You're Actually Not Bothering People Enough

When we’re struggling to reach a goal, most of us assume the answer is to buckle down and try harder. But what if all that white-knuckling is actually making things more difficult than they need to be? Dr. Laurie speaks with psychologist Angela Duckworth, best known for her groundbreaking work on grit, about a surprising new approach to achievement. In her new book, Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, Angela explains why changing what’s around us can sometimes be more effective than trying to change ourselves. Experts Mentioned: Angela Duckworth, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania  Lee Ross, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University  Richard Nisbett, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Michigan  James Gross, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University  Adrian Ward, Associate Professor of Marketing at University of Texas at Austin Joseph Henrich, Professor of Biological Anthropology and Professor of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University Bob Bowman, Director of Swimming and Diving and Head Men’s Coach at University of Texas at Austin Martin Seligman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania Anders Ericsson, Professor of Psychology at Florida State University Walter Mischel, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Columbia University Reinhold Niebuhr, Protestant theologian Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist Resources Mentioned: Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, by Angela Duckworth (2026) Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth (2016) The Person and the Situation: Perspectives on Social Psychology, by Lee Ross and Richard Nisbett (1991) Frog and Toad Together, by Arnold Lobel (1972) Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl (1946) “The Serenity Prayer,” by Reinhold Niebuhr The Art of War, by Sun Tzu The Golden Rules: 10 Steps to World-Class Excellence in Your Life and Work, by Bob Bowman (2016) “A Stitch in Time: Strategic Self-Control in High School and College Students,” by Angela Duckworth, Rachel White, Alyssa Matteucci, Annie Shearer, and James Gross (Journal of Educational Psychology, 2016) “Self-Control and Academic Achievement,” by Angela Duckworth, Jamie Taxer, Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, Brian Galla, and James Gross (Annual Review of Psychology, 2019) “Self-control and SAT outcomes: Evidence from two national field studies,” by Chayce Baldwin, Kyla Haimovitz, Priya Shankar, Robert Gallop, David Yeager, James Gross, and Angela Duckworth (PLoS One, 2022) “Situational Strategies for Self-Control,” by Angela Duckworth, Tamar Szabó Gendler, and James Gross (Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2016) “Brain Drain: The Mere Presence of One's Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity,” by Adrian Ward, Kristen Duke, Ayelet Gneezy, and Maarten Bos. (Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, 2017) “A 2-Phase Labeling and Choice Architecture Intervention to Improve Healthy Food and Beverage Choices,” by Anne N Thorndike, Lillian Sonnenberg, Jason Riis, Susan Barraclough, and Douglas E Levy (American Journal of Public Health, 2012) “Innovation in the collective brain,” by Michael Muthukrishna and Joseph Henrich (Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 2016) Related Episodes: “Your Environment Affects Your Happiness More Than You Think with Dr. Leidy Klotz” “How to Spend Your Time and Money Better (with Nobel Prize Winner Richard Thaler)” “The Man Who Invented Happiness Science: Marty Seligman” “How Our Screen Habits Impact Our Stress Levels” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s hard to focus on wellbeing when we’re expected to work nonstop until retirement. Taking a break from time to time should be a given, not a privilege. Dr. Laurie works in one of the few industries that recognizes the importance of extended time off. As she begins her own year-long sabbatical from Yale, we’re revisiting her conversation with DJ DiDonna, author of Big Time Off, about what can happen when we step away from work for more than just a vacation. DJ breaks down how to manage the biggest barriers to taking a sabbatical, from money and workplace optics to family responsibilities. He also explains why extended time off can help us recover from burnout, rethink our routines, and experiment with different versions of ourselves. Whether you’re contemplating months away or just fantasizing about turning off your email, this episode makes the case that sometimes the best way to move forward is to stop for a while. Experts Mentioned: DJ DiDonna, Senior Lecturer of Business Administration at Harvard Business School Resources Mentioned: Big Time Off: The Transformative Power of Sabbaticals and How to Take One, by DJ DiDonna (2026) Recover, Explore, Practice: The Transformative Potential of Sabbaticals, by Kira Schabram, Matt Bloom, and DJ DiDonna (Academy of Management Discoveries, 2023)  The Sabbatical Project Related Episodes: “You Can Change” “Happiness Lessons of the Ancients: The Day of Rest” “How to be Happier at Work (with Dan Harris)” “Burnout and How to Avoid It” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us hate asking for favors. We worry about being a burden, coming across as needy, or facing rejection for asking too much. But what if our fear of bothering people is stopping us, and the people around us, from becoming happier? Dr. Laurie explores why our instincts about asking for help are usually wrong. She speaks with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why asking others for help can actually make them like us more. And author and entrepreneur Jia Jiang shares how 100 days of asking for outlandish favors totally transformed his life. Experts Mentioned: Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business Jia Jiang, author, entrepreneur, and expert in “rejection therapy” Resources Mentioned: Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, by Jia Jiang (2015) “What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection,” by Jia Jiang (TED, 2016) “100 Days of Rejection Therapy,” by Jia Jiang (YouTube series, 2013) RejectionTherapy.com “Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help,” by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (Psychological Science, 2022) “Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability,” by Anna Bruk, Sabine Scholl, and Herbert Bless (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018) Related Episodes: “Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart” “Forget Small Talk: Go Deep Instead” “The Surprising Case for Oversharing” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In recent years, we've heard a lot of unsettling news about the loneliness epidemic and the dangers of social isolation. But could all this talk about loneliness paradoxically be making the problem... worse? Dr. Laurie unpacks what we get wrong about loneliness. Along the way, she speaks with historian Fay Bound-Alberti about why loneliness, as we think of it today, is a surprisingly modern phenomenon. Psychologist Micaela Rodriguez explains why we often confuse loneliness with being alone — and why learning to enjoy solitude can actually make us less lonely. And writer Emma Gannon shares practical tips for embracing the joy of your own company. Laurie discovers why spending time alone is a skill, and how getting better at it can help us regulate our emotions, spark creativity, and strengthen our connections with others. Experts Mentioned: Vivek Murthy, 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States Fay Bound-Alberti, Professor of Modern History at King’s College London Micaela Rodriguez, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Yale University Emma Gannon, author, blogger, and podcaster  Matthew Killingsworth, Senior Fellow at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania Timothy Wilson, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Virginia Scott Campbell, Professor of Mediated Communication at The Ohio State University Julia Cameron, author, poet, songwriter, filmmaker, and playwright Blaise Pascal, 17th-century French philosopher Resources Mentioned: “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community,” by Office of the Surgeon General (2023) “Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death,” by World Health Organization Media Team (2025) A Biography of Loneliness: The History of an Emotion, by Fay Bound-Alberti (2019) “Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind,” by Timothy Wilson, David Reinhard, Erin Westgate, Daniel Gilbert, Nicole Ellerbeck, Cheryl Hahn, Casey Brown, and Adi Shaked (Science, 2014) “How people think about being alone shapes their experience of loneliness,” by Micaela Rodriguez, Kathryn E. Schertz, and Ethan Kross (Nature Communications, 2025) “From ‘isolation’ to ‘me-time’: Linguistic shifts enhance solitary experiences,” by Micaela Rodriguez and Scott Campbell (Cognition and Emotion, 2025) “Solitude can be good—If you see it as such: Reappraisal helps lonely people experience solitude more positively,” by Micaela Rodriguez,  Samuel Pratt, Benjamin W. Bellet, and Richard J. McNally (Journal of Personality, 2023) A Creative Compass: Finding Your Way to a Creative Life, by Emma Gannon (2026) “A love letter to solitude,” by Emma Gannon (The Hyphen, 2025) “‘Don’t you have friends to go with?’: the stigma and joy of a table for one,” by Emma Gannon (The Guardian, 2026) The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron (1992) Related Episodes: “Beat Your Isolation Loneliness” “Fighting that "Meh" Feeling of Languishing” “Emotions Are Data…So Listen to Them” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What would it take to make you happier? A raise? A promotion? Getting into your dream school? Winning the lottery? It turns out that we’re surprisingly bad at predicting how these events will actually make us feel. When they do make us happier, research shows that the highs won’t last as long as we expect. The good news is that the lows won't last as long as we expect either. We're just as bad at predicting how life's setbacks will affect us. Dr. Laurie speaks with Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert about why our minds exaggerate the emotional impact of life’s biggest events. She also hears from psychotherapist Clay Cockrell about why extreme wealth often comes with misery, and from writer Rafaella Gunz and Army veteran J.R. Martinez about their journeys toward happiness and meaning after experiences they once thought would ruin their lives. Experts Mentioned: Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University Clay Cockrell, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychotherapist  Daniel Kahneman, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, and Professor of Psychology and Public Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University Angus Deaton, Professor of International Affairs, Emeritus, and Professor of Economics and International Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University Matthew Killingsworth, Senior Fellow at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania Rafaella Gunz, writer and social worker  J.R. Martinez, Army veteran, actor, author, and podcast host Resources Mentioned: “Billie Bob’s (Mis) Fortune,” by Steve McViker (Houston Press, 2000) “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) “High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being,” by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010) “Experienced well-being rises with income, even above $75,000 per year,” by Matthew Killingsworth (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023) “Income and emotional well-being: a conflict resolved,” by Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman, and Barbara Mellers (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023) Stumbling on Happiness, by Daniel Gilbert (2006) “Immune neglect: a source of durability bias in affective forecasting,” by Daniel Gilbert, Elizabeth Pinel, Timothy Wilson, Stephen Blumberg, and Thalia Wheatley (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998) “Affective forecasting: Why can't people predict their emotions?,” by Peter Ayton, Alice Pott, and Najat Elwakili (Thinking & Reasoning, 2007) “Anticipated versus actual reaction to HIV test results,” by Elaine Sieff, Robyn Dawes, and George Lowenstein (The American Journal of Psychology, 1999) Well-Being: Foundations of Hedonic Psychology, by Daniel Kahneman, Edward Diener, and Norbert Schwartz (1999) “Getting Herpes Was a Gift,” by Rafaella Gunz (Ravishly, 2016) “The impact bias is alive and well,” by Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013) Full of Heart: My Story of Survival, Strength, and Spirit, by J.R. Martinez with Alexandra Rockey Fleming (2012) Related Episodes: “Why We Sabotage Our Future Selves”  “Why the ‘Good Enough’ Relationship Beats the ‘Perfect Partner’” “Working Your Way to Happiness”  “Why Nostalgia Ain’t So Rosy” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Men today are spending less time with friends, and many have no close friendships at all. Research shows that this lack of social connection can lead to serious long-term consequences for men's mental and physical health. The answer isn’t just more social interaction. Guys need something deeper: bromance. Dr. Laurie speaks with actor, director, and author Andrew McCarthy about his book, Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, and what he learned after reconnecting with the men who shaped his life. She also talks with Harvard behavioral scientist Todd Rogers about why sports fandom can be a surprisingly powerful way for men to build deeper relationships. Experts Mentioned: Andrew McCarthy, actor, director, and author Todd Rogers, Professor of Public Policy at Harvard Kennedy School Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience and Director of the Social Connection & Health Lab at Brigham Young University Michael Norton, Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School Sara Algoe, Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Resources Mentioned:  Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, by Andrew McCarthy (2026) The Fandom and Social Connection Initiative Harvard Study of Adult Development The Ritual Effect: The Transformative Power of Our Everyday Actions, by Michael Norton (2024) “Positive Interpersonal Processes,” by Sara Algoe (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2019) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us default to small talk. It's polite, familiar, and feels like the safest way to start a conversation. But it may also be one of the biggest barriers to genuine connection. Dr. Laurie speaks with author and metal-health advocate Claire Eastham about her month-long experiment replacing small talk with deeper conversations while living with social anxiety.  She also chats with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why going deeper often scares us, what research reveals about opening up, and what happens when you tell a stranger about the last time you cried. Experts Mentioned: Claire Eastham, author, blogger, and mental-health advocate Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science and Faculty Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business Arthur Aron, Professor of Psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook  Elaine Aron, psychologist and author  Resources Mentioned: We're All Mad Here: The No-Nonsense Guide to Living with Social Anxiety, by Claire Eastham (2016) A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, by Nicholas Epley (2026) “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings,” by Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee Bator (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1997) Related Episodes:  “The Surprising Case for Oversharing” “Make Vulnerability Your Superpower (with NBA Star Kevin Love)” “Harnessing People Around us to Feel Happier (Live with Ethan Kross)” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this special live episode, Dr. Laurie takes the stage at Dartmouth College for a conversation with happiness historian Darrin McMahon. Together, they break down some of the biggest misconceptions about happiness in modern life, discuss the most effective (and often counterintuitive) ways to improve our wellbeing, and explore how smartphones, AI, and other new technologies may shape happiness in the years ahead. Experts Mentioned:  Darrin McMahon, Professor of History at Dartmouth College Martin Seligman, Professor of Psychology and Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania Lorraine Siggins, Director Emeritus of Mental Health and Counseling for Students at Yale Health Ashley Whillans, Associate Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School Sonja Lyubomirsky, Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside Carey Morewedge, Chair of the Marketing Department at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg David Blanchflower, Professor of Economics at Dartmouth College Jean Twenge, Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University Jonathan Haidt, Professor of Ethical Leadership and Professor of Business & Society at New York University Stern School of Business Elizabeth Dunn, Professor of Psychology at the University of British Columbia Manoush Zomorodi, journalist, podcast host, and author Robert Putnam, Professor Emeritus of Public Policy at Harvard University Kostadin Kushlev, Associate Professor of Psychology at Georgetown University Catherine Price, journalist and author  Michael Inzlicht, Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, with a cross-appointment in the Rotman School of Management Adam Smith, Scottish economist and philosopher Erzo Luttmer, Professor of Economics at Dartmouth College Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, Professor of Economics and Behavioural Science and Director of the Wellbeing Research Centre at the University of Oxford Resources Mentioned:  The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex, by Charles Darwin (1871) “High Income Improves Evaluation of Life but Not Emotional Well-Being,” by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010) “Income and Emotional Well-Being: A Conflict Resolved,” by Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman, and Barbra Mellers Time Smart: How to Reclaim Your Time and Live a Happier Life, by Ashley Whillans (2020) The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, by Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, by Jonathan Haidt (2006) “Thought for Food: Imagined Consumption Reduces Actual Consumption,” by Carey K Morewedge, Young Eun Huh, and Joachim Vosgerau (Science, 2010) Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, by Gabriele Oettingen (2014) “Declining Life Satisfaction and Happiness Among Young Adults in Six English-Speaking Countries,” by Jean Twenge and David Blanchflower (NBER Working Paper Series, 2025) “Smartphones Reduce Smiles Between Strangers,” by Kostadin Kushlev, John Hunter, Jason Proulx, Sarah Pressman, and Elizabeth Dunn (Computers in Human Behavior, 2019) Body Electric: The Hidden Health Costs of the Digital Age and New Science to Reclaim Your Well-Being, by Manoush Zomorodi (2026) Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, by Robert Putnam (2000) Four Days a Week: The Life-Changing Solution for Reducing Employee Stress, Improving Well-Being, and Working Smarter, by Juliet Schor (2025) “Do Happy People Care About Society’s Problems?,” by Kostadin Kushlev, Danielle M. Drummond, Samantha J. Heintzelman, and Ed Diener (The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2019) “When Less Is More: Counterfactual Thinking and Satisfaction Among Olympic Medalists,” by Victoria Husted Medvec, Scott Madey, and Thomas Gilovich (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1995) The Theory of Moral Sentiments, by Adam Smith (1759) “Neighbors as Negatives: Relative Earnings and Well-Being,” by Erzo Luttmer (The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 2005) How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life, by Catherine Price (2018) “How Does Turning to AI for Companionship Predict Loneliness and Vice Versa?”, by Dunigan Folk and Elizabeth Dunn (Psychological Science, 2026) “Effort Feels Meaningful,” by Michael Inzlicht and Aidan Campbell (Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 2022) Why Workplace Wellbeing Matters: The Science Behind Employee Happiness and Organizational Performance, by Jan-Emmanuel De Neve and George Ward (2025) “Alysa Liu: ‘If I Didn’t Hit Rock Bottom, I Could Not Have Gone Up’,” by Alex Morris (Rolling Stone, 2026) Related Episodes:  “Why the ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ Is a Bad Idea” “What Screen Time Is Really Doing to Your Body with Manoush Zomorodi” “What is Social Media Doing to Kids? with Dr. Jean Twenge” “Take a Three-Day Weekend Without Losing Any Pay (with Juliet Schor)” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The “pursuit of happiness” is one of America’s founding ideals. But what if chasing happiness is actually making us feel worse? In honor of the 250th anniversary of American independence, Dr. Laurie travels to Independence Hall in Philadelphia to explore what Thomas Jefferson and the founders really meant by “the pursuit of happiness” — and how that idea has changed over time. She speaks with historian Darrin McMahon and psychologist Iris Mauss about Americans’ unique relationship with happiness, why striving for it can sometimes backfire, and why the best path to a good life may involve focusing less on ourselves and more on other people. For more content about the Declaration of Independence, and what we get wrong about it, check out the new Pushkin show, First America. Find First America wherever you get podcasts. Experts Mentioned: Darrin McMahon, David W. Little Class of 1944 Professor of History at Dartmouth College Iris Mauss, Professor of Psychology at UC Berkeley and Director of the Emotion and Emotion Regulation Lab  Lahnna Catalino, Associate Professor of Psychology at Scripps College Birgit Koopmann-Holm, Associate Professor of Psychology at Santa Clara College of Arts and Sciences Resources Mentioned: “Declaration of Independence,” (1776) Happiness: A History, by Darrin McMahon (2006) A Dictionary of the English Language, by Samuel Johnson (1755) Democracy in America, by Alexis de Tocqueville (1835) “The Pursuit of Happiness: Pitfalls and Promises,” by Iris Mauss and Brett Ford “Can Seeking Happiness Make People Happy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness,” by Iris Mauss and colleagues (Emotion, 2011) “Focusing on the Negative: Cultural Differences in Expressions of Sympathy,” by Birgit Koopmann-Holm and Jeanne Tsai (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2014) “Prioritizing Positivity: An Effective Approach to Pursuing Happiness?,” by Lahnna Catalino, Sara Algoe, and Barbra Frederickson (Emotion, 2014) Related Episodes: “Happiness Lessons From the Ancients: Aristotle” "How to Identify Your Negative Emotions" “Stop Endlessly Chasing the ‘Next Big Thing’ in 2023” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve all had moments we wish we could do over: the relationship we stayed in too long, the opportunity we didn’t take, the thing we said that we can’t unsay. Regret can feel awful. So it’s no surprise that “no regrets” has become a popular life motto. But what if regret isn't actually the enemy? In this episode from The Happiness Lab archives, Dr. Laurie explores the surprising science of regret with authors Daniel Pink and Liz Fosslien. Together, they explain why our biggest regrets can reveal what we value most, help us make better decisions, and even point us toward a happier future. If you've ever found yourself stuck replaying an old mistake, this episode offers a more productive way to look back. Experts Mentioned: Daniel Pink, non-fiction author Liz Fosslien, author, illustrator, and expert in workplace culture and emotions Mollie West Duffy, author, illustrator, and expert in organizational development Augusten Burroughs, author and memoirist Bronnie Ware, author and palliative carer  Resources Mentioned: “Liz + Mollie” Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are  Not Okay, by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy (2022) Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, by Daniel Pink (2022) The Top Five Regrets of the Dying:  A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, by Bronnie Ware (2011) “Making Up for Lost Opportunities: The Protective Role of Downward Social Comparisons for Coping With Regrets Across Adulthood,” by Isabelle Bauer and Carsten Wrosch (2011)  Related Episodes  “How to Identify Your Negative Emotions” “How to Be Angry Better” “Why Nostalgia Ain't So Rosy” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.