Ep. 250 - When Negative Thoughts Take Over Your Marriage

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!Bringing up something that’s bothering you doesn’t have to turn into a fight.Most couples assume arguments are inevitable after you get married — but the truth is, arguing is actually a choice. It's conflict that is inevitable.In this episode, I break down a real example from her own marriage: a stressful morning routine, growing frustration, and how I stopped myself from slipping into an old cycle of reactive communication that would have led straight to an argument. You’ll hear the exact process I used to reflect, process what was really going on underneath the frustration, and bring it to my husband in a way that actually strengthened our partnership (and saved us from arguing).Inside this episode, you’ll learn:- The common mistake most women make when they bring up issues (and why it backfires)- What happens in your partner’s brain when you bring something up reactively- How tone, timing, and nervous system regulation determine whether you get connection or defensiveness- The self-coaching questions I used to get clarity before engaging- Why urgency is usually a trauma response, not a relationship necessity- How to choose an approach that preserves partnership instead of triggering survival mode- A real-time play-by-play of how Michelle navigated a morning routine conflict with emotional maturityIf you’re tired of feeling unheard, if conversations escalate quickly, or if you keep looping in the same cycle of “I try to bring things up but he gets defensive,” this episode is your roadmap to a better way.Most couples don’t struggle because they have problems. They struggle because of how they talk about them. Let’s change that.For starters, grab my Conflict to Connection Guide.If you'd like to take it a step further, book a clarity call with me so we can talk about how marriage coaching can help you!Thanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!The holidays are meant to be enjoyed, but what if you have health goals? Being around tempting food and having more to do can make it challenging to stick to those goals.In this episode, I’m joined by health and wellness coach Tess Cheng to talk about how you can take care of your body during the busiest, most chaotic season of the year without guilt, shame, or unrealistic expectations.We cover the real challenges parents face—school breaks, disrupted routines, holiday parties, family commitments—and how all of that impacts sleep, stress, eating habits, and emotional capacity.Inside this conversation, you’ll learn:Why holiday overwhelm makes healthy habits feel impossibleThe mindset shift that helps you stop feeling guilty about holiday foodsHow to build a stronger mind–body connection so you can make intentional choicesThe simplest way to stay active even when you’re stuck indoors with kidsWhy sleep should be one of your top priorities (and how to protect it)What “light dinners” actually mean and why they matterHow to stay grounded when you’re overstimulated, overscheduled, and overtiredPractical ways to recognize how food affects your energy, mood, and clarityThis episode is especially helpful if you’re tired of feeling stretched thin during the holidays and want to feel more connected—to your body, your family, and yourself.Connect with Tess!https://glowithtess.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/tess-cheng-mshttps://www.instagram.com/glowithtess/https://www.facebook.com/GlowithtessThanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!Struggling with anger in your marriage? Feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or questioning whether you even want to stay? You’re not alone — and your anger may be telling you something important, but not in the way you think. In this episode, I break down what really happens in your brain during anger, why it narrows your perspective, and how to bring clarity back into your relationship before making big decisions.You’ll learn:Why anger is a secondary emotion and what’s really underneath itHow your brain hijacks your perception and amplifies the negativeA powerful question to help you regain perspectiveThe three choices you have when facing recurring frustrationsHow to tell the difference between fixable issues and deal-breakersWhen it’s time to get support from a marriage coachWhy many couples separate over issues that are actually solvable with the right toolsIf you’re feeling stuck in resentment, emotionally checked out, or unsure whether your frustrations are temporary or permanent, this episode will help you slow down, zoom out, and reconnect to the full picture of your marriage — not just the parts your anger highlights.Looking for clarity and support as you navigate this season? Book a free Clarity Call to understand what’s happening, what you want, and what working together can look like.Thanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!Kids today aren't struggling because they’re “lazy,” “dramatic,” or “entitled.” They’re struggling because the world they’re growing up in is fundamentally different — and their mental health is reflecting that.In this powerful conversation, therapist Keri Cooper breaks down the real reasons kids are lacking grit and resilience — and what parents can shift today to better support their emotional health.We explore how conveniences, screens, gaming, overstimulation, permissive parenting, and constant adult intervention have unintentionally robbed kids of the experiences they need to grow into resilient, capable, grounded humans.Connect with Keri:Website: https://kericooperholistictherapy.com/ IG: @kericooperholistictherapy @sleepsolutionsbykeriGrab her book, Mental Health Uncensored: 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs To Know here!Thanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!The Power of Gratitude in MarriageGratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” when things go right—it’s a powerful way to deepen connection, reduce defensiveness, and strengthen teamwork in your relationship. In this short and heartfelt Thanksgiving episode, Michelle shares how practicing gratitude can transform your marriage, especially during stressful seasons like the holidays.You’ll learn:What gratitude really means (and what it’s not)Why expressing appreciation lowers defensiveness and builds connectionHow gratitude helps couples repair faster after conflictSimple daily gratitude practices that bring you and your partner closerWhat to do if gratitude feels hard right nowIf you’ve been struggling to feel grateful because resentment or disconnection have taken root, this episode will help you start shifting your energy toward healing and reconnection.Resources mentioned:Conflict to Connection Guide – Gain clarity so you can confidently communicate your needsBook a Clarity Call – Get personalized support to restore connection and improve communication in your marriageThanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!The truth is—most modern women aren’t just working one shift. They’re working five.Between managing households, raising kids, and keeping marriages afloat, it’s no wonder women are exhausted. In this episode, I share what the shifts are and I break down the concept of The Fifth Shift—the invisible labor of maintaining the health and connection of a marriage—and why it’s time to stop carrying it alone.You’ll learn:What the five “shifts” of modern motherhood and marriage actually areWhy the fifth shift (managing your marriage) often falls on womenHow outdated conditioning still shapes relational imbalance todayWhy partnership isn’t about being 50/50—it’s about awareness, capacity, and collaborationPractical examples of how to rebalance responsibilities at home and in your marriageYou’ll walk away feeling seen, validated, and empowered to start creating more balance—without guilt or resentment.If you’re ready to identify what needs to shift in your relationship so you can feel supported again, grab the Marriage 360 Review. It’ll help you assess your relationship, spot the imbalance, and open the door to real change.Thanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!When breastfeeding isn’t working the way you imagined—it’s not your fault.In this episode, I am joined by Shari Stamps, an integrative wellness practitioner and mom of six, to talk about what really happens when feeding your baby doesn’t go as planned—especially when oral ties are involved.We dive into the emotional and physical challenges of postpartum feeding, how to spot red flags, and why so many moms feel dismissed or unsupported when they know something’s not right.Shari breaks down what oral ties actually are, why they’re often missed by professionals, and how a holistic care team (including lactation consultants, craniosacral therapists, and pediatric specialists) can help. She also shares how parents can regulate themselves, connect with their baby, and move through this season with more confidence and peace.If you’ve ever felt like you were failing because feeding wasn’t “natural” or “easy,” this episode will remind you—you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.In this episode, you’ll learn:What oral ties are and how they affect feedingSigns your baby may be struggling beyond a “bad latch”Why holistic support is essential for both mom and babyHow to self-soothe and stay grounded when feeding challenges feel overwhelmingThe role your partner can play in emotional and physical supportMentioned in this episode:Shari’s toolkit: Your Baby’s Tie Care BestieConnect with Shari:Website: https://www.navigatingparenthood.com/IG: @navigatingparenthoodPodcast: Navigating ParenthoodThanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!You don’t have to dread the holidays.Most couples enter the holiday season with good intentions—but end up buried under the mental load, family expectations, and endless to-do lists that leave them feeling resentful and disconnected.In this episode, I'm sharing the exact conversation you can have with your partner to plan the holidays as a team instead of as stressed-out parents. You’ll learn how to align your values before diving into logistics, set realistic expectations, and avoid repeating the same stressful patterns every year.You’ll also hear sample scripts, boundary phrases, and a complete 12-point agenda for planning your holiday season—from setting your vision and budget to dividing responsibilities and protecting couple time.By the end, you’ll have everything you need to turn the holidays into a season that strengthens your marriage, not one that tests it.In this episode:Why holiday stress magnifies your current relationship dynamicsHow to use Michelle’s P.E.A.C.E. Method to plan with your partnerThe 12 key conversation points every couple should coverHow to set boundaries with family (without guilt)What to do differently this year to feel calm, connected, and alignedResources mentioned:Download the The Holiday Planning Conversation Agenda PDF here!Watch the The #1 Conversation Couples Need to Have (Free Masterclass) here!Book a Clarity Call here!Thanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!Bonus track to episode 244!This is a bonus track courtesy of Kimberly Brown, meditation teacher.If you've ever wanted to try meditation or already love meditation - this is for you!Find a comfortable place you can be still and present and enjoy!Connect with Kimberly:Website: www.meditationwithheart.comSubstack: kimberlybrown.substack.comIG: @kimberlyjbrownSupport the show

Let us know how you enjoyed this episode!If you’ve ever felt like you’re reacting instead of responding in your marriage, this episode is your invitation to slow down.In this powerful conversation with Buddhist meditation teacher and author Kimberly Brown, we explore how mindfulness and self-compassion can transform not just your relationship with yourself, but with your partner and kids too.We discuss:What meditation really is (and isn’t)How slowing down your inner world changes how you show up in conflictWhy managing your own emotions is one of the best ways to care for your marriagePractical, beginner-friendly ways to start meditating (even if you hate sitting still)How meditation helps you become a more grounded, compassionate partner and parentKimberly also shares a guided meditation practice in the bonus track following this episode — perfect for anyone curious to experience the benefits firsthand.Listen in to learn how creating space for yourself can help you create more connection in your marriage.Connect with Kimberly:Website: www.meditationwithheart.comSubstack: kimberlybrown.substack.comIG: @kimberlyjbrownThanks for listening!Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!If you would like to support this show, please rate and review the show, and share it with people you know would love this show too!Additional Resources:Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!Support the show