Perfectionism, Burnout, and Self-Doubt: Break the Loop with the Science of Mattering | Gordon Flett

Simple practices for not believing everything you think, becoming less reactive, and handling whatever life throws at you. Joseph Goldstein is a cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society and the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, both in Barre, Massachusetts. He is the author of many books including, most recently, Dreamscapes of the Mind.  In this episode we talk about: Why your thoughts have so much power over you — and how to take it back A surprisingly funny technique for dealing with self-judgment Why trying to get rid of an unwanted thought often makes it worse The difference between recognizing an emotion and actually being mindful of it Why sadness and unhappiness aren't the same thing And much more Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Plus: combatting loneliness, turning down the volume on social comparison, and why mattering to a few people beats outperforming everyone. Gordon Flett is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at York University where he has served as the Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Child and Youth Research. Dr. Flett is most known for his influential research on perfectionism in health and mental health and his more recent work on the psychology of mattering.  In this episode we talk about: The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving How perfectionism functions as a coping mechanism for unmet needs for love, belonging, and significance What "mattering" actually means Antimattering (and our fear of not mattering) Why feeling like you matter to others can loosen the grip of perfectionism Why people consistently underestimate how much they matter to others Practical ways to help others feel like they matter Why helping others feel like they matter boomerangs back and boosts your own sense of significance The fear of not mattering in the age of AI Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  Gordon's books: The Psychology of Mattering, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, and Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here! This episode is sponsored by: Quo – Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com/happier.  BetterHelp — Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier Warby Parker — Prescription glasses with virtual try-on. Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional prescription pairs at https://www.warbyparker.com/happier IQBAR:   To get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping, text DAN to 64000. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

The time the Dalai Lama went bowling in their basement, the time a stranger showed up with exactly the $15,000 they were missing — and more behind-the-scenes stories from 50 years of IMS. In 1975, a handful of young Americans fresh back from years of intensive practice in India and Burma pooled together $150,000 they didn't have and bought a former Catholic novitiate in rural Massachusetts. Fifty years later, the Insight Meditation Society has become one of the most consequential institutions in the history of Buddhism in the West — the place where Jon Kabat-Zinn had the idea that became Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and where, as one longtime yogi put it, the whole thing has run for half a century "without any adult supervision whatsoever." For IMS's 50th anniversary, Dan sits down with four of its founding teachers — Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, and Jacqueline Mandell — along with Steven Schwartz, who helped get the organization built in the first place. Together they trace the founding story, the early years of $25-a-month stipends and "window wars," the accidental birth of the mindfulness movement, and what they hope IMS looks like 1,000 years from now. For more on the Insight Meditation Society, including how to support their new retreat center, you can visit dharma.org.  Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Join Dan, Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18, 2026. Register here. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Plus: the four questions the Buddha said you should ask before you speak, the truth about gossip, and what to do when compassion and honesty pull in opposite directions. Sharon Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is among the first to bring mindfulness & lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture fifty years ago.  In this episode we talk about: What the Buddha actually said about how to talk to people, and why almost none of us were ever taught it  The four questions to ask yourself before you open your mouth  Whether white lies are ever okay  The difference between being kind and being nice  Is it ever okay to gossip?  Why shame is the enemy of change, and what "right" in right speech actually means  How to remember any of this when you're mid-conversation with a difficult person Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris Rosetta Stone – Get 20% off your Rosetta Stone Sapphire subscription when you sign up today. Visit rosettastone.com/happier  Square –   Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/happier #squarepod Leesa — Go to leesa.com for 25% off select mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with promo code HAPPIER. OneSkin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code HAPPIER at https://www.oneskin.co/HAPPIER  #oneskinpod  

Why ruminating after hours is unpaid overtime — plus, how to handle bad bosses, beat the Sunday scaries, and actually recharge. Dr. Guy Winch is an internationally renowned psychologist and bestselling author who advocates for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His 3 TED Talks have garnered over 35 million views and his science based self-help books have been translated into 30 languages. His newest book is: Mind Over Grind: How to Break Free When Work Hijacks Your Life. In this episode we talk about: Why work stress is at an all-time high — and what the pandemic permanently broke How to tell the difference between regular stress and full-blown burnout Why ruminating about a bad day at the office is unpaid overtime — and how to stop Techniques for coaching yourself through hard moments without lying to yourself How to actually recover after work — and why collapsing on the couch isn't the same as recharging How to set limits with a difficult boss without torching the relationship A practical tool for mapping the real stress in your job  What to do with the Sunday scaries — and one scheduling trick that actually works How chronic work stress quietly erodes your ethics over time   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources:  Dear Therapists Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here! This episode is sponsored by:  BetterHelp — Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier Northwest Registered Agent — LLC formation, registered agent service, and free business resources at https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/Happierfree To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

On nuclear fusion, solid-state batteries, driverless cars, and other innovations — and why, for one cynical disaster reporter, meeting the scientists building them changed everything. Rob Marciano is the national weather correspondent for CBS News and a Cornell-trained scientist with more than 30 years in television news. A former co-host of Weekend Good Morning America at ABC News, he's also the co-author, alongside physicist James Trefil, of The Next Big Thing: Innovations for a Better, Smarter, Stronger Tomorrow. Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

Plus: how trauma rewires the brain, why connection is the most powerful regulator, and small practices that actually work. Dr. Bruce Perry is the Principal of the Neurosequential Network and a Professor at the School of  Allied Health, Human Services and Sport, La Trobe University, Melbourne, Victoria Australia. His work on the impact of abuse, neglect and trauma on development has informed clinical practice, programs and policy across the world. Dr. Perry's most recent book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, has been translated into 26 languages and has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for over 100 weeks after becoming #1 on the list in April of 2021. In this episode we talk about: EMDR and the importance of moving your body  The hardest type of trauma to deal with  The perks of getting in touch with the fact that, to quote Dr. Perry, everyone is wandering around in a fucking fog...and how this perspective helps us become more generous in our lives.. Both toward ourselves and others.  How it's never too late to heal trauma  Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   Additional Resources:  The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered   Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here! To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

Why talking to your boss, your doctor, or anyone with power puts your brain on high alert — and what a Stanford psychologist says to do about it.  Claude M. Steele is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the author of a new book, Churn: The Tension That Divides Us and How to Overcome It.  In this episode we talk about: Why talking across difference is so stressful, even when nobody's being bigoted What's actually happening in your brain during an awkward cross-cultural moment The surprisingly simple thing that makes critical feedback land or fall flat How to reduce tension when you're the one with power (and what to do when you're not) A three-part framework for building trust across any divide Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by: Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/happier or use the gift code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit toward your membership. BetterHelp: Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier Wix: Build a fully functional website with AI in minutes at https://www.wix.com/harmony Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq  #CashAppPod  Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card.  Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. IQBAR:   To get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping, text DAN to 64000. Gusto:  Try Gusto today at gusto.com/happier and get three months free when you run your first payroll.

Say "no" more, audit your calendar, rewire your inner critic, and keep the promises you make to yourself. Robin Arzón is Vice President of Fitness Programming and Head Instructor at Peloton, a 27x marathon and ultra-marathon runner, three-time New York Times bestselling author, the founder of Swagger Society and host of Project Swagger.  In this episode we talk about: Redefining hustle Intensity vs. volume Using jealousy as data Psychological distancing and self-talk Why motivation is a myth Lowering the barrier to entry Planning for the messy middle Breathwork as a cheat code Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by:  BiOptimizers: Magnesium Breakthrough delivers seven forms of magnesium to support your nervous system, stress response, and daily recovery. Try it risk-free with their 365-day guarantee — head to bioptimizers.com/happier and use code HAPPIER for 15% off plus free gifts at checkout. Eight Sleep: The Pod automatically heats and cools your bed, tracks your sleep without a wearable, and their testing shows users get up to 34% more deep sleep. Use code DanHarris at eightsleep.com/danharris for up to $350 off the Pod 5, with a 30-day trial if it's not for you.

Why your body is the fastest way to change your mental state — and how friction, protein, and resistance training make it work. Dr. Gabrielle Lyon is a physician and the founder of what she calls Muscle-Centric Medicine. She's the New York Times bestselling author of Forever Strong, and her new book is The Forever Strong Playbook. In this episode we talk about: Why muscle is the organ of longevity The three stress responses and the courage response Why distraction is the biggest health crisis Protein and why most of us aren't eating enough of it How to think about intuitive eating Minimum effective dose for exercise Recovery as you age The case for adding more friction to your life Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by:  BiOptimizers: Magnesium Breakthrough delivers seven forms of magnesium to support your nervous system, stress response, and daily recovery. Try it risk-free with their 365-day guarantee — head to bioptimizers.com/happier and use code HAPPIER for 15% off plus free gifts at checkout. Eight Sleep: The Pod automatically heats and cools your bed, tracks your sleep without a wearable, and their testing shows users get up to 34% more deep sleep. Use code DanHarris at eightsleep.com/danharris for up to $350 off the Pod 5, with a 30-day trial if it's not for you.