People Pleasing: How to Start Saying No

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help. We're popping in today to share some news and changes for the pod. Dr Ciara is stepping away from the podcast, and Dr Lauren will be taking the reins moving forward. There will be a short break in episodes to prepare for the relaunch of This Might Help, so keep an eye on the socials for when new episodes are back.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - InstagramIf you or a loved one needs further support, we strongly encourage you to speak with your GP, psychologist, or another qualified healthcare professional.Additional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au - 1300 22 4636Lifeline - https://www.lifeline.org.au - 13 11 14Headspace - https://headspace.org.au - 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under)

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.On today's episode, I unpack the psychology of courage. We tend to assume that being brave means not feeling afraid, but the research points the other way: courage is really about feeling the fear and choosing to act anyway. This episode unpacks:What courage isWhy we need to think about building our everyday courageSome practical strategies to build more courage even when you really do not feel readyThe main research and resources I mention are below. If you are keen to learn more about courage and overcoming avoidance, give them a read. You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcastWatch the full video version of this episode on YouTube @thismighthelppodcastThe research I drew from for this episode can be found below:Chowkase, A. A., Parra-Martínez, F. A., Ghahremani, M., Bernstein, Z., Finora, G., & Sternberg, R. J. (2024). Dual-process model of courage. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1376195. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1376195Lodi E, Perrella L, Zarbo R, Patrizi P. Courage as Mediator between Positive Resources and General/Domain-Specific Well-Being Indices. Eur J Investig Health Psychol Educ. 2022 Aug 13;12(8):1067-1081. doi: 10.3390/ejihpe12080076. PMID: 36005225; PMCID: PMC9407443.McMillan, T. M., & Rachman, S. J. (1988). Fearlessness and courage in paratroopers undergoing training. Personality and Individual Differences, 9(2), 373–378.Pury, C. L. S., Kowalski, R. M., & Spearman, J. (2007). Distinctions between general and personal courage. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2(2), 99–114.Pury, C. L. S., & Lopez, S. J. (Eds.). (2010). The psychology of courage: Modern research on an ancient virtue. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/12168-000Pury, C. L. S., & Starkey, C. B. (2010). Is courage an accolade or a process? A fundamental question for courage research. In C. L. S. Pury & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), The psychology of courage: Modern research on an ancient virtue (pp. 67–87). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/12168-004If you or a loved one needs further support, we strongly encourage you to speak with your GP, psychologist, or another qualified healthcare professional.Further support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636Lifeline - https://www.lifeline.org.au 13 11 14Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under)

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this solo episode, Lauren unpacks what is actually happening in your brain and body when winter hits and why so many of us feel flat, exhausted, and like we're running on half-battery this time of year. This episode explores the psychological and biological reasons behind seasonal mood changes in winter and what we can do to support our well-being across the colder months. We also cover how to do those things when every part of you would rather stay under a doona, including how romanticising winter can help us take a whole new perspective on this time of year. You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast — Instagram and TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:American Psychological Association. (2025, April 8). Nurtured by nature. Monitor on Psychology, 51(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-natureGollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.Howarth, A., et al. (2023). The underexplored presence of seasonal affective disorder in the southern hemisphere: A narrative review of the Australian literature. Journal of Affective Disorders, 332, 192–201. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2023.04.053Kim, K., Kim, J., Jung, S., Kim, H. W., Kim, H. S., Son, E., Ko, D. S., Yoon, S., Kim, B. S., Kim, W. K., Lim, C., Kim, K., Lee, D., & Kim, Y. H. (2025). Global prevalence of seasonal affective disorder by latitude: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of affective disorders, 390, 119807. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2025.119807Leppämäki, S., Jaukka, J., Lönnqvist, J., et al. (2004). Drop-out and mood improvement: A randomised controlled trial with light exposure and physical exercise. BMC Psychiatry, 4, 22. https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-244X-4-22Rosenthal, N. E., Sack, D. A., Gillin, J. C., et al. (1984). Seasonal affective disorder: A description of the syndrome and preliminary findings with light therapy. Archives of General Psychiatry, 41, 72–80.Additional support can be found through:Beyond Blue — https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636Lifeline — https://www.lifeline.org.au 13 11 14Headspace — https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 12–25)

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this episode of This Might Help, we unpack attachment theory, exploring how our earliest relationships can shape the way we connect, communicate, and respond in adult relationships. Attachment styles have had a huge wave in pop culture and in the media. This episode breaks down the research behind attachment styles and how these patterns can show up in love, friendships, and work. We discuss how attachment styles are not fixed, and the practical, evidence-based ways people can move toward greater security and healthier relationships.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226–244. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.61.2.226Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.Fraley, R. C. (2002). Attachment stability from infancy to adulthood: Meta-analysis and dynamic modeling of developmental mechanisms. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6(2), 123–151. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0602_03Groh, A. M., Narayan, A. J., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., Roisman, G. I., Vaughn, B. E., Fearon, R. M. P., & van IJzendoorn, M. H. (2017). Attachment and temperament in the early life course: A meta-analytic review. Child Development, 88(3), 770–795. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12677Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1986). Discovery of a new, insecure-disorganized/disoriented attachment pattern. In M. Yogman & T. B. Brazelton (Eds.), Affective development in infancy (pp. 95–124). Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.Roisman, G. I., Padrón, E., Sroufe, L. A., & Egeland, B. (2002). Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect. Child Development, 73(4), 1204–1219. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8624.00467Some additional resources can be found here:Attachment theory is the science of love | Anne Power | TEDxWaldegrave Road Additional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this episode of This Might Help, we unpack imposter syndrome, the surprisingly common experience of feeling like a fraud despite clear evidence of your competence. We explore why it shows up so strongly at work, how it can affect your confidence, mental health, and career progression, and the different ways it tends to appear day-to-day. The conversation also touches on the hidden costs of imposter thinking, alongside the traits that can sometimes sit alongside it, like care and conscientiousness. Most importantly, we share practical strategies to help us recognise these patterns, challenge them, and move forward with more confidence.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Bravata, D. M., Watts, S. A., Keefer, A. L., Madhusudhan, D. K., Taylor, K. T., Clark, D. M., Nelson, R. S., Cokley, K. O., & Hagg, H. K. (2020). Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. Journal of general internal medicine, 35(4), 1252–1275. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241–247. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0086006Feenstra S, Begeny CT, Ryan MK, Rink FA, Stoker JI and Jordan J (2020) Contextualizing the Impostor “Syndrome”. Front. Psychol. 11:575024. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.575024Gullifor, D. P., Gardner, W. L., Karam, E. P., Noghani, F., & Cogliser, C. C. (2024). The impostor phenomenon at work: A systematic evidence-based review, conceptual development, and agenda for future research. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 45(2), 234–251. https://doi.org/10.1002/job.2733Tewfik, B. A. (2022). The impostor phenomenon revisited: Examining the relationship between workplace impostor thoughts and interpersonal effectiveness at work. Academy of Management Journal, 65(3), 988–1018. https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2020.1627Some additional resources can be found here:https://www.teamblind.com/blog/impostor-syndrome-tech-and-finance-professionals-are-not-immuned/Imposter Syndrome Institute: https://impostorsyndrome.com/Additional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this episode, we unpack how social media might be making us more critical and harsher than we realise. From influencer “drama” to comment section pile-ons to the algorithms designed to reward outrage over nuance, we explore why we’re no longer just watching; we’re participating. We break down the psychology behind this, including the online disinhibition effect, why we say things online we'd never say in person, how social comparison fuels judgment, and what all of this is doing to our mental health. Finally, we share practical ways to step back, think more clearly, and engage online without getting pulled into the noise.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Brady, W. J., Wills, J. A., Jost, J. T., Tucker, J. A., & Van Bavel, J. J. (2017). Emotion shapes the diffusion of moralized content in social networks. PNAS, 114(28), 7313–7318. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1618923114Crockett, M. J. (2017). Moral outrage in the digital age. Nature Human Behaviour, 1, 769–771. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0213-3Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138Konrath, S. H., O'Brien, E. H., & Hsing, C. (2011). Changes in dispositional empathy. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15(2), 180–198. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868310377395Lapidot-Lefler, N., & Barak, A. (2012). Effects of anonymity and invisibility. Computers in Human Behavior, 28(2), 434–443. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2011.10.014Nesi, J., & Prinstein, M. J. (2015). Using social media for social comparison. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 43, 1427–1438. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-015-0020-0Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7(3), 321–326. https://doi.org/10.1089/1094931041291295Some additional resources can be found here:https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/social-mediaAdditional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this episode, we're diving into something so many of us are feeling right now - overwhelm. A lot of us are feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed, and we discuss what's happening in your brain when you experience this feeling and why modern life, from information overload and constant connectivity, is making it harder than ever to feel calm. Plus, we explore practical strategies to help close mental tabs, widen your window of tolerance, and actually signal to your body that it's safe to relax. You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Begeti, F. (2024). The phone fix: The brain-focused guide to building healthy digital habits and breaking bad ones. Apollo.Dael, N., Meister, A., & Krings, F. (2025). Reaching point break: Understanding the lived experience of being overwhelmed. Frontiers in Organizational Psychology, 3, 1590159. https://doi.org/10.3389/forgp.2025.1590159Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.Newman, N., Fletcher, R., Robertson, C. T., Ross Arguedas, A., & Nielsen, R. K. (2024). Reuters Institute digital news report 2024. Reuters Institute for the Study of Journalism. https://reutersinstitute.politics.ox.ac.uk/digital-news-report/2024/dnr-executive-summarySiegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind: Toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience. Guilford Press.Sweller, J. (1988). Cognitive load during problem solving: Effects on learning. Cognitive Science, 12(2), 257–285.Zeigarnik, B. (1938). On finished and unfinished tasks. In W. D. Ellis (Ed.), A Source Book of Gestalt Psychology (pp. 300–314). Kegan Paul.Some additional resources can be found here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202205/what-is-the-window-of-tolerance-and-why-is-it-so-importanthttps://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/stress-in-americaAdditional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this week’s episode, we explore people-pleasing: the tendency to prioritise others’ needs, emotions, and comfort at the expense of one’s own. While often perceived as kindness, people-pleasing can contribute to resentment, emotional exhaustion, and a diminished sense of self, and is associated with poorer mental health outcomes.We examine the psychological underpinnings of this pattern, drawing on research and theory related to social conditioning, attachment, and stress responses, and consider why people-pleasing may disproportionately affect women.The episode concludes with practical, evidence-informed strategies to help reduce people-pleasing tendencies, including developing assertive communication, setting healthy boundaries, and making decisions that align with your values.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualisation of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 19–24. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006YouGov. (2022). Women are more likely than men to identify as people-pleasers. https://yougov.com/en-us/articles/43498-women-more-likely-men-people-pleasing-pollSome additional resources can be found here:Braiker, H. B. (2001). The disease to please: Curing the people-pleasing syndrome. McGraw-Hill.Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving: A guide and map for recovering from childhood trauma. Azure Coyote Publishing.Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. Piatkus."How to Stop Being a People Pleaser": https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-color-of-wellness/202310/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaserAdditional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.So... how are those goals going? In this week's episode, we revisit the goals we set at the start of the year and explore why motivation often fades (don't worry, so many of us experience this!). Using the concept of the “fresh start effect,” we unpack how the beginning of Q2 can serve as a powerful reset point to reflect, realign, and move forward with intention. We break down the psychology behind why progress towards our goals may have stalled, from the planning fallacy to the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Finally, we share practical, evidence-based strategies to help rebuild momentum, set realistic goals, and encourage self-compassion as we check in on our goal progress. You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastSome of the key research we chat about can be found below:Amabile, T. M., & Kramer, S. J. (2011). The progress principle: Using small wins to ignite joy, engagement, and creativity at work. Harvard Business Review Press.Bonezzi, A., Brendl, C. M., & De Angelis, M. (2011). Stuck in the middle: The psychophysics of goal pursuit. Psychological Science, 22(5), 607–612. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611404899Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599Buehler, R., Griffin, D., & Ross, M. (1994). Exploring the “planning fallacy”: Why people underestimate their task completion times. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(3), 366–381. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.3.366Dai, H., Milkman, K. L., & Riis, J. (2014). The fresh start effect: Temporal landmarks motivate aspirational behavior. Management Science, 60(10), 2563–2582. https://doi.org/10.1287/mnsc.2014.1901Wang, J., & Fishbach, A. (2025). Goal harmony.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000452Some additional resources can be found here:https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/31/well/move/new-years-resolutions-goals-advice.htmlhttps://ed.ted.com/lessons/how-to-get-motivated-even-when-you-don-t-feel-like-itAdditional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under) 

Thank you for listening and supporting This Might Help.In this week's episode, we discuss the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on adult life and wellbeing ever conducted. From decades of research, the study highlights what actually predicts a long, healthy and fulfilling life! In this episode, we covered:How relationships are the single strongest predictor of happiness The harms of loneliness What people regretted when they looked back on their lives What we can take from the findings of the study and implement into our lives to boost wellbeing and happiness.You can find us on socials @thismighthelppodcast - ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTokThe full video version of this episode is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@thismighthelppodcastThe research we chat about can be found below:Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2010). Psychology and Aging, 25(2), 422–431. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019087The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness published in 2023 by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz (https://www.penguin.com.au/books/the-good-life-9781846046780)Some additional resources can be found here:https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_the_secret_to_a_happy_life_lessons_from_8_decades_of_researchAdditional support can be found through:Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 LifeLine - https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ 13 11 14 Headspace - https://headspace.org.au 1800 650 890 (for those aged 25 or under)