507. Coaching Hotline: Why Feedback Sends You Into a Shame Spiral

If you’ve ever answered “fine” when you weren’t really fine, this episode is for you. Saying “fine” may feel safe in the moment, but it trains your brain to ignore your desires, feelings, and needs, leaving you disconnected from yourself, burnt out, and frustrated.In this episode, I explore why socialization and evolutionary wiring make women suppress anger, disappointment, and discomfort to avoid judgment, and why that tiny word hides so much more than you realize. You'll hear the two steps you can take today to start rewiring this pattern in your brain and rebuild your connection to yourself.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/508Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Does receiving feedback make you spiral into shame, anxiety, or self-doubt? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener who struggles to separate her self-worth from professional critique. You'll hear why those intense feelings are actually avoided emotions showing up, how your brain prioritizes short-term discomfort over thoughtful response, and why trying to get through the feelings quickly keeps you stuck. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/507Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

If you’ve ever eaten a sandwich when you really wanted dumplings, turned down help you needed, or stayed silent in a meeting because it felt safer to bite your tongue, listen in. Your brain focuses on the short-term pain of asking for what you want and the anxiety or shame that follows, but avoiding those feelings comes at a much bigger cost.In this episode, I slow everything down and examine how a single choice, from the tiniest to the biggest, can ripple across your day, your relationships, and even your career. You'll learn why socialization and internalized beliefs train women to suppress wants and prioritize others, and how speaking up even when it feels awkward is the key to preserving your energy, your agency, and your connection to what matters. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/506Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Why do we wear makeup, and does it even matter? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener question about makeup and body image. I explain why wearing makeup is a personal choice and often a form of self-expression, not a reflection of whether you have done the inner work to love your body.I also tackle a question about humility and how it can be useful in managing your mind. This episode shows how examining the thoughts behind your choices, about humility, appearance, and social expectations can shift your perspective and reduce unnecessary self-judgment.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/505Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

This 7-month certification program includes intensive training and plenty of space for practice and integration. We've got coach practicum calls, live coaching feedback sessions, and more.Whether you're thinking of starting your own business or side hustle, you want to incorporate coaching into your existing career, or if you're already a coach and want to refine your skills, the Socratic Coaching Method Certification is where you belong.Click here to learn more and enroll: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/socraticcoaching

Joy doesn’t always arrive when you expect it, and sometimes it shows up when life feels the hardest. In this episode, I talk about making space for joy with Kate Bowler, a professor at Duke University, 5x bestselling author, and host of the podcast Everything Happens. We discuss why happiness is overhyped, how microjoys and unexpected moments can interrupt your day, and why cultural narratives often make women feel like they are failing if life isn’t constantly “good.”This conversation is a reminder that joy is not something you can control or manufacture. It shows up when you are paying attention, when you let your guard down, and when you allow yourself to be human. Listening will help you notice the small delights, accept life’s unpredictability, and welcome joy into your day, even when everything else feels messy or uncertain.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/504Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Learn more about Kate's work, books, podcast, and more here: https://katebowler.com/

Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to a sibling and feeling stuck in resentment and rivalry? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I break down why most of that tension is coming from your own thoughts and judgments, and how noticing those patterns can change the way you relate to your family.I also answer a listener question about parenting a child with a chronic illness. Many parents feel anxious because they believe it is their job to control their child’s health. I break down why the anxiety comes not from the medical reality but from the thoughts you're having. This episode is all about seeing where your reactions really come from, reducing unnecessary stress, and interacting with your family and loved ones with more clarity and ease.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/503Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Whether you’re still deciding if coaching is the path for you – or wondering why your sessions don’t feel as powerful as you know they could – this one-hour masterclass gives you the clarity and tools to move forward.JUNE 26, 202612 p.m. – 1p.m. ETClick here to enroll: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/coach-curious-masterclass

When is the last time you actually asked for what you wanted when you were nervous? Not hinted, not hoped someone would notice, not talked yourself out of it. In this episode, I explore why women often suppress desires, needs, and wants in daily life, from small asks like an hour to yourself to bigger moments like negotiating at work or in relationships.You'll hear why thoughts like "I shouldn’t need this" or "it won’t matter" stop you from asking, even when it’s possible to get what you want. I also explain how to start noticing and understanding these patterns in your own life so you can begin to act differently. This episode helps you reconnect with your wants, build confidence in asking for them, and create a life that reflects your real needs and preferences.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/502Watch this episode over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Many people assume coaching is only for those who want to run a full-time coaching business, but coaching skills can actually be applied in almost any role. In this bonus episode, I explore three ways you can integrate coaching into other jobs. Whether you’re a manager, team leader, HR professional, or working for another coach, understanding the mental models that drive behavior can transform how you lead, influence, and support others.Even if you never plan to coach professionally, this episode highlights the ways coaching changes how you show up in your own life. By learning to notice the thoughts behind behavior, take responsibility for your own reactions, and approach others with curiosity, you can improve communication, manage reactivity, and build better relationships at work and at home.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/bonus-coaching-other-jobsFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/