335. The Problem With Never Being Satisfied: Still Practicing, but Differently

We are often chosen for leadership in medicine because we are capable, responsible, responsive, and willing to do hard things. We answer the email. We take the shift. We notice problems before other people do. But what makes us good physicians is not always what makes us sustainable leaders. Healthcare leadership rewards endless availability, self-sacrifice, control, and doing more than is humanly possible. Exhaustion becomes a personal failure rather than information about the way we are leading. In this episode, Dr. Jessie Mahoney offers a different lens: leadership that supports your wellness and the wellness of the people you lead.  She explores differences between tenacity and toxic endurance, approachability and endless accessibility, urgency and intention. You will also meet a memorable leadership image: the lighthouse and the Zodiac raft. One conserves energy, stays grounded, and shines its light. The other makes waves, burns fuel, and trains everyone around it to live in reactivity. This podcast is not another list of leadership competencies. It is an invitation to notice what you are modeling with your nervous system, your pace, your emails, your attention, and the energy you bring to difficult moments. Learn more about 1:1, small-group coaching and retreats  Join Jessie Mahoney's Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

"I thought I was a Kaiser lifer." Dr. Jessie Mahoney loved pediatrics. She loved her patients, families, teaching, leadership, and the work. She had a busy practice, a pension, lifetime health insurance, and even a Top Dog award—the prize was a stuffed dog, which might tell you something. From the outside, leaving after 22 years made absolutely no sense. But Jessie had an ongoing, growing, gnawing feeling that something was off. Not because her life was bad. Not because she had made a mistake. Not because she did not love medicine. She was proud. She was also trained, like so many physicians, to keep noticing problems, keep improving, keep taking the next role, and keep looking for the next golden ticket. In this personal episode, Jessie shares what finally got her attention, why her usual strategies of fixing and managing stopped working, and how coaching, mindfulness, physiology, and one powerful question helped her find a different path. This is not a story about casually leaving medicine. It is a story about listening when something inside you is asking for change—and recognizing that you may still be practicing medicine, just differently. In this episode: The culture of medicine that trains us not to rest, listen to our bodies, or be satisfied Why good work and a successful career can still feel out of alignment The hidden cost of always looking for the next golden ticket What happened when Jessie's husband developed severe depression Why coaching, mindfulness, and physiology together changed things The question: "What would love do?" Why leaving Kaiser was terrifying—and why Jessie could not not do it Reimagining what practicing medicine can look like Learning to trust yourself and the nonlinear path Learn more about coaching and retreats at www.jessiemahoneymd.com *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

She thought she had found her forever job: full-scope family medicine, OB care, community health, and clinical leadership in an FQHC she loved. Then the job changed. Leaders left, colleagues were fired, staffing became unsustainable, and the work that had once felt like a dream was asking too much -- of her nervous system, health, and family life. In this episode, a family practice physician from the Pacific Northwest shares how coaching with Jessie Mahoney helped her learn to advocate and stop living in anger, panic, or a cortisol bath. One of the most helpful things she learned is that "wellness is sustainability and self-advocacy." Steadiness returned. From there, she was able to let go of the idea of a "forever job," shift her identity, and become an educator. This is a hopeful episode for physicians who still love medicine and want a way of practicing that allows them to be fully human. In this episode, we discuss: What happens when a dream job stops working Moving from victimhood to agency without minimizing what is hard The power of "Of course" and "I wish it were different, but I can still make a difference" How to advocate effectively How to choose a next job based on what nourishes you Why a career decision does not need to be forever Why wellness is sustainability and self-advocacy What can happen for others when you model a more human way to practice medicine Learn more about coaching and retreats at www.jessiemahoneymd.com *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

In training, connection often happens without much effort. You are surrounded by people who get it. Then you become an attending, move, build a family, care for patients and parents, and suddenly friendship feels like one more thing that requires energy you do not have. In this episode, Jessie Mahoney and Ni-Cheng Liang talk about why friendship after training takes real intention—and why it is not a luxury.  For physicians and high achievers, connection can be hard not because we do not care, but because medicine trains us to override our needs, keep going, compare and despair, and struggle to receive support. They offer practical, compassionate ways to sustain old friendships, make new ones, and let friendship look like what it actually can look like in a full life: a standing dinner date, a text when someone crosses your mind, an imperfect annual gathering, a yoga class followed by coffee, or simply being willing to reach out. This conversation explores: Why friendship and social connection are a form of medicine Why connection can become harder after medical training The activation energy of friendship—and why it can ultimately give energy back Scheduling connection with the same seriousness as the rest of life Friendship seasons, long-distance friendship, and imperfect attendance How to move from compare and despair to curiosity What "friend trauma" can teach us without defining what comes next The practice of receiving, belonging, and letting someone hold space for you Small, realistic ways to start or sustain one meaningful connection this week Friendship takes effort. But it may be the thing that makes everything else feel more sustainable. Learn more about coaching, retreats, and mindfulness offerings on www.jessiemahoneymd.com *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

What if compromise is not the path to a more connected relationship? For many of us, especially in long-term relationships, compromise can look like avoiding the conversation, making ourselves smaller, or giving up what is real and alive inside us so that our partner will be more comfortable. It keeps the peace, but it also creates distance. In this open, practical conversation, Dr. Jessie Mahoney is joined by physician coach, relationship and intimacy coach, and author Dr. Alexandra Stockwell. They explore the possibility of uncompromising intimacy: not getting your own way, but becoming more aware of what you want, need, and feel—and learning to share it in a way that creates more connection. They talk honestly about libido mismatch, emotional intimacy, the difference between connection before intimacy and intimacy as connection, why many high-achieving physicians bring their professional roles home, and how curiosity can help couples find their way back to one another. You will leave with practical ways to begin: asking better questions, creating intimacy dates without pressure, practicing pleasure in everyday life, and using small moments of intention and attention to reconnect. Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Stockwell, Uncompromising Intimacy, and her work at alexandrastockwell.com. Learn more about coaching, retreats, and mindfulness offerings on www.jessiemahoneymd.com *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

What if being called "high maintenance" is not an insult, but a sign that you are paying attention to what it takes to live and work well? In this solo episode, Dr. Jessie Mahoney explores the hidden cost of being the easy one—the physician who asks for little, absorbs the inconvenience, takes the extra shift, and tries not to make waves. For many women in medicine, labels like selfish, difficult, demanding, and high maintenance can become a reason to stop asking for what we need. Physicians do unusually demanding work. We need sleep, rest, food, movement, connection, boundaries, support, time to recover, and a functioning nervous system.  None of this is indulgent. It is maintenance. "What is worth maintaining? This episode is an invitation to stop equating self-neglect with generosity, to distinguish an unreasonable request from an inconvenient one, and to remember: you are worth maintaining. Learn more about coaching and retreats at jessiemahoneymd.com. *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

How can you create enough space to notice what you need and trust yourself? In this warm conversation, family physician and physician leader Dr. Kelly Derbin shares how coaching, mindfulness, yoga, and two Connect in Nature retreats helped her navigate clinical burnout, leadership, caring for her aging mother, and the decision to retire from clinical practice.  She shares how these tools have helped her savor a meaningful season rather than simply survive it. In this episode, Dr. Jessie Mahoney and Dr. Kelly Derbin talk about the pause that changes everything: the small gap, a coaching conversation, an immersive retreat, or an intentional choice that helps us get our heads above the clouds long enough to hear ourselves again. Might you also be "trying to make something work because of what the vision was in my head, as opposed to being open to what could be"? Listen to learn: Why getting above the clouds can change how we see work, life, and big decisions The difference between institutional leadership development and outside coaching Why physicians need both small pauses and more immersive resets How a retreat can help regulate a nervous system that has been carrying too much Creating a microculture of intention within a large healthcare organization Letting go of the imagined plan in order to make space for what is actually possible Caring for an aging parent while carrying a full professional life Retirement as a transition into a new season, not a falling-off-a-cliff decision Using mindfulness not only to survive difficult moments, but to savor tender ones How intention changes the "landing" of conversations with colleagues and family "If you're just using your mindfulness to navigate the hard moments, you might miss the beauty of those really special moments." If you are a physician who feels successful on the surface but knows something needs to shift underneath, this conversation is an invitation to pause.  You do not have to decide everything today.  You may simply need enough space to hear yourself. About Dr. Kelly Derbin Dr. Kelly Derbin is a family physician. After early academic and community-based family medicine roles in Alabama, she returned to California and spent 17 years with Palo Alto Medical Foundation. She served as the founding medical director of a leadership development office for nearly a decade and will continue to provide leadership coaching within her organization as she retires from clinical practice. Learn more about coaching, retreats, and mindfulness offerings on www.jessiemahoneymd.com Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog *Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

Hope is deeply human. It can keep us going when life feels uncertain, painful, or out of our control.  But hope is not a plan. In this solocast, Dr. Jessie Mahoney shares what she is learning while caring for her aging parents through a season of medical crises, changing needs, family decisions, and more chaos than she expected. Then she widens the conversation to the endurance races many of us are living: our own health, caregiving, medicine, work, relationships, and change we did not choose. This is an episode about accepting reality without giving up, finding agency when you cannot control the outcome, caring for your nervous system, and meeting hard moments with wisdom and grace. Jessie shares practical mindfulness tools for staying steady, including letting go, trust, presence, gratitude, generosity, helpful questions, and her guiding questions: What will I wish I had done? and What would love do? In this episode, you'll hear about: Why hope can be inspiring—and still not be an action plan Acceptance as radical honesty, not resignation How to find agency without taking over someone else's agency Why chaos can become a place to learn and grow Managing your mind, nervous system, and physiology in a long endurance season Risk mitigation instead of perfectionism Helpful questions that interrupt spiraling and return you to clarity The power of pauses, rest, nourishment, and self-compassion How sibling relationships can be both hard and unexpectedly healing "Health and wealth," "brave and bold," and "the exquisite" as practical ways to navigate change Resources and invitations: Learn about one-on-one coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/physician-coaching Learn about Advanced Coaching / Deeper Connections: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/deeper-connections-advanced-coaching Explore 2027 Nicasio Creek Farm retreat dates: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/nicasio-creek-farm-coaching-immersions Connect in Nature with Dr. Ni-Cheng Liang, December 2–4: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreat-connect-in-nature 2027 Transition Well Group Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/transition-well Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

What if the conversation in front of you is not asking you to fix anything? As physicians, caregivers, parents, and partners, we are trained to notice suffering and move quickly toward a solution. But even when our intention is to help, fixing can sometimes land as judgment. It can leave the other person feeling unseen, rushed, or as though they need to change. In this episode, Dr. Ni-Cheng Liang and Dr. Jessie Mahoney explore mindful communication as a practice of presence, curiosity, and generosity. They share why listening without immediately advising, correcting, rescuing, or preparing your response can be deeply healing—for the person speaking and for you. Together, they discuss practical ways to arrive more fully before an important conversation: a breath, a hand to heart, a quiet walk, a moment of noticing, or simply an intention to connect. This is not about performing perfect communication. It is an invitation to pause, listen, and remember that sometimes the most healing thing we can offer is our willingness to stay. In This Episode, We Explore Why the instinct to fix can unintentionally communicate judgment The difference between "How can I help?" and deciding what someone needs Listening as a gift of presence, not a tool for solving Why presence and monotasking can conserve emotional energy The question beneath our urge to fix: whose discomfort are we trying to relieve? Simple ways to prepare your body and mind for a difficult conversation How to practice mindful communication with patients, colleagues, children, partners, and parents Reflection Questions When someone comes to you with a problem, is your first instinct to fix or to simply listen? Where might your desire to help sometimes carry an unintended judgment? What does it feel like in your body when you are truly listening? What helps you arrive with presence before an important conversation? Who in your life might benefit from being listened to rather than being fixed? Connect in Nature Retreat Drs. Liang and Mahoney will be offering another Connect in Nature retreat in December, with CME available. Learn more and join them here: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreat-connect-in-nature If this conversation resonates, Jessie's coaching offers a place to pause, hear yourself more clearly, and make changes with more presence, self-trust, and ease. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.comCME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Podcast Page: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

What if you did not have to earn your rest, optimize your time off, or have the next chapter all figured out before it begins? In this episode of Healing Medicine, Dr. Jessie Mahoney talks with Dr. Jenny Kohr, a breast radiologist in the space between two jobs. After leaving a role she held for nearly 14 years, Jenny took nine weeks before starting the next one. She did not travel the world. She did not reorganize her whole life. She did not turn her time off into another ambitious project. Instead, she practiced pacing. Jenny shares what she learned from leaving space in her schedule, sitting outside with coffee in the morning, moving her body, taking a meditation class, writing, and learning to sing. Together, she and Jessie explore the old patterns that can make change so tiring for women in medicine: urgency, perfectionism, striving, and the belief that we need to prove we used our time well. This is a conversation about trusting yourself enough to let things take the time they take. About noticing when your strengths are serving you—and when they are asking too much of you. And about beginning again without abandoning yourself in the process. In this episode, we explore How to navigate a career transition without recreating the same pace Why "pacing" can be more helpful than simply telling yourself to slow down The urge to fill time off with travel, achievement, and productivity How urgency and perfectionism can masquerade as responsibility Why a reasonable pace can help you do better work, not less work What singing can teach us about strain, self-trust, and finding what fits How writing your story for yourself changes the way you see your life The difference between helpful strengths and patterns that have become draining How to ask better questions when you are new, uncertain, or in transition Pearls of wisdom Things take the time they take. What if the way you spent your time off was exactly what you needed? If you feel yourself straining, try something different. You do not need to explain every decision that is right for you. We do not have to get rid of our strengths. We can be discerning about when they are helpful. You do not have to have it all figured out right now. And if you did, how boring. Reflection questions Where am I cramming something in rather than letting it take the time it takes? What is my sense of urgency asking me to prove, finish, or figure out? Where do I feel strain—and what might it look like to try something different? What if this season is giving me exactly what I need? What would it look like to trust myself a little more in the change I am navigating? If this conversation resonates, Jessie's coaching offers a place to pause, hear yourself more clearly, and make changes with more presence, self-trust, and ease. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.comCME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Podcast Page: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.