Why Healing Yourself Improves Relationships | Phillip Quinones

Why do the same relationship patterns keep showing up, and what does it actually take to break them?Erin and Daren welcome Phillip Quinones, LMHT and Relationship Coach, to unpack how trauma, emotional regulation, and self-awareness shape the way we connect with others.Phillip shares how many people unknowingly operate from survival mode, how that affects communication and intimacy, and why real relational change starts internally, not externally.Topics Covered:🔴 Trauma responses and relational patterns🟢 Emotional regulation tools for healthier connections🟣 Why awareness must come before relationship repairCHAPTERS / TIMESTAMPS00:00 Understanding Feelings and Thoughts02:58 The Journey of Healing and Self-Awareness06:12 Navigating Relationships and Communication08:56 The Power of Questions in Emotional Processing12:06 Reflections vs. Questions in Communication14:47 Tools for Shifting Unhealthy Relationship Patterns24:44 The Power of Writing Things Down28:05 Accountability in Relationships30:36 Understanding Trauma Triggers32:38 Conscious vs. Subconscious Control36:16 Navigating Change and Resistance40:00 The Role of Therapy in Relationships47:59 Preventative Care in Couples Therapy52:47 Navigating Relationship Challenges54:22 The Impact of Trauma on Relationships56:41 Emotional Safety in Partnerships58:11 Understanding Emotional Needs01:00:28 The Complexity of Long-Term Relationships01:02:03 Expectations and Emotional Fulfillment01:03:34 The Importance of Emotional Intelligence01:06:26 Rewriting Societal Rules on EmotionsCONNECT & RESOURCESGuest:Phillip Quinones — LMHT & Relationship CoachPodcast:🔗 linktr.ee/undounplugged📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/undounpluggedpod/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/undounpluggedpod/Un/Do: UnpluggedEPISODE CREDITSThis episode is brought to you by:Un/Do: UnpluggedHosts: Erin Harris & Daren NorrisProduced by: Podcast MechanicEdited by: TJ

NEW EPISODES EVERY OTHER MONDAYConnect with Un/Do and support its mission by visiting https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undounpluggedpod on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this transformative episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Simone Knego—a mom of six who went from chronic self-doubt to climbing Mount Kilimanjaro after asking herself one simple question: "Why am I telling myself I can't do this?"What We Uncovered:💡 The REAL Method: Respect yourself (most important person), Embrace failure (fail forward), Ask what you want (hardest question), Live without limits (stop saying "just")🔥 Control-Alt-Delete for your brain: How to reboot negative thought patterns like restarting a frozen computer😢 The word that steals your power: Stop saying "I'm just a stay-at-home mom" or "just a middle manager"—claiming who you are gives your power backConnect with Simone:Website: Simone KnegoPodcast: Her Unshakeable ConfidenceBook: The Extraordinary Unordinary You by Simone KnegoUpcoming book: Real Confidence: A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakable (February 17, 2025)Social Media: @simoneknego - Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

NEW EPISODES EVERY OTHER MONDAYConnect with Un/Do and support its mission by visiting https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undounpluggedpod on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this profound episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison, a clinical psychologist who bridges conventional trauma treatment with soul-level healing after her brother's tragic death led her to near-death literature.What We Uncovered:🚨 The feel test: How to distinguish spiritual transformation from delusion—"I get completely calm and buoyant" vs. forced messages with ego involvement💡 Dissociative schizophrenia exists: Dr. Harrison's co-author Shana doesn't fit traditional DID or schizophrenia—she's both, and possibly a "walking spirit."🔥 The inner self-helper phenomenon: In extreme DID cases, sometimes an otherworldly part emerges that feels transcendent and brings peace to therapy sessions😢 Compassion as cognitive intervention: Why saying "Hi, nice outfit!" to someone catatonic can create reconnection—we all neuro-regulate each otherActionable Strategies:✅ For Mental Health Professionals: How to hold space for spiritual experiences without dismissing them as pathology (and without abandoning clinical assessment).✅ For People with Mystical Experiences: How to honor your transformation without fearing judgment—and finding practitioners who understand the difference.✅ For Anyone Who Knows Someone "Different": Stop teaching kids to "not say something mean," which becomes "ignore them entirely"—acknowledgment is powerful.Chapters00:00 The Human Connection: Moments of Vulnerability02:51 From Conventional to Holistic Healing: A Journey05:52 Understanding Trauma: The Intersection of Experience and Healing08:58 The Role of Spirituality in Trauma Recovery12:12 Navigating Mental Health: The Spectrum of Experiences14:58 Community and Connection: The Power of Shared Experiences17:46 Distinguishing Between Psychosis and Spiritual Awakening20:53 Generational Trauma: The Legacy We Carry25:24 Understanding Emotions in Therapy30:07 Merging Psychology and Spirituality34:54 The Role of Intention in Healing39:09 Compassion and Connection in Mental Health45:10 Educating for Empathy and Understanding48:27 Redefining Societal Norms on Mental HealthConnect with Dr. Harrison:Website: Soulwise SolutionsSocial Media: @soulwiseteam - Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

NEW EPISODES EVERY OTHER MONDAYConnect with Un/Do and support its mission by visiting https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undounpluggedpod on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this essential episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Laurel Roberts-Meese, a burnout specialist who helps high achievers recognize when their drive to succeed is actually a survival response.What We Uncovered:🚨 The three degrees of burnout: Mild (cynicism, aches), moderate (health impacts), severe (crisis requiring 3-12 months off)💡 Why vacations don't work: Burnout is a nervous system injury requiring intentional healing, not a two-week escape where you return more exhausted🔥 The four-layer prevention framework: Physical health (rule out medical causes), behavioral (sleep, nutrition, movement), social (deep relationships predict health outcomes), and values alignment😢 Exercise that actually helps: Strength-building for anxiety (regulates down), cardio for depression (activates up), not all movement works the sameActionable Strategies:✅ For High Achievers Who Can't Stop: How to recognize when productivity is masking trauma and worth-wound patterns.✅ For Burned Out Professionals: Why "falling behind" fears are rooted in childhood messages about earning your space and how to reframe them.✅ For Anyone Exhausted: The difference between managing symptoms and actually healing your nervous system (spoiler: it takes months, not days).Connect with Laurel:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Laurel Therapy CollectiveSocial Media: @laureltherapycollective - Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | YouTube.

NEW EPISODES EVERY OTHER MONDAYConnect with Un/Do and support its mission by visiting https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undounpluggedpod on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this extraordinary episode, Erin and Daren sit down withDan MacQueen, a resilience coach who survived a brain hemorrhage in 2014, woke from a coma unable to walk, talk, or smile, and spent the next 10 years rebuilding his life one 1% improvement at a time.What We Uncovered:🚨 The decision that saved him: How avoiding the "pity spiral" from day one became his north star💡 Aim small, miss small: Why 35 minutes to get in a wheelchair (down from 45) was a massive win and how stacking tiny victories builds unstoppable momentum🔥 Neuroplasticity in action: How to literally rewire your brain, starting with 2 minutes of daily meditation😢 Radical acceptance (even when it slaps): Why acceptance isn't giving up, it's taking control by adapting to the new termsActionable Strategies:✅ For Anyone Facing Setbacks: Start with 1% better than yesterday. Don't aim for moonshot goals; ratchet up gradually through small, achievable targets.✅ For Building New Habits: Start meditation at 2 minutes daily for one week, then 4 minutes the next, scaling up slowly to avoid overwhelm.✅ For Processing Anger/Grief: Acceptance doesn't mean you like what happened. It means you stop fighting reality so you can move forward.Chapters00:00 Choosing Resilience Over Pity02:55 The Journey of Recovery and Resilience05:49 Aiming Small: The Path to Progress08:56 The Importance of Small Wins11:58 Building Resilience Through Consistency15:10 The Process Over the Product17:52 Mindset Shifts and Neuroplasticity20:55 Radical Acceptance and Emotional Growth23:47 Self-Advocacy and Boundaries26:58 The Power of Perspective30:10 Humanity First: A New Approach to Care33:00 Connecting with Dan MacQueenConnect with Dan:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dan MacQueen⁠Social Media: @MacQueenDan - ⁠Instagram⁠ | ⁠LinkedIn⁠ | ⁠YouTube⁠ | ⁠X

NEW EPISODES EVERY OTHER MONDAYConnect with Un/Do Mindset and support its mission by visiting https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undounpluggedpod on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this transformative episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Nick Elliott (The Wine Guy), a sommelier and chef who survived a horrific motorcycle accident on Father's Day 2022.What We Uncovered:🚨 Why helmets save lives (literally): Nick's helmet saved him twice, and he shares why he made it a non-negotiable rule💡 The grief of losing your identity: When you can't ride anymore, work in kitchens anymore, or be the person you thought you'd always be🔥 How to pivot without starting over: Nick went from chef/sommelier to international wine tour guide by pulling from his "grab bag of experience"😢 Baby steps to reinvention: Business plans, asking for help, and why adaptability matters more than having all the answersActionable Strategies:✅ For Accident Survivors: How mindset works before trauma can change your entire recovery trajectory.✅ For Career Changers: It's never too late to pivot, whether you're 25 or 75, and you don't have to throw away what you've already built.✅ For Anyone Facing a "Now What?" Moment: Stop listening to external noise. The only thing that matters is what's in your heart and head.Connect with Nick:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Wine GuyInstagram: @the.real.wine.guyPodcast: Pour & Explore: A Wine, Food & Travel PodcastIf you’ve tried any of the strategies discussed or have your own tips, share them with us on social media using #UndoUnplugged.

New episodes are released bi-weekly every other Monday.To connect with Un/Do and support its mission, visit https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undomindset on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this no-holds-barred episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Zulma Williams (The Swearing Therapist) a social worker who immigrated from Argentina at 31, started her bachelor's at 42, earned her master's at 50, and survived breast cancer in between.What We Uncovered:- Growing up where "the car was only for emergencies" creates survival skills no classroom can replicate - How dropping F-bombs breaks down walls faster than clinical language ever could- The one question that instantly reveals whether someone's behavior is about you or about themActionable Strategies:✅ For Anyone Feeling Stuck: You don't need all the answers to take action. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other you've survived 100% of your challenges so far.✅ For Therapy Seekers: Interview your therapist. If you don't trust them or feel safe, find someone else. Therapy only works when you have psychological safety and authenticity.✅ For Anyone Personalizing Others' Behavior: Remove yourself from the situation and put someone else in. If the situation stays the same, it's not personal it's about them.Connect with Zulma:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dragon Fly Therapy⁠Instagram: @theswearingtherapistPodcast: ⁠Keeping It Real with ZulmaIf you’ve tried any of the strategies discussed or have your own tips, share them with us on social media using #UndoUnplugged.

New episodes are released bi-weekly every other Monday.To connect with UnDo and support its mission, visit https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undomindset on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this raw and unflinching episode, Erin and Daren sit down with Lisa Sugarman (crisis counselor, author, and three-time suicide loss survivor) to dismantle everything society gets wrong about grief. From re-grieving the same parent twice to the loneliness of being the only fatherless kid in fifth grade, they expose why "finding meaning" in loss is often just avoidance with equal parts vulnerability, clinical expertise, and permission to stop pretending you're okay.What We Uncovered:- How Lisa lost her father at 10 to what she thought was a heart attack, then discovered 35 years later he died by suicide - Why did no one ask 10-year-old Lisa how she was doing after her father died- Lisa dismantles the cultural obsession with finding meaning in loss, arguing that sometimes grief is just grief, hard, ugly, and necessary- What to actually say (and not say) when someone you love is grievingActionable Strategies:✅ For Anyone Grieving: Give yourself permission to grieve without a timeline, without meaning, without a silver lining. Grief is love, and it doesn't end.✅ For People Supporting Someone in Grief: Just show up. Say "I don't know what to say" instead of rushing to fix or find meaning. Ask "What can I do for you right now?"✅ For Everyone: Mention their person's name. Share a memory. Bringing someone back to life for even a conversation is one of the most powerful gifts you can give a griever.Chapters00:00 The Power of Sharing Stories03:10 Breaking Down Stigma in Mental Health06:00 Personal Journeys of Grief and Healing08:51 Creating Safe Spaces for Conversations11:59 The Help Hub: A Resource for Healing15:05 The Healing Potential of Vulnerability17:59 Navigating Grief and Its Layers23:59 Navigating Grief and Loss27:17 The Complexity of Grief30:32 The Challenge of Finding Meaning35:34 Supporting Those in Grief38:23 Addressing Suicidal Thoughts42:55 Breaking the Isolation of Mental Health45:12 Resources and Community SupportConnect with Lisa:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Help HubPodcast: The Survivors PodcastIf you’ve tried any of the strategies discussed or have your own tips, share them with us on social media using #UndoUnplugged.

To connect with UnDo and support its mission, visit https://linktr.ee/undomindset.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undomindset on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this vulnerable episode, Erin and Daren confront their own wounds with Julian Bermudez (therapist and psychedelic integration guide). From explosive parenting moments to people-pleasing patterns, they dissect how childhood survival strategies become adult self-sabotage with equal parts clinical insight, personal confession, and practical solutions for breaking intergenerational cycles.What We Covered:- Choosing Curiosity Over Conflict - The Attachment vs. Authenticity Trap- Erin's "Screaming Mom" Confession- The People-Pleasing Origin StoryActionable Strategies:✅ For Pattern Recognition: When you feel reactive, ask: "What unmet childhood need is driving this? When did I first learn this response?"✅ For Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with curiosity, thank your reactive parts for trying to protect you, then comfort the underlying wound.✅ For Parents: Your unhealed wounds will trigger with your children. Doing your own inner work isn't selfish; it's essential for breaking cycles.Chapters00:00 The Importance of Self-Care in Parenting03:12 Healing from Within: The Journey to Wholeness05:54 Understanding Trauma and Its Impact on Relationships08:53 Recognizing and Rewriting Survival Patterns11:54 The Role of Attachment and Authenticity in Childhood15:01 Navigating Modern Challenges: The Impact of the Internet18:02 The Complexity of Trauma and Disconnection22:17 The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Self-Worth25:31 Navigating Emotional Pain and Societal Pressures27:47 Building Healthy Relationships with Our Emotions30:11 The Importance of Self-Care in Caregiving Roles35:12 The Need for Self-Reflection in Caregiving Professions39:56 Balancing Caregiving and Personal Well-Being43:21 The Path to Healing Through Self-DiscoveryNew episodes are released bi-weekly every other Monday.Connect with Julian:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Julian BermudezIf you’ve tried any of the strategies discussed or have your own tips, share them with us on social media using #UndoUnplugged. Let’s keep the conversation going!

To connect with UnDo and support the mission, visit ⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/undomindset⁠⁠⁠.On social media, use #UndoUnplugged or DM us @undomindset on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For more information on Daren Norris and Flying Pig Psychotherapy, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠flyingpigpsychotherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.---------------------------------------------------------------------In this deeply human and practical episode, hosts Erin and Daren sit down with Jenny Lytle, a hospice nurse with over 30 years of experience. Jenny opens up about her personal journey through profound burnout and grief after the sudden loss of her mother, which led her to create "The Becoming Method."What We Covered:- Identity & Burnout- The Body Keeps the Score- Grief and Trauma- Practical, No-Cost StrategiesActionable Strategies:✅ For Caregivers: Create a personalized "self-care menu" of small, accessible activities that genuinely fill your cup. Don't wait for burnout to strike.✅ For Those in Grief: Grant yourself grace. Grief comes in waves and can be triggered by sensory cues like smells; this is a normal function of the brain processing trauma.✅ For Everyone: Ask yourself daily: "What do I need most right now?" Start with just 30 seconds of slow, deep breathing to reset your nervous system.Chapters00:00 Survival Mode: The Struggles of Caregivers03:12 Reframing Self-Care: A Necessity for Caregivers05:59 The Becoming Method: A Personalized Approach to Self-Care09:01 Burnout: Recognizing the Signs and Taking Action12:08 The Identity Crisis: Balancing Strength and Vulnerability14:55 Practical Self-Care: Small Steps for Big Changes17:58 The Journey of Healing: From Burnout to Self-Discovery25:49 Navigating Grief and Loss34:30 The Importance of Self-Care38:08 Breathing Techniques for Stress Relief45:11 Hope for the Future of CaregivingNew episodes are released bi-weekly every other Monday.Connect with Jenny:Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jenny Lytle⁠If you’ve tried any of the strategies discussed or have your own tips, share them with us on social media using #UndoUnplugged. Let’s keep the conversation going!