Dear Sugars

This episode was originally released on June 11, 2018. Her doctor categorized her as overweight when she was 5 years old. Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” As an adult, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating, restricting food some weeks, and gorging on cake and ice cream during others. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” The sinister cycle of dieting and binge-eating plagues many American women. Recently, a counter-movement called Body Positive has sprung up. The movement promotes fat acceptance and attempts to reverse body-shaming, no matter one’s size. But Body Negative is skeptical, writing, “I struggle with how to be body positive after years of being told it’s wrong to be my size and weight. Is there such a thing as unconditional body acceptance?” Hilary Kinavey, M.S., L.P.C., and Dana Sturtevant, M.S., R.D., the co-owners of Be Nourished, join the Sugars on today’s episode to offer Body Negative and women like her some hope. Ms. Kinavey and Ms. Sturtevant present new definitions of health and discuss alternatives to the “dieting mind.” Ms. Kinavey explains that before body acceptance is achievable, “most of us who have experienced a lot of body shame … and weight stigma have healing work to do.” The Sugars Recommend “The Beauty Myth,” by Naomi Wolf “Hunger,” by Roxane Gay “Intuitive Eating,” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch “10 Reasons Not to Focus on Your Weight in the New Year,” by Hilary Kinavey and Dana Sturtevant

This episode was originally released on May 5, 2018.  Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on. Like a modern-day Greek chorus, women from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus along with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, “Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up.” Broaching the subject of emotional labor with a romantic partner can be tricky, especially if he feels as if he’s being blamed for the imbalance of labor. The imbalance in Ms. Hartley’s marriage began righting itself when she and her husband shifted their perspective: “This is not a problem with you and it’s not a problem with me. It’s a cultural problem. We have to unlearn a lot of things together in order to move forward.”

Whether you’re 5, 15, or 50 years old, it can be difficult to usher a stepparent in and out of the family unit. In today’s episode, the Sugars answer letters from stepchildren who have fraught relationships with their stepparents. This episode was originally released on April 28th, 2018.

In this first episode of "You Could Make This Beautiful," actor Henry Winkler tells hosts Maggie Smith and Faith Salie about the poetry he's found in everything from fly fishing, to the music of Lin-Manuel Miranda, to the acting performances of the late Robin Williams. Poet and teacher Saeed Jones declares that "Nobody loves us the way poetry loves us," he reads us one of his poems, and he talks about the chemical reaction that poems set off in our brains and bodies. And Maggie and Faith offer a "poetry prescription" to a fan of theirs in Ohio who's seeking steadiness in her life. Show Notes (in chronological order): "I'm Nobody! Who are you?" by Emily Dickinson "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Dr. Thomas Gordon Henry Winkler's "Launce and the dog" monologue from William Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona" "My Shot" from the musical Hamilton Henry Winkler's novels with Lin Oliver "Alive at the End of the World" by Saeed Jones "Snow for Wallace Stevens" by Terence Hayes "Black in Blues" by Imani Perry "Scorched Earth" by Tiana Clark "Tell Me" by Kim Addonizio "Blood Dazzler" by Patricia Smith Poetry Prescriptions Maggie's prescriptions: "Thanks" by W.S. Merwin and "Sorrow is Not My Name" by Ross Gay Faith's prescription: This excerpt of "The Moon is a Kite" by Andrea Gibson If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to [email protected]. All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: [email protected].

In this second episode of You Could Make This Beautiful, hosts Maggie Smith and Faith Salie talk to Peter Sagal, host of the NPR news quiz show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! about a prophetic reading at his first wedding, the poem that has haunted him throughout his life, and about the poetry he's found in the kindness and grace of his children. They also hear from poet and Harvard professor Stephanie Burt about how she found her way to poetry by way of science fiction, and how she's used the work of Taylor Swift to introduce her students to poets of centuries past like Alexander Pope. Show Notes (in chronological order): Maggie Smith on Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow "Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven" by W. B. Yeats "Ithaka" by C. P. Cavafy "The Illusion" by Tony Kushner "Most Like an Arch This Marriage" by John Ciardi Adrienne Rich's poems are "like dreams" quote Poet William Corbett "The Postmoderns: The New American Poetry Revised" by Donald M. Allen "The Crystal Lithium" by James Schuyler "The Elephant Man" on Broadway "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" with Alan Rickman "Angels in America, Part One: Millennium Approaches" by Tony Kushner "Arcadia" by Tom Stoppard "The Collar" by George Herbert "Poetry's Cross-dressing Kingmaker," The New York Times "Advice from the Lights" by Stephanie Burt, featuring "My 1979" Star Trek's "Is There in Truth No Beauty?" "We, in Some Strange Power's Employ, Move on a Rigorous Line" by Samuel R. Delany "Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot" by Alexander Pope "Look What You Made Me Do" by Taylor Swift "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift "The Nancy Mace" by Stephanie Burt "Taylor's Version: The Poetic and Musical Genius of Taylor Swift" by Stephanie Burt Poetry Prescriptions Maggie's prescription: "Go to the Limits of Your Longing" from Rainer Maria Rilke's "Book of Hours" Faith's prescription: "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to [email protected]. All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: [email protected].

Our miniseries finale features comedian Mike Birbiglia and poet J. Hope Stein talking about the poetry in comedy and the comedy in poetry. The couple co-authored the book "The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad" and occasionally bring their mix of jokes and poems to the stage. Also, a masterclass in metaphor from teacher and poet Peter Kessler, who argues that human beings need metaphor and imagery to fully understand each other. Show notes (in chronological order): "The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad" by Mike Birbiglia with poems by J. Hope Stein "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith Mike Birbiglia's "The Good Life" Mike Birbiglia's "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" "Don't Think Twice" "Sleepwalk with Me" "Wholly Holy" by J. Hope Stein Voyager 2 and Voyager 1 from "little astronaut" by J. Hope Stein "Keep a Poem in Your Pocket" by Beatrice Schenk de Regniers "The Grammar of Fantasy" by Gianna Rodari "Catrin" by Gillian Clarke "Prayer (I)" by George Herbert If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to [email protected]. All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: [email protected].

We have something really special for you: a sneak preview of a new series we've been working on here at WBUR that we think you, in particular, will love. It's called You Could Make This Beautiful, and if that phrase sounds vaguely familiar, it's because it comes from the virally famous poem "Good Bones" by poet Maggie Smith. You Could Make This Beautiful is co-hosted by Maggie Smith and Faith Salie, whom you may know from NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! or CBS News Sunday Morning. The show is about making life more beautiful, but it's not about telling you how to do that; it's about showing you the way with poetry in all its forms — music, art, nature, you name it. The episodes feature poets, yes, but also actors like Henry Winkler, comedians like Mike Birbiglia, and teachers like Saeed Jones. We've made 3 episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful — so far, at least — and we'll be dropping all three of them right here in this feed, on August 7th. In the meantime, here's a little teaser, straight from Maggie and Faith. Enjoy, stay tuned, and you, too, could make this beautiful.

This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017. The term "ghosting" isn't a new concept anymore—the idea that someone suddenly and inexplicably disappears from your life. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But at a time when our devices have made us more accessible than ever, this can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy. The Sugars discuss ghosting with the essayist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. He's the author of We Learn Nothing, a collection of essays that includes a story about being ghosted by a childhood friend.

From our archives—this episode originally aired on April 10th, 2017. Location, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky. Home is where the heart is, we're told. But what if "where the heart is" doesn't align with where your job is? Or when your head — or your significant other — tries to talk you out of a location that makes your heart happy? The Sugars discuss the significance of location and home with the help of Pam Houston, whose memoir is about finding her forever-home on a ranch at 9,000 feet in Colorado. Her other books include Contents May Have Shifted and Cowboys Are My Weakness.

This episode was originally published on March 3, 2017. "Whatever"— that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity. Maria joins the Sugars this week to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. She wrote about the evolution of her own family structure in her 2013 Modern Love column for The New York Times, "Coming Out As a Modern Family," which she later turned into the book, "Whatever...Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves."