Why “Meeting His Needs” Is Killing Your Desire - with Dr. Lori Brotto | Ep. 191

Why do so many women feel disconnected from sex—even in loving relationships? In this episode, we unpack the two core motivations behind intimacy: avoidance and approach. When sex is driven by pressure, obligation, or fear—like avoiding conflict, guilt, or rejection—it’s no surprise that desire fades. Yet, this pattern is so normalized that many women end up believing something is wrong with them, rather than questioning the system itself.Joined by renowned researcher Dr. Lori Brotto, this conversation explores what actually makes sex feel good—and worth wanting. From understanding why low desire is so common to redefining pleasure as the goal (not performance or frequency), this episode challenges everything you’ve been taught about intimacy. If you’ve ever felt like sex is something you “should” want but don’t, this will offer clarity, validation, and a new way forward.Find all info about Dr. Lori Brotto here: https://www.loribrotto.com/Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

Anthony shares his journey from defensiveness and disconnection to truly hearing his partner for the first time. Like many couples, they found themselves stuck in a cycle of repeating the same conversations, hoping something would finally click… but real change didn’t begin until willingness entered the picture.Anthony opens up about the moment he recognized how deeply his upbringing had shaped his expectations around intimacy—and the courage it took to face that truth. His story is a reminder that while change is simple in theory, it requires a willingness to listen, grow, and see things differently. If you’ve ever felt like your partner just isn’t getting it, this episode offers a hopeful glimpse into what’s possible when they finally do.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

Why are we still defining sex in a way that doesn’t feel good for many women?In this eye-opening episode, my guest Anne and I challenge one of the most normalized (and harmful) beliefs about intimacy: that intercourse is the main event. Through Anne’s story, you’ll hear how cultural messaging, lack of real education, and silent expectations led to pain, confusion—and feeling broken.But this conversation doesn’t stop there. Anne shares how she began to question everything, find her voice, and create a more honest, pleasurable, and connected relationship with her partner.If you’ve ever wondered why sex doesn’t feel the way it “should,” this episode might change the way you see everything.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

I’ve been scratching my head for years trying to figure out how to help couples talk to each other about sex and share the helpful information on the podcast.I knew that a simple, non-threatening video was necessary for both men and women to be able to send to their partners to explain the basic concepts. I also knew that I needed to make the podcast accessible for newbies with an easy “start here” place to go (with 188 episodes, it just doesn’t work to begin with episode 1, although many try…).And, lastly, I knew that both men and women needed guidance on how to start the conversation with their partners in a way that felt safe and doable. And I’m SO FREAKIN’ HAPPY to announce that I have accomplished all of this and am ready to share it with you. Today’s episode on the podcast is part of the men’s side of this "beginner's guide” but I’m sure everyone will enjoy it. I’ve edited 6 stories together- 3 from men and 3 from women, to highlight the commonalities of the sex struggle so many heterosexual couples face.It’s an episode that I hope makes you see the bigger picture of what we are all facing from culture with individual differences sprinkled in.If you want the full beginner’s guide, starting with the intro videos, here are the links:Women’s VideoMen’s Video(If you are looking for the conversation guides, sign-up for the videos and you’ll find them on the next page.)Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

Jo shares her journey from confusion and pressure around sex to rediscovering connection, safety, and genuine pleasure with her husband.She opens up about:How cultural messaging shaped her relationship with sexThe hidden impact of “obligation” and silent pressure in long-term relationshipsThe turning point that helped her and her partner finally understand each otherWhy emotional safety—not technique—is the foundation of real intimacyIf you’ve ever felt disconnected, confused, or pressured in your intimate life, this conversation will leave you feeling seen, hopeful, and inspired.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

Do you ever feel like you are the one with all the "baggage" in your relationship?This is exactly how Liz felt for years. In every category she looked- religious, cultural upbringing, and past life choices, she felt inferior to her spouse. To make up for the gap, she tried to be the “perfect” wife by providing her husband sex and keeping her body up even through four pregnancies. No surprise, it didn’t work out great.Join us as we talk through:The two major turning points in her marriage and how they helped transform her relationship. Her reckoning with the cultural and religious teachings she was raised on.What she’s experimenting with now to reclaim her joy and autonomy.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

When a couple can meet each other with non-judgmental empathy, it draws you closer to each other. Nobody is shamed, questioned or put down and it leads to a deeper intimacy.This is the power of mutual vulnerability and it’s one of the bedrocks of a healthy marriage (and sex life).But most people don’t do a very good job at it! (which makes sense- who taught us how???)In today’s podcast episode, my husband and I explored this topic, sharing what we were taught about vulnerability, offering a role-play of what to do (and not to do), and practical tips on responding to vulnerability effectively.If you thought new sex positions were the key to hot sex, think again! Mutual vulnerability leads to safety and you can’t get sexier than safety!I hope you enjoy this feel-good episode 🙂Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

In my work, I highlight the terrible things that gender inequality does to a couple’s sexual relationship but it extends far beyond the bedroom impacting connection, financial health, individual happiness, physical health, and, ultimately, relationship satisfaction.Which is why as soon as I finished the book, “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home” by Kate Mangino, I knew I needed her to come on the podcast.Thankfully, she agreed 🙂In this episode of the podcast, we talk about:The consequences of not working towards equality in the home as well as the benefitsCommon excuses for not working towards equalityHow men can grow into equal partners Lessons from 40 men who are working towards equality in their marriagesAdvice for women trying to move towards gender equalityYou can find out more about Kate and her work here: https://www.katemangino.com/Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

After decades of quiet frustration in their sex life, DeeDee and her husband made a bold decision: they would burn their “traditional” sex life to the ground and rebuild something that actually worked for them.For most of her life, DeeDee struggled with low libido. It affected her relationships, her self-esteem, and especially her marriage. She tried everything—books, advice, and years of therapy—but nothing truly changed. She felt broken, unheard, and alone.Now in her 50s, DeeDee shares what finally made the difference. She describes discovering Doing It Together as a miracle. For the first time, she felt truly seen and heard. After years of hiding her truth, she found the courage to say the hard things out loud—and received the support she needed.With that support, she and her husband reimagined intimacy on their own terms. They let go of pain, pressure, and obligation. In their place, they built something new: a sex life rooted in honesty, comfort, and connection.And for the first time, it feels right.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.

This episode provides an update on what Janna and her husband are working on in their sex life. Both talk about how anxiety affects their sexual experience in different ways. Janna shares her anxieties about:trying to have an orgasm and it not progressinggetting in her head about what “should” happen nextbeing worried about his experience and if he's "getting bored”Dwayne shares his anxieties about:being a “perfect” partner and feeling inadequatetrying to communicate to connect the progression of moving from something that feels good into “What to do next?”This episode will remind you that you aren't alone in your sexual struggles and that all couples are a work in progress in the bedroom. Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn more? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Ready to learn as a couple? Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs May 28 to July 26, 2026. Registration deadline is May 26.