Ep 35: Understanding Maternal Rage with Dr Caroline Boyd

Check out Erica's work at https://www.ericadjossa.com/ You can find my online coaching community at https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about If you're interested in 1:1 couples coaching, email me at [email protected]  content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary In this episode, we explore the impact of ADHD on parenting and relationships, focusing on how neurodivergence influences the mental load, responsibility, and communication between partners. Erica Josso shares insights from her work and books, offering practical advice for couples navigating these challenges.  keywords ADHD, parenting, mental load, relationships, neurodivergence, gender roles, communication, mental health, family dynamics, ADHD in adults  key  topics ADHD as a brain function difference in dopamine regulation Gender differences in ADHD presentation and diagnosis The impact of ADHD on mental load and household management Communication strategies for couples dealing with ADHD Challenging societal expectations and gender norms in parenting The importance of defining shared standards and expectations The role of compassion versus enabling in ADHD relationships Strategies for managing capacity and avoiding burnout The social conditioning of priorities and responsibilities Tools and resources for supporting neurodivergent parents    

Laura Danger is @darnchat on social media. Her book is No More Mediocre: A Call to Reimagine Our Relationships and Demand More. If you would like to find out more about one-to-one coaching, email me at [email protected]. My Be a Happier Parent Skool community is currently available on a free seven-day trial. I distil my coaching down into easy-to-follow videos, and I’m on there every day chatting to people and answering questions. Come and check it out: https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about You can also follow me on Instagram and TikTok @BeAHappyParent and on YouTube @alexindadland. content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary In this episode, Alex Trippier talks with Laura Danger about the realities of relationships after having children, gender roles, emotional labor, and how societal systems influence family dynamics. They explore how anger, community, and systemic change can lead to healthier, more equitable relationships.  keywords relationships, parenting, gender roles, emotional labor, systemic change, anger, community, family dynamics, gender equality, mental health  key  topics Impact of having children on relationship satisfaction Gender roles and societal expectations for moms and dads Emotional labor and mental load in households The role of anger in driving change Community and systemic change for better family life The influence of societal systems on family dynamics The concept of living in community and shared responsibility The importance of valuing care work and emotional labor The impact of societal hierarchy and capitalism on family roles Strategies for having difficult conversations about division of labor  guest  name Laura Danger  sound bites "There's a lot of inequity and sacrifice in households." "It's okay to feel angry and face discomfort." "Sitting with discomfort is work every day." Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Why relationships change after children 02:00 The inequity of emotional labor in households 05:13 Laura Danger's story of her birthday and realization 07:57 The systemic roots of family struggles 12:01 The importance of community and shared responsibility 15:53 The influence of societal expectations on masculinity 19:56 The role of anger in creating change 25:03 The impact of societal hierarchy and capitalism 30:11 Valuing care over struggle and wealth 35:04 Living in community and local activism 39:56 The importance of valuing emotional labor and care work 45:05 The internalized expectations of masculinity 50:00 How systemic change can improve family life 55:08 Practical advice for having difficult conversations 01:00:00 The importance of sitting with discomfort 01:05:01 Changing societal narratives around gender and work

Check out my members community: https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about Anna's book is "The Life of Dad" and you can find more about her work here: https://annamachin.com/    content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary Anna Machin explores the evolution of fatherhood, its biological and social foundations, and how modern environments influence paternal roles. Discover how our ancestors' adaptations shape today's diverse fathering practices and the importance of nurturing, challenge, and co-parenting.  keywords fatherhood, evolution, parenting, biology, social roles, attachment, hormones, brain plasticity, cultural differences, co-parenting  key  topics The biological origins of fatherhood and its evolution over 500,000 years The hormonal and neurological changes in new fathers The diversity of fathering roles across cultures and environments The importance of co-parenting and relationship quality The impact of environment and circumstances on paternal behavior The role of teaching and challenge in building resilience Attachment theory and the unique role of fathers in emotional development  guest  name Anna Machin Titles The Evolution of Fatherhood: From Survival to Nurturing How Biology and Culture Shape Modern Dads  sound bites "We are the only ape with this peculiar thing in our line." "Fathers' primary role is to nurture." "The brain is very open to experience and plastic." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Evolutionary Roots of Fatherhood 02:40 Early Human Ancestors and the Need for Investing Fathers 05:07 Brain and Hormonal Changes in New Fathers 08:16 The Versatility and Cultural Diversity of Fathering 13:10 Neural Plasticity and the Brain of the Father 19:34 Different Cultural Models of Fatherhood 26:40 Attachment, Challenge, and Resilience in Fathers 31:00 Fathers as Social Scaffolders and Developmental Guides 38:31 Relationship Dynamics and the Impact on Fathers 44:37 Parenting Styles, Self-Regulation, and Breaking Cycles 49:10 The Unique Teaching Role of Fathers 52:34 Hunting, Foraging, and the Evolution of Male Roles 54:23 Supporting Fathers in High-Pressure Environments  resources Anna Machin - The Life of Dad - https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Anna+Machin+The+Life+of+Dad Attachment Theory - John Bowlby - https://www.amazon.com/s?k=John+Bowlby+Attachment+Theory The Strange Situation - Mary Ainsworth - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_Situation Deloitte Events - https://www2.deloitte.com The Good Mother Myth by Nancy Reddy - https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Nancy+Reddy+The+Good+Mother+Myth    

Check out my coaching community! I'm answering questions every day so come and say hi! https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about Here's Caroline's amazing course: The coupon for £100 discount is SUMMERSUPPORT  https://dr-caroline-boyd.mykajabi.com/mr-signup-autumn-2025 You can find more about Caroline at https://drcarolineboyd.com/   content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary In this episode, Caroline Boyd and Alex explore the complex emotions of maternal rage, societal expectations, and how understanding these can lead to healthier parenting and relationships. They discuss the cultural myths of the supermum, the impact of patriarchy, and practical ways to navigate anger and self-regulation.  keywords maternal rage, motherhood, anger, patriarchy, self-regulation, parenting, emotional health, gender roles, mental load, compassion-focused therapy  key  topics The cultural myth of the supermum and its impact The specific context of maternal rage and societal expectations The three circles of emotion model from compassion-focused therapy The influence of patriarchy on motherhood and gender roles The importance of self-regulation and repair in parenting The impact of social media on maternal guilt and shame The connection between anger, grief, and anxiety Strategies for managing anger and setting boundaries in parenting  guest  name Caroline Boyd Titles Unmasking Maternal Rage: Breaking the Supermum Myth The Hidden Power of Anger in Motherhood  sound bites "I'm only ever interested in making you look wonderful and clever." "Anger is often protesting something or protecting vulnerability." "Repair teaches children that it's okay to mess up and make amends." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Maternal Rage 02:03 Understanding Maternal Rage 05:54 The Myth of the Supermum 10:05 The Impact of Patriarchy on Motherhood 13:58 Sources of Maternal Anger 22:07 The Three Circles of Emotion 28:05 Navigating Parenting Dynamics 33:24 Understanding Maternal Anger and Its Roots 36:04 The Complexity of Emotions in Motherhood 38:58 The Interplay of Anger, Grief, and Anxiety 41:50 Cultural Norms and Emotional Expression 49:04 Navigating Conflict in Relationships 52:51 Gentle Parenting: Balancing Emotions and Boundaries

Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent Full videos of episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland Couples coaching, contact me: [email protected] Darby Saxbe is on Instagram @darbysaxbephd summary This conversation explores the evolving roles of fathers and mothers, the impact of societal and cultural shifts on parenting, and how to foster healthier family dynamics. It highlights the importance of communication, understanding gender roles, and supporting men in caregiving.  keywords fatherhood, gender roles, parenting, mental load, maternal gatekeeping, relationship dynamics, cultural shifts, caregiving, masculinity, family health  key  topics Changing roles of fathers and mothers Impact of societal and cultural shifts on parenting Maternal gatekeeping and paternal involvement The emotional and physical transformation of new dads The importance of communication in parenting partnerships  guest  name Darby Saxbe Titles The Future of Fatherhood: Embracing Care and Connection How Cultural Shifts Are Redefining Parenting Roles  sound bites "Men are left out of the conversation." "Fatherhood is transformative for men." "We need to value care as a society." Chapters 00:00 The Importance of Dads in Parenting Dynamics 05:15 Transformative Experiences of Fatherhood 07:54 Understanding the Impact of Birth on Fathers 11:12 The Role of Meaning-Making in Parenting 11:41 The Crisis of Transitioning to Parenthood 13:59 Communication as a Key to Relationship Success 17:04 The Unique Role of Fathers in Child Development 19:50 The Evolution of Fatherhood Roles 22:45 The Future of Parenting Dynamics 26:58 The Role of Oxytocin in Parenting 27:52 Cultural Influences on Parenting Styles 30:30 Navigating Parental Expectations and Child Development 31:56 Changing Representations of Fathers in Media 35:52 Evolving Masculinity and Parenting Roles 40:04 The Importance of Male Role Models in Caregiving 43:31 Valuing Care in Society 46:45 Understanding Modern Parenting Challenges  resources Darby Saxbe's Book on Parenthood and Gender Roles - https://www.amazon.com/Parenthood-Gender-Roles-Darby-Saxbe/dp/XXXXXX Richard Reeves' Work on Fatherhood and Masculinity - https://www.thelondonreview.com/richard-reeves-fatherhood Star Wars and Cultural Depictions of Fathers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXXXXX The Mandalorian Series - https://www.disneyplus.com/series/the-mandalorian/XXXXXX Studies on Oxytocin and Parenting - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/XXXXXX    

Follow me on Instagram @beahappierparent  Full videos of Eps on YouTube @alexindadland  content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary This conversation explores social norms, gender roles, mental load, and how they impact women and men in modern life. Leah and Alex discuss empirical research, societal expectations, and practical strategies for creating more balanced and fulfilling lives.  keywords social norms, gender roles, mental load, household chores, parenting, work-life balance, social expectations, gender equality, emotional labor, societal change  key  topics Empirical evidence on gender differences in perceiving mess Social penalties for women based on household standards The role of social norms in shaping behavior and expectations Strategies for reducing mental load and re-aligning with personal values The impact of societal expectations on parenting and career choices  guest  name Leah Titles Revealing the Hidden Mental Load: How Norms Shape Our Lives The Messy Truth: Gender, Judgment, and Social Norms  sound bites "You can't be everything to everyone." "Resting without guilt is critical for well-being." "A mother's love is not the only love that matters." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Messy Room Study 04:49 Understanding Gender Norms and Housework 07:34 The Impact of Social Norms on Women 10:42 Challenging Traditional Expectations 13:36 The Burden of Mental Load 16:32 Finding Value Beyond Social Norms 19:27 The Role of Caregiving in Men's Lives 22:17 Redefining Success and Self-Worth 25:26 The Importance of Rest and Self-Care 28:24 Navigating Personal Expectations and Social Pressures 29:54 Understanding Magic Making and Mental Load 32:37 The Emotional Weight of Mental Load 34:15 Navigating Mental Load in Work and Family Life 35:48 The Impact of Gender Norms on Parenting 42:15 The Isolation of Motherhood and Societal Expectations 47:03 Redefining Success in Parenting 51:19 Understanding Mental Load and Its Impact 54:02 Conducting a Mental Load Audit 56:33 Aligning Mental Load with Personal Values 01:00:28 The Spillover Effect of Mental Load 01:05:20 Negotiating Mental Load in Relationships 01:08:28 Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care  resources Leah's Book: Drained - Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGLV7X7V Better Life Lab - Articulating the Cost of Tasks - https://www.betterlifelab.org/ Louis Theroux's Manosphere - Netflix Documentary - https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224  

Find out more about Matt's work at https://un-toxicated.com/ Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent  Full videos of the show available on YouTube @alexindadland  content  type Interview  primary  goal Educational  summary In this insightful interview, Matt Salis explores the evolving concept of emotional masculinity, emphasizing the importance of emotional safety, vulnerability, and resilience in modern relationships and parenting. Discover practical strategies for men to lead with emotional intimacy, create safe environments, and foster stronger family bonds.  keywords emotional masculinity, emotional safety, vulnerability, parenting, relationships, resilience, emotional intimacy, modern masculinity, family dynamics, mental health  key  topics Redefinition of masculinity in modern society The importance of emotional safety and vulnerability Strategies for men to lead with emotional intimacy Impact of social media and societal changes on family dynamics Practical steps for creating emotionally safe environments  guest  name Matt Salis Titles The New Face of Masculinity: Lead, Provide, Protect with Emotional Safety How Emotional Safety Transforms Modern Relationships  sound bites "Lead with emotional intimacy." "We need good men to make the world safe." "Women don’t need us for money anymore." Chapters 00:00 Exploring Emotional Masculinity 06:20 Creating Emotional Safety in Families 10:37 The Impact of Emotional Temperature 17:15 The Need for Emotional Connection 24:04 Research Insights on Emotional Safety 32:02 Evolution of Coaching and Parenting 37:07 Navigating Emotional Masculinity 42:19 The Importance of Vulnerability 48:16 Creating Safe Spaces for Conversations 54:41 Learning from Our Children  resources Galloway's views on masculinity - https://example.com/galloway-masculinity Richard Reeves' work on masculinity and society - https://example.com/richard-reeves Laura McCown on addiction recovery - https://example.com/laura-mccown The Gottmans on relationship dynamics - https://example.com/gottmans Alan Sheldon and the Daddying Movement - https://example.com/daddying-movement    

Check out https://www.corinnelow.com/  Please find me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent Redefining Gender Roles, Parenthood, and Work-Life Balance: Insights from Corinne Low and Alex Trippier In this episode, we explore the evolving roles of men and women in relationships, workplaces, and parenting. Corinne Low shares her research and perspectives on how societal norms, biological factors, and economic forces shape our expectations and realities, offering actionable ideas for creating more equitable and fulfilling lives. Key Topics: How biological and societal pressures influence women's career choices and perceived fairness The impact of structural barriers on women's earnings and career progression, even when individual effort is high The changing landscape of fatherhood and how increased involvement is transforming family dynamics The importance of early conversations and proactive planning to prevent resentment and strengthen relationships Rethinking success, gender norms, and the language around provider and protector roles The role of policy, workplace culture, and social norms in supporting gender equality Evidence from research on negotiation, gender traits, and workplace diversity How to foster environments where vulnerability, conversation, and shared responsibilities flourish Timestamps: 00:00 - Introduction: Breaking down societal and biological influences on gender roles 02:15 - The gender wage gap: structural barriers beyond individual choices 04:50 - Evolutionary biology and short-term decision-making in motherhood 07:20 - Impact of corporate policies and cultural norms on women's careers 09:40 - The structural constraints faced by top earners and working mothers 12:00 - The emotional labor and societal expectations placed on women at home 13:30 - The persistence of gender defaults and the importance of shared responsibilities 16:00 - How divorce laws and social reforms have shifted gender roles and labor distribution 18:10 - Rethinking workplace culture: boundaries, flexibility, and talent retention 20:30 - The importance of diverse traits and negotiation styles in the workplace 23:15 - Strategies for men to participate more fully in domestic life and caregiving 26:45 - The power of conversations early in relationships to foster partnership 29:10 - The transformation of fatherhood in recent decades 32:40 - The social and economic forces shaping parenting and education investments 36:00 - Challenging societal anxiety about outdoor play and safety 39:00 - The necessity of self-care and mental health for effective parenting 43:00 - Redefining masculinity: protection and provider roles as supportive, not obligatory 45:20 - How shared lived experiences and friendships indicate relationship strength 48:05 - Practical steps for supporting partners through life's challenges 50:10 - The future of gender norms: policy, culture, and individual action 53:15 - Research on gender traits and negotiation: moving beyond stereotypes 58:05 - Overcoming economic and social barriers to gender equality in family life 61:05 - Creating supportive workplace environments for parents 65:00 - Closing thoughts: Building a world where partnership and shared success thrive Resources & Links: Corinne Low - LinkedIn Corinne Low - Personal Website Book recommendations on gender equality and parental roles Research on negotiation styles Study on gender wage gap and career progression Connect with Corinne Low: LinkedIn Twitter Website This episode offers valuable insights for parents, policymakers, workplace leaders, and anyone interested in building equitable family and work environments. Don't miss the practical advice on fostering meaningful conversations that can transform relationships and organizational cultures.

You can find Francesca on Instagram @francescatherebel Find me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappier parent  Full episodes available with video on YouTube @alexindadland   Keywords masculinity, gender equality, emotional intelligence, storytelling, consent, inner exploration, male solidarity, emotional isolation, redefining heroism, children's literature Summary In this conversation, Francesca Cavallo discusses the need for new narratives around masculinity, emphasizing the importance of exploring inner worlds and emotional intelligence. She critiques traditional masculinity and the isolation it creates, advocating for a redefinition that includes kindness, consent, and emotional connection. Through storytelling, she aims to inspire boys to embrace vulnerability and build healthy relationships, while also addressing the societal pressures that lead to emotional detachment. The discussion highlights the role of literature in shaping perceptions of masculinity and the necessity of male solidarity in fostering a compassionate society. Takeaways Francesca Cavallo emphasizes the need for new narratives in masculinity. Boys should be encouraged to explore their inner worlds through fiction. Consent should be taught as a skill, not a suspicion. Emotional isolation is a significant issue for men today. Redefining heroism involves kindness and vulnerability, not dominance. Stories shape our understanding of gender roles and expectations. Male solidarity can prevent violence and promote emotional health. Boys need to learn that rejection is a part of life and can be survived. Looking back at one's past is crucial for personal growth. The future of masculinity should focus on mutual liberation rather than competition. Titles Redefining Masculinity: A New Narrative Exploring Inner Worlds: The Future of Boys Sound bites "We must make the patriarchy obsolete." "Consent is a skill we need to teach." "We are our brother's keepers." Chapters 00:00 Empowering Narratives: Rebel Girls and Boys 07:57 Redefining Masculinity: Inner Exploration vs. Outer Heroism 12:41 The Role of Fairy Tales in Shaping Gender Expectations 18:46 The Crisis of Masculinity: Emotional Needs and Societal Expectations 26:36 The Future of Masculinity: Building New Narratives 28:42 Rites of Passage: Understanding Masculinity Across Cultures 35:53 The Importance of Physical Comfort 37:19 Exploring the Need for Touch 38:22 Pirates and Masculinity 39:27 Redefining Consent 43:56 The Role of Rejection in Relationships 46:48 The Blue Planet: Fatherhood and Vulnerability 01:01:11 The Junk Planet: Reconnecting with Inner Child 01:09:54 Rituals and the Future of Masculinity

Check out Allison's website https://www.allisondaminger.com/ follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent Full videos of episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland Keywords parenting, cognitive labor, mental load, gender roles, household dynamics, essentialism, couples, equity, caregiving, family responsibilities Summary In this conversation, Allison Daminger discusses the complexities of parenting, cognitive labor, and the persistent gender roles that influence household dynamics. She explores the concept of cognitive labor as the mental work involved in managing household responsibilities, highlighting the emotional burdens that often accompany these tasks. The discussion delves into personal essentialism, the impact of societal expectations on gender roles, and the challenges couples face in achieving equitable divisions of labor. Daminger emphasizes the importance of intentionality and communication in navigating these dynamics, offering insights into how couples can work towards a more balanced partnership. Takeaways Allison Daminger's research stems from her curiosity about parenting. Cognitive labor involves anticipating needs and managing household tasks. The brain's tendency to ping with unresolved tasks adds to mental load. Gender roles still heavily influence household responsibilities. Personal essentialism complicates the understanding of gendered labor. Couples often fall into patterns that reflect societal expectations. Skill-building in household tasks can shift gendered expectations. Emotional burdens like guilt affect how parents manage responsibilities. Couples can achieve equity by adjusting on the margins of their roles. Understanding the historical context of gender roles is crucial for change. Titles The Hidden Work of Parenting Cognitive Labor: The Mental Load of Parenthood Sound bites "The brain hates unclosed loops." "We expect women to care the most." "We can adjust on the margins." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Cognitive Labor 04:50 Understanding Cognitive Labor and Mental Load 07:34 The Process of Cognitive Labor 10:22 Measuring Cognitive Labor 13:35 Personal Essentialism and Gender Roles 16:27 The Superhero and the Bumbler 19:29 Social Pressures and Accountability 22:32 The Impact of Historical Context on Gender Roles 25:30 Judgment and Expectations in Parenting 28:26 Conclusion and Reflections on Cognitive Labor 29:56 Anticipation of Judgment and Consequences 31:16 Gendered Expectations in Household Roles 32:59 Skill-Building and Gendered Narratives 35:52 Hope for Change in Household Dynamics 37:35 The Complexity of Same-Sex Relationships 38:37 Intentionality in Division of Labor 41:57 Status and Perception of Caregiving 44:30 Cognitive vs. Physical Work in Households 46:54 The Root of Responsibility in Parenting 50:40 Moving Towards Equity in Household Tasks