When an Avoidant Comes Back, Ask THIS One Question

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I reveal the one question to ask when an avoidant comes back, and why most partners waste the power they actually have in that moment. As someone who has been on both sides of this push-pull dynamic, I explain why you keep chasing unavailable people, and why greeting them back with open arms only signals you still will not stand up for yourself. I break down the three reasons avoidants return, from being thirsty for love, to breadcrumbing for regulation, to actually having done the work. The question is simple: why are you coming back? Then you listen, and you only consider someone who has truly started to change.► Links and Resources:Limerence and Fantasy Regulation Video: https://youtu.be/ozIbtcDmNVA?si=rXpdK5mzKf75SbX4► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:04 Why You Keep Chasing the Avoidant03:11 When They Return, You Have the Power04:36 The Big Mistake Most Partners Make06:10 The 3 Reasons Avoidants Come Back10:01 The One Question to Ask13:05 Who Deserves a Second Chance► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you what happens when you stop accepting crumbs, and how to actually do it. As a recovered avoidant who used to date unavailable people, I share my own online dating story and the moment I stopped letting others be the gatekeepers of my love. When you become the gatekeeper of your own love, the power flips and the avoidant one gets triggered and starts chasing. Then I get practical: only invest in someone truly committed to a long-term relationship, set your emotional, love and communication standards, and let go of the belief that love has to be earned. You deserve the full meal, not crumbs.► Links and Resources:Why They End Up Obsessed Video: https://youtu.be/UckVISJAUJA► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction00:58 My Online Dating Story05:14 Become the Gatekeeper of Your Own Love07:33 Why It Triggers Them09:57 How to Actually Stop Accepting Crumbs14:16 Set Your 3 Relational Standards19:15 The Beliefs Keeping You Chasing20:58 What Is Actually True About You► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unpack why the person who only gives you crumbs ends up obsessed once you stop chasing. As a recovered avoidant, I explain that breadcrumbing is a way to keep you warm from a safe distance for their own regulation, rooted in childhood, and why you keep chasing from your own familiar wound and hope. I show the cage you built to protect yourself and what happens when you step out of it: the whole psychology flips and they start chasing you. In the end I cover the three reasons they come back, and which one is actually worth taking back.► Links and Resources:What Breadcrumbing Really Is Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVoakqE9UXgWhy Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:22 Why They Only Give You Crumbs05:01 The Childhood Wound Behind Breadcrumbing07:33 Why You Keep Chasing Them09:23 The Cage You Built Yourself12:25 Flip the Game: Stop Chasing15:43 What Happens When They Come Back► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share five things an avoidant partner does when they are secretly in love with you but cannot show it, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant. I explain why love, closeness and vulnerability feel dangerous to them, using the image of real feelings buried under a pile of poop, their protection strategies and childhood trauma. Then I walk through the five signs, from keeping coming back and showing love through actions, to getting triggered by you and hiding their fear of losing you. In the end I explain why you should not always accept this incomplete love, because you deserve someone who is willing to do the work.► Links and Resources:Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGDhim-YlY&t=34sMy Moment of Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:03 Why Avoidants Hide Their Love06:18 Sign 1: They Keep Coming Back10:08 Sign 2: They Show Love Through Actions12:02 Sign 3: They Stay in Contact Even When It Is Hard13:42 Sign 4: You Trigger Them14:52 Sign 5: Hidden Jealousy and Fear of Losing You19:53 Why You Should Not Always Accept Their Love► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one big mistake most partners make when an avoidant comes back, and the best way to respond instead. As a former avoidant who came back multiple times, I explain why taking them back with open arms only signals you still will not stand up for yourself, and why their return is always a test. I break down the three reasons avoidants come back, from being thirsty for love, to wanting closeness from a safe distance, to actually having done the work. The best response is to stay steady, keep building your own life, and ask one real question: why are you coming back? Then the real test begins.► Links and Resources:The 3 Reasons Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12sWhy Avoidants Don't Know Their Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoerBrHSdUIHow an Avoidant Sees a Healthy Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/6bFFqAAWobU?si=X0bAP0bkaHqb7nmr► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction00:48 The Pain Avoidants Cause04:14 The Big Mistake Most Partners Make05:50 When They Return, You Have the Power06:16 The 3 Reasons They Come Back10:52 The Best Response When They Return13:23 The One Question to Ask16:01 The Real Test Begins► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain what to say first when an avoidant offers you friendship after rejecting you or pulling away. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship lets them keep the good sides of the connection and regulate with you from a safe distance, without facing the closeness that triggers them. The real question is whether you want to be friends with someone you have feelings for, who does not love you fully. The answer is to set one clear boundary: you want them fully, or you go separate ways. It feels like a loss, but staying strong is what puts you back in the power position.► Links and Resources:Why Avoidants Offer Friendship Video: https://youtu.be/hEXO-Fnkn2o► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:12 Why Avoidants Offer Friendship06:18 The One Question to Ask Yourself First12:28 Say THIS First, When They Offer Friendship► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why avoidants offer friendship after a breakup, what the hidden message behind it is, and why you should almost never accept it. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship gives them connection and emotional regulation from a safe distance, without having to face their anxieties or do the work. I tell my own story of offering friendship to my ex, and why it is usually a bad deal for the partner, who loves more deeply and gets left in a position of hope. The answer is to set a clear boundary, because you deserve someone who wants you fully, not halfway.► Links and Resources:My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79sStandards, the Ick and Avoidant Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:00 Why Avoidants Fear Closeness05:43 Why The Offer Friendship07:15 The Hidden Message Behind Friendship08:20 My Own Story12:38 Why Friendship Is a Bad Deal for You17:21 Why You Should Never Accept Friendship► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unfold the psychology of why some people stay so unbothered in dating while others, like me a few years ago, end up overly sensitive, needy and obsessing over someone they barely know. As a recovered avoidant, I share the story of a girl I chased in university, and why you attract and cling to detached people, often from a childhood wound and the hope that keeps you self-abandoning. Then I show how to swap that psychology, not by playing games, but by breaking out of your box, building other life areas and a purpose bigger than the relationship, and finally learning to set boundaries. You become genuinely unbothered, not cold.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:36 The Girl Who Was Unbothered04:14 Why You Chase the Detached Ones06:21 Swap the Psychology10:11 1: Allow Yourself to Break the Box12:03 2: Build Other Life Areas14:29 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than the Relationship15:20 4: Learn to Set Boundaries► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you honestly who an avoidant does, when they're terrified of losing you.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:53 The Core Wound04:02 The Chase Before the Relationship05:09 The Commitment Shift07:06 Pulling Away and Conflict10:07 When They Are Afraid of Losing You11:46 Two Reactions When They Return14:38 What You Can Do► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I answer what actually helps avoidants heal, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant who worked with four therapists. I explain why it is so hard, because avoidants rarely see their behavior as the problem and society even rewards their independence. Then I build it up in levels: first reframing what a relationship means and finding a purpose bigger than yourself, then the practical work of setting realistic relational standards, finding a supportive partner, and training the missing skills like naming needs and boundaries. The real core key is a decision: committing 110 percent to the relationship, especially on the hard days.► Links and Resources:Why Avoidants Lose Feelings Video: https://youtu.be/dHOxRnU4pEU?si=VP8fI3hwhVNAeFu9Why Avoidants Cannot Feel Their Needs Video: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=UCjq5BS6Wkfldo97► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:12 Why It Is So Hard for Avoidants to Heal11:05 Level 1: Reframing Relationships15:58 Finding a Higher Purpose19:25 Empathy and Healthy Guilt21:11 Level 2: Setting Realistic Relational Standards26:25 Finding the Right Partner32:21 Training the Missing Relationship Skills36:50 Level 3: The Key to Heal► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.