Envy: Why Wanting What They Have Is the Key to Getting What You Want with Stacy S. Kim, Ph.D. | 445

Women are taught to be agreeable, accommodating, self-sacrificing, and well-behaved. To stay quiet, make everyone comfortable, and take up as little space as possible. Yeah, no thanks. What if the goal isn't to become a better-behaved woman, but to reclaim who we were before the world taught us to shrink? Avril Millar, author of Feral: A Grown Woman's Guide to a Free and Ferocious Life, joins Nicole Kalil to challenge societal expectations keeping women small. After five careers, losing everything in her 40s, and starting over at 50, Avril is now 74 and has plenty to say about confidence, self-love, reinvention, and refusing to be tamed. We explore: What it means to be feral and reclaim your authentic self How societal conditioning teaches women to be agreeable and self-sacrificing Why midlife and menopause can be opportunities for reinvention How to recognize the expectations and "shoulds" holding us back Why trusting your intuition starts with learning to pause How to stop worrying about what other people think Why self-awareness is essential to confidence and personal growth How to build a healthier relationship with yourself and practice unconditional self-love What Avril has learned about resilience, starting over, and embracing life at 74 Being feral isn't about being reckless or selfish. It's about questioning the rules we've been following, trusting ourselves, and deciding which expectations no longer deserve our obedience. Perhaps the most important relationship we'll ever have is the one we have with ourselves. So it's time to stop becoming who everyone else needs us to be and start embracing who we actually are. We were never meant to become less of ourselves. We were meant to become more. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Avril:  Website: https://www.avrilmillar.com  Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Avril-Millar/author/B00DCLLFUS  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/avrilmillar  IG: https://www.instagram.com/avrilmillar/  Related Podcast Episodes: On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be “Good” with Elise Loehnen | 388 Aging Out of F*cks (Your Confidence Upgrade) with Ellen Scherr | 394 Reinventing Your Career (Again and Again) with Ilana Golan | 374 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We've traded ancient oracles and crystal balls for algorithms, but our desire to predict the future hasn't changed. Today, AI predictions influence everything from hiring and healthcare to loans and personal decisions. But predictions aren't facts, and prophecy isn't destiny. So who's really in control? Carissa Véliz, Oxford AI ethics expert and author of Privacy Is Power and Prophecy: Prediction, Power, and the Fight for the Future, from Ancient Oracles to AI, joins Nicole Kalil to explore the intersection of prophecy, artificial intelligence, privacy, and power — and why we should think twice before letting algorithms decide our future. We explore: Why AI is a prediction machine, not a truth machine How AI predictions influence hiring, healthcare, loans, and major life decisions What ancient prophecies can teach us about modern algorithms How algorithmic bias and self-fulfilling prophecies threaten fairness and freedom Why ChatGPT can sound convincing while being completely wrong The hidden privacy risks of using AI tools How to protect critical thinking, personal agency, and decision-making in an AI-driven world AI can make life easier, but that doesn't mean it should make our decisions. Understanding how these systems work helps us question their predictions, protect our privacy, and reclaim our power. Prediction is not destiny. Data is not the whole story. And an algorithm doesn't get to decide what's possible for us. The future isn't something we wait to have predicted. It's something we create. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Carissa:  Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/759692/prophecy-by-carissa-veliz/   LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carissa-v%C3%A9liz-a5781555/  Related Podcast Episodes: Unmasking AI with Dr. Joy Buolamwini | 259 AI, Hiring, and the Future of Work (Without Selling Your Soul) with Katie Fortunato | 395  THE INSTABILITY OF TRUTH: Brainwashing, Mind Control, and Hyper-Persuasion with Rebecca Lemov | 333  Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when a confidence expert has a wardrobe malfunction in front of hundreds of women? One hell of a lesson in self-trust. After an 11-week European sabbatical, Nicole Kalil returned to the keynote stage feeling rusty, nervous, and full of self-doubt. Despite 20 years of teaching confidence, her brain was busy imagining everything that could go wrong. Turns out, none of those things happened. Instead, her left boob decided to make its own keynote presentation. In this unfiltered and unhinged solo episode, Nicole shares what an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction taught her about overcoming self-doubt, letting go of perfectionism, and trusting herself when life doesn't go according to plan. We explore: Why even confidence experts struggle with self-doubt How overthinking and catastrophizing fuel fear of failure Why perfectionism can't protect us from embarrassment The power of vulnerability, humor, and embracing imperfection How to build real confidence by trusting yourself through the unexpected Confidence isn't knowing everything will work out. It's trusting that we'll be okay even if it doesn't. And sometimes, that lesson comes with a little unexpected exposure. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills! Connect with Nicole: Subscribe to Nicole’s Substack: https://nicolekalil.substack.com/  Related Podcast Episode: On Sabbaticals, Reinvention, and Getting Older | Unfiltered & Unhinged When a One-Star Review Means You’ve Officially Arrived | Unfiltered & Unhinged Am I Being a Bitch… Or Just Finally Being Honest? | Unfiltered & Unhinged Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Comparison is the thief of joy. Or so we've been told. But what if comparison isn't the problem? What if the real problem is what we do with it? We compare everything. Careers, salaries, bodies, relationships, parenting, success, and whose kids somehow unload the dishwasher without being threatened. And thanks to social media, we can feel inadequate about all of it before we've even had our morning coffee. But here's where things get interesting: What if envy isn't something to overcome, but something we can actually use? Dr. Stacy Kim is a social scientist, life coach, founder of Life Junctions, and author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have Is the Key to Getting What You Want. She's challenging everything we've been taught about envy, jealousy, and comparison, revealing how these uncomfortable emotions can become powerful tools for self-discovery, personal growth, and building confidence. We explore: The difference between envy and jealousy — and why understanding it matters How to recognize benign envy versus malicious envy, and turn comparison into motivation instead of resentment What the Korean approach to envy can teach us about admiration, ambition, and wanting more How the SIREN framework helps uncover what envy is really trying to tell us Why what we envy isn't always what we actually want, and how to identify the deeper desire How social media comparison can impact confidence and self-worth Why some feelings of envy disappear quickly while others deserve our attention Practical ways to turn envy into action, personal growth, and meaningful change Envy is information, not instruction. It can point us toward what matters, but we still get to decide what we want and what we're willing to do about it. So instead of letting someone else's success derail our confidence, let's get curious about what it's telling us — and use it to build a life that actually feels like our own. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Stacy:  Website: https://stacyskim.com Book: https://www.amazon.com/Envy-Wanting-What-They-Getting/dp/1538776715;   IG: https://www.instagram.com/stacykim.phd/;  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stacyskim/ Related Podcast Episodes: On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be “Good” with Elise Loehnen | 388 UNCOMPETE: Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success with Ruchika T. Malhotra | 398   VI4P - Comparison, Judgement, and Choosing Confidence (Chapter 9)  Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We've all done it. Avoided the conversation, hoped the problem would magically disappear, or convinced ourselves that someone should just know what we need without us having to actually say it. And how's that working out? The truth is, the conversations we avoid don't go away. They take up space, create resentment, damage relationships, and sometimes turn a relatively small issue into a full-blown shitshow. In this episode of This Is Woman's Work, Nicole Kalil sits down with Christina Wing, Harvard Business School senior lecturer and author of Unspeakable: The Taboo Topics We Avoid and How to Talk About Them, to explore why we're so damn uncomfortable talking about the things that matter most. In this episode, they discuss: Why avoiding uncomfortable conversations often creates bigger problems than having them. How talking about someone instead of to them can fuel resentment and unnecessary drama. Why money conversations feel so personal and how to separate financial circumstances from self-worth. The difference between a difficult conversation and a difficult moment. How to recognize when it's your place to speak up and when it's better to stay out of it. What to do when someone becomes defensive or refuses to engage. Why everyday annoyances can turn into major relationship problems when left unaddressed. The two biggest mistakes people make when approaching difficult conversations. Why conversations about estate planning, death, and our final wishes need to happen sooner rather than later. Having the conversation doesn't guarantee we'll get the outcome we want. But avoiding it almost guarantees we won't have a voice in what happens next. Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stop overthinking, stop rehearsing, and just say the damn thing. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Christina:  Website: https://www.christinawing.com/  Book: https://www.christinawing.com/book/  IG: https://www.instagram.com/christina.r.wing/  Related Podcast Episodes: How to Push Back: From People-Pleasing to Power with Tonya Lester | 369 Love, Money & Aging Parents: How to Plan Care (Before the Crisis) with Beth Pinsker | 359  195 / Finding (And Using) Your Voice with Amy Green Smith  Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For years, remote work has felt like a win. No commute, more flexibility, fewer pointless hours spent proving we're working simply because someone can see us. And for women, especially caregivers, that flexibility can be a game changer. But what if there's a downside we're not talking about enough? In this episode of This Is Woman's Work, Nicole Kalil sits down with economist Natalia Emanuel, co-author of In Person: How Working Together Fuels Creativity, Productivity, and Growth, to challenge some deeply held beliefs about remote work. In this episode, they discuss: Why working face-to-face can improve learning, creativity, and career advancement. The surprising connection between remote work, isolation, and mental health. Why being in the office isn't the same as meaningful in-person collaboration. How remote work can disadvantage younger employees and those starting new roles. Why mentorship and workplace culture need to be valued and rewarded. The complicated trade-offs between workplace flexibility and caregiving responsibilities. Five factors organizations should consider when deciding how much in-person work is necessary. Why predictable schedules and workday social activities matter, especially for women. How AI could make human connection even more valuable. The answer isn't all remote or all in person. It's about being intentional with our time, challenging outdated workplace expectations, and creating environments where people can actually thrive. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Natalia:  Website:https://www.nataliaemanuel.com/  Book: https://inpersonbook.com/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nataliaemanuel?trk=public_post_feed-actor-name  Related Podcast Episodes The Connection Cure: Social Prescribing, Loneliness, and Why Belonging Is Medicine with Julia Hotz | 373 The Power of Conscious Connection with Talia Fox | 263 Work Doesn’t Have to Suck: The Case for Fun, Joy, and Better Results with Bree Groff | 382 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Somewhere along the way, emergency preparedness got hijacked by doomsday prepping, conspiracy theories, stockpiles of ammo, and a truly unnecessary amount of camouflage. But emergencies themselves? Not exactly far-fetched. Power outages, extreme weather, wildfires, floods, earthquakes, pandemics - shit happens. Being prepared for it isn’t paranoid. It’s practical. Amy Edelman and Chris Begley are the co-authors of The Emergency Playbook: A Bunker-Free Guide to Disaster Preparation. Amy is the founder of IndieReader and Pretty Prepared, while Chris is an archaeologist, professor, wilderness survival instructor, National Geographic Explorer, and author of The Next Apocalypse. Together, they’re making emergency preparedness less about fear and more about confidence, common sense. We explore: How to create an emergency preparedness plan without spiraling into worst-case-scenario anxiety The most likely emergencies households should actually prepare for Why the best first step costs absolutely nothing: make a plan What every household should have on hand for power outages and natural disasters and what belongs in a go bag Why knowing your neighbors and building community may matter more than stockpiling gear The survival skills that can be more valuable than expensive emergency equipment How to prepare for pets, children, older family members, disabilities, and different mobility needs Why freaking out and failing to plan are two of the biggest mistakes people make during an emergency The surprisingly important role of chocolate, coffee, candy, and other morale boosters The goal isn’t to prepare for every single terrible thing that could possibly happen. The goal is to prepare for what’s reasonably likely, build useful skills, communicate with the people who matter, and create enough of a plan that fear doesn’t get to run the show. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Amy & Chris: Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/781838/the-emergency-playbook-by-amy-edelman-and-chris-begley/  Amy’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/pretty.prepared/  Amy’s Substack: https://prettyprepared.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-feeling-anxious-about  Chris’ Website: https://explorationfound.wixsite.com/chrisbegley  Related Podcast Episodes: Survival Is Woman’s Work with Kathy Giusti | 391 Confidence Isn’t Born, It’s Built — Lessons from the Cockpit to Real Life with Michelle “MACE” Curran | 343 The Fourth Trauma Response You’ve Never Heard Of (And How It’s Running Your Life) with Dr. Ingrid Clayton | 342 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Domestic violence doesn’t always start with a punch. It often starts quietly, with control disguised as concern, isolation disguised as love, and boundaries being chipped away so slowly that it can be hard to recognize what’s happening until the danger is very real. Denise Brown knows this in the most devastating way possible. Her sister, Nicole Brown Simpson, was murdered in 1994 after experiencing domestic violence in her marriage. For more than 30 years, Denise has dedicated her life to domestic violence awareness, victim advocacy, education, and helping women recognize the warning signs she wishes she had understood then. Her new book, For My Sister Nicole: Love Shouldn’t Hurt, shares Nicole’s story while giving victims, survivors, families, and friends resources that could save lives. In this episode, Nicole and Denise discuss: Why domestic violence is about power and control—and why it can happen to strong, independent women The early warning signs of an abusive relationship that are easy to dismiss or explain away Why victims may hide abuse to protect their children, family, friends, pets—or even their abuser The hope, shame, and fear that can make leaving an abusive relationship incredibly complicated How friends and family can support someone experiencing domestic violence without trying to control their decisions The importance of safety planning and working with domestic violence shelters when preparing to leave Why calling 911, documenting abuse, and creating a paper trail can matter The Domestic Violence Bill of Rights—and the reminder that everyone has the right to safety, respect, their own opinions, and the word “no” This is a hard conversation, but it’s an important one. Because love should never require someone to live in fear, walk on eggshells, surrender their autonomy, or make themselves smaller to stay safe. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has trained advocates available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE, by texting START to 88788, or at TheHotline.org. Thank you to our sponsors! To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW  and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Denise: Website: https://denisebrown.com/  Book: https://www.amazon.com/My-Sister-Nicole-Julie-McCarron/dp/B0FXYCGS99  FB: https://www.facebook.com/DeniseBrownToo  IG: https://www.instagram.com/DeniseBrownToo  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/denise-brown-6644762  Related Podcast Episodes What Does a Woman Have to Do to Be Believed? Sexual Assault, Accountability & Double Standards with E. Jean Carroll | 363 High-Functioning Codependency: When Being “The Strong One” Is Slowly Killing You with Terri Cole | 341 What a “Good Divorce” Can Look Like with Erin Levine | 426 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Charisma. Some people seem to walk into a room and just have it. People lean in, listen, remember them, and want more time with them. And for those of us who are introverts? Well, it can be easy to assume we were simply left out of the charisma lottery. But what if charisma isn’t something we’re born with? What if it’s something we can actually learn? In this episode, Nicole sits down with Olivia Fox Cabane, one of the world’s leading authorities on the science of charisma and bestselling author of The Charisma Myth. Olivia has taught and lectured at Stanford, Harvard, Yale, MIT, and the United Nations and has worked with leaders at companies including Google, Deloitte, TikTok, and Airbnb. They discuss: Why charisma is different from charm and likability The science showing that charisma can actually be learned Why there isn’t one “right” kind of charisma The potential downsides of becoming more charismatic Why introverts may have a major charisma advantage The three components of charisma: presence, power, and warmth Why self-criticism makes it harder to stay present and connected How instant self-forgiveness can help us recover from awkward moments Why mistakes can actually make us more relatable Why taking up space matters when communicating power How vocal patterns like uptalk can affect perceived authority and credibility The difference between being nice and being kind Why the harsher the message, the warmer the delivery should be How intent and impact can help distinguish influence from harmful manipulation How charisma can exist without likability Why learning charisma doesn’t require becoming someone else The goal isn’t to walk into a room and make everyone think, Wow, she’s charismatic. It’s to stop borrowing somebody else’s magnetism and start trusting our own. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Olivia: Website: https://www.oliviafoxcabane.com/  Book: https://www.charismamyth.com/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ofc/  Related Podcast Episodes 165 / The Introvert Who Could with Andreea Sandu Be A Likeable Badass with Alison Fragale | 230 Powerfully Likeable with Dr. Kate Mason | 364 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We spend a whole lot of time thinking about how other people perceive us. How we communicate, present, negotiate, network, make a good impression, say the right thing at the right time. Basically, we put a lot of effort into being interesting. But what if we spent more time being interested? Because entire conversations are happening around us that have nothing to do with what anyone is actually saying. And we might be missing all of it because we’re too busy planning the next brilliant thing we’re going to say. In this episode, Nicole sits down with Pamela Meyer, a leading expert on deception detection who trains executives and institutional leaders on information elicitation, social observation, and insider threat mitigation. She’s also the author of How to Read the Room: The Art and Science of Social Observation. They discuss: Why being confident in our ability to read a room doesn’t mean we’re actually good at it Why talking less can help us notice more How our own ego, biases, and needs distort what we observe Why asking “How can I make this room better?” can change an interaction Pamela’s “Triple B” method: background, behavior, and beliefs What to watch immediately after conflict happens How to identify informal power and influence in a room The back-pocket questions that can reveal what people are really thinking Why crossed arms, eye contact, and other body language “rules” can mislead us Why clusters of behavior matter more than individual gestures Verbal and nonverbal signals that may warrant closer attention when deception is suspected How to avoid confusing anxiety or nervousness with dishonesty Why context, curiosity, and giving people the benefit of the doubt matter Maybe the most powerful person in the room isn’t the one talking the most. Maybe it’s the one paying attention. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Pamela: Website: https://PamelaMeyer.com  Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250378230?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback  X: https://x.com/Pamela_Meyer  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pamelameyer  Related Podcast Episodes How To Listen with Emily Kasriel | 321 Pants On Fire (The Truth About Lying) with Lauren Handel Zander | 219 131 / Maximize Your Success By Managing Your Ego with Christie Garcia Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices