How an Abusers Thinks. Our Fourth Installment.

There is little chance we will ever get an abuser to join us on this podcast and do a recorded interview. But, we have heard enough about the minds of abusers to have insights into what we would hear. It would be the justification of actions taken purely to gain control over another person. It would be a relentless pushback. That is what you will find in this episode. This episode, our fourth in this series, comes with content and trigger warnings: Domestic abuse, domestic violence, and graphic violence. The voice you will hear on this WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast episode was created by a computer program. It is not a real person's voice. The words spoken are a composite of beliefs and concepts expressed by dating and domestic abusers found within articles and interviews. They have been collected over nearly two decades. They have been reassembled as complete ideas and thoughts.   This episode illustrates how abusers portray themselves as victims. There is not one "portrait" that fits all abusers, of course, but many never take ownership of their words or actions, and they justify their abusive and destructive behavior.   NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lola Reid Allin is such an amazing woman. Growing up, her father discouraged her from becoming anything more than a woman who followed a very stereotypical lifestyle in support of men. Lola fell in love with the idea of becoming a pilot. Her father had the same desire when he was a young man, but did not achieve it. Lola's father didn't handle it well when she succeeded where he had not. Her determination to follow her dreams also crossed over into her sometimes abusive marriage to a man named Paul. She will tell us about that in this episode. So, let's listen to Lola Reid Allin, who just published her new book and titled, "Highway to the Sky: "An Aviators Journey". Here is Lola's website. This is her Facebook page. Lola's email address: [email protected]. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our guest is Dr. Diana Ponsky MD FACS, a double board certified in facial plastic and head and neck surgery, carrying certification from the American Board of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and the American Board of Otolaryngology. She has over 18+ years of experience in cosmetic surgery of the face. Dr. Ponsky has become drawn to humanitarian work. She’s performed free procedures for Face-to-Face — a charitable arm of the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery — in which she helped survivors of domestic abuse recover from facial injury. She will speak about this in our interview. In the past seven years, Diana has been able to grow her practice into one of the most successful in the area, serving upwards of 300 patients a year. In tandem with her work-life balance goals, the surgeon finds time to give back to her community through charitable healthcare and lessons she teaches at local high schools and Case Western Reserve University.  “I've had mentors and role models who’ve shown me that persistence and hard work are always admired," Dr. Ponsky says. "I want to continue to pay that forward by helping others and being an example to others."   It was a true honor to speak with Dr. Diana Ponsky. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PART 3 Barbra Walker’s story takes time to tell. For that reason, it is presented to you in three parts. This is part three.  Trigger Warnings!!! Barbra Walker’s story of abuse comes with serious trigger warnings about its content and descriptions. There is much to be learned from listening to her telling of what happened, but it contains potentially distressing material. Ms. Walker had never told her entire story at one time until she contacted the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast and trusted us to bring it to you from beginning to end. Like so many dating and domestic violence narratives on this podcast, the story begins with dating someone who is quite appealing. These are some glimpses of what would later be identified as red flags, but in those early days these are overlooked, and the relationship continued. Barbra Walker’s ability to detail every facet of all that happened is remarkable. And our opinion of her as a survivor, a loving mother, and a loyal wife holds our highest admiration. It was an honor to meet her and carry her story forward to you.  Barbra’s deepest wish: that her story will inform those who are at any stage in being lowered into the nightmare of dating and domestic violence. She hopes they will soon find ways out as she did—but with much less trauma. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PART 2 Barbra Walker’s story takes time to tell. For that reason, it is presented to you in three parts. This is part two.  Trigger Warnings!!! Barbra Walker’s story of abuse comes with serious trigger warnings about its content and descriptions. There is much to be learned from listening to her telling of what happened, but it contains potentially distressing material. Ms. Walker had never told her entire story at one time until she contacted the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast and trusted us to bring it to you from beginning to end. Like so many dating and domestic violence narratives on this podcast, the story begins with dating someone who is quite appealing. These are some glimpses of what would later be identified as red flags, but in those early days these are overlooked, and the relationship continued. Barbra Walker’s ability to detail every facet of all that happened is remarkable. And our opinion of her as a survivor, a loving mother, and a loyal wife holds our highest admiration. It was an honor to meet her and carry her story forward to you.  Barbra’s deepest wish: that her story will inform those who are at any stage in being lowered into the nightmare of dating and domestic violence. She hopes they will soon find ways out as she did—but with much less trauma. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PART 1 Barbra Walker’s story takes time to tell. For that reason, it is presented to you in three parts. This is part one.  Trigger Warnings!!! Barbra Walker’s story of abuse comes with serious trigger warnings about its content and descriptions. There is much to be learned from listening to her telling of what happened, but it contains potentially distressing material. Ms. Walker had never told her entire story at one time until she contacted the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast and trusted us to bring it to you from beginning to end. Like so many dating and domestic violence narratives on this podcast, the story begins with dating someone who is quite appealing. These are some glimpses of what would later be identified as red flags, but in those early days these are overlooked, and the relationship continued. Barbra Walker’s ability to detail every facet of all that happened is remarkable. And our opinion of her as a survivor, a loving mother, and a loyal wife holds our highest admiration. It was an honor to meet her and carry her story forward to you.  Barbra’s deepest wish: that her story will inform those who are at any stage in being lowered into the nightmare of dating and domestic violence. She hopes they will soon find ways out as she did—but with much less trauma. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I interviewed Heather Glogolich a couple of years ago. At that time, she was a police lieutenant. Today, she is a police captain with the New Jersey Institute of technology in Newark, NJ. Nothing has held her back in her amazing career. Heather is also a motivational speaker, an author, a victim advocate, and a domestic violence survivor. Everything she has attempted, she has succeeded in. I want you to hear this rerelease of our conversation. It is not easy to listen to, but it is a wealth of knowledge you should hear and take to heart. We ask ourselves, "How could someone who is studying to become a police officer wind up in a such an unhealthy relationship?" The answer is: it can happen to anyone. And Heather is not the first female police officer I have spoken with who suffered a similar fate. Thanks to Heather for this interview. ShShe is one of the strongest and most-resilient persons I have ever met, and it is an honor to know her. That is why I stay in touch with her... she is such an inspiration! Here is my interview with Heather Glogolich. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This story was first published a couple years back. I re-released it because it's just so full of helpful information. Susan Saurman is a survivor on several levels. Abused by her father when she was young, she also needed to heal from the day he murdered her dear mother. This is part two of a two-part story that spans decades. Susan has not let anything deter her from her mission to use her family's tragedy to help others. My admiration for Susan is immense. We continue to stay in touch and we support each other. Susan's book, "The Courage I Learned ", is on Amazon. Susan is a survivor who has helped thousands of victims to become survivors. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This story was first published a couple years back. I re-released it because it's just so full of helpful information. Susan Saurman is a survivor on several levels. Abused by her father when she was young, she also needed to heal from the day he murdered her dear mother. This is part one of a two-part story that spans decades. Susan has not let anything deter her from her mission to use her family's tragedy to help others. My admiration for Susan is immense. We continue to stay in touch and we support each other. Susan's book, "The Courage I Learned ", is on Amazon. Susan is a survivor who has helped thousands of victims to become survivors. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are about to hear part two of a two-part story with Alissa. This is a teen dating violence story. It does not include physical violence to any great degree, but it makes the point that a relationship can be quite abusive even without the presence of the physical part. This interview is one you might want to listen to with teens present, both in high school or college. You will hear about warning signs that were overlooked. Breaking up is the most dangerous time, especially when the abusive partner is highly controlling. Alissa is a true survivor, and a very fortunate survivor. Most stories like this have far different endings. This is Alissa's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can only be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices