When Ghosting Is Good

You're a devoted husband with a loving, committed and intelligent wife. You want to family; a traditional American dream with a wife, kids, and a cozy home. But secretly you're in love with another man. You and he have an emotional, passionate and sexy love affair that you can't seem to put aside. For my guests today, Mark and David (not their real names or voices) this was their life, until more than a decade after they met, their lives were changed forever.

You’re a husband. A good guy, a strong provider and a very present dad. Despite that, your wife goes out and cheats on you. You struggle to hold your marriage together and somehow you manage to. But what happens if once again your wife’s behavior starts to get well, weird. Do you still trust her, investigate or leave? This episode’s guest, Harrison Scott Key answers this question in his new book called “How To Stay Married-The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told.” Find out what happens when a man of deep faith questions whether to preserve the bonds of holy matrimony or leave his wife’s affairs, deceit and emotional abuse behind.

Does polyamory really make it possible for husbands and wives and committed partners with multiple lovers to have it all? Many say that having an affair makes them feel alive again, but with that exuberance comes deception, duplicity, and deceit. Hiding an affair from your spouse or partner is guilt provoking and burdensome. What if there was a way to maintain the stability of your committed partnership and the passion of your affair. What if you didn't have to choose between a spouse and lover but could have both in an open, honest and loving relationship that includes ...... your children? Is it even possible to have a healthy and open relationship with a spouse (or committed partner) and a lover at the same time? Can you love them both deeply? Can you give both your partner and your lover the attention they deserve, and the intimacy and sexual intensity they need? On this episode I talk with my guests Sarah Levinson, therapist and Dr. Mark Sisti, psychologist talk about polyamory.

About 20 years into your marriage, you find out that your husband has been cheating on you with your neighbor. You and he go to therapy to try and fix the marriage. While you're devastated, you remain hopeful because you believe that therapy is going to help your communication, right the wrongs, and ultimately heal the marriage. Fast forward, and you find out the reason he wanted to go to therapy was to break up with you, ask you for a divorce, and leave you and your three children behind. Should you tell your children the truth- can you tell them why daddy is leaving and what he did? Or do you keep your husband's secret and withhold the truth from your kids? Conventional wisdom tells the wife "keep your mouth shut and don't involve your kids." But is that point of view outdated? Why should the betrayed wife suffer in silence and participate in her cheating husband's cover up? Is it right to be evasive with the kids when they start asking questions? What do you think? What would you do? The guest's name has been changed and her voice has been altered to protect her privacy.

On this episode called "Dangerous Liaisons: When Cheating Leads to Tragic Ends," powerhouse attorney Marilyn B. Chinitz, a partner at Blank Rome joins me to discuss several of her most shocking cases where infidelity led to: exposing the abuses of a morally depraved mother, unmasking a serial pedophile, and solving a brutal murder. Chinitz shares the stories behind these high profile cases as we explore how infidelity can escalate to unthinkable ends. Chinitz and I discuss the extent of emotional, financial and physical risk involved in any adulterous relationship as cheaters expose themselves, their lives and their families' lives to a secret lover whose true intentions can prove irreparably damaging.

Silence is the lethal injection in any relationship. It's more invective and hurtful than a barrage of expletives and a slamming door. In silence, you deny your partner the surety of knowing where you stand and giving them the option to do something about it. I've written a short fictional story called "Answer Me You Son Of A Bitch," that chronicles the agony of a married woman who is ghosted by her married lover for months and months, until one day fate brings a chance for her to win him back. At the start of the episode I narrate "Answer Me You Son Of A Bitch", then follow it up with a roundtable discussion with my guests and friends David, Samantha and John, who react to the story and share their own thoughts on infidelity.

Is it possible to be a beautiful, accomplished woman in your 30s, and have never once cheated on a partner - not even a secret emotional flirtation? My guest Joanne Nosuchinsky, co-host of the show "Mornin' with Bill and Joanne" is that woman. Joanne has managed to remain faithful in her relationships even at times when a partner has cheated on her. Conversely, her very good friend and co-host Bill Schulz has slept with "many married women" (his words not mine). I plan on asking Bill how many is many, and why he thinks they all slept with him. Bill says the married women he's been with "don't expect very much." (Umm... what does that mean?) Bill, Joanne and I also play a game that tests their knowledge of modern dating terms and tactics. It's a show filled with LMAO moments, and some pretty surprising revelations from both Bill and Joanne.

My guest whom we’ll call Alex, has a a history of philandering. With many indiscretions notched on his belt (I’ll let him tell you just how many) he has a vast experience with stepping outside of his marriage. He’s a nice guy, a religious guy, a hard worker, and a doting father. I wondered why with a seemingly untarnished profile such as his he would cheat on his wife. Alex can’t speak for all people, and he certainly can’t speak for straight women, but we did have a pretty insightful conversation about the many possible reasons why people cheat — and what made him cheat.

This week, out of the vault, comes one of my favorite "Cheating: When Love Lies" episodes ever. On this episode, podcast royalty Adam Carolla shares his perspective on cheating and affairs. We talked about emotional versus physical affairs, what drives people to cheat, and the advice he'd give anyone who's thinking of having an affair. In true "Adam style" he uses spot on anecdotes and analogies to explain the complexities of cheating. Adam and I even did a little role play as the unhappy couple trying to decide if we should stay in our relationship or kiss each other goodbye!

Is it true that men are so toxic that most end up betraying their partners? Has “toxic masculinity” driven men to cheat openly, often and without regret? Destin Gerek is a globally recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, and personal empowerment. He is founder and CEO of The Evolved Masculine, a pioneering coaching and training company for men, and author of the book "The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs, and The One She Craves.” According to Destin, we need a new type of masculinity — the evolved man who is vulnerable and empathetic, and less likely to cheat, hurt and betray. The irony is at one time Destin was the self-proclaimed Erotic Rockstar and had innumerable worldwide sexual conquests. He’ll tell us how he went from that to becoming an evolved masculine. Destin says there are eight rules to live by that lessen the evolved man’s likelihood to cheat. He and I don’t get through all the rules, but we do hit the big ones. Join us !