How to Build Resilience (Before You Need It) With Valorie Burton

You know what to do. You start strong. You have the system, the motivation, and the goal. Then, a few months later, you’re right back where you started. What happened? In this episode, Jay Papasan breaks down one of the biggest reasons high achievers struggle with consistency: they try to go it alone. The solution is social accountability. Not someone forcing you to follow through, but choosing to be accountable to your goals by bringing the right people into your process. Jay shares three simple ways to tap into the power of “we”: doing it in public, doing it with others, and doing it around others. From public progress reports to gym buddies, coworking sessions, and body doubling, each strategy gives you a different way to create positive pressure and follow through when motivation fades. Challenge of the Week: Pick your ONE Thing for the week. Reach out to one person and tell them what you’re committing to. Ask them to check in with you on Saturday and ask how it went. That simple progress report could be the accountability you need to stay consistent. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] Why You Can’t Stay Consistent [02:00] Ditching the Lone Wolf Mentality [03:29]  Building in Public [09:02] The Gym Buddy Effect [15:44] Social Pressure is A Good Thing [23:29] Your Weekly Challenge  Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System: https://the1thing.com/os Dr. Gail Matthews’ goal-setting research at Dominican University: https://scholar.dominican.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1002&context=psychology-faculty-conference-presentations Check Out The Episode with Donald Miller Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHp-XeObSLA  Free Resources: https://the1thing.com/free-resources-v2 Produced by NOVA

Resilience is often treated like a personality trait. You either have it or you don’t. But Valorie Burton sees it differently: Resilience is a personal system you can build before life demands it from you. In this episode, Jay Papasan sits down with Valorie Burton, CEO of the Coaching and Positive Psychology Institute and author of Rules of Resilience, to unpack what it really takes to bounce back. They talk about the three parts of resilience: adaptive skills, protective resources, and preventive choices. They also dig into why leaders need to expect the unexpected, close their growth gaps, control the controllable, and choose thoughts that strengthen them. This conversation is a practical reminder that challenges are not just something to survive. They are opportunities to grow through, learn from, and use to become the person your goals require. Challenge of the Week: Set aside 30 minutes and ask yourself: What is the opportunity in the challenge I’m facing right now? It could be an opportunity to grow in patience, leadership, communication, courage, consistency, or self-trust. Don’t just go through the challenge. Grow through it. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] Resilience As A System [05:32] Expect the Unexpected [9:07] Close the Growth Gap Holding You Back [15:32] Control What You Can [25:10] Your Weekly Challenge Links & Tools from This Episode: Rules of Resilience by Valorie Burton Valorie Burton’s Website Valorie Burton’s Resilience Assessment Free Resources Produced by NOVA

High performers are often great at building businesses, serving clients, supporting families, and chasing big goals. But there’s one thing they tend to neglect: friendship. In this episode, Jay shares the story of a lonely night in a Nashville hotel room that became a wake-up call. He realized he had been leaning on too few people and needed to intentionally rebuild his support system. With the help of his coach, Jay began “re-engineering his village” by identifying the qualities he wanted in close friends, reaching out more often, and saying yes to the right opportunities. That journey eventually led him to a hiking trail in rural Japan with three friends, where unstructured time, meaningful conversations, and shared adventure helped create deeper bonds. If you’ve been feeling alone while carrying big responsibilities, this episode is a reminder: friendship does not happen by accident. It can be built with purpose. Challenge of the Week: Identify the three to five qualities you want in the friendships you’re building. Get clear on what you’re looking for, then start saying yes to those people, reaching out, and creating space for deeper connection. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] The Loneliness Epidemic in Business [02:52] Why High Performers Feel Alone [06:29] How Jay Fast-Tracked Friendship [12:20] The Science of Friendship [15:19] The Truth About How to Make New Friends [21:30] Your Weekly Challenge  Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System Jeffrey Hall’s friendship research Free Resources Produced by NOVA

Have you ever walked away from a conversation wishing you could go back and say it differently? According to Phil Jones, that doesn’t mean you have a communication problem. You may have a moment problem. Phil, author of the bestselling book Exactly What to Say, joins Jay to talk about the word choices, principles, and preparation that help people show up better in high-stakes conversations. He shares how a simple body of work grew into a global brand, why so many people give up on their greatest hit too early, and how boredom can become a path to deeper mastery. Jay and Phil also unpack the four cornerstones of conversational excellence, including why the worst time to think about what you’re going to say is while you’re saying it. The real challenge is learning to identify your critical conversations, those small moments that have an outsized impact on your results. Challenge of the Week: Identify one critical conversation in your personal life, one as a leader, and one that affects your income. Pick a hyper-specific moment inside each conversation and add more intention to how you show up. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] How Phil Jones Built a Career Around Knowing Exactly What to Say [05:02] How Repeated Questions Revealed Phil’s ONE Thing [08:01] Why People Give Up on Their Greatest Hit Too Early [13:45] Why the People You Serve Keep You Committed [19:14] The Four Cornerstones of Conversational Excellence [30:48] The ONE Thing Challenge  Links & Tools from This Episode: Exactly What to Say by Phil Jones Magic Words by Phil Jones Phil Jones’s Website Free Resources Produced by NOVA

High achievers aren’t held back because they don’t know what to do. The challenge is always consistency. Habits are so powerful because they are automatic - and in this episode, you’ll learn how to harness the power of habit to help you hit your most elusive goals. Today, Jay sits down with Kim Zuroff, Director of Growth and Executive Coach at The ONE Thing, to talk about the art and science of habits. Kim walks through the habit loop of cue, craving, response, and reward, and explains why habits are often a design problem, not a discipline problem. Jay and Kim discuss how distractions like phone notifications and inbox checking can derail your ONE Thing, why tracking your time creates awareness, and how to start small enough that you can keep going even on your worst days. They also explore habit stacking, evening routines, and why the 66-day journey matters when building lasting change. Challenge of the Week: Pick one habit you want to build. Identify the cue, the craving, the response, and the reward. For the best chance of success, attach it to something you already do automatically, such as “After I brew my coffee, I will…” *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: https://the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] Why High Achievers Struggle With Consistency [02:59] The Habit Loop Reveals What Drives Behavior [07:45] How Habits Show Up in Coaching [11:03] Why the First Domino Has to Be Small [15:22] How Email Becomes Someone Else’s Agenda [20:37] Better Mornings Begin With Better Evenings [39:12] The ONE Thing Challenge Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System: https://the1thing.com/os Kim Zuroff’s previous episode on The ONE Thing Podcast, “Is Your Serial Achievement an Addiction?”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/is-your-serial-achievement-an-addiction-heres-how-to/id1191482456?i=1000678146322 Free Resources: https://the1thing.com/free-resources-v2 Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected] or send us an audio note at https://www.speakpipe.com/the1thing. Produced by NOVA: https://novapodcasting.com/

Entrepreneurs know they need to create content, build trust, and stay visible. The hard part is knowing what to say, how often to say it, and how to make sure your message actually leads people toward your business. In this episode, Jay Papasan sits down with Donald Miller, author of StoryBrand, for a practical masterclass on brand building for entrepreneurs. Donald breaks down how to use content to create curiosity, build familiarity, and guide customers toward commitment. He also explains why the strongest brands are built around a specific problem, a clear promise, and a founder or leader who knows how to show up with both empathy and competence. From personal brand strategy to storytelling, positioning, social proof, and video content, this conversation gives business owners a clearer path for becoming known, trusted, and chosen. Challenge of the Week: Own a specific problem. Identify the negative, painful, or annoying thing you want people to call you for, then start saying it clearly. The more specific the problem, the easier it is for customers to understand why they need you. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] Your Brand Is Holding You Back [04:01] Avoid the Biggest Mistake Entrepreneurs Make [11:41] Share the Right Stories to Stay Top of Mind [17:22] Build Trust Before You Ask for the Sale [21:49] Use Proof to Make People Feel Like They Know You [28:45] Own the Problem You Want to Solve Links & Tools from This Episode: Donald’s Book, Building a StoryBrand 2.0 Donald Miller’s Website Free Resources Produced by NOVA

Before The ONE Thing became the bestselling book readers know today, it was a much bigger manuscript, more than 400 pages long. In this episode, Jay Papasan goes back to the final stretch before publication to unpack the hard decisions that shaped the book and made it stronger. Jay shares the lessons behind what got cut, including the idea that low hanging fruit can be a distraction and how maintenance can quietly steal time from the work that matters most. Then he turns to what 13 years of teaching, coaching, and living these principles has taught him since the book came out. He walks through the concepts he would add back today, including core values, the someday letter, taking a bigger view of time with a paper calendar, and the origin story behind the focusing question. Challenge of the Week: Take the biggest project on your plate right now and ask yourself: what is one thing I can subtract to make this simpler, more manageable, and more elegant? Play the subtraction game. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] We Cut 50% of The Book [04:39] Low Hanging Fruit is a Trap [08:56] Maintenance Can Quietly Become a Thief of Productivity [13:59] Thirteen Years Later, Jay Knows What He Would Add Back [18:02] A Bigger View of Time Leads to Better Planning [22:37] The Focusing Question Came From a Need for Real Accountability [28:18] The ONE Thing Challenge Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System Get the ONE Thing Book Here Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected]   Produced by NOVA

When the world feels heavy, hope can feel fragile, or even out of reach. In this episode, Jay sits down with award-winning behavioral psychologist Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe to unpack what hope really is and why it matters so much in difficult seasons. Dr. Robyne explains that hope is not the same as optimism. Optimism is often tied to a specific outcome, while hope is the steady belief that no matter what happens, we will find a way through. Together, they explore the psychology of hope, the role of agency and environment, and why small daily habits can help us stay grounded when life feels uncertain. They also talk about toxic positivity, the people who hold hope for us when we cannot hold it ourselves, and how leaders can create honest, steady environments in challenging times. Challenge of the Week: Ask someone, “What are you hoping for right now?” Then follow it with, “May I hope with you for that?” *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] A Timely Conversation About Hope [01:08] Hope Is Different From Optimism [12:10] Leading With Honesty in Hard Seasons [15:24] The Four Building Blocks of Hope [22:43] Hope Habits That Still Work on a Bad Day [34:26] The ONE Thing Challenge Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System Read I Hope So by Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected]   Produced by NOVA

When something bad happens in the world, every business leader has a difficult decision to make - the decision to speak up, or to stay silent. In the past, silence was the safest option - today, that’s no longer the case. In such a chaotic world full of conflict, inequality, and political polarization, it’s never been more important to get this question right. In this episode of The ONE Thing Podcast, Jay Papasan tackles the modern leader's biggest dilemma: The choice to speak up. Whether it's a global crisis, a political movement, or social turmoil, the pressure to "say something" is at an all-time high. To find the answer, Jay sits down with four world-class experts - Donald Miller, Phil M. Jones, Julia Lashay Israel, and Valorie Burton - to build a definitive framework for navigating public conflict carefully and intentionally. This episode is not about telling you what to think. It is about helping you make a wiser decision, one that aligns with your values, your responsibilities, and the impact your voice can have. Challenge of the Week: The next time you feel the urge to immediately post, react, or speak out, pause first and get curious. Ask what else you need to understand before adding your voice. That pause may help you create clarity instead of more noise. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] Should Business Owners Speak Up or Stay Silent? [07:05] Julia Lashay’s Framework for Posting With Integrity [11:01] Phil M Jones on Curiosity, Context, and Slowing Down [14:08] Donald Miller on Regret, Responsibility, and Brand Risk [16:21] Valorie Burton on Mission, Empathy, and Adding Clarity [20:56] How this shows up in our lives [26:02] The 6 Question Framework for Deciding When to Speak [36:16] Your Weekly Challenge Links & Tools from This Episode: The ONE Thing Operating System Watch and Listen to Julia Lashay full episode here Watch and Listen to Phil M Jones full episode here Donald Miller Website Valorie Burton’s Website Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected]   Produced by NOVA

A lot of talented people assume that if they work hard enough, they’ll eventually get noticed. Courtney Johnson says that’s simply not how careers work. In this episode, Jay sits down with Courtney, author of Career Cheat Codes, to unpack the unwritten rules that often separate people who get promoted, hired, and remembered from those who get overlooked. They explore how visibility, relationship-building, and personal branding shape career growth, whether you’re applying for a job, growing a business, or trying to expand your influence inside your company. Courtney shares practical ways to stand out, from sending a thoughtful follow-up note to improving your digital first impression with better lighting, audio, and online presence. She also opens up about how applying The ONE Thing helped her build her platform, land a book deal, and push through imposter syndrome. Challenge of the Week: Get visible in one way that feels a little uncomfortable this week. Post on LinkedIn, share a recent win in your company channel, or raise your hand in a room where you’d normally stay quiet. Pick the one that feels scariest and do it anyway. *** To learn more, and for the complete show notes, visit: the1thing.com/pods. We talk about: [00:00] In Corporate, Working Hard Isn’t Enough [05:53] Getting Your Foot in the Door [08:36] What Employers Look for in  [12:58] Do First Impressions Matter? [17:44] Crafting The Perfect Digital First Impression [25:52] She Focused on Her ONE Thing [38:13] The ONE Thing Challenge  Links & Tools from This Episode: Read Career Cheat Codes by Courtney Johnson Connect with Courtney on LinkedIn Follow Courtney Johnson on TikTok Free Resources Want to be a guest or share feedback? Email [email protected]   Produced by NOVA