Humaning: The Shit We Need to Talk About

Yup, you read that right!In this episode, I’m talking with Dr. Shanesia Davis about the sneaky ways control can show up in our lives—not necessarily as some obvious need to dominate or dictate, but as fixing, protecting, perfecting, reviewing, helping, or simply believing that our way is the way things need to happen.And here's the thing: a lot of these behaviors probably made sense at some point. They may have kept us safe. They may have gotten us praised. They may have helped us survive, succeed, or feel needed. But just because something worked for us then doesn't mean it needs to keep driving now.Shanesia invites us to get curious about what's in the driver's seat, where our defaults came from, and whether the things we're doing are actually moving us toward what we say we want.Because if you want people to take initiative, but you keep fixing everything for them…If you want connection, but you're constantly trying to control the outcome…If you want creativity, but people don't have room to make mistakes…If you want people to bring their genius, but you've made your way of thinking the standard…We might have some things to look at.And this isn't just about leadership. It's about humaning. It's about how we lead ourselves, how we parent, how we work with other people, how we navigate relationships, and how we create—or don't create—the conditions for ourselves and others to actually flourish.In this episode, we discuss:- When control looks like care. Helping, protecting, fixing, anticipating needs, or stepping in can come from genuine care while still unintentionally limiting someone else’s agency.- Where our defaults come from. The behaviors we rely on today often started as strategies that served us at another point in our lives. We need to be able to identify them and determine if they serve us now.- Curiosity instead of automatic control. When we're stressed, we often want to fix the thing immediately. Curiosity asks us to slow down long enough to understand what's actually happening.- Are you modeling what you're asking for? You can't ask people to take initiative while continually reviewing, refining, correcting, and making the final decision for them.- Empathy without excusing. Understanding that someone's controlling behavior may be rooted in fear doesn't mean their behavior gets a free pass.- Connection doesn't always mean closeness. Connection can exist around a shared goal, mission, value, or outcome. You don't have to be emotionally or personally close to someone to work meaningfully alongside them.- Who are you underneath all the conditioning? Our ideas about professionalism, leadership, success, and who we're “supposed” to be can pile up until we mistake the conditioned version of ourselves for who we actually are.- Creating space for people's genius. Fear and control can create compliance, but creativity and innovation require room to think, experiment, make mistakes, and try again.This conversation isn't about saying control is always bad or that deep connection is always necessary. It's about getting curious about what's in the driver's seat. Because sometimes the thing driving us is a behavior that once protected us, helped us succeed, or made us feel safe. And now, maybe it's taking us somewhere we don't actually want to go.So the question isn't just “What do I want to happen?” It's also: “Are the things I'm doing actually creating the conditions for that to happen?”Jump in for all the goodness!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.More about Shanesia Davis:Dr. Shanesia Davis is an executive and organizational leadership strategist, author, speaker, and founder of U & Me Consulting. Her work is grounded in her philosophy that “Leadership is personal work with public consequences,” helping leaders align who they are with how they lead. She is the author of From Control to Connection: Challenging Our Defaults to Create Conditions Where People Flourish and host of In the Leadership Lounge podcast.Email: [email protected]: @ShanesiadavisWebsite: uandmeconsulting.com

The shit we need to talk about: we can create stability without rigidity.September is a recalibration. We’re moving out of summer and into fall, which for many of us also means moving back into more responsibilities, obligations, structure, and the ever-awful hustle and grind. And while stability is especially supportive this time of year, I don’t want us to confuse stability with rigidity.In this episode, we’re talking about stability, attunement, adjustment, and allowance—and how these work together.We can create regularity through simple routines and rituals without needing to do the exact same thing every day. We can listen closely enough to notice our energy, capacity, needs, and circumstances. We can adjust when what we’re doing no longer fits. And we can practice letting that adjustment, the need for it, and the outcome be okay.Because the practice isn’t about sticking to a routine no matter what. It’s about developing a relationship with yourself that can respond as you change.In this episode, we talk about:Stability: How routine and regularity can conserve energy and create support without requiring a rigid or perfect practice.Attunement: Listening closely enough to notice what’s happening and being willing to respond to what you notice.Adjustment: Letting the practice get smaller, change, pause, or begin again based on your actual energy and capacity.Allowance: Letting the adjustment—and the fact that you needed it—be okay, rather than turning it into self-judgment.Fall energy: Why this season’s cool, light, dry, mobile qualities make warmth, moisture, nourishment, rest, and stability especially supportive.Ease: Not making life magically easier, but cultivating an easeful presence within yourself as you do all the things.The invitation for fall is simple: notice, listen, respond, and adjust.It’s not about a perfect practice. It’s about being in relationship with yourself.Jump in for all the goodness!Self-Care Attunement: begins September 20th!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.

The shit we need to talk about: why nobody talks about Mudras beyond Namaste.You don’t have to practice or know anything about yoga to listen to this conversation.Because while Indu Arora and I talk about mudras and yoga, we’re really talking about something much bigger: how we move through the world, how we pay attention to ourselves, and what happens when we get curious about the things we do without thinking.We talk about how Western culture and capitalism have shaped the way we approach practices, knowledge, and even ourselves. How easily everything becomes something to consume, collect, optimize, monetize, or get “right.” And what might happen if we stepped outside of that productivity mindset and became more interested in exploration than attainment.Throughout our conversation, Indu keeps bringing us back to four C’s: curiosity, courage, context, and consciousness.Curiosity — staying curious, asking why, and becoming explorers rather than hoarders of practices, methods, and techniques.Courage — having the courage to look into our own eyes, what is unfolding in front of us, and learning to stay with the discomfort of a little mental and emotional challenge.Context — remembering that the power isn’t simply in the tool or practice, but in the relationship between the practice and the practitioner. Culture, philosophy, circumstance, time, and capacity all matter.Consciousness — moving beyond the shape or technique and toward awareness: noticing the subtle ways we inhabit our bodies, move through the world, and connect with ourselves.We get into mudras, cultural depth, and what can get lost when practices are removed from the contexts they come from and reduced to techniques or things we can simply “use.”In this episode, we explore:- How the pressure to consume, collect, optimize, monetize, or get things “right” can shape the way we approach practices, knowledge, and even ourselves.- Why curiosity can be a powerful alternative to the constant pressure to achieve and improve.- What our everyday gestures, postures, breath, and body language might be telling us.- Why cultural and philosophical context matters—and what can be lost when we take something out of its context.- What it can mean to have the courage to stay present with ourselves even in the face of discomfort. - Why the same practice won’t necessarily work the same way for everyone—or even for us at different points in our lives.- What it means to remain a student: to keep questioning, exploring, and learning rather than deciding we’ve figured it all out.You don’t need a yoga practice for any of this.You just need a little curiosity.Jump in for all the goodness!Register for Self-Care for These Times FREE workshop - August 30th!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode:Get the episode transcript here.More about Indu Arora: a beloved Yoga and Ayurveda educator, mentor, and lifelong student. Her philosophy is beautifully simple: “Yoga is work-in, not work-out.” She’s also the author of three books, including Mudra: The Sacred Secret, Yoga: Ancient Heritage, Tomorrow, and SOMA: 100 Heritage Recipes for Self Care.Instagram: @induaroraofficial Website: https://yogsadhna.comUpcoming online offer: Mudras in Yoga Training

The shit we need to talk about this week: Take August back from capitalism.Summer isn't ending now that August is here — but capitalism has us feeling - and believing - it is.It has us rushing ahead, bracing for impossible schedules, and starting to live in September while we're still standing in August. And every time we do, we give a little more of ourselves, our energy, and our presence away to the future—missing so much of the goodness and sweetness summer has to offer us right now.And maybe this all feels even harder in these upside-down times, when it feels like every time we turn around there is another horror to process. When there is so much pain, injustice, and uncertainty in the world, it can be hard to believe we’re allowed to experience sweetness, joy, or ease. The struggle is real ya’ll—but it is not all we get.In this episode, we're talking about:- Why August carries so much dread—and why it doesn't have to.- Why the horrors of the world don't mean we have to give up our access to joy, sweetness, and being fully alive.- The hidden cost of deciding what's impossible before it even happens.- How capitalism teaches us to extract from every season instead of receiving its gifts.- Why savoring summer isn't frivolous—it’s how we resource ourselves for what's ahead.- How to stop tightening your grip and come back to the present.- Why joy, rest, and softness aren't distractions from liberation—they're part of how we sustain it.- The question that changes everything: What are we building, and how are we building it?Capitalism asks us to live ahead of ourselves, extract from every season, and trade presence for productivity.Presence isn't passive—it’s a way of preserving our energy, our humanity, and our capacity to keep building the world we want.Jump in for all the goodness!Self-Care for These Times FREE workshop - August 30th!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.

The shit we need to talk about this week: your company would rather fund your therapy than fix your job.I sat down with leadership coach, culture architect, and people strategist, Shenelle Brooks (she/her), to unpack why workplace wellness programs, self-care initiatives, and mental health resources can only go so far when the systems themselves aren't designed to support people. We talk about burnout, grind culture, psychological safety, leadership, boundaries, communication, and what it actually looks like to create workplaces where humans—not machines—can thrive.Main takeaways:Your well-being isn't just an individual responsibility.Organizations have a responsibility to create environments where people can actually thrive—not just survive. Wellness programs aren't inherently bad, but they become band-aids when the culture, workload, expectations, and systems stay exactly the same.Addressing symptoms isn't the same as addressing root causes.Coping skills matter, but they can't solve broken systems on their own. Burnout has become so normalized that many of us assume it's just "part of work." It doesn't have to be.Psychological safety is more than a buzzword.People need to genuinely feel safe speaking up, setting boundaries, asking questions, and being honest about what they need. Better communication, trust, transparency, and consistency are some of the biggest opportunities most workplaces are missing.Our lived experiences and identities don't disappear when we clock in.They shape how we experience work, leadership, communication, and belonging. We don't need one-size-fits-all solutions because people aren't one-size-fits-all. Human experiences are nuanced, and our workplaces should reflect that.Change is uncomfortable—for employees and leaders.Two things can be true at once: individuals have work to do, and organizations do too. Leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about listening with curiosity, communicating clearly, and creating conditions where people can do their best work.Start small.If you're trying to advocate for yourself at work, tiny boundaries practiced consistently can create meaningful change over time. If you're in a leadership position, start by actually listening to your people. Ask how they're doing—and mean it. Get curious about what they need instead of assuming you already know.Ask yourself: What's the cost?What's the cost of overworking? Of abandoning your needs? Of staying silent? Of sacrificing yourself for a version of success you may not even want? Work should support your life—not require you to lose yourself in it.There’s so much to this episode! My biggest hope from this conversation is that it opens your mind to possibility. Maybe the examples we shared aren't exactly what your situation calls for—and that's okay. The goal isn't to copy someone else's path. It's to start asking different questions, trusting yourself a little more, and remembering that small, intentional changes can build toward something much bigger.As always, if you leave this episode with more questions than answers, that's not a bad thing. Sometimes that's exactly where meaningful change begins.Jump in for all the goodness!FREE Workshop: Self-Care for These Times: The Fall Edition - August 30thSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode:Get the episode transcript here.Shenelle B. (she/her) is a leadership coach, culture architect, and people strategist with over a decade of experience helping leaders navigate complexity, change, and care. Founder of B.L.A.Z.E. Careers, she works across corporate and nonprofit spaces to close the gap between intention and impact, translating human behavior into practical leadership decisions. Her work sits at the intersection of emotional intelligence and systems change, grounded in the belief that how we show up internally shapes what we build collectively. Recently named an Outstanding LGBTQ+ Voice by the Philadelphia Business Journal, she holds an MS in Human Resource Management and is pursuing her doctorate in Industrial-Organizational Psychology.How to connect with Shenelle:Instagram: @_withshenelleWebsite: https://blaze-careers.com/LYLAS "Unapologetically Whole" retreat - details and registration at https://www.lylasbiz.com/

The shit we need to talk about this week: we get to be angry, heated, intense, and alllll the fiery things based on all the fuckery we’re witnessing—but we cannot let it consume us.In this episode, we’re talking about heat in all its forms: the literal heat of summer, the emotional heat we carry when we’re witnessing ongoing harm and injustice, and the collective intensity of living through these deeply unsettling times. Because let’s be real, there is a lot to process, a lot to feel, and a lot to respond to.And while I will never ask you to bypass, gaslight, or delude yourself about what is happening in the world, we also have to acknowledge that we cannot meet intensity with more intensity all the time. It’s not sustainable, and it’s hella exhausting.This episode is not about using self-care as a way to ignore what is happening around us. Self-care is not the answer to oppression or the systemic changes that are desperately needed. But I do wholeheartedly believe that liberatory self-care can sustain us through the muck of it all. It can help us stay connected to ourselves, our communities, and the work we are committed to.Through an Ayurvedic lens, we’ll explore the qualities of summer—heat, brightness, intensity, and expansion—and how we can honor those energies without letting them accumulate to the point where we crash and burn. We’ll talk about what it means to cool, ground, soften, and create more ease while still showing up for ourselves, our communities, and the work that matters.Because the goal is not to extinguish the fire. The goal is to learn how to hold it as we move through it all.In this episode, we’ll talk about:- Why we can honor anger, rage, grief, and disbelief without allowing those emotions to consume us- How liberatory self-care supports us through unstable and terrifying times without replacing the need for systemic change- The relationship between summer’s natural intensity and the emotional/social intensity many of us are carrying- Why mellowing out is not about complacency—it’s about consciously softening tension, urgency, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves- How balance is not a place we arrive at once, but something that shifts and changes as we move through life- Creating a baseline of balance by understanding the rhythms and needs of your body, brain, and mind- Simple practices for staying cool, grounded, connected, and supported during seasons of heightened intensityJump in for all the goodness!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.Kaméa on Instagram: @greendreamerkamea

The shit we need to talk about this week: language and knowledge without earnest practice is a disembodied (and therefore a colonized) approach to the healing arts.In this episode, I sit down with Henaz Bhatt to discuss what happens when healing becomes disconnected from practice, context, and ourselves.Together, we unpack how colonization has shaped not only our institutions, but also our relationship with our own bodies. While our conversation centers around healing traditions like yoga, Ayurveda, Reiki, and qigong, what we're really exploring is something much bigger: what it means to move from knowing to embodying, why healing isn't something we achieve but something we keep returning to, and how curiosity—not judgment—can help us reconnect with ourselves and one another.In this episode, we explore:- Why knowledge and language alone aren't enough to transform us.- How colonization teaches us to disconnect from our own knowing.- What embodiment actually means (and why it's so much more than a buzzword).- Why healing isn't about fixing ourselves—it's about coming back to ourselves.- How curiosity, compassion, and self-inquiry can become everyday practices.- What solidarity, community, and collective liberation have to do with the way we relate to our own body’s ecosystem.As always, this isn't about having the "right" answers. It's about getting curious, uncovering the stories we've been handed as truth, and asking what becomes possible when we choose to listen differently—to ourselves, to each other, and to the wisdom that's been here all along.Henaz Bhatt (she/her) is a licensed acupuncturist, reiki practitioner, yoga instructor, social justice facilitator and a student of the world’s whimsy and magic. Her elders taught her: ‘don’t touch the plants after sundown; they need sleep, too!’ This lesson – all beings are interconnected and worthy of respect – has been a pillar in every pursuit of hers. With over 15 years of experience as an acupuncturist, 20 years as a yoga practitioner and almost 30 years as a social justice facilitator, Henaz has cultivated a unique set of skills that integrate healing, justice and embodiment. Using this lens, she approaches her work knowing our liberation is intertwined, our lived experiences are deeply connected to the systems we live within, and our healing is at our fingertips and in our breath. Henaz co-founded Flow Acupuncture with her sister in Union, NJ. They also have virtual offerings!Jump in for all the goodness!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.Connect with Henaz and find out more about the upcoming offer - life soak!:Email: [email protected]: @flow_acupunctureWebsite: http://flowheals.com

The shit we need to talk about this week: even when we choose compassion, rest, and joy, we still overcorrect—and sometimes we double down.While many of us strive for more rest, joy, compassion, and ease, I’m realizing there is a surprising pattern: we often overcorrect and even stress ourselves out trying to relax, have fun, or practice self-care to the max or in “the best way” possible.Unrealistic expectations around productivity, relaxation, and personal time can create unnecessary tension. This is by design. In a culture shaped by capitalism and other oppressive systems that push us toward productivity, urgency, and extremes, it makes sense that we might swing hard in the opposite direction when seeking relief, rest, and care. So, instead of moving from one end of the spectrum to the other, why not experiment with a more organic, flexible approach to time, self-care, and daily routines—one rooted in curiosity, self-trust, and adaptability?This episode is a reminder that consistency doesn't require rigidity, and that true ease often comes from trusting ourselves and honoring what we need in the present moment rather than forcing ourselves to follow a strict predetermined plan.Main Topics- The Ayurvedic concept of the "glitch period" between seasons- Why transitions can feel overwhelming, even when they're positive- How we unintentionally overcorrect when pursuing rest, joy, and self-care- The hidden stress of trying to "do relaxation perfectly"- Recognizing unrealistic expectations around time and productivity- Moving from rigid plans to a more organic and creative approach to daily life- Finding balance without swinging between extremes- Adapting self-care practices as life circumstances change- Creating grounding through flexible morning routines- Trusting yourself as a pathway to greater ease and compassionEase isn't about doing less or eliminating stress entirely—it's about letting go of rigidity, trusting yourself, and creating space to respond to life with flexibility rather than force.Jump in for all the goodness!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletter

The shit we need to talk about this week: the weight of being aware and exhausted.In this season four return, I’m naming what so many of us are quietly carrying: the exhaustion of being aware in a world that feels heavy, urgent, and often overwhelming.I reflect on what it’s been like to move through collective grief, daily news cycles, parenting, and personal life while trying to stay emotionally present and functional. I also explore how awareness itself can become a form of fatigue when there’s little space to process what we’re witnessing.In this episode, I talk about:- The emotional load of being an aware person in today’s world- Parenting while processing global and local crises- The difference between witnessing and becoming consumed- How judgment and self-criticism intensify exhaustion- Sustainable resistance and protecting your energy- Why joy, play, and lightheartedness are essential — not optionalI also share grounding reflections from Yoga and Ayurvedic wisdom, including the practice of witnessing without judgment and learning how to stay present without collapsing under the weight of what we see.This is an invitation to soften the internal pressure, reconnect with your energy, and remember that awareness does not have to mean depletion.Jump in for all the goodness!Get The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadSign up for my weekly newsletterAdditional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.Folks referenced in this episode:@cosechanj on instagram - they’re doing incredible work on the front lines for respect, dignity, and protection of everyone and keeping us all in the know of what’s happening at Delaney Hall in Newark, NJ.@liberationwithekta on instagram: they offer decolonized therapy and coaching

The shit we need to talk about this week: Reclaiming the end of summer from capitalism.In this episode, I share a deeply personal reflection on the emotional complexity of August and the transition out of summer, and explore what it means to slow down, loosen the grip of society’s “end of summer” and “back to school” messaging, and meet this transitional time with compassion. My invitation to you: reflect, reframe, and move more intentionally through the end of August and September with emotional support and grounded practices.Episode Highlights:- A raw, honest look at why August often feels heavy, rushed, and emotionally charged- Insight into how capitalism drives the pressure to shift out of rest and into productivity- Practical tools from yoga philosophy (aparigraha + brahmacharya) for slowing down and managing energy- A compassionate framework for holding both grief and anticipation during times of change- Thoughtful reminders and accessible practices to carry the sweetness of summer into fallJump in for all the goodness!Sign up for my weekly newsletterGet The Disruptor’s Guide to Self-Care free downloadRead my articles