Kindness for Your Grieving Heart: Compassion for All (Step 3)

When grief softens the initial shock, other feelings often rise to the surface. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore how compassion can support you when grief brings guilt, self-criticism, resentment, and the pain of being human. Grief does not only break the heart open. It can also make us hard on ourselves. You may judge your emotions, question your reactions, or feel guilty for what you did, did not do, or even for what you feel now. Heather and Amanda talk honestly about how common that is, especially when grief affects family dynamics and old wounds begin to surface. This is Step 3 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Compassion for All. Compassion in grief is not about fixing pain, pretending everything is okay, or forcing yourself to be positive. It is about recognizing suffering and responding with care. That includes care for yourself, care for difficult people, and care for the grieving heart that may feel raw, overwhelmed, or alone. Heather and Amanda explore the difference between empathy, sympathy, pity, and compassion. They talk about the role of self-compassion in grief, the healing power of common humanity, and how simple practices like a hand on the heart, a compassionate mantra, or metta meditation can help soften shame and self-judgment. You will learn: • Why grief can trigger guilt, resentment, and self-criticism • The difference between empathy, sympathy, pity, and compassion • How self-compassion includes an active response of care • What Kristin Neff's three elements of compassion look like in grief • Why common humanity can ease isolation • How to create a self-compassion mantra that feels true • What metta meditation is and how it supports compassion for self and others • Why compassion is not the same as excusing harmful behavior This episode is not about getting over grief. It is not about rescuing yourself from pain. It is about learning how to meet your grief, and yourself, with kindness. If you have been feeling hard on yourself after loss, this is a gentle place to begin. 🧘 Timestamps: 00:00 There Is One Thing That Is Not Impermanent 00:49 Step 3: Compassion for All 02:54 Guilt, Old Wounds, and Unexpected Feelings 05:02 Family Tension and Resentment in Grief 06:36 Empathy, Sympathy, Pity, and Compassion 08:51 "I'm Human, and I'm Doing My Best" 11:24 Self-Care as Compassion in Action 12:06 "I Should Be Over This By Now" 15:04 What Do You Need in This Moment? 17:14 Kristin Neff's Three Elements of Compassion 18:25 Common Humanity and Not Feeling Alone 20:07 Self-Kindness in the Midst of Grief 23:25 Why Grief Groups Can Be So Healing 25:06 Creating Your Own Self-Compassion Mantra 26:15 "This Feeling Isn't Permanent" 27:36 What Compassion Is Not 30:42 Taking Care of Her Daughter 34:31 Compassion for Difficult People 36:01 Metta Meditation Explained 41:23 Adapting the Practice So It Does Not Cause More Suffering 44:55 "I'm Having a Hard Time" 45:35 "I'm Feeling Grief" 47:34 A Preview of Step 4: Vulnerability and Courage Full show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/ Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018 Work with Heather 💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/ 🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/ 🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

When someone you love dies, your mind doesn't go quiet. It gets loud. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore how mindfulness can support you when grief pulls you into rumination, anxiety, and mental loops. Grief doesn't just affect your heart. It affects your mind. You replay conversations. You imagine worst case scenarios. You jump into the future. You go back into the past. Heather calls this time traveling. And while remembering is natural, rumination often adds another layer of suffering. This is Step 2 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Mindful Awareness. Mindfulness in grief is not about clearing your mind. It is not about pretending you are okay. It is not about spiritually bypassing pain. It is about noticing what is happening right now with honesty and compassion. Heather and Amanda talk about the difference between pain and suffering, and how the stories we add on top of pain can keep the nervous system activated. They share personal experiences of rumination after loss, grief anniversaries, and what it means to come back to the body when your thoughts feel overwhelming. You will learn: • The difference between remembering and ruminating • Why grief and anxiety often go together • What "time traveling" does to the grieving brain • How mindfulness and compassion work together • A simple breath, body, sound practice • How body scans interrupt rumination • What to do when emotions feel too big to unhook from This episode is not about stopping memories. It is not about forcing yourself to move on. It is about learning how to be present with your grief without adding extra suffering. If your mind feels stuck in loops after loss, this is a gentle place to begin. 🧘 Timestamps: 00:00 Pain and Add-Ons 01:15 What Mindfulness Is and Is Not 05:20 Remembering vs Ruminating 09:10 Time Traveling and the Grieving Brain 14:00 Mindfulness and Compassion 18:40 The Flashlight and Lantern Metaphor 24:30 Pain vs Suffering 30:15 Rumination Loops After Loss 35:20 Breath, Body, Sound Practice 41:10 Body Scan and Feeling Tones 49:30 Mindful Crying 55:40 Grief Anniversaries and Both and 1:00:10 Returning to Wisdom Full show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/ Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018 Work with Heather 💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/ 🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/ 🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

The First Step to Calm Your Nervous System After Loss Grief doesn't just affect your heart. It affects your body. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore why grief overwhelms the nervous system and why you can't think your way out of it. When loss shakes your world, symptoms like brain fog, insomnia, body aches, anxiety, and exhaustion are not signs that you are failing. They are signs that your body is under stress. This episode introduces the first step in the Mindfulness & Grief System: Conscious Relaxation. You'll learn why calming the body comes before processing meaning, how simple focusing practices interrupt the stress cycle, and why tending to your nervous system is foundational in early grief and during grief waves. Heather and Amanda share personal experiences of shock, numbness, cognitive confusion, and somatic symptoms after loss. They discuss research on the relaxation response, practical focusing techniques such as breath counting and mantra repetition, and how small, consistent practices can restore a sense of agency. You'll also learn: • Why grief creates inflammation and physical symptoms • How to interrupt rumination through simple attention practices • What to do when sitting meditation feels impossible • How to create a sleep sanctuary after loss • Gentle journaling prompts to help your body find a voice If grief has left you feeling dysregulated, restless, or exhausted, this episode offers a grounded place to begin. You don't have to eliminate your feelings. You can start by tending to your body. 🧘 Timestamps: 00:00 You Can't Think Your Way Out of Grief 00:42 Welcome & Why the Body Comes First 02:10 Shock, Numbness & Brain Fog After Loss 05:30 When the Numbness Wears Off: Anxiety & Grief Waves 08:45 Why Grief Overwhelms the Nervous System 11:10 The First Step: Conscious Relaxation 13:40 Focusing Practices (Breath Counting & Mantra) 18:50 The Relaxation Response Explained 23:30 Movement as Meditation 27:40 Sensory Practices: Sound, Touch, Scent 30:20 Creating a Sleep Sanctuary After Loss 37:15 Reimagining the Bedroom After Losing a Partner 44:10 Journaling as a Body Practice 50:30 Giving Your Body a Voice (Writing Prompt) 55:40 The Puzzle Metaphor: Putting Pieces Back Together 58:10 This Is Your Home Base in Grief 1:01:30 Closing Reflections Full show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/ Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018 Work with Heather 💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/ 🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/ 🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

Grief can feel chaotic, exhausting, and unpredictable. Many people receive support after a loss, but still feel unsure what to do when emotions surge or the nervous system feels overwhelmed. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and cohost Amanda Palermo explore why having a system matters when you are grieving. Not stages. Not fixing. A compassionate framework you can return to when you do not know what to do next. This episode introduces the Mindfulness & Grief System and explains how structure can help reduce suffering, restore a sense of choice, and support you in living alongside grief without denying your pain. This is the first episode in an 8 part series that will walk through the Mindfulness & Grief System step by step. In this episode, you will learn: Why grief often feels overwhelming and disorganizing Why support alone is not always enough How a system helps when your nervous system is dysregulated What makes the Mindfulness & Grief System different How structure can create safety without rigidity Timestamps 00:00 Why grief needs more than support 00:45 Welcome and episode overview 01:40 Why grief feels chaotic and exhausting 03:10 What people mean when they say "just get through it" 05:05 Why a system helps when emotions surge 07:20 The difference between stages and systems 09:10 How structure reduces suffering 11:05 Mindfulness as a practical skill, not a mindset 13:40 Choice, agency, and the nervous system 16:15 What the Mindfulness & Grief System offers 18:50 Who this system is for 21:30 What to expect in the 8 episode series 23:10 Closing reflections Hosts Heather Stang: https://HeatherStang.com Amanda Palermo: AmandaPalermo108 on Instagram Podcasts for Grieving Parents If you are a parent navigating grief, you may find these podcasts supportive: Grieving Out Loud with Angela Kennecke https://emilyshope.charity/podcast/ Widowed Parent Podcast with Jenny Lisk https://jennylisk.com/ Ways to Go Deeper 💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/ 🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/ 🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

The holiday season can be especially tender when you are grieving. Familiar traditions, gatherings, and quiet moments can intensify the ache of missing someone you love. Even well meaning silence from others can make the loss feel heavier and more isolating. In this episode of the Mindfulness and Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang talks honestly about why the holidays can be so painful, the social awkwardness many grieving people experience, and how meditation can offer a quiet place of connection when your heart feels full. Heather introduces the concept of continuing bonds and shares the Life Imprint practice, originally developed by C. J. Vickio and taught by Robert Neimeyer, as a way to honor love without forcing cheer or closure. This episode points you to a gentle guided meditation that can be practiced during the holidays or anytime you are missing your person. The reflection can also be used as a journaling practice and is suitable for both simple and complicated relationships. 🎁 Download your free Grief Sensitive Holiday Planner: HeatherStang.com/holiday-planner Includes mindful prompts and reflection exercises to help you plan the holiday season with care and compassion. You will learn: • Why missing your loved one can feel sharper during the holidays • How silence and avoidance from others can add to grief, even when intentions are good • What continuing bonds means and why many people find it comforting • How the Life Imprint practice supports connection, even in complicated relationships • Why meditation can help you sit with longing without becoming overwhelmed • How this practice fits into the Mindfulness and Grief System, Step Six, Continuing Bonds • Ways to use this reflection as a meditation or journaling practice If you find this episode helpful, please follow the podcast and consider leaving a review so others can find support when they need it most.

Thanksgiving can be an emotionally complex day when you are grieving. Even simple traditions or familiar gatherings can feel overwhelming when your heart is carrying loss. Whether this is your first Thanksgiving without your person or one of many, it is normal to feel tender, unsure, or stretched thin by expectations and family dynamics. In this episode of the Mindfulness and Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang shares seven mindful tips to help you navigate Thanksgiving before the day arrives, during the gathering itself, and afterward when everything settles again. Through personal stories, trauma sensitive guidance, and practical mindfulness tools, Heather offers a grounded way to care for your heart and reduce unnecessary suffering on this meaningful holiday. 🎁 Download your free Grief Sensitive Winter Holiday Planner: heatherstang.com/holiday-help Includes mindful prompts and reflection exercises to help you plan for the holidays with clarity and compassion. You will learn: • How emotional tension builds before Thanksgiving and how mindfulness can help you recognise it early • A simple visualization practice to uncover what may feel difficult on the holiday • How to understand and express your needs clearly, including a real life story of how one family transformed their day • Personal rituals that can bring comfort and meaning during Thanksgiving • Why children's grief is often overlooked, how to talk with them honestly, and how to support them at their own pace • How different grieving styles, such as instrumental and intuitive grief, shape family dynamics during the holidays • What to expect after Thanksgiving, why an emotional drop is normal, and how to tend to yourself with care If you find this episode helpful, please follow the podcast and consider leaving a review so others can find support when they need it most.

Holiday invitations can feel complicated when you are grieving. Even the kindest offers can bring pressure, guilt, or a sense that you should show up in ways your heart simply cannot. Whether this is your first holiday without your person or your twentieth, it is normal to feel overwhelmed by expectations, social demands, and the weight of what has changed. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang explores why saying no is so difficult during grief and how you can make compassionate choices about the gatherings you are invited to. With grounded, practical guidance, Heather walks you through a mindful four step process to help you decide what to attend, what to decline, and how to communicate your needs with honesty and kindness. 🎁 Download your free Grief-Sensitive Winter Holiday Planner: heatherstang.com/holiday-help filled with mindful prompts and reflection exercises to guide you through the season. You will learn: • Why holiday invitations feel emotionally charged when you are grieving • How to recognise internal and external pressures that make saying no difficult • A simple four step method to help you decide what you can manage this year • How to decline invitations in ways that protect relationships and your wellbeing • Gentle ways to support yourself if you choose to say yes • Why this year is only this year, and how grief shapes but does not define future holidays  

The holidays can stir up as much pain as joy when you're grieving. Lights, music, and celebrations can feel unbearable when your heart is heavy with loss. Whether this is your first holiday without your person or your twentieth, it's normal to miss them deeply. In this episode of The Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang shares her own story of loss and the silence that shaped her understanding of grief. Through compassion and evidence-based mindfulness practices, Heather offers practical ways to move through this season with intention, honesty, and self-care. 🎁 Download your free Grief-Sensitive Winter Holiday Planner: heatherstang.com/holiday-help filled with mindful prompts and reflection exercises to guide you through the season. You'll learn: • Why the holidays can feel especially painful when you're grieving • Mindful ways to care for your body, mind, and heart • How to plan your days with flexibility and compassion • Gentle rituals to honor your loved one • How to balance grief and gratitude at the same table  

When Faith Wilcox's daughter Elizabeth began to complain about knee pain, her doctors thought it was just growing pains and she would be fine. As her pain continued, she was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer that affects pediatric patients. Through 10 months of treatment, Elizabeth remained positive and supportive of the other patients. Ultimately, Elizabeth passed away just one year after her diagnosis. In her grief, Faith was able to find moments of comfort and peace despite the things that were beyond her control.  Nature has always been restorative for Faith. Walks in the woods and time on the beach helped restore her mind and spirit. She also leaned into her circle of friends, who provided additional support. Faith discovered one of her biggest relief strategies when she started journaling, after her therapist recommended she start writing to help get out some of her bottled-up feelings. Faith has since written multiple books, including Hope Is a Bright Star: A Mother's Memoir of Love, Loss, and Learning to Live Again and has started a journaling program to help others who are struggling with grief. 

Beth Cavenaugh shares with us her personal experience as a nurse-turned-hospice worker at the request of her mom during her mom's final stage of life. Beth talks about her love of her work with families and patients and what caregivers need to think about during such a difficult period of time.  Hospice is a service that provides physical and emotional support for someone who is in their last six months of life. Hospice is a comprehensive team of support personnel that includes family members, healthcare workers, a social worker, chaplain, and a bereavement specialist. A nurse will come in and check on the patient multiple times a week to make sure their pain and symptoms are being managed and the patient is as comfortable as possible. A social worker and bereavement specialist can help you and your family members with some of the tough questions that come along with end-of-life care.    Beth's new book, Some Light at the End, details helpful strategies for those whose loved ones have a terminal illness or have recently passed. She can speak to: Mental wellness: Strategies to counteract anxiety, panic, and depression while living in hospice care for both those dying and their loved ones. Handling grief: Lessons from a hospice expert who has seen countless people through grief, and tips for your personal journey. Hospice 101: While in the early stages of grief, it's impossible to research all of our options. Beth details the questions we don't even know we need to ask and how to advocate for ourselves. Mobilizing: Hospice care happens at lightning speed. Beth details each step to save us from becoming overwhelmed and stressed.   https://amzn.to/3pH5fGm BIO Beth Cavenaugh is a certified hospice and palliative care nurse and educator with over 14 years of experience in caring for terminally ill patients. She has been a registered nurse for over 24 years and holds a bachelor's degree in nursing from Creighton University. Beth has supported hundreds of patients and their families at inpatient units, in-home settings, and behind the scenes in hospice care. Compassion, patient autonomy, and transparent communication are at the core of her care philosophy. Beth hopes to demystify death and dying so this powerful moment will be embraced as a normalized and celebrated life event. She continues to work in hospice and has a private reiki practice to support physical, emotional, and spiritual healing for adults and teens. Beth lives with her husband in Portland, Oregon, where they have (almost) successfully finished raising their three kids. Learn more at BethCavenaugh.com.