House Shark (2017)

What if JAWS took place entirely inside your house? And what if taking a shit could be the worst mistake of your life?!?!?!  Did you ever think about that? NO? I didn't think so. Well, now I want to sit down and spend twenty minutes really thinking about the last shit you could ever take in your life. Then, after you are done, write a one-page paper on your thoughts about your last shit, and then email that to Aaron. 

Well, we watched it. It's kind of a movie, but not really, because Dustin Ferguson is a hack filmmaker   

This week on Bad Movie Night, we're diving into Fred Olen Ray's 1986 sci-fi prison oddity STAR SLAMMER. It's got ridiculous costumes, deranged side characters, bargain-bin spaceships, questionable fight choreography, an absolutely incredible harmonica scene, and somehow a surprising amount of world-building for a movie largely shot inside an empty grocery store. Is Star Slammer a forgotten low-budget sci-fi gem, complete trash, or stuck in that strange middle ground where it's simultaneously too cheap, too boring, and not quite sleazy enough? We break down the movie, its bizarre production, the "Slop Master General," Fred Olen Ray's endless filmography, women-in-prison movies, low-budget filmmaking, and much more. Subscribe for more terrible movies you've probably never seen.

Manborg is too good for the podcast.

House III… except it's not really House III. This week on Bad Movie Night, we're talking about the bizarre 1989 horror movie The Horror Show, starring Lance Henriksen and Brion James.

We are back to talk about our gal Ethel. She is criminally insane in the brain, but she makes a sick ice cream sundae.

I can't believe we still make this podcast

Ian already received a three-year movie-picking ban for Hard Rock Zombies. Then we foolishly let him return and he made us watch Shut Up and Shoot! This unbearable 2006 Hollywood "comedy" somehow assembled Gary Busey, Tom Sizemore, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Daniel Baldwin, and Joe Estevez, then trapped them inside one of the worst movies we have ever covered. We discuss the atrocious music, painfully unfunny characters, bizarre celebrity cameos, and whether this movie is actually worse than Wickedness. By the end, Ian faces the only reasonable punishment: a lifetime ban from choosing movies.

The Primevals looks like a forgotten adventure movie from another era because it basically is. Filmed largely in 1994 and completed decades later, this wild stop-motion epic begins as a Yeti expedition before exploding into hidden civilizations, prehistoric creatures, reptilian aliens, lasers and gladiator combat. We review the movie, its incredible production history, its Ray Harryhausen-inspired effects and whether this long-lost passion project was worth the wait.

Is House of the Dead really one of the worst video game movies ever made, or has Uwe Boll's chaotic zombie disaster aged into something genuinely entertaining? We revisit the 2003 film to discuss its endless gun battle, Matrix-style action, bizarre editing, practical zombie effects, terrible storytelling, and why many of its biggest problems are also what make it so much fun. Plus, Aaron and Spiv take over the movie poster in ways nobody asked for.