77. 4 barriers to good communication

4 Barriers to good communicationWe all want to be good at communication and we know how we want to communicate but sometimes things just get in the way.In this episode, I share the 4 barriers that I see again and again that get in the way of good communication:A lack of skilssTriggered partsLack of unityAwarenessThat last one is a really important one. You can't change anything if you are not aware that it is a problem or that you are doing something that is aggravating things. I recommend my online course, The 5 Big Communication Mistakes that couples make and how to avoid them. You can check it out here. nicolemathieson.com/courses/big-communication-mistakes/Nicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships.@relationship_smart_with_nicole Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Peri-menopause can really umpact us in midlife. This episode of the Relationship Smart Podcast featured Dr. Keri Krieger, an acupuncturist and Chinese medicine specialist, discussing perimenopause and midlife transitions from a holistic health perspective.In this episode Keri and I explore:-Keri explains that Traditional Chinese Medicine calls it the "second spring" with the idea of biological pruning during this life stage-the physical and emotional symptoms women experience as hormones change: including weight gain, sleep issues, and the gradual unwinding of systems that were active during reproductive years-Keri shares her personal experience of meeting her partner in midlife-how partners can support women through menopause-how acupuncture and Chinese medicine can support women by helping regulate the nervous system and finding balance during this transition periodFind out moreDr Keri KriegerWebsite: https://kerikrieger.com/Instagram: @kerikriegerListen to our other episode way back in 2014open.spotify.com/episode/02xml5NgNu53L5LwabNQms?si=162a11249042406aNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships.@relationship_smart_with_nicole Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We care for everyone else at our own expense.Have you ever felt let down by care? Like you don't quite get the care you need? Like there isn't enough to go around? and Like the whole self-care thing just puts more work on your plate?In this episode Claire and I explore:-her concept of "shame of care," how traditional care approaches can be damaging when they rely on authority-based methods which dismiss patients' experiences-harmful cultural experiences and trauma that can occur in various systems including families, schools, and healthcare-Claire's approach of breaking down care into six skills or practices that address both micro-level self-care and macro-level aspects of care-how early experiences with care from family and culture influence self-care patterns and the importance of honoring individual pace-the benefits and pitfalls of self-care practices, emphasizing the importance of practicing them in relationship with others rather than in isolation-societal expectations and gender roles that create unnecessary burdens, particularly for women who are conditioned to take on more responsibilitiesAhh, there is actually so much here.Claire and I also invite you to share your story of care with us. This feels like a really great place to start to unpack your relationship with care.Feel free to email me at [email protected] share this episode with anybody you know who is challenged by feeling under resourced. The more we realise we are not alone in feeling these ways, the more we can heal.You can watch this chat on Youtube if you prefer to see us....Find out moreClaire StephensenWebsite: careweaver.com.auInstagram: @claire.stephensenNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships.@relationship_smart_with_nicole Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode I speak to Dr Zoe Vilenica, trauma specialist and somatic practice therapist.This episode comes with a trigger warning as we will be exploring complex trauma and childhood sexual trauma.I will be asking Zoe to help us understand how trauma shows up in relationships and how it gets healed.We explore:The difference between PTSD, complex trauma and childhood sexual trauma How trauma shows up in relationshipHow trauma impacts people and how/ where it impact relationshipsThe difference between childhood sexual trauma and sexual trauma as an older personHow the overlay of relationships and attachment impacts the relational and nervous systemHow can a partner best support and respond to trauma for healingHow we heal from traumaTo connect with Dr Zoe check out:Website: www.posttraumaticpeace.comInstagram: @posttraumaticpeaceNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships.@relationship_smart_with_nicole Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Defensiveness Damages Intimacy (And What To Do Instead)Intent vs Impact in Relationships: Why Good Intentions Aren’t EnoughMost partners are not trying to hurt each other.But here’s the truth:Good intent does not cancel out harmful impact.Join me as we unpack what is going on and how best to explain, unpack and move forward from this sticky place.Nicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode I speak to my colleague Dr Diane Harner, neuroscientist, counsellor and business coach. Together we explore how an understanding of neuroscience can inform us to get smarter in relationships particularly in terms of the stories we tell ourselves.We explore:-how attachment experiences in childhood shape adult relationships-how attunement and reciprocity as key factors in attachment-the characteristics of anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles, highlighting how early experiences shape these patterns-how maintaining curiosity has a real benefit especially in relationships-the potential dangers of overconfidence in one's thinking.-the importance of self-awareness and metacognition in understanding and improving self-esteem-the functions of three brain networks: the Executive Network, the Default Mode Network and Salience Network-and finally Diane gives us tips on how to manage negative thought patternsTo connect with Diane check out her websitesFor Public speaking and coaching - https://www.clevermindsconsulting.com.au/For counselling - https://www.drdianeharner.com.au/Nicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Join me and my guest Heid Louise as we discuss her book The Love Blueprint.You can find out more about Heid here, and get a copy of her book here, or on audio here.Heidi is a Brisbane based Psychotherapist who works from a holistic and trauma informed framework.  She is an experienced and qualified Psychotherapist, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker (AMHSW), a Lvl 3 Gottman Couples therapist and a Lvl 2 (IFS) Internal Family Systems Therapist  In our chat we focused on understanding Love Blueprints which is the theme of Heidi's new book. we discuss;the various therapeutic approaches including IFS, Gottman, and Polyvagal theory to provide a comprehensive guide to understanding relationship patterns and personal developmentthe concept of the "Love Blueprint," which refers to our early experiences and how they shape our understanding of love and relationshipsthe challenges couples face when their love blueprints and coping strategies clash, highlighting the role of therapy in providing gentle guidance and support.the importance of understanding and compassion in relationshipsthe concept of triggers as flag posts for deeper healing and understanding in relationshipshow joy can be challenging for individuals due to past experiencesAnd finally, Heidi's definition of secure love which is, after all, what we all are truly craving in relationshipEnjoyNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships and has various online courses and resources to support people navigating the tricky realm of relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Join my guest Helen Sheehy and I as we explore neurodiversity in the realm of relationshipsYou can find Helen at neurodivergence.live here and you buy her book Moving Forwards, Working Backwards here too.In this episode we explore:What a strengths based approach to Neurodivergence isWhy Helen has changed the abbreviations from ADHD and ASDWhy being diagnosed can be beneficial - I share my personal experience of thisThe complexity and challenges of ADH /AS combo relationshipsWhy AS and ADH seem to attract each other in intimate relationshipsHelens' top tips for being in ND relationshipsEnjoyNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Two people can go through the same event and walk away with different stories about what happened.That’s right — same event, different story. And those different interpretations can quietly shape how we feel about each other, how safe we feel in our relationships, and even how much love we’re able to express.In this episode I talk about where we go wrong and what we can do to bridge the gap of disconnect, switch focus, stop arguing about our different versions and come back into connection.In this episode we look at:There’s Truth on Both SidesNowhere Is This More Polarising Than in the BedroomMemory: Is not to be trustedThe 3 Stances That Keep Us StuckHow to Improve Your Relationship — Bridging the GapSeeing Things Differently Can Be a StrengthNicole MathiesonThis podcast was created by Nicole Mathieson, a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, who has a couple of podcasts and is the author of The Beauty Load, How to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty.Nicole helps men, women and couples get smarter, happier and more connected in their intimate relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are you in conflict?I hear so many clients ask me how to stop being so intense in their moments of conflict and I always answer that it is a great question, but also it is the wrong question in a way. I think we need to zoom out. Listen in as I take you through my ideas for how to do this.Sign up to my live workshop on June 8th - Keeping your cool, how to naviage conflict with grace.About NicoleNicole Mathieson is a couple therapist and relationship focussed counsellor helping people come back to themselves. Nicole teaches practical experiential skills to ceate more loving, connected and harmonious intimate relationships - with themselves and their partners.Website nicolemathieson.com/Instagram @nicole.mathiesonBuy the book nicolemathieson.com/thebeautyloadGet the course nicolemathieson.com/courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.