Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 249, The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys with Michael Swaim

Back in the 1990s we briefly mistook elaborate prosthetics for comedy. That's how we got The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys, a Howie Mandel production starring three suffocating improv comedians dying inside defective sex toys. Michael Swaim will explain how they influenced the course of his entire life. Presumably for the worse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

Roll up an illegitimate, alcoholic Glitter Boy and step into the world of the RIFTS Source Book with Merritt K. What happens when you put EVERYTHING in a single tabletop role-playing game? Local lunatic Kevin Siembieda tried to answer that question and wound up with an unplayable game and a mechanical battle kangaroo. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

Learning can be fun! But not here. Here, you suffer. Mark Mahoney hates your brain and he's going to prove it with, "Learn at Every Turn." Warning: Contains a sexy and naked native sexual awakening and NOTHING ELSE. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

The late Dennard Dayle brought White Chicks into the Dogg Zzone. Seanbaby and Brockway did what had to be done. Dennard claimed the film was responsible for his origin as a comedian and curator of cursed media. It's almost admirable, that he was willing to die for this. He would be missed, if it weren't for White Chicks. https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-dodge-a-cannonball-dennard-dayle/1146167653 ALSO... Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

We're exploring the cursed media origins of the Hot Dog Crew, and this week it's Lydia Bugg with a show called Atlantis High, a paranormal New Zealand YA sitcom. It's like Saved by the Bell meets The X Files, but darker and hornier than either of those things. It definitely shouldn't exist, but it does explain absolutely everything about Lydia.

Nobody's first memory should be Mickey Rooney's head, magically bisected and glued to the side of a three dimensional rainbow puzzle box. But it does explain some things about Brockway. Come listen as he makes his broken memories Seanbaby and Hana's problem. It's another Hot Dog Origin Story! Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

Have you ever wondered what makes Seanbaby tick? Of course not, it's universally understood that Seanbaby runs on KICK and PUNCH and HUNK. In this episode, learn Seanbaby's Hot Dog Origin story alongside Brockway and guest, Mark Mahoney. Try to act surprised when it turns out to be geriatric exercises from the 1980s dressed up as karate. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

Who likes highway patrolman secret ninja force hijinks? Trade in your guns for shurikens and fingertip suction, because we're talking CHiPS: FORCE SEVEN with pretend ninja expert Eddie Doty.

Lydia Bugg is back to talk about "Zorann: Star Warrior," a Conan the Barbarian ripoff that begins with bitching and moaning, and ends with bitching and moaning. Somewhere in between the petulance exists a realm of limited possibilities, copyright adjacent ineptitude, and psychic sex pterodactyls.

Pretty sure we've got the inside scoop on Ice Cube's new War of the World's movie, we're the very first on the scene for this, what very well may be the worst- What? TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, other podcasts, even Ice Cube himself beat us to the punch in making fun of this? So... so we did the algo face for nothing?