Solo Series Chapter 39: Failure & Remorse: Turning Toward the Wound Without Turning Against Yourself

In this episode, Lisa explores the emotional and psychological experience of creating the podcast and how it mirrors the journey of intentional weight loss. She describes the fear, insecurity, and vulnerability that arise after recording episodes, and how she practices both tender and fierce self‑compassion to navigate those feelings. She explains the importance of understanding where we do and do not have control, reframing the relationship with the body from adversarial to collaborative, and recognizing that behaviors like emotional eating are responses to overwhelm rather than failures or sabotage. She emphasizes trust, surrender, and the belief that the body is inherently innocent and working for survival. Topics Include:Tender vs. fierce self‑compassionTrust, control, surrender, and uncertaintyThe body as teammate vs. enemySelf‑soothing vs. self‑sabotage[1:23] Lisa opens the episode by sharing how recording the podcast triggers fear, insecurity, and avoidance, and explains how she navigates her emotional capacity when deciding whether she can listen back to her own episodes. She uses the 80%/40% energy metaphor to illustrate sustainable self‑management. Lisa explains that pushing herself beyond capacity leads to unsafety and unsustainability.[12:41] Lisa redefines trust and confidence. She explains fierce self‑compassion, the difference between avoidance and long‑term anxiety reduction, and reframes trust as “I’ll be okay either way,” applying these concepts directly to intentional weight loss. She expands on trust not being about outcomes matching expectations.[20:20] Lisa connects self‑compassion to sustainable weight patterns. She shares insight from her coach about why her internal work keeps weight fluctuations small, describes how she avoids shame spirals after overeating, and transitions into the topic of near enemies in weight‑loss culture.She explains that a loving self‑relationship prevents spirals of shame after compulsive eating. She practices accountability without judgment.[30:51] Lisa examines internalized beliefs about the body. She breaks down how cultural narratives shape self‑perception, challenges the idea that the body “retaliates,” and explains weight regain as a survival response rather than a moral failure.[37:26] Lisa reframes the body as a partner, not an enemy. Using the horse metaphor, she explains that the body’s limits reflect resources, not rebellion, and clarifies that “self‑sabotage” is actually fear‑based self‑soothing. Lisa explains comfort zone fear and that behaviors stop progress because fear spikes, not because you’re broken.[50:47] Lisa ends the episode by normalizing powerlessness around food, comparing it to addiction patterns, and emphasizing that sustainable change only happens when she works with her body rather than fighting it — a final reminder that trust, safety, and partnership are the foundation of intentional weight loss. ⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa explores the tension between control, trust, and surrender in intentional weight loss and in life. Opening with a personal check-in about failing to record on her planned days, she uses her own experience of surrendering to misaligned energy to illustrate the episode's central thesis: true trust means trusting the flow of life itself, not just ourselves. She introduces her framework of total responsibility, partial control — no one can do this work for you, but you don't have complete dominion over your behaviors, biology, or circumstances. Lisa reinforces that the skill set required for sustainable weight loss isn't willpower — it's courage, vulnerability, and the quality of the relationship you hold with yourself in your hardest moments.Topics Include:Total Responsibility, Partial Control Behavior-Oriented vs. Outcome-Oriented GoalsEmotional Eating & the Animal Brain Tender Self-Compassion in Real Time[2:22] Lisa reflects on surrendering her plan to record when the energy wasn't aligned, describing this as no longer being willing to bulldoze her feelings in service of a schedule and naming the episode's core theme: the dance between control, trust, and surrender. She frames control as an illusion that extends beyond the self. [13:30] Lisa returns to the Brené Brown vulnerability framework and her AI conversation about being in the arena, connecting it to the episode's central themes of control, trust, and surrender in intentional weight loss. She reads from her AI conversation and applies Brené's definition of vulnerability (uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure) to the pursuit of intentional weight loss goals.[15:20] Lisa recommends behavior-oriented goals over outcome-oriented goals, noting that outcomes involve factors outside one's control, while behaviors are where real agency lives. She reads that vulnerability is not winning or losing, but "having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome." Lisa emphasizes that to pursue safe, sustainable intentional weight loss, one needs an internal emotional infrastructure to ride the inevitable roller coaster.[21:53] Lisa declares that strengthening the skill of trusting, believing, and surrendering is not about food or weight loss but about reestablishing a secure attachment with God, the universe, and the flow of life itself. She introduces her core framework for the episode: total responsibility, partial control — you are responsible for this journey, but you only have partial control over how it unfolds.  [41:01] Lisa reframes the work: the responsibility is not to bulldoze the fear, but to make what is terrifyingly scary feel safe enough to approach — because neglect cycles on itself, making things scarier the longer they're avoided. She brings it back to fierce self-compassion: to be vulnerable, to name the fear — and fierce self-compassion means calling upon your bravery not to fight the fear, but to soften into it.[52:07] Lisa closes the courage section: the question always comes back to "How are you being with yourself to make this happen?" — because if unaddressed fear is running the system, showing up safely and sustainably will remain out of reach. She illustrates that showing remorse without punishment is possible and is precisely what the relationship with the self requires.[1:11:34] Lisa closes with the through-line of the entire episode: "How am I with myself in the hardest moments, when I feel the least in control?" — answering simply: lovingly. That quality of self-relationship is what makes safe, sustainable weight loss a reality, not a theory. ⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa builds on themes from previous episodes to explore accountability, remorse, guilt, failure, and vulnerability in the context of intentional weight loss. Lisa argues that genuine remorse is not a sign of self-hatred but a critical expression of self-love and the foundation for repairing the relationship you have with yourself. Lisa introduces failure as another near enemy, encouraging listeners to acknowledge when they've fallen short of a goal without collapsing into the identity of being a failure. She closes with a personal reflection on how setting goals is inherently vulnerable and frames intentional weight loss as an ongoing emotional roller coaster that demands self-compassion as its most essential tool.Topics Include:Remorse vs. Shame Intention vs. ImpactFailure as Information Goals as Vulnerability[2:48] Lisa bridges from the previous episode into a reflection on remorse, drawing a parallel to how courts consider remorse not for determining guilt, but for understanding a person's capacity for rehabilitation and applies this to the inner relationship. She connects remorse to trustworthiness, arguing that a person who acknowledges impact and takes responsibility becomes someone the self can trust — a prerequisite for sustainable, safe weight loss.[9:23] Lisa draws on Brené Brown's shame/guilt distinction to define remorse as the bridge between them: shame attacks identity, while remorse protects the relationship. She shares a personal story of waking up after overeating, catching herself spiraling into calorie math, and instead asking "What happened to you last night?" — which immediately brings tears and honest answers about fear and anxiety.[22:16] Lisa frames reconciliation after self-harm as turning toward rather than away, stating that without doing so, there is no reason to believe tomorrow will look any different than today. She introduces guilt as another near enemy, noting that anti-diet culture can shame people for feeling guilt, creating a spiral of shame-about-shame that prevents learning and integration.[32:18] Lisa reads an Instagram post distinguishing shame-based guilt from self-honoring guilt. She reframes self-honoring guilt as self-love in action: useful, adaptive, and capable of motivating aligned choices from a place of care rather than fear.[33:29] Lisa applies intention vs. impact to anti‑diet culture. She acknowledges anti‑diet culture’s good intentions while naming its impact: more shame, fear, and hypervigilance for many people. Lisa outlines the physical and emotional practices that create internal safety. Lisa shows how this acknowledgment restores trust.  [41:53] Lisa introduces failure as the next near enemy and she begins building the case that failure, honestly named, is not the same as being a failure. She compares intentional weight loss to athletic performance: just as athletes study the tape after a loss, she encourages listeners to review what happened without shame and extract the lesson to do something different next time.[54:00] Lisa introduces how having goals is inherently vulnerable, and shares how training for a HYROX race surfaced deep fear of failure; including the urge to not tell anyone about the goal, to avoid being seen in it. She reads an AI reflection on goal-setting as vulnerability. She frames trying, failing publicly or privately, and being seen as acts of courage.[1:04:05] Lisa applies this directly to intentional weight loss: you cannot simultaneously pursue something you care about and pretend you don't care because caring is what drives alignment, and alignment requires vulnerability. ⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa explores how self‑perception, emotional regulation, and food noise intersect with trauma‑informed healing. She begins by naming how early nonverbal messages shape self‑belief, using the “visual cliff” experiment to show how fear‑based cues teach us to distrust our own power. She expands this into the internal system: parts that feel scared, exiled, or overwhelmed need attunement, not dismissal. Lisa demonstrates how intention and impact both matter in self‑relationship, showing how conditional presence, imitation of surrender, and defensive self‑talk undermine safety. She teaches listeners how to create emotional safety through regulated communication, compassionate curiosity, and fierce self‑compassion.Topics Include:Internal Family SystemsNear enemies in healingMuting Food noiseFierce self‑compassion and repair[1:30] Lisa describes how children absorb external messages without question, shaping lifelong beliefs about safety and power. She explains how Elsa internalizes the belief that her powers are dangerous because she was met with fear instead of encouragement. Lisa describes babies crawling toward a perceived drop and how parental facial expressions determine whether they explore or freeze. She explains how fear‑based cultural messages teach people to fear their own bodies, choices, and power.[9:12] Lisa teaches how to handle big feelings during a work meeting. She models regulated self‑talk: “I see you. I hear you. I’ll come back to this when I have space.” Lisa shows how clarifying “I’m coming back to you” transforms the internal dynamic from neglect to connection.[15:51] Lisa shares the difference between  imitation vs. true surrender. She recounts a part saying, “You’re only willing to feel me because you want me to leave,” revealing how parts detect conditional presence. Lisa explores giving vs. receiving in emotional regulation. She explains how people often know how to give support but struggle to receive it even from themselves.[26:48] Lisa transitions to impact vs. intention. She explains that intention matters but impact also matters, and sometimes impact is what must be repaired. Lisa models how the body communicates rupture. She imagines the body saying, “I know you didn’t know better and I still don’t trust you,” showing how repair begins with acknowledging harm. She explains how to own harm without collapsing into shame.[33:29] Lisa applies intention vs. impact to anti‑diet culture. She acknowledges anti‑diet culture’s good intentions while naming its impact: more shame, fear, and hypervigilance for many people. Lisa outlines the physical and emotional practices that create internal safety: “I see you. I hear you. I’m with you.” Lisa shows how this acknowledgment restores trust.  [46:00] Lisa returns to food noise and near enemies. She explains how intentional weight loss behaviors can resemble dieting, and how near enemies help clarify the difference. Lisa shares the distinction between healthy food awareness and intrusive, compulsive food noise. [55:49] Lisa explains food noise as hunger or anxiety. She shows how intrusive food thoughts can signal underfeeding or anxiety, not pathology. Lisa reframes food noise as communication and warns against hitting the mute button. She explains that muting food noise prevents reconnection with exiled parts and blocks sustainable healing.[1:08:03] Lisa describes how meeting fear and perfectionism with compassion naturally reduces food noise over time. She explains that sustainable weight loss requires eyes‑open awareness, not obsessive control or total avoidance. ⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa continues the deep work of intentional weight loss by expanding the conversation around anger, shame, rupture, repair, innocence, and internal safety. She revisits the previous episode’s teaching on allowing anger without withdrawing love, showing how this becomes essential when you “blow past a boundary” or act out of alignment. She connects this to couples therapy, pets, children, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), illustrating how conflict is not a red flag; the absence of repair is. Lisa then explores the cultural conditioning around impact vs. intention, contrasting how society often punishes impact while internal healing requires honoring intention. She shares personal stories to show how innocence, intention, and misunderstood power shape self‑trust.Topics Include:Anger is AllowedShame SpiralsIFSSelf Trust[1:30] Lisa teaches that moments of anger or disappointment are inevitable, and the work is allowing those emotions without collapsing into shame. She describes how judging yourself after a misstep is like pouring gasoline on a fire, creating an unsafe internal environment that undermines long‑term goals. She frames tender self‑compassion as the stabilizing force that restores safety, connection, and alignment after moments of misalignment.[6:16] Lisa shows that both rigid diet‑culture judgment and anti‑diet avoidance bypass honest acknowledgment of tension, and she reframes conflict as a healthy part of self‑relationship. She uses practical analogies to normalize the coexistence of anger and love, teaching listeners to maintain connection with themselves while addressing the consequences of their actions.[11:09] Lisa teaches that every internal part is well‑intentioned and fundamentally good, echoing Dick Schwartz’s IFS framework. She shows that approaching parts with curiosity rather than shame creates the internal safety required for real change, and she reframes intention as the key to collaboration.[20:36] Lisa shares how external judgment once framed her as unsafe to help others while recovering from disordered eating, and how she reclaimed trust by returning to her own benevolent intention. She illustrates how culture teaches people to fear their own power; the work is not eliminating that power but learning to channel it safely.[46:40] Lisa explains how pity masquerading as compassion or people‑pleasing masquerading as kindness can derail healing by imitating the real thing. She teaches that healing requires transformed consciousness, not the avoidance of behaviors that once accompanied shame.[49:01] Lisa warns against rejecting supportive behaviors just because they resemble past unhealthy patterns, emphasizing that the energy behind the action is what matters. She reframes the old diet‑culture mantra “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” into “nothing tastes as good as staying in alignment with myself feels.”[49:57] Lisa teaches that actions like eating a salad, skipping dessert, or tracking calories only gain meaning from the energy behind them. She shows how the same behavior can be self‑punishment rooted in shame or self‑care aligned with long‑term values.[53:42] Lisa explains that when she views her intention as good, she becomes someone she can work with; when she sees herself as guilty, she becomes someone she cannot trust.[1:04:50] Lisa explains that food noise exists on a spectrum and that true freedom is not the absence of thinking about food but the absence of fear around structure and accountability. She uses the near‑enemy lens to reveal how equating structure with dieting or accountability with shame blocks healing.⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa deepens the conversation about self‑relationship, anger, innocence, and sustainable change, showing how the way we respond to ourselves in moments of rupture becomes the foundation for intentional weight loss. She explores how anger is often misinterpreted as danger or withdrawal of love, how childhood experiences shape our internal reactions, and how reparenting allows us to hold both frustration and connection at the same time. Lisa expands the framework of values‑aligned behavior, and long‑term intention, emphasizing discernment rather than judgment. She closes with a powerful teaching on innocence, energetic release, and the “superpower” metaphor.Topics Include:Anger, Love, and Internal SafetySomatic DualityReparenting and RepairValues‑Aligned Behavior[2:30] Lisa explores how we respond to ourselves when we do something that makes us mad. She names the importance of acknowledging anger without withdrawing love. Lisa distinguishes guilt (behavior) from shame (identity).[7:14] Lisa reflects on how childhood experiences shape adult interpretations of anger. She explains how children often internalize anger to not risk the withdrawal of parental love or safety. She highlights how this conditioning becomes an obstacle in intentional weight loss.[12:57] Lisa teaches that healthy relationships include rupture and repair—not perfection. She reframes conflict as safe, necessary, and strengthening. Lisa explains that internally, repair looks like: “I’m pissed, and also I still love you.”[15:51] Lisa expands on placing emotional burdens somewhere that isn’t self or other. She connects this to 12‑step language: give it to God (or universe, higher power) explaining that this is not spiritual bypassing; it’s energetic regulation.[20:12] Lisa shares a breakthrough moment of being allowed to feel anger toward God/the universe. She describes a client session where frustration and surrender coexist in the body. She ties this to radical acceptance explaining that you don’t have to like it to accept it.[25:01] Lisa revisits the Venn diagram and appetite suppressants. She explains why choices must align with long‑term goals, not short‑term avoidance. Lisa discusses the illusion of “someone will save me” and the necessity of self‑responsibility.[31:35] Lisa discusses the three categories of people who take GLP-1s, explaining why GLP‑1 is not the “exit,” only a tool that quiets food noise enough to find the exit yourself.[45:21] Lisa reframes “I don’t have a choice” as incomplete: “I don’t have a choice if I want the long‑term outcome I’ve chosen.” She uses money, sleep, and dessert as examples of choice vs. alignment. She restores agency and safety by returning choice to the system.[53:42] Lisa explores how anti‑diet messaging can feel judgmental and fear‑based diet culture. She invites listeners to examine the energy of the internal voice: does it feel shaming or supportive? Lisa shares stories of overdoing that capture innocence rather than guilt. She explains how innocence doesn’t mean harmlessness, but it changes the internal narrative. [1:08:27] Lisa introduces the “superpower” metaphor: powerful abilities that feel out of control until learned. She references Frozen, The Incredibles, and Spider‑Man as examples of unregulated power. She reframes past behaviors (dieting, restriction, coping) as innocent attempts without guidance. She closes with: It is your responsibility, but it is not your fault.⁠Join Us on Patreon!⁠ ⁠LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠⁠⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠⁠Email Lisa: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: ⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠⁠

In this episode, Lisa explores the difference between habitual fear and present‑tense truth, weaving in metaphors from Forrest Gump, trauma‑informed leadership, budgeting as a value statement, and the inner boardroom of parts learning to shift from intern energy to CEO energy. She expands on frustration, impatience, eagerness, and the emotional regulation required for safe, sustainable, intentional weight loss. Lisa also dives into nonverbal communication, the energy behind self‑talk, masculine/feminine balance, reparenting, and the “third‑party space” that allows us to hold frustration without weaponizing it against ourselves. Topics Include:Habitual fear vs. present‑tense truthImpatience vs. eagerness in the change processTrauma‑informed leadership and “tenderly fierce” self‑compassionEnergy behind self‑talk and nonverbal communication[1:00] Lisa explains habitual fear vs. current truth by explaining how she noticed a flash of habitual fear about not having her makeup, then checks in with her present‑day self and realizes she genuinely doesn’t care. She names how old reactions can surface automatically, but present‑moment awareness allows her to respond from who she is now, not who she used to be.[3:49] Lisa explains that intuitive impulses are part of embodied self‑listening beyond hunger and fullness. She describes Forrest Gump’s running scene as a visual for following intuitive impulses without needing logic, permission, or explanation. Lisa explains that intuitive eating and embodied decision‑making require ongoing check‑ins rather than rigid identities like “this is just what I do.”[8:35] Lisa shares frustration about wanting to get to certain teachings faster, noticing impatience and eagerness arising in her creative flow. She explains that impatience is anxiety‑driven urgency, while eagerness is excitement‑driven momentum—and both show up in healing and weight loss. Lisa talks about how frustration is normal in intentional weight loss and not a personal failure. She explains that acknowledging frustration prevents reactive behaviors and self‑judgment, keeping the process safe and sustainable.[16:39] Lisa shares insights from her doctoral coursework on trauma‑informed leadership and budgeting. She discusses how budgeting is not just accounting; it’s allocating resources according to values and priorities. Lisa explains that “budgeting calories” is not about morality but about aligning behaviors with values.[20:31] Lisa Lisa parallels organizational collapse with personal collapse: mission without management doesn’t work, and intention without structure doesn’t create change. She explains that becoming the CEO of your life mirrors reparenting—balancing tenderness and fierceness in decisionmaking. Lisa explains how self‑compassion grows over time and compares this to how compassionate self‑talk begins as a whisper and eventually becomes the dominant voice as fear quiets.[28:06] Lisa introduces the topic of verbal vs. nonverbal communication, noting that tone, pacing, and energy shape meaning more than words alone. She explains that inner dialogue is not just about the words you use but the energy behind them—fear vs. curiosity, judgment vs. compassion. [1:02:05] Lisa reminds listeners that sustainable change depends not just on what they do, but on the energy they bring to their choices, encouraging them to notice how their inner dialogue feels in the body. Lisa finishes by emphasizing that healing requires a blend of masculine structure and feminine intuition, inviting listeners to lead themselves tenderly and fiercely as they continue their intentional weight‑loss journey.Join Us on Patreon! LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠Email Lisa: ⁠[email protected]⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: Instagram⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠

Lisa deepens the trauma‑informed conversation around intentional weight loss by introducing two foundational visuals from her coaching curriculum—the Health Pie Chart and the Weight-Health Venn Diagram. She begins with a small moment of intuitive self‑listening to illustrate how “listening to your body” shows up in everyday life beyond hunger and fullness. Lisa then teaches the holistic health pie chart, the dieting pie chart, and the balanced pie chart to show how weight fits into a broader definition of health. From there, she breaks down the Venn diagram, clarifying the difference between choices that change weight but harm health, choices that support health but don’t directly change weight, and the nuanced middle where both can coexist. Topics Include:Listening to the bodyHolistic health pie chartWeight–Health Venn diagramTrauma‑informed intentional weight loss[1:00] Lisa describes putting her necklace back on as an example of listening to her body’s subtle cues rather than relying on logic or rigidity. She expands the definition to include emotions, intuition, inner child, and soul‑level impulses that guide everyday choices. Lisa explains emotional language and encourages honoring impulses even when they don’t make logical sense.[5:37] Lisa introduces the health pie chart as foundational to understanding holistic health and the energetics of food. She outlines the seven domains: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, environmental, and physiological health. Lisa introduces the dieting pie chart where weight becomes 95% of the focus, sacrificing mental, emotional, and social health. She explains weight as 2% of the pie showing how weight can be part of the conversation without dominating it. She clarifies weight neutrality emphasizing that peace comes from being able to see the number without making meaning of it.[18:05] Lisa introduces the weight–health Venn diagram to clarify the difference between weight‑changing behaviors and health‑supporting behaviors. Lisa describes childhood conditioning where weight and health were conflated, and how unlearning that distinction changed everything. Lisa lists weight‑focused behaviors that may lower the scale number but harm holistic health.[23:49] Lisa describes suppression vs. connection and why suppressing hunger contradicts her value of listening to the body. She explains starvation’s placement showing how extreme restriction lowers weight but destroys holistic health. Lisa lists health‑focused behaviors that support holistic wellbeing but don’t necessarily lower weight immediately.[29:33] Lisa explains social health noting that social connection, permission, and flexibility are part of holistic health. She explains food freedom showing how reclaiming permission to eat previously forbidden foods can be deeply healthy. Lisa names the purpose of the Venn diagram to show that weight and health are not synonymous, and that sustainable change requires understanding both.[57:45] Lisa emphasizes that some choices support holistic health without producing rapid or immediate weight loss—and that this distinction matters for sustainable change. She explains that the Venn diagram exists to show that weight and health are not synonymous, and that sustainable, trauma‑informed change requires understanding both categories clearly.[1:03:05] Lisa closes the episode by reminding listeners that intentional weight loss must be grounded in safety, bio‑individuality, and emotional honesty, and that peace comes from choosing behaviors aligned with both health and self‑trust—not from chasing rapid weight change.Join Us on Patreon! LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠Email Lisa: ⁠[email protected]⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: Instagram⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠

In this episode, Lisa explores the identity loss that emerges when doing deep mind‑body healing work—how becoming more embodied, sensitive, intuitive, and emotionally available can feel disorienting when it contradicts old identities like “the strong one who doesn’t do feelings.” Through stories about bugs, intuition, grief, and tenderness, she illustrates how identity shifts show up in everyday moments. The episode then pivots into intentional weight loss, emphasizing the “finish‑the‑sentence” tool, the difference between math vs. meaning, and how to hold food‑related decisions with neutrality rather than moral judgment. She reframes calorie deficits, exercise, permission, and choice through a trauma‑informed lens, grounding the conversation in safety, agency, and emotional honesty.Topics Include:Identity ChangesCalorie Deficit Diet culture vs. anti‑diet Safety in decision‑making[1:00] Lisa shares Bob’s message, “The identity loss is real though,” and explains how deep healing work inevitably shifts identity and self‑perception. She explains that changing how you relate to yourself changes how you relate to the world, often creating discomfort, unfamiliarity, and emotional vulnerability. Lisa highlights how people move through life with blinders on, avoiding emotional triggers because feeling deeply can be inconvenient and overwhelming[7:06] Lisa explains that becoming more embodied and sensitive continually reshapes identity, bringing new emotional experiences that challenge old patterns. She explains her sadness at killing a fly, recognizing that becoming softer inside is part of her transformation, even as her physical body becomes stronger.[15:35] Lisa shifts into fierceness to revisit food neutrality and intentional weight loss, returning to the “finish‑the‑sentence” tool. She explains how completing statements like “I ate too much…” with “…to be in a calorie deficit” prevents shame‑based interpretations like “…to be lovable.” Lisa explains that sometimes this belief comes from fear and scarcity, but other times it reflects intentional energy balance and mindful calorie management.[18:29] Lisa describes how athletes and people with medical needs often think in terms of input/output math without moral judgment, showing the complexity of this narrative. She emphasizes that calorie deficits, maintenance, and surpluses are neutral numbers—not reflections of worthiness, goodness, or identity. [23:50] Lisa shows how saying “I can’t eat that” removes agency and triggers a survival response, while “I can eat that, but…” restores power and safety. She highlights that removing choice creates threat, while acknowledging “I can eat that” restores freedom and aligns behavior with values. Lisa explains that feeling triggered is normal and often signals dieting trauma rising to be healed, encouraging listeners to meet discomfort with compassion.[56:54] Lisa explains that intentional weight loss is neither moralistic restriction nor chaotic permission—it is aligned choice, math, and emotional safety. She explains that intentional weight loss is neither moralistic restriction nor chaotic permission—it is aligned choice, math, and emotional safety.[1:02:00] Lisa wraps the episode by explaining that discomfort, fear, and old dieting trauma are normal parts of this work, and she encourages them to meet those reactions with compassion rather than judgment. She clarifies that sustainable, intentional weight loss lives between diet‑culture rigidity and anti‑diet avoidance, emphasizing aligned choice, emotional safety, and neutrality around food.Join Us on Patreon! LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠Email Lisa: ⁠[email protected]⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: Instagram⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠

In this episode, Lisa explores resilience, habit change, and the internal conflict that arises when pursuing intentional weight loss. She shares updates from her ongoing conversations with Bob, highlighting how nervous system regulation, habit formation, and “dad mode” reparenting become more accessible over time. Lisa expands the conversation into boundaries with self, the difference between present‑you and future‑you responsibilities, and how to separate emotional meaning from neutral data when tracking food or behavior. She explains the “finish the sentence” tool to dismantle shame‑based interpretations, clarifies the math of fat loss, and shows how healing the masculine energy behind discipline allows structure to feel safe rather than punitive.Topics Include:Judgment vs. AwarenessCalorie Deficit BasicsHealing Shadow Masculine EnergyMeeting Fear With Love[4:25] Lisa revisits her conversations with Bob and shares his progress with “good breathing,” noting that ten weeks of nervous‑system work has nearly replaced old programming. She explains Bob’s insight that reparenting doesn’t require constant vigilance—only 10–20% of moments need active “dad mode” once habits stabilize. Lisa describes habit formation explaining how routines become neural pathways, reducing the emotional labor of reparenting.[8:44] Lisa expands the boundary concept showing how the phrase applies not only to others but also to future versions of ourselves. She explains timeline boundaries using her move from San Diego to New York to illustrate this. Lisa describes intuitive action emphasizing that clarity in the present doesn’t require knowing what comes next.[14:19] Lisa revisits neutral awareness explaining how neutral questions (“What did you eat?”) can feel like judgment when filtered through old narratives. She explains calorie deficit basics clarifying that fat loss requires a deficit, achieved through input, output, or both. She describes emotional conflation showing how “I ate too much” becomes “I’m unlovable” when meaning‑making takes over. She explains aligned boundaries describing how saying no to dessert can be about maintaining a deficit—not about earning love.[27:18] Lisa reframes behavior change showing how choices rooted in desire for fat loss feel different than choices rooted in fear of unworthiness. She reinforces neutrality reminding listeners that calorie math is not a referendum on worthiness. She uses a travel analogy explaining that certain tasks are simply required to reach a destination.[31:06] Lisa transitions to masculine energy explaining that discipline becomes safe when the energy behind it is healed. She introduces the core theme showing how remembering intentions dissolves punitive energy. Lisa acknowledges deeper work explaining that sometimes fear requires more than cognitive reframing.[44:00] Lisa highlights the importance of knowing your why, explaining that remembering the intention behind a choice dissolves punitive energy and prevents slipping into old diet‑culture trauma. She reframes behavior change, explaining that choices rooted in desire for fat loss feel grounded, while choices rooted in fear of unworthiness feel unsafe and chaotic.[50:00] Lisa explains how discipline becomes safe when the energy behind it is healed and no longer punitive or controlling. She explains that remembering intentions dissolves fear and prevents slipping into drill‑sergeant energy. Lisa wraps the episode by explaining that the next chapter will continue exploring how to meet fear with love while building sustainable habits.Join Us on Patreon! LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients!⁠Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts⁠⁠Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form ⁠Email Lisa: ⁠[email protected]⁠⁠Out of the Cave Merch⁠ - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10Lisa’s Socials: Instagram⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠