support without imposing it, and why that distinction matters so much for our kids' nervous systems. We explore declarative language as a tool for keeping connection alive, and why coming at our kids with an agenda, even a loving one, can quietly push them further away.We also get into the conversations that scare us most: talking about risk, substance use, and an uncertain future in ways that actually land. Debbie shares how she uses news stories as low-pressure entry points for hard conversations, and I share how being honest about my own young adult years helped more than any lecture ever could.And we close with something I think every parent in this season needs to hear: giving yourself permission to step back, fill your own cup, and trust that doing so is not abandonment. It is one of the most loving things you can do for both of you.Listen now and let this conversation meet you exactly where you are.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/358Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Living in constant urgency can start to feel normal when you have ADHD. But what if so much of that struggle isn’t just ADHD… it’s a nervous system stuck in survival mode?In this conversation, I sit down with ADHD therapist Jenna Free to unpack what regulation really means and why it’s foundational for thriving with ADHD. We explore how so many ADHD symptoms overlap with fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, and how that “double load” is what often makes life feel overwhelming and unmanageable.Jenna shares her three-layer framework for regulation, starting with the nervous system, moving into thoughts and beliefs, and finally into behavior. We talk about how rushing, people-pleasing, avoidance, and perfectionism are often signs of dysregulation, not character flaws. And more importantly, we talk about how to shift them in practical, doable ways.This episode also brings so much compassion to the role of beliefs like “I’m behind” and how those thoughts keep us stuck in cycles of stress and shutdown. You’ll hear how small, intentional shifts toward awareness, gentleness, and flexibility can create real, lasting change.For parents, this conversation is especially powerful. Jenna reminds us that our own regulation is the starting point, and that reducing urgency and overwhelm at home can make a meaningful difference for our kids.If you’ve been feeling stuck, exhausted, or like nothing is working, this episode offers a new lens and a hopeful path forward.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/357Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There’s a moment most of us recognize when our child’s behavior feels confusing, intense, or completely out of left field. But what if that behavior is actually communication we haven’t yet learned how to interpret?In this episode, I sit down with occupational therapist Sarah Collins to talk about something that can truly shift how we parent: helping our kids understand and communicate their sensory needs. When kids don’t have the words, or even the awareness for what’s happening in their bodies, it often shows up as “challenging behavior.” And when we can decode that, everything starts to change.We talk about what sensory processing really is (in a way that actually makes sense), including those lesser-known internal senses like interoception, which helps kids recognize hunger, anxiety, or overwhelm. We also explore how movement supports awareness, why some kids need to move to focus, and how behavior is often a child’s first attempt at self-advocacy.Sarah shares practical ways to build this awareness, from using everyday observations to introducing simple language frameworks. We also talk about when to talk and when to say nothing at all.This conversation is about helping our kids feel seen in their bodies so they can begin to understand themselves and eventually advocate for what they need.This episode will open your eyes in the best way. Listen now and start seeing your child’s needs through a new lens.Visit our sponsor, Best Part, at https://BestpartKids.com.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/356Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Starting over in parenting is not a sign that you failed. It is one of the bravest, most powerful choices you can make.In this conversation, I’m talking with Wendy Snyder about why fresh starts matter so much, especially when we’re raising neurodivergent kids and kids with strong wills, big feelings, and nervous systems that experience the world differently. We dig into what it really means to begin again after hard moments, reactive moments, or years of patterns that no longer feel aligned with who we want to be as parents.Wendy shares so honestly about her own journey from reactive parenting to more responsive, connected parenting, including the deep work of untangling inherited beliefs, healing triggers, and learning how to stop repeating what was handed down to us. We talk about the relief of knowing that when we know better, we can do better, while also acknowledging that knowing better is not always enough when our nervous system is still in survival mode.This episode is full of compassion for parents who feel stuck in shame, who are trying to unlearn punishment-based parenting, and who want to create more safety, trust, and connection at home. We also talk about modeling emotional literacy, the power of co-regulation, why relationship matters more than control, and how our kids can call us into our own healing.It’s never too late to change your parenting. You can interrupt old patterns. You can repair. You can build something different.Listen now and be encouraged that every new moment is a chance to start fresh.Visit our sponsor, Best Part, at https://BestpartKids.com.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/355Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.