Congratulations, You've Been Doing It Wrong

Forget yachts. We want chauffeurs, laundry staff, personal stylists, and someone else to decide what’s for dinner. Then Erika introduces a revolutionary parenting technique: if the kids won’t stop screaming, simply out-scream them.Turns out our tax bracket and emotional regulation are the only things standing between us and greatness. 😂

Why is there ALWAYS something to do? We need friends, financial advisors, dinner for the 47th time this week, and apparently our entire life history to get a mortgage. Also, Sam learns that screens for windows are merely a suggestion to teenage Tydus.

What starts as shampoo somehow ends with Icey Hot, identity theft, and a Thanksgiving trip to the ER. Trust us... it makes sense eventually.

Periods. The birds and the bees conversation that definitely didn't prepare us. We're talking first periods, heavy flows, period products, and all the weird, gross, hilarious things that come with having a uterus. Plus, this week's Take It to the Grave features my ex-husband turning a routine tooth extraction into what looked like a full-blown crime scene. He's alive... (un) fortunately.

Some opinions aren't worth fighting over. These absolutely are. Welcome to our collection of completely unnecessary, deeply passionate hot takes.

Somehow, the dumbest things are always said with the most confidence. We're talking about our husbands' greatest hits and why we love those lovable idiots anyway.

None of us are the same person we were 10 years ago—and that's a good thing. This episode is about growing up, owning the mistakes we've made, giving ourselves and others a little grace, and realizing we all owe someone an apology.

Are you curious? Welcome to Absolutely Unqualified! Get to know us, learn how you can send in your most embarrassing stories, and find out why giving us microphones was probably a mistake.