404 – Uptown Girl

Lórien had long years of peace and obscurity under the rule of Amdír; the PPP has had 10 years of, well, obscurity under the rule of Alan. Join The Man of the West and the Sage of the South as we continue our deep dive into the story of Amroth and Nimrodel found in The History of Galadriel and Celeborn. Galadriel sees just how much those poor Silvan Elves need proper leadership; Amroth’s name, it turns out, might have come from living in a treehouse; and Imrazôr wonders what Mithrellas will do when she wakes up and makes up her mind. We encounter the Rick Steves of Middle-earth, determine that it’s always leg day in Minas Tirith, and discover that Alan cannot claim descent from the Kings. Also: Rhovanion on $10 a day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Sauron learned of Celebrimbor’s revolt, his wrath was revealed; Alan doesn’t wait for James to revolt, but his wrath is reduced to nothing more than bad jokes. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as Sauron has his way in Eregion in our third episode on The History of Galadriel and Celeborn. Celebrimbor runs with a dangerous crowd, the Númenóreans show up five years late, and Amroth tragically discovers that Elves can’t swim across an ocean. We remind you how helpful it is to read Tolkien aloud, agree that Círdan would never lie, and recognize that the taste for power marks the beginning of the Downfall. Also, Rings of Power catches a few strays. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christopher Tolkien says his father’s writing on Galadriel and Celeborn is “very roughly composed”; some way that our episodes are even more roughly composed. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we continue our futile quest for a consistent storyline in The History of Galadriel and Celeborn. Amroth is and is not their son, Galadriel rolls a natural 20 for ‘Detect Evil’, and Celeborn wonders ‘why does she stay?’ We ask how to clean up the residue of evil, discover Sauron is a NIMBY, and ask who is Celebrimbor really. Also: why did it have to be guinea pigs? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Celeborn has dwelt in the West since the days of dawn; it only seems like Alan has as well. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we embark on a six-part journey through The History of Galadriel and Celeborn from Unfinished Tales. Christopher Tolkien concedes ‘severe inconsistencies’, while Galadriel’s got a way about her; I don’t know what it is. Celeborn meets his wife in Doriath… or in Alqualondë. We marvel at the hubris of claiming to have learned everything the Valar can teach, wonder if Celeborn needs an upgrade, and ask ‘Whose Test is it Anyway?’ Also, any excuse to bash Fëanor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tal-Elmar hopes to turn the tables on Mogru, the town’s Master; James manages to turn the table on Alan by interviewing him about his decade in podcasting. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South for some hazy cosmic jive as we conclude our four-episode look at the story of Tal-Elmar. It turns out Mogru’s been plotting for a while now, Tal-Elmar could probably do with a few more clothes, and the Númenóreans apparently have errands to run. We note that Christoper Tolkien did an amazing job with his father’s “excruciatingly difficult” handwriting, agree to disagree as to whether James is actually Jabba the Hutt, and decide that the fourth danger of the Agar swamp is the Men Of Unusual Size. Also: we decide that 38 years is long enough to wait for a political joke. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tal-Elmar refuses to help the Master because his “father is the elder”; James refuses to help Alan even though Alan is the elder. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as love dares you to care for the story of Tal-Elmar found in The Peoples of Middle-earth. Mogru gets some exercise — apparently for the first time in ages, Hazad knows martial law when he sees it, and Tal-Elmar braves the three dangers of the Agar swamp. We keep noticing unexpected lizard references, discover a great new band name, and freely admit we still don’t have a clue. Also: snakes… why did it have to be snakes? Don't forget to check out Kris Piet's Elvish calendar at https://elf-boi.com! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tal-Elmar spots three strange birds upon the water; Alan and James are just two strange guys with microphones. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we continue our four-part look into Tolkien’s unusual story of Tal-Elmar. Tal-Elmar reminds us of the legend of the Swans of Gorbelgod, Hazad offers a long history lesson, and together they turn and face the strange master of Agar: Mogru the Hutt. We discover that we’re good at finding things that don’t help us at all, admire Tolkien’s masterful use of inner dialog, and agree that no one wants to eat Hazad. Also: no, you go to the knappers! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hazad’s beard was five feet long without stretching; Alan and James can’t get the podcast to two hours without stretching. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we explore the little-known story of Tal-Elmar from The Peoples of Middle-earth in a sort of epilogue to Aldarion and Erendis. We meet calamity’s child, Tal-Elmar, along with his prolific father, Hazad Longbeard; and we learn about the strange history of the people of Agar and the Fell Folk of the East — without learning who any of them really are. We discuss two kinds of pride, wonder what Rome and York have to do with Middle-earth, and agree that white skins and bright eyes are no warrant for such deeds. Also, Tolkien still hates the Roman Empire. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Come celebrate the New Year with us here at The Prancing Pony Podcast as The Man of the West welcomes The Sage of the South! James and Alan invite our listeners to the Common Room, answering their questions again in our 33rd Questions After Nightfall! James fishes for a bonus (already?) while we rate Galadriels; we re-write The Lord of the Rings from Legolas’ perspective and ponder career opportunities for ex-wizards. Also on the agenda: the problem children of Ilúvatar and our standing rule about Babylon 5 callbacks. Finally, why is Tom? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tar-Aldarion changes the law of succession in Númenor; thankfully primogeniture will play no role in determining Sara’s successor on the podcast. Join The Man of the West and The Shieldmaiden of Rohan as we conclude the long and tragic tale of Aldarion and Erendis — and say farewell to Sara for this season. Soronto waits for a day that will never come, Hallacar slides into Ancalimë’s DMs, and there’s a shadow hanging over Erendis as she meets her sorrowful end in Rómenna. We note that Silmarien wants a word, wonder what the Quenya is for “man, my parents are a mess”, and discuss the great Númenórean dirigible. Also, Númenórean mix tapes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices