531. NO-vember Special: How to Say No Without Saying No

Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything “right”? Performing at a high level, meeting everyone’s expectations, carrying the load—and yet still feel yourself slowly wearing down? It’s more common than you might realize—and there’s a way out. Jay Papasan is joined by behavioral psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe to unpack why the people who look the strongest are often the most at risk for burnout. She calls it “the curse of the strong”—the slow erosion that happens when high achievers overuse the very muscles that once made them successful. Together, they explore why burnout isn’t just about workload, but about losing agency, operating outside your values, and ignoring the subtle signs your body sends long before the collapse. Dr. Hanley-Dafoe shares practical, compassionate strategies to prevent burnout, restore alignment, and regain control—from tiny daily decisions to intentional pauses, grounding techniques, and value-based prioritization. Challenge of the Week:Look at your to-do list. If you have more than three items, you’re writing fiction. Remove one thing. Delegate it, delay it, or release it completely—and notice how much agency returns with that single act. To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about:  Why high performers are uniquely vulnerable to burnout    How agency, choice, and language shape resilience    The role of values alignment in preventing exhaustion and cynicism Links & Tools from This Episode: Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe  Follow Dr. Hanley-Dafoe on Instagram: @dr_robynehd Her Books: Calm Within the Storm  Stress Wisely Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

We all want to make a difference — but how do you start giving when life already feels full? In this solo episode, Jay Papasan shares his personal “5 Step Giving Framework,” a simple and strategic way to turn good intentions into consistent action. Drawing from research, experience, and years of purposeful practice with his wife, Wendy, Jay outlines how gratitude, time, money, leadership, and wealth form a natural progression in becoming a generous, fulfilled person. You’ll hear stories of everyday generosity, examples from inspiring philanthropists, and practical steps for integrating giving into your daily routine — even when resources are tight. The goal isn’t just to give more, but to give smarter and more intentionally. Challenge of the Week:For the next seven days, be purposefully thankful to one person each day. Write a note, say it out loud, or send a message — and notice how that simple act of gratitude shifts your energy and perspective. To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: The research-backed benefits of giving Jay’s 5 Step Giving Framework How small, consistent acts create big impact Links & Tools from This Episode: Give and Take by Adam Grant KW Cares & KW NextGen Follow Jay on Instagram Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

How many times have you said, “It’s not the right time”? Whether it’s starting a new business, writing your book, or making a big life change, we all fall into the trap of waiting for perfect timing. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t exist. In this episode, Jay Papasan shares a personal story about finally deciding to adopt a second dog — and how that simple decision revealed a deeper truth about action, timing, and regret. Using insights from psychology and coaching, Jay explains two big mental traps that keep us stuck: the Planning Fallacy and the “Yes, Damn” Effect.   You’ll also learn the surprising origin story behind Nike’s iconic “Just Do It” slogan — and how to use that same mindset to move from “one day” to “day one.”   Challenge of the Week: Think about the thing you’ve been putting off. In the next 24 hours, schedule one small action that gets you started. Stop waiting for the right time — make now the right time.   *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: Why the "perfect time" never arrives The Planning Fallacy and "Yes, Damn" Effect How to turn "one day" into "day one" Links & Tools from This Episode: The Happier Hour by Cassie Holmes   Hillel Blumberg's Five Pillars of Wealth   Follow Jay on Instagram: @jaypapasan Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

Every November, Jay Papasan dedicates time to exploring one of the most powerful productivity tools you have—the ability to say no. This year's "No-vember Special" dives deep into 11 different ways to protect your time, energy, and focus, often without ever saying the word "no." From Steve Jobs' legendary turnaround at Apple to simple scripts you can use in daily life, Jay explains why saying no is essential for achieving extraordinary results. You'll learn how to anticipate requests, set healthy boundaries, delay decisions, and reframe your priorities so that every "yes" truly counts. He also shares practical tools like the "Get Ahead of the Ask" method, batching decisions, and using alternate resources—all designed to help you focus on your ONE Thing while preserving your relationships and sanity. Challenge of the Week:Identify one thing in your life or work that's not serving you—and say no to it today. Use one of Jay's 11 techniques to make your no both clear and kind. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: How to say no without damaging relationships   Why protecting your yeses leads to extraordinary results   Jay’s 11 practical techniques for setting boundaries  Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan Follow Jay on Instagram Speakpipe.com/the1thing — Send us an audio note or feedback Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

Every year, Americans spend more than $100 billion on education—books, courses, conferences, and training—and research shows that less than 20% ever do anything with what they learn. That means roughly $80 billion of potential goes unrealized every year. This episode is about joining the 20% who act. Jay Papasan walks you through the T.I.P.P.S. framework—a simple process he’s taught for years to help people turn learning into lasting change. You’ll learn how to **Take notes** that stick, **Identify key takeaways**, **Prioritize** what really matters, **Put it on your calendar** within 24 hours, and **Seek accountability** so your ideas turn into real-world results. Along the way, Jay explains why handwritten notes dramatically improve retention, how to use Pareto’s Principle to cut through information overload, and the data behind why accountability multiplies your odds of success. Whether you’re fresh from a conference or finishing a great book, this episode shows you how to make learning pay off. Challenge of the Week: Pick one idea from this episode and put it on your calendar within the next 24 hours. Then, share it with an accountability partner who can check in with you. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: Why most learning doesn’t lead to action   The five-step T.I.P.P.S. framework for implementation   How accountability drives extraordinary results Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve (memory research) Dr. Gail Matthews Goal Achievement Study Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

When Gary and Jay wrote The ONE Thing, they defined success as “getting what you want.” But most of us chase goals we didn’t truly choose. In this episode, author and creator Sahil Bloom shares how he reset his scorecard, left a lucrative path, and built a life aligned with his values—starting with time. Sahil explains why the worst distractions often look like great opportunities, and how to run cheap, fast experiments to discover your highest point of leverage. He breaks down the “no unforced errors” mindset, distinguishes planning from preparation, and explains how batching management tasks (thanks to Parkinson’s Law) protects time for deep thinking and creative work. You’ll also hear how to build a high-agency team so you spend more of your week in your zone of genius. If you’ve been pulled in too many directions, this conversation will help you get clear on what matters—and defend it. Challenge of the Week: Ask: “If a third party watched my week, what would they say my priorities are?” Identify one mismatch between your calendar and your stated priorities, then take one tiny action to close the gap this week. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: How to use low-cost experiments to find your highest-leverage work Why “no unforced errors” beats flashy wins over the long term Protecting thinking time with Parkinson’s Law and better batching Links & Tools from This Episode: The Five Pillars of Wealth by Sahil Bloom The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey Moneyball by Michael Lewis Naval Ravikant (quote referenced) Anne-Laure Le Cunff (on tiny experiments) David Galenson’s research on conceptual vs. experimental innovators Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

Are you constantly trying to please everyone—and still ending up exhausted and unfulfilled? This week, Jay shares the five permission slips every high achiever needs to hear. From setting healthy boundaries to redefining what success looks like, Jay walks you through how to release perfectionism, protect your energy, and rebuild self-trust. You’ll learn how to give yourself permission to disappoint others, be bad at the 80%, protect your attention, sleep on it, and most importantly—believe in yourself. These five shifts can help you step out of burnout and into balance. You’ll walk away with practical habits like creating a daily “evidence journal” that reminds you how capable you truly are. Challenge of the Week:Open a note on your phone titled “My Wins.” Each day for the next seven days, write down one thing you did well—big or small. Build your confidence by giving yourself permission to believe in yourself. Head to the1thing.com to find your ONE Thing and start living it today. To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit:the1thing.com/pods We talk about: The 5 permission slips every high achiever needs How to protect your attention and focus Building self-confidence through small daily wins Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Follow Jay Papasan on Instagram: @jaypapasan Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

Are you overwhelmed by the sheer number of business and self-help books out there? With more than 40,000 titles published every year, it's impossible to read them all — and most of us don't have the time to waste on the wrong ones. The real challenge is knowing which books will actually help you grow, both personally and professionally. That's why Jay Papasan sits down with Todd Sattersten, publisher of The ONE Thing and author of The 100 Best Books for Work and Life. Over the past 20 years, Todd has read more than 3,000 books, reviewed over 1,000 of them, and curated the top 100 that deliver the greatest insights for work, leadership, growth, and purpose. In this conversation, he shares the lessons he's learned from a lifetime of reading---why self-awareness is the most consistent takeaway across categories, how to choose books that truly add value, and why organizing your reading around the problems you're facing is the fastest path to results. You'll come away with a clearer framework for deciding what to read, how to apply it, and when to let go of books that don't serve you. If you've ever struggled with too many choices and not enough time, this episode will help you build a smarter, more intentional reading habit that compounds over time. Challenge of the Week:Be honest with yourself about the ONE problem you need to be working on right now. Then, choose a book---or a short list of books---that speaks directly to that problem. Don't try to read everything. Read for what you need. Want more tools to help you simplify your choices, focus on what matters, and get extraordinary results? Visit the1thing.com *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: What reading 3,000+ business and self-help books reveals about personal growth How to choose the right book for the problem you're facing right now The surprising lessons from curating The 100 Best Books for Work and Life Links & Tools from This Episode: The 100 Best Books for Work and Life by Todd Sattersten Jay Papasan on Instagram Follow Todd Sattersten on Instagram: @toddsattersten Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing Produced by NOVA

Success expands everything—opportunities, decisions, people, and complexity. Jay calls this the High Achiever’s Paradox: as the pie gets bigger, chronic problems compound. Drawing on coaching transcripts and discovery calls, he spotlights three patterns that get harder with success: (1) honoring time blocks amid constant interruptions, (2) delegating instead of clinging to your competency, and (3) carving out strategic “thinking time” when busyness feels like a drug. The unlock is going from E → P: swapping willpower and heroics for proven models, systems, and—often—a coach. Jay shares how he rebuilt his own leadership workflows when his team scaled 7x, adopting project management tools and executive-level time protection. Start with the smallest domino to rebuild confidence: a 30-minute strategy block, delegating one recurring task, or upgrading a spreadsheet to a true CRM. Small wins stack, ceilings break, and growth resumes. Challenge of the Week: Pick one important time block on your calendar this week and protect it at all costs—treat it like a meeting with your future self. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: Why time-blocking fails without protection How the “competency trap” blocks delegation Designing thinking time to become strategic Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing (book) E to P Framework Brandon Turner Trello Top CRM Tools Executive Assistants & Chiefs of Staff Resources Coaching with The ONE Thing Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA

Morgan Housel is back on the show to talk about his newest book, The Art of Spending Money. You know him from The Psychology of Money and Same As Ever. This time, we dive into what happens after you’ve earned the money—how to actually use it well. Morgan makes the case that money can buy comfort and independence, but not love, health, or meaning. Because it’s easy to measure, many of us fall into chasing money as a proxy for progress and end up stuck in comparison games. His antidote: spend for utility, not status. Think high-end Toyota over entry-level BMW—the value you feel, not the logo others see. We also explore parenting and money. Kids pick up on our financial habits more than our lectures. Modeling empathy, consistency, and healthy values goes further than rules or restrictions. And we connect this back to The ONE Thing: clarity. When you’re clear on what really matters, you can spend money to buy back time, deepen relationships, and build freedom—like Morgan’s “reverse obituary” exercise that helps align spending with what you want your life to stand for. Challenge of the Week: Ask yourself (and your partner): What are we spending money on that doesn’t bring us joy—but we think we’re supposed to enjoy? Pick one and experiment with reducing or replacing it. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: How to swap status spending for utility spending Why kids learn money values from what we model, not what we say A simple “reverse obituary” exercise to align money with what matters Links & Tools from This Episode: Read The Art of Spending Money by Morgan Housel Read The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel Read Same As Ever by Morgan Housel Read Die With Zero by Bill Perkins Read 30 Lessons for Living by Karl Pillemer Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at Speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA