Your Inner Critic Won't Stop Adding Rules. Here's The Fix. | Julian Shapiro-Barnum

Which conflict style are you? Plus: avoiding the "trance of nice," walking the high wire, and an uber-hack for getting over irritation. devon + nico hase serve as guiding teachers of the online dharma community Refuge of Belonging. They teach at the Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, and other centers, offer online and in-person retreats, and speak with students in one-on-one sessions. They are the co-authors of How Not to Be a Hot Mess and the new This Messy, Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership.  In this episode we talk about: Why friction in relationships is a feature, not a bug The three directions of listening Why joy isn't a nice-to-have How contemplating death can dissolve everyday irritation Whether you're a volcano, a diplomat, or a dodger How to rupture like a pro Why real patience has teeth What it means to walk the high wire in a conflict Related Episodes: The Sex Episode Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Six archetypes: Which one are you? Plus, a simple question to help you distinguish real, current fears from old, outdated ones. Dr. Galit Atlas is an internationally renowned psychoanalyst and leader in relational psychoanalysis. She teaches at NYU and Columbia University and lectures internationally on sexuality, desire, and emotional inheritance. Her latest book is Come Closer. You can also read her essays on Substack, Wild Analysis with Dr. Galit Atlas. In this episode we talk about: The six childhood archetypes that quietly run your adult relationships Why the version of you that felt too big or too small never actually grew up A simple question to ask yourself the moment old fear takes over The surprising link between blame and a feeling you'd rather not name What separates jealousy from envy — and why it matters more than you think The phrases people use when they're secretly telling you the opposite Why setting boundaries feels like betrayal if you were raised a certain way The real reason acceptance has to come before change, not after Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel This episode is sponsored by: OSEA: Go to OSEAMalibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code HAPPIER. Planet Visionaries: In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative, listen to or watch Planet Visionaries wherever you get your podcasts. Cash App: Download Cash App Today: click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

What kids can teach you about how to handle anger, being uptight, and rejection, according to the creator of Recess Therapy. Julian Shapiro-Barnum is a comedian, writer, and interviewer known for Recess Therapy, Celebrity Substitute, and Outside Tonight. He's won seven Webby Awards, was named to the Forbes 30 Under 30, and received a Family Entertainment Award from Variety. His first book is How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up. In this episode we talk about: The playground question kids ask that adults are too scared to say out loud Why Julian stopped calling it your "inner child" — and what he calls it instead The trick for making feelings pass in minutes instead of weeks How breaking a rule on purpose can loosen something bigger in you The childhood habit that makes rejection sting so much less What growing up with five parents taught Julian about talking to anyone A tiny physical habit that can snowball into real change Why the most viral moment of his career wasn't about wisdom at all Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel This episode is sponsored by: Planet Visionaries: In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative, listen to or watch Planet Visionaries wherever you get your podcasts. Fitnexa: You can learn more about the FitNexa Somnipods 3 at fitnexa.com and use the code HAPPIER10 for $10 off your order. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

The famed exoneree on making life worth living every day, flipping the narrative on the bad things, and the ancient Japanese practice of kintsugi. Amanda Knox is an exoneree, journalist, comedian, and bestselling author of Waiting to Be Heard and FREE: My Search for Meaning. She hosts the podcast Hard Knox and advocates for criminal justice reform and media ethics. In this episode we talk about: The one question Amanda Knox asks herself whenever something bad happens Why understanding someone who wronged you can matter more than forgiving them What a centuries-old Japanese art form taught Amanda about coming back from being broken The mindset shift that got her through years in prison, one day at a time Why accepting your life exactly as it is might be the first step to changing it The hidden trap inside feeling like a victim Why other people's version of you was never actually yours to carry   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  Amanda's Resilience series on Waking Up (plus her affiliate link). Dan's affiliate link for Waking Up. This episode is sponsored by: Planet Visionaries: In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative, listen to or watch Planet Visionaries wherever you get your podcasts. Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/HAPPIER and use code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Plus: why being your 'best self' isn't about being nice or passive, why regulation starts before things go wrong, and how 'polyregulation' can help you up your game. Marc Brackett, Ph.D. is the author of Dealing with Feeling: Use Your Emotions to Create the Life You Want and the bestselling Permission to Feel. He is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. You can watch Marc's podcast interviews here.  In this episode we talk about: Why your "true self" might be the worst version of you The five-step process for catching yourself before you explode What to tell yourself in the doorway before you walk into a hard moment Why breathwork alone won't fix everything you're feeling The simple fix for total disengagement in your next Zoom meeting Why your best self should never be a doormat How to repair after you say the nastiest thing you've ever said How to build a go-to strategy before you even need it Related Episodes:  The Science of Emotion Regulation: Strategies for When You're Anxious, Angry, or Comparing Yourself To Others | Marc Brackett Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  This episode is sponsored by: BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/HAPPIER. CocoaVia:: Visit www.cocoavia.com/discount/HAPPIER and use my promo code HAPPIER at checkout for an extra 20% off, or check out your local Sprouts Farmers Market. Thanks to CocoaVia for sponsoring this episode! QUO: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to Quo.com/happier. FarmKind: If you give monthly through https://farmkind.giving/happier, FarmKind will boost your donation by 50%. Just 50 cents a day — $15 a month — can save 350 animals a year from suffering. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Plus: Why acceptance isn't the same as resignation, a trick for gaining perspective, and the role faith plays in his life. Josh Johnson is an Emmy-nominated writer, stand-up comedian, actor, and NAACP award-winner from Louisiana by way of Chicago. He was just named as the newest correspondent on Comedy Central's Emmy & Peabody Award-winning program The Daily Show, where he was previously a writer for the past six years. Johnson is also a former writer and performer on NBC's The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, where he made his late-night debut in 2017. In addition, he is Comedy Central's 'most watched comedian ever' with 40M+ views to date across their platforms.  In this episode we talk about: The difference between accepting a problem and simply giving up Why some anxiety is a rational response, not overthinking How he manages anxiety while covering the news every day on The Daily Show A simple trick for judging whether something is actually worth your worry What it's like growing up in church (and questioning parts of it as an adult) Why he thinks comedy helps people face hard realities instead of avoiding them The habit behind posting a new hour of comedy every single week for three years Why he believes AI's promised breakthroughs haven't actually shown up Why he thinks the public still has power to reject where AI is headed The advice about finishing your work that changed how he creates Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  This episode is sponsored by:  iRESTORE: Unlock your best hair & skin with @iRestorelaser and HUGE savings on iRESTORE with code HAPPIER at irestore.com/HAPPIER! #irestorepod Cash App: Download Cash App Today: click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. OneSkin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code HAPPIER at www.oneskin.co/HAPPIER #oneskinpod To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

A simple daily check-in you can do anywhere, a four-part practice for handling hard emotions, and a new way to relate to negative judgments. Plus, why transcendence is more accessible than you think. Diana Winston is the Director of UCLA Mindful, with three decades of experience teaching mindfulness for health and well-being. She has authored three books, including The Little Book of Being, and has taught at Spirit Rock Meditation Center for 25 years. A founder of the International Mindfulness Teachers Association, she continues to guide individuals and organizations in cultivating awareness and presence. In this episode we talk about: Why we keep making the same mistakes even after years of practice and therapy Four different ways to understand what "awakening" actually means A three-part check-in for resetting into the present moment A four-step practice for working with a difficult emotion in real time How judgment can become a doorway to deeper self-understanding Why self-compassion is the foundation of loving anyone else well How to access little tastes of transcendence in ordinary daily life Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube ChannelThis episode is sponsored by: Rosetta Stone: Visit rosettastone.com/happier to redeem your 20% off Rosetta Stone Sapphire. Ironwall: Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Request your free risk assessment at ironwall.com/danharris. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

A surprisingly uplifting conversation on aging, sickness, and death. Plus: why you get happier as you get older, hard-earned tips for handling tough diagnoses, and how to think about AI in your health care. Atul Gawande, MD, MPH, is a surgeon, author, and public health innovator. He holds the Fish Chair in Surgery at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He is the Samuel O. Thier Professor of the Practice of Surgery at Harvard Medical School and Professor of the Practice at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.  Dr. Gawande was Assistant Administrator for Global Health at USAID from 2022-2025. He is a longtime writer for The New Yorker and has written four books: Complications, Better, The Checklist Manifesto, and Being Mortal. In this episode we talk about: Why the best doctors ask patients what matters before choosing treatment The simple question that reveals what makes life worth living Why patients who get less aggressive care sometimes live longer His father's answer to "what's worth living for" changed three times Why staying independent and staying safe often pull in different directions Research showing people get emotionally calmer, not sadder, as they age What happened when the U.S. shut down its global health aid programs Why he sees AI as a helpful second opinion, not a replacement, for doctors Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  Being Mortal, the book Being Mortal, the documentary This episode is sponsored by: Warby Parker: Buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/HAPPIER — and using our link helps support the show. #WarbyParker #ad BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/HAPPIER. Notion: Learn more about how Notion can support your business, at notion.com/happier To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

The legendary comedian says you don't have to be tortured to be an artist, he doesn't need an index card of achievements in his pocket anymore, and even the bad trips have led to good destinations. Neal Brennan is a three-time Emmy-nominated writer, director, producer, and standup comedian known for his critically acclaimed Netflix specials 3 Mics, Blocks, and Crazy Good and for co-creating Comedy Central's iconic Chappelle's Show. He also hosts the hit Blocks podcast, where he talks with guests about their own personal blocks. In this episode we talk about: Talking back to your inner critic Why the worst psychedelic trips might do more good than the beautiful ones The myth that comedians have to be miserable to be funny The "decoy" that keeps smart people chasing validation forever Why achievement became Neal's most embarrassing addiction What Neal wants now that success wasn't enough Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

How to understand your tendencies and identify what's keeping you stuck. Plus: advice on treating resistance as data, reclaiming time affluence, and avoiding "procrasticlearing." Laurie Santos is the Chandrika and Ranjan Tandon Professor of Psychology at Yale University. In addition to her work on the evolutionary origins of human cognition, Laurie is an expert on the science of happiness and the ways in which our minds lie to us about what makes us happy. Her podcast, The Happiness Lab, is a top-3 Apple podcast which has attracted 150+ million downloads since its launch. Gretchen Rubin is one of today's most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. She's the author of many bestselling books, such as The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies, and Life in Five Senses which have sold millions of copies in more than thirty languages. Her most recent book is Secrets of Adulthood. She's also host of the popular podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. In this episode we talk about: Why your intuitions often make stuckness worse, not better The difference between mindless drift and mindful, deliberate delay How to treat resistance as useful data instead of laziness Kristin Neff's three-part framework for practicing real self-compassion Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies and how they shape what gets you unstuck Why clearing physical space creates a felt sense of agency The "liking gap" and why reaching out matters more than you think How to satisfice instead of optimize when a decision feels stuck Related Episodes: Past appearances of Gretchen and Laurie Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  This episode is sponsored by: Rosetta Stone: Visit rosettastone.com/happier to redeem your 20% off Rosetta Stone Sapphire. Skylight: Go to MySkylight.com/HAPPIER for $30 off your 15 inch Calendar. Cash App): Download Cash App Today: click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris