TEFOS 26: Back to school with Seth Perler's Annual Event, Ep 88

Hey, Team!Have you ever tried to motivate yourself or a loved one with a reward only to have the process backfire? There's a ton of research behind that experience, and that's what Dr Ozgur shares with us. This is particularly helpful insight, as we often try to pair rewards with new executive function skills, and in the process, we may be hindering, rather than supporting, growth! Ozgur shares his personal history of high achievement leading to anxiety. When he realized his happiness depended on approval, he knew things needed to change--and he needed to show parents alternatives to the reward trap. On our show, we dive into how rewards can be a tool of control and Ozgur contrasts control-based questions (“How can I make my child do homework?”) with connection-based alternatives. He'll teach us to consider what’s actually going on beneath the surface of kids’ behavior — and how a simple shift in approach can change everything. All my love to you, team,SarahYou will hear:00:41 Why Rewards Feel Weird01:46 The Reward Trap Story05:01 Compliance Versus Ownership06:06 Stickers And Values08:28 Rewards As Control08:35 ADHD Mismatch Not Deficit12:34 When Rewards Can Help16:52 Competence And Autonomy20:36 Hidden Cost Conditional Love21:57 Grades Mastery And Anxiety26:57 PEACE Model Alternative30:36 Discipline Over Motivation34:29 Wrap Up And SkittlesFrom the show:PEACE model (Dr. Bolat’s evidence-based alternative to rewards):P — Perspective: What is my child’s perspective on this situation? Before reacting, get curious about how they’re seeing it.E — Emotion & Cognition: What is my child feeling and thinking? Children often express emotions through behavior, and understanding both helps parents respond to what’s actually going on.A — Ask About Needs: What need is driving this behavior? Every act of resistance or acting out is usually an unmet need in disguise.C — Commitment: How can I commit to solving the root problem, not just the surface behavior? Quick fixes don’t build lasting change — this step is about going deeper.E — Engagement: How do I stay engaged in creating a healthy environment for my child’s growth? This isn't a one-time fix; it’s an ongoing relationship built on connection, not control.About the Author:Dr. Özgür Bolat is a distinguished education scientist, researcher, associate professor, and author with a career spanning academia, media, and corporate partnerships. His groundbreaking research on parenting and teaching has earned him international recognition, including the prestigious Best Young Researcher award in New Zealand. He holds a master’s degree from Harvard Graduate School of Education (Fulbright and TEV scholar) and a PhD from the University of Cambridge. During his doctoral studies, he spent one year as a visiting PhD student at MIT Sloan. His academic work has been complemented by a successful media career, where he served as a columnist for a major national newspaper for 12 years, establishing himself as a leading voice in education and parenting. Dr. Bolat is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and parenting workshop leader.https://www.instagram.com/dr.ozgurbolat/ https://ozgurbolat.co.uk/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/%C3%B6zg%C3%BCr-bolat-2034148

Hey team, Today we learn from Dr. Tara Williams, a tenured chemistry professor and founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants> We talk about why the transition from K–12 to college is so challenging—especially for neurodivergent students (with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or dyspraxia) and anyone struggling with executive functioning. We dig into how technology and AI can both help and hinder attention, memory, and critical thinking, and why analog tools like handwriting and paper planners still matter. Tara shares common college stress points like navigating accommodations, self-advocacy, managing unstructured time, and building community through study groups and body doubling. We also explore how parents and educators can scaffold support without becoming a student’s external executive function, and Tara highlights a student success story involving a major change, accommodations, and a visual Post-it system. I learned a lot from my brilliant colleague, and I think you will, too!All my love, SarahOur show:01:39 From Chem To Coaching04:12 Invisible Skills And Life Stages06:36 Tech Overload And AI12:06 College Transition Struggles15:26 Community And Body Doubling18:16 Tips For Professors21:47 Support Without Enabling28:02 Student Success Story30:45 Analog Systems And Grace33:03 Where To Find Tara About Tara: Dr. Tara Williams is the founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants and a tenured chemistry professor at College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita, California. With a PhD in Synthetic Inorganic Chemistry from the University of Sussex, she has spent over twenty years teaching and more than a decade supporting neurodivergent students as they transition from K–12 to college. Her team specializes in executive functioning coaching and academic support grounded in Universal Design principles to help students build confidence and self-advocacy. Dr. Williams is currently publishing a book about her educational journey and her work with neurodivergent college students, set for release in July 2026.Website: https://innovativecollegiateconsultants.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tara-williams-phd/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iccedservices#Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/your_innovative_consultantsConnect with me!My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com.

Hey team! Meet my friend Chris Mukibi, a Southern California high school chemistry and AVID teacher, and generally awesome human. We dive into the neuroscience of classroom behavior and the art that is managing humans. We discuss regulation and dysregulation, why shared language helps prevent behavior issues, and how reframing behavior as a message is more useful than labeling kids as “jerks” (or worse). Chris helps us understand the link between increased anxiety and dysregulation and the broader societal stressors like internet-driven information overload, rapid technological change, and unpredictability. You'll learn practical executive-function supports—predictable routines, visuals, calendars, sticky notes, and checklists—to externalize working memory and reduce cognitive load at school and at home. You'll love his approachable wisdom and humor!All my love,Sarah About Chris: Chris Mukiibi is a high school chemistry and AVID teacher in Southern California and the founder of BrightStar Education. He's the author of The Learning Compass and the creator of Behavior By Design, a coaching framework that has trained hundreds of educators to manage classroom behavior through the nervous system rather than through control. His core idea is simple: behavior is downstream, emotional state is upstream, and a student stuck in stress or survival can't access focus, planning, or self-regulation, no matter how good the strategy is. He still teaches every day, which means everything he shares was tested in a real classroom that week.⁠Instagram⁠ instagram.com/mrmukiibi Email: [email protected] show:01:59 Sleep and Self Regulation02:49 Language Behind Behavior04:12 Kids These Days Debate05:51 Internet and Rapid Change07:40 Uncertainty and Stress State10:35 Tame Jungle vs Prepare Kids13:32 Zone of Proximal Growth15:11 Carlos and Real Wins18:09 Growth Mindset and EF Tools19:12 Working Memory Nerd Out20:36 Offload Your Memory21:58 Sticky Notes and Lists23:15 To Do Lists for Anxiety24:28 Predictability for Presence25:24 Classroom Routines Framework27:28 Expectations Reduce Anxiety29:43 Visual Scaffolds for Change33:06 Capacity Over Knowing Better34:35 Regulate First Then Teach36:11 Calming Cues for Adults38:00 Where to Find Chris38:51 Wrap Up and Thanks Connect with Sarah!My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com.

Hey, team, Mitch Weathers is an educator, author, and speaker who loves executive function almost as much as I do :) On the show, he'll tell us the easy ways he's created to help teachers create systems to support students' executive function. The predictability, skill review, and routines are easily translated to home life, too! In the show we mention: Organized binderMitch's Books, Executive Functions for Every ClassroomAdelle Diamond's key research on executive functionsJohn Hattie's Visible LearningCarol Dweck's Growth Mindset Cheers to a great school year, team! All my love,Sarah And...My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com.

Hi team, Back to school means lots of things, and it also means The Executive Function Online Summit!TEFOS is this weekend (August 14-17 2026)! The Executive Function Online Summit is hosted by my friend Seth Perler and is my very favorite EF event each year. Parents, educators, and coaches learn so many executive function strategies and walk away with support and hope!This year you will find topic tracks like emotional regulation and self advocacy, to help you narrow your focus and absorb learning each day. The event is free 8/14-8/17, and if you want the recordings and bonuses, you can sign up for the early VIP pass. I find myself watching the recordings throughout the year, and I'm always referring back to the learning and experts in TEFOS. In fact, you'll recognize some of the speakers from this podcast!Here's what you'll learn: Friday, 8/14: Emotional Regulation, Helping Complicated Kids, and Self-Advocacy Saturday, 8/15: Friendship Skills, EF in the Classroom, and Motivation and Follow ThroughSunday: 8/16: Mind, Body, Brain, EF Skills for Students, and Homework, Studying, and College Monday, 8/17 is a bonus day! If you're listening after the TEFOS event weekend, don't worry. You can watch the recordings with a pass or catch it this time next year. See you at TEFOS and all my love to you,Sarah

Team, If you or your loved one is someone who feels everything at level 11, you're not alone, and this episode is for you! The cross over between having executive function needs and having high sensory or emotional sensitivities is huge--and an area we need to talk about more often. Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath's Survival Guide (and more!), walks us through perspectives and strategies that make high sensitivity an asset, not a deficit! You'll love her insights and warmth!All my love, Sarah Learn more about Judith: Judith Orloff, MD is a New York Times bestselling author whose books include The Genius of Empathy,The Empath’s Survival Guide, and Thriving as an Empath, which presents daily self-care tools for sensitive people. Her children’s book The Highly Sensitive Rabbit is about a caring rabbit who learns to embrace her gifts of sensitivity. A UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty member, she blends the pearls of conventional medicine with cutting-edge knowledge of intuition, empathy, and energy. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating highly sensitive people in her private practice and online internationally. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times, and USA Today. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA and TEDx. More at www.drjudithorloff.comFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/DrJudithOrloff/X - https://x.com/JudithOrloffMDIG - https://www.instagram.com/judith.orloff.mdLinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/judith-orloff-9a681a5/Connect with me!My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com.

Hey Team! Whether we realize it or not, we spend a lot of our communication in negotiations: asking for what we need, helping family members do chores or homework, simply working with other humans, we're negotiating a lot. But, as it turns out, we're not so great at negotiating, as it's about more than just "communicating better." Co-author of "Never Settle," John Richardson, shares memorable and easy ways to more effectively get what we want and need, while preserving relationships and feeling regulated. I learned a lot from John, and our time together was fun, even with sometimes very heavy topics. I think you'll enjoy picking his brain with me! All my love,SarahNever Settle is on sale now! More about John: John Richardson teaches negotiation MIT’s Sloan School of Management, and previously at Harvard Law, and was an associate at the Harvard Negotiation Project. He was coauthor with Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp of Getting It Done and Negotiation Analysis with Howard Raiffa and David Metcalfe. He is also a graduate of the Massachusetts Firefighting Academy.Richardson's path to negotiation began with family tragedy. His father lost his older brother Syd—a pilot killed over Germany in WWII—which devastated his dad for life. Decades later at Harvard Law, John met Roger Fisher, co-author of Getting to Yes, who had flown weather missions in that same war. Fisher's plane inadvertently helped the Enola Gay drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima while schoolchildren were still outside—a burden Fisher carried forever. It drove his life's mission: save the world from war through better negotiation. That same mission now applies to the daily "wars" in our relationships—the conflicts that damage marriages, fracture families, and leave everyone feeling unheard.Connect with me!My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com.

Hey Team, I remember reading a sentence that changed my brain forever: childhood is the only time we're expected to be good at everything. Think about it. As an adult, you likely engineer your life (at least work life) to avoid things that are more difficult or boring. Don't like chem? Don't become a chemist! But in childhood, we ask students to be competent in every subject and skill. This is a big demand. Add executive dysfunction to the mix, and it's a wonder our kids and teens keep pushing to attend school! Executive function needs can manifest as apathy and disengagement (It's safer to break up with school before school breaks up with us, right?)Students are absent from school at the highest rates in history. And instead of blaming them or assuming they "don't care," we can start to think and act differently. Dr Dennis shows us how on this week's show! All my love, team!Sarah Connect with me!My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm also training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com. About Our Guest: Dr. Dennis Lefevre has spent more than 30 years helping young people succeed in school, at home, and in the community.With extensive experience as a General Education Teacher, a Special Education Teacher, an Educational Therapist, a School & Educational Psychologist, a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, and a School- and District-level Administrator, Dr. Dennis has had the opportunity to work in a variety of public, non-public, and private school settings with thousands of preschool, elementary, and secondary students – many facing serious academic, social-emotional, and behavioral challenges.This comprehensive background has made Dr. Dennis uniquely qualified to provide effective supports to struggling children and adolescents, as well as practical, yet compassionate guidance for their parents and teachers.

Hi, Team!We're backwards this week, but not in the "hidden message when you play the track backwards" way. Dr Blaise Aguirre, a guest from episode 63, interviews me! After reading my book, Growing Executive Function, the doctor and author of many impactful books explores what he found interesting in my writing. I'm excited to share this side of my life with you, team! And many thanks to Dr Aguirre for his lovely interview!All my love,Sarah PS If you want your very own copy of my book, Growing Executive Function, you can find it here. And, if you'd like to learn more about Dr Aguirre's work, including his many books, check this out.

Hello my team, Stress, am I right? It's ever-present, sometimes overwhelming, and something we just can't avoid...but what if we're framing it wrong? This week's guest, Amy Leneker, tells us about her three step framework for functioning differently with stress. She's not here to gaslight us or tell us that stressors are no biggie; instead, she offers accessible ideas to test out in real life. Having executive function struggles is a valid, stressful experience. I loved having Amy's perspective on how to both honor what you go through and manage the stress in new ways. After you listen, do a new and good check in with your loved ones! All my love,Sarah About Amy:Amy Leneker is an optimistic, joy-seeking, recovering workaholic. She's also a leadership consultant who has helped over 100,000 leaders and teams – including those at Fortune 100 companies – lead with less stress and more joy. Her soul goal? To help one billion people do the same. With over 25 years of leadership experience – including a decade in the C-suite – Amy understands the soul-crushing toll of burnout because she's lived it. Twice. After surviving her own brush with burnout, Amy became determined to help others succeed without sacrificing their joy, their health, or their weekends. A first-generation college student, Amy earned both her undergraduate and graduate degrees while working full-time and later raising a family. She has studied leadership at Yale, neuroscience at the NeuroLeadership Institute, and stress resilience at Harvard Medical School.In her upcoming book, Cheers to Monday: The Surprisingly Simple Method to Lead and Live with Less Stress and More Joy (Wiley // March 24, 2026), Amy shares a refreshing and science-backed roadmap to break free from burnout. Her signature “Un-Stressing Method” - See, Sort, Solve, Celebrate - is designed to help leaders and teams finally break the cycle of exhaustion, overwhelm, and self-doubt.PS : My book is out in the wild, and it's changing lives! Order Growing Executive Function at ⁠Solution Tree ⁠or on ⁠Amazon⁠.I'm training educators and organizations across this beautiful globe, and we're finding improving executive function is game-changing! If that sounds like what your school or organization needs, ⁠reach out⁠! Sarah at sarahkesty.com. #stress, #burnout, #ExecutiveFunciton, #adhd, #autism, #neurodivergent, #Work, #Joy, #relax, #leaders, #managers, #leadership