ENM Rules, Agreements or Just Vibes?

Adam and Leonie are back with another Dear ENM DNM, and this one is a big one.A listener wrote in. They're a queer guy dating two people, one of whom is immunocompromised. There's a long standing agreement about testing and barriers, and then along comes a new partner who says their GP reckons they don't need to test that often, and that our listener is just being overly anxious. Suddenly it isn't about sexual health anymore. It's about trust, autonomy, control, and whether your needs are allowed to be needs.We get into risk profiles and why nobody's is wrong, the difference between a boundary and a rule, why "your fear is illogical" is a rubbish thing to say to someone, GPs who don't understand non-monogamy, and the thing hinges forget most: that they are also a person in the polycule with wants of their own.There's also a work health and safety risk matrix, an extended metaphor about onion intolerance, another one about swimming pools, and a truly unreasonable number of times Leonie says the word tits. We wander. That's the show.Got something to add, or a situation of your own you'd like us to take on? Email us at [email protected] the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Adam and Leonie are back on their phones, scrolling through non-monogamy Reels and giving their honest (and sometimes very strong) opinions on what they find. It kicks off a proper chat about the difference between rules, agreements, boundaries, standards and expectations, and why mixing these words up causes so much confusion in ENM relationships. They also get into consent, the messy bits of communication, and what it actually means to choose a partner rather than need one.It's a chat that wanders (as always), but there's plenty of gold in there once you dig for it.Got a topic, theme or dilemma you want Adam and Leonie to get into? Send it through to [email protected] the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Adam and Leonie kick off by talking about Wet on Wellington, the gay sauna in Melbourne they've visited as a space to hang out, relax and chat with mates. But this episode quickly moves beyond one venue to a bigger conversation: what do event organisers actually owe the people who pay to come? They dig into consent, vetting, safeguarding and scaling, the gaps they've noticed in how sex-on-premises events are run, and why putting safety first isn't optional. If you're an organiser and you think they're chatting shit, they'd actually love to hear from you. Come tell them what it's really like, or help figure this out together. Drop a line at [email protected] the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this Kink Corner episode, Adam and Leonie sit down with Barefoot Juliette to talk all things Shibari, the Japanese rope art that's part performance, part intimacy practice, part mindfulness.Juliette walks us through her own origin story: from a lockdown squirting workshop to discovering rope, what it feels like to tie (versus being tied), and why Shibari became such a deep practice for her. We dig into the real risks, physical and emotional, what consent actually looks like in rope, how power sits in these dynamics (spoiler: not where you'd think), and why rope is for everybody, no matter your body, ability or experience.She's honest about the rope cowboys, the consent violations that happen, and what it takes to be a safe rigger or an empowered model. And she shares what draws people to come work with her: healing from trauma, building confidence, chasing that incredible intimacy, or just wanting to explore something new.If you've been curious about Shibari, wondered how to start safely, or just want to understand this practice through someone who genuinely loves it, this one's for you.Find Barefoot Juliette:Website: barefootjuliette.comInstagram: @barefoot_julietteShe offers one-on-one ties, couple sessions, private tuition, performances and classes at Peer Rope Melbourne on Tuesday nights.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Adam and Leonie are joined by Ari to attempt something brave, foolish and probably impossible: making sense of some of the terms people use in ENM and non-monogamy. From ENM, CNM and NM to relationship anarchy, monogamish, hierarchy and whatever relationship libertarianism is meant to be, they unpack the words, the assumptions behind them, and why definitions are rarely as simple as they sound.The conversation moves between actual glossary-style explanations and the messier reality of how these labels show up in dating, relationships, community and identity. They talk about ethics, consent, autonomy, ownership, “doing the work”, and why some terms can feel useful while others can feel confusing, loaded or a bit wanky.It’s a funny, honest and reflective episode about language, labels, strong opinions, and trying to describe the very human mess of non-monogamy without pretending anyone has the perfect definition.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Adam and Leonie open up the Dear ENM DNM inbox after someone writes in about a very familiar ENM problem: the calendar. They talk through a situation involving nesting, shifting plans, rotating rosters, and what happens when “our time” keeps being moved in the name of flexibility.The conversation gets into quality time, resentment, autonomy, agreements, and the difference between being flexible and quietly feeling like you’re getting the leftovers. Adam and Leonie also talk about what it means to feel prioritised in ENM, why “this is just what non-monogamy looks like” can feel dismissive, and how hard it can be to have a proper conversation before resentment starts setting up camp.It’s a messy, honest and reflective episode about time, care, calendars, and trying to stay connected when everyone’s availability is doing the absolute most.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Adam and Leonie move from canine chaos and accidental innuendo into a bigger conversation about dating, ghosting and what happens when connection does not quite land the way we hoped.After Leonie shares the emotional comedown of two promising connections going quiet, the conversation opens up around ghosting, mixed signals, therapy-speak, emotional responsibility and the difference between someone meaning something in the moment versus being able to follow through with care.They also unpack Olivia Dean’s Something in Between and use it as a jumping-off point to explore freedom, autonomy and what it means for love to have room to breathe within ENM. From there, Adam and Leonie dig into the relationship escalator, the pressure to make relationships “progress” in expected ways, and how non-monogamy can invite us to question what commitment, growth and legitimacy actually look like.It’s a funny, reflective and very honest episode about desire, disappointment, liberation and learning how to sit somewhere in between.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Adam and Leonie turn the mic on themselves and unpack what it’s actually like to date them.From communication styles and emotional needs to attraction, boundaries and the little quirks that show up in relationships, they reflect on how they each move through dating in ENM. Along the way, they talk about what they value, what can be hard, and what partners might notice when getting close to them.It’s honest, playful and a little exposing — a conversation about self-awareness, compatibility and what dating can reveal about who we are.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Leonie turns the mic on Adam.They talk about how he first found his way into ethical non-monogamy, what opening up a relationship actually looked like in practice, and how those early experiences shaped the way he understands connection, communication and intimacy now.The conversation also goes deeper into masculinity, body image, self-worth and the long shadow of feeling like your body is being seen before you are. Adam reflects on living with visible scars, how that impacted the way he moved through ENM spaces, and what it has meant to be desired, vulnerable and honest in relationships.This one is personal. It’s about the stories we carry, the ways we change, and what ENM can uncover when it pushes us to look more closely at ourselves.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we try something a little different.Adam brings in a social media clip of Ne-Yo talking about polyamory, and Leonie reacts to it in real time, with no prep, no pre-planning, and no idea where the conversation is about to go.What starts as a playful raw reaction quickly turns into something much bigger: a conversation about ownership, exclusivity, control, gender, power, and the uneasy line between what gets called polyamory and what might actually be something else.As the clip unfolds, we unpack what it brings up for us through an ENM lens, including the difference between consent and ethics, the responsibility that comes with public conversations about non-monogamy, and how quickly language can shape the way people understand a relationship dynamic.This episode is about Ne-Yo, reaction, projection, and the messy questions that can emerge when a public take on polyamory collides with the lived values of ENM.Along the way, we also talk about parties, overstimulation, social anxiety, desire, and the ways discomfort can make us reach for control instead of curiosity.This episode is about Ne-Yo, reaction, projection, and the messy questions that can emerge when a public take on polyamory collides with the lived values of ENM.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?Support the podcast hereYour support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.Come say hi: socialsWant to book a counselling session with Adam? HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected] Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.