Episode 331: The Overfunctioning Woman with Dr. Ashley Southard

Have you ever felt like if you don’t do it, it just won’t get done? Like the relationship, the parenting, the emotional glue that holds everything together is your job? You might be an overfunctioning woman and this episode is your loving (but no-nonsense) invitation to finally let it go. I’m joined by Dr. Ashley Southard, a licensed marriage and family therapist with over two decades of experience, who has lived the overfunctioning pattern in her own life and now helps women heal from it. We talk about what it really means to carry more than your fair share in a relationship, and how that relentless push to keep things going (when your partner won’t meet you halfway) can cost you your sanity, your health, and your sense of self. If you’re tired, burnt out, and wondering why your relationships feel like so much work, it might be time to stop proving your worth and start receiving real love. And if your partner doesn’t rise when you stop overfunctioning? That’s information. The question becomes: what are you willing to do about it? Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: What overfunctioning really is and how it’s even rooted in emotional labor and patriarchy (4:10) How underfunctioning shows up in a partner (think: not pulling their weight emotionally) (12:42) Why an overfunctioning woman needs an underfunctioning partner (17:56) How to begin healing from overfunctioning by stepping back, tolerating discomfort, and rebuilding a relationship with yourself (20:07) What it means to become a Self-Restored Woman: As Dr. Ashley says, “A woman who no longer works for breadcrumbs and knows she’s worthy of a feast.” (32:42) The Great Rest: what your nervous system does when you finally stop overfunctioning (36:52) A few small but powerful first steps if you’re starting to identify with this pattern and want to make a change (40:07) Learn more about Dr. Ashley Southard: Dr. Ashley Southard is a psychotherapist in Scottsdale, AZ, specializing in The Overfunctioning Woman in Love who is struggling with the confusing, exhausting, and lonely dynamics of a one-sided, unfulfilling love relationship. With over 20 years of clinical experience treating complex trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and relationship issues, coupled with her own personal journey out of Overfunctioning, Dr. Ashley loves nothing more than creating an emotionally safe space for women to discover that they are not ‘crazy’ or ‘broken’…and that they have the power to become the Self-Restored Woman they were always meant to be! Dr. Ashley is also very active on Instagram, offering life-changing information to “make sense out of the nonsense.” She has amassed a strong following of women who are remembering their power, learning how to come back home to themselves, and healing in community with other Self-Restoring women. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveDr. Ashley’s website =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-331-the-overfunctioning-woman-with-dr-ashley-southard/

I’m joined once again by Laurie James for a conversation that bridges nervous system healing, somatic experiencing, and attachment work. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or disconnected in relationships, this episode will help you understand why and what to do about it. Laurie isn’t just a coach and author, she’s someone who’s done the deep work to regulate her nervous system after divorce and heartbreak. In this episode, she shares how her body responded completely differently to a recent breakup, not with panic, but with presence. That’s what nervous system healing looks like in real time. We also dig into attachment styles: how to identify your own, how they show up in anxious or avoidant behaviors, and how somatic work can support real change. Most importantly, we talk about how to stop trying to fix or override your system and start building safety within it. This is about meeting yourself where you are and knowing that real healing is possible. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: What somatic experiencing actually is and how it supports healing (7:31) How your autonomic nervous system operates and what shifts when you engage it intentionally (9:42) The connection between nervous system regulation, somatic work, and attachment styles (16:52) How Laurie’s recent breakup differed from her divorce (and why it matters) (40:44) Practical strategies for working with an avoidant or anxious attachment style (46:45) Learn more about Laurie James: Laurie James is a mother, divorcée, recovering caregiver turned author, somatic relationship coach, and podcaster. Laurie’s podcast, Confessions of a Freebird, was inspired by her youngest of four children leaving the nest and is the sequel to her book, Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go. Laurie’s book is about her journey from loneliness to finding belonging during a time when she was raising four teenage daughters, her mother had a heart attack and needed care, all while her marriage began to crumble. Now Laurie helps women divorce, heal, and date differently in midlife. She blends her coaching and somatic training to help her clients develop a better relationship with their bodies and nervous system. Doing so allows them to find the inner freedom to experience more happiness, joy and create the life they desire. Resources & Links: The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate Laurie’s websiteLaurie on Instagram Laurie’s podcast Laurie's Beginner's Guide to Somatic Healing =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-330-attachment-styles-amp-somatic-healing-with-laurie-james/

The brilliant Tracy Otsuka is back on the show for another rich conversation about why ADHD so often gets misdiagnosed (or completely missed) in women, how trauma can mimic or amplify ADHD symptoms, and what you can actually do to function and advocate for yourself if you’re dealing with either (or both) during divorce. We also dig into the very real challenges of trying to function while your brain is in a constant state of overwhelm: whether that’s from trauma, ADHD, or the mental chaos that comes when the lines between them blur. Tracy breaks down the importance of understanding how your brain is wired, why traditional systems so often fail neurodivergent women, and how to build supports that actually work for you. Whether you’re navigating ADHD or the aftermath of trauma, reclaiming your own narrative isn’t just important, it’s necessary, especially if someone else is trying to write it for you. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: How ADHD presents differently in women than men and why so many of us go undiagnosed (3:23) The difference between a trauma state and ADHD and why knowing the distinction matters (10:15) What to do when your ADHD diagnosis is used against you by your partner or ex in a weaponized or manipulative way (22:10) How gender roles and stereotypes create additional shame and pressure for neurodivergent women (26:16) Tracy’s brilliant tip for using ChatGPT as a digital support tool in divorce (30:58) Learn more about Tracy Otsuka: Tracy Otsuka, JD, LLM, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach and the host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast. Her book of the same name with Harper Collins - William Morrow is an Amazon Editors’ Top 20 Best Nonfiction Book of 2024 recipient.  Over the past decade, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength–not a weakness. Leveraging her analytical skills from her time as lead counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission she helps clients boost productivity, improve finances, save relationships and live happier lives. Tracy’s expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top tier media including Bloomberg, CBS Mornings, ABC News Live, Forbes, Inc, Prevention, ADDitude magazine, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she’s not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has over 7 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates a Facebook group with over 100,000 members. A married mother of two, Tracy lives in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco.  Resources & Links:The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Episode 287: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka (Neurodivergence in Relationships) Tracy’s book, ADHD for Smart Ass WomenTracy’s podcast ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--from Childhood through Adulthood, Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. ChatGPTAimee Says AI =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT TO PROVIDE LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-329-divorcing-with-adhd-tracy-otsuka-on-trauma-misdiagnosis-and-mental-overload/  

On today’s episode we’re talking about the complex issue of cryptocurrency and divorce, and to help unpack it, I brought in Chris Groshong. Chris made the leap from biotech to fintech when he founded CoinStructive back in 2015. Since then he’s worked for crypto financial institutions and has helped hundreds of people track down crypto lost to scams, hacks, and yes, hidden in divorce. If crypto feels confusing, secretive, or even a little bit shady to you, you’re not alone. But as Chris explains, the blockchain is actually built on transparency. So once you know what to look for, it becomes a powerful tool for uncovering hidden assets.  In this conversation, we break down what crypto really is, how it shows up in divorce, and what steps you can take if you suspect it’s being used to conceal money. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: What cryptocurrency is and why understanding how it works is so important in the context of divorce (3:29) What the hell is the blockchain?? (4:56) Why crypto can be risky in divorce: people often forget that it’s not just about gains, but losses too (21:26) Red flags that might signal your spouse is hiding crypto (think unexplainable withdrawals, hardware wallets, or sketchy apps) (24:56) How crypto investigations actually work and why they’re often more successful than you'd think (44:49) Learn more about Chris Groshong: Chris Groshong is a Certified Fraud Investigator who focuses on helping victims of cryptocurrency scams. He is also the Chief Compliance Officer for several crypto financial institutions including Bitcoin ATM operators, OTC exchanges, Wallet operators, DeFi platforms and more. He helps oversee money transmitter licensing and regulatory affairs for his clients at a fraction of the cost of attorneys. He is a member of the CFCIA (California Financial Crimes Investigators Association), Government Blockchain Association, The Chamber of Digital Commerce, ABA (American Bar Association), ACFCS, ACFE, ACAMS, and has served as an Expert Witness in a Federal fraud case involving Bitcoin and Monero as well as several Divorce cases. He maintains a public-private partnership with the FBI through Infragard. Chris is the Executive Director of the Crypto Recovery Alliance, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of crypto thefts and scams by providing Blockchain Forensics to victims who can’t afford services, as well as access to low or no-cost Mental Health services and preventative education and training. Resources & Links:The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundleFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Chris's website Crypto Recovery Alliance Chris on LinkedIn =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-328-crypto-and-divorce-how-to-uncover-digital-assets-with-chris-groshong  

Today we’re talking about something that doesn’t get nearly enough airtime: how older kids and adult children experience and process divorce. Whether they’re in high school, college, or fully grown, your children still need you to show up as a parent. Today, I’m joined by the one and only Christina McGhee to unpack the complexities of divorcing when your kids aren’t little anymore. In this episode we dig into why older kids are so often overlooked during divorce, what happens when they start naming the dysfunction you shielded them from, and how to support them without spiraling into guilt or defensiveness. Together, we explore how to navigate these pivotal moments with intention, compassion, and a deep respect for your child’s experience. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: Why we sometimes overlook the needs of our older children during divorce (3:57) Advice and insights for parents of adult children navigating guilt over past family toxicity (21:52) Supporting adult children as they come to terms with the divorce and their childhood experiences (22:34) What to do when kids align with the abusive parent and you feel them slipping away (27:25) How to validate your child's experience without lying or vilifying the other parent (28:38) Learn more about Christina McGhee: Christina McGhee, MSW, is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids and the founder of divorceandchildren.com. Christina adamantly believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. While it is undeniably hard, with the right kind of information and support, she feels parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change. Currently, she maintains a select coaching practice and runs a The Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training Program that teaches divorce professionals how to keep kids in the center, not the middle, when parents part. She also continues to serves as the Education and Training Director for The SPLIT Outreach Project, a non-profit organization responsible for two unique and deeply moving documentaries, SPLIT: The EARLY Years and Split UP: the TEEN Years. These films offer a eye-opening look at how divorce impacts children's lives over time. Whether training, coaching or creating programs, Christina is passionate about disrupting the status quo, changing divorce for the better, and keeping the focus where it belongs… on kids. She has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, and in print around the US and abroad. A few places you may have seen her are TODAY Parents, NBC News, the BBC, The Times, and Parents Magazine. Christina and her husband live outside Houston, Texas, and are the proud parents of four "adultish" children (two bonus, two bio.) When she's not busy restoring order to the universe, Christina spends her time taking in sunsets, searching for the perfect cup of coffee, and ordering more books than she can read. Resources & Links:Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Christina’s websiteCo-parenting Specialist Training ProgramChristina on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Today on the podcast I’m talking with Tamara Frankfort Odinec and Shari Joseph, the brilliant creators behind My Next Chapter, a new expert-led digital platform designed to support people through every stage of divorce with guidance, community, and curated content. What started as two women trying to find clarity in their own divorces has become a full-fledged resource hub with everything they wished they had when they were in the thick of it. When I was going through my divorce, I would’ve given anything for a one-stop place to land, a space that wasn’t just filled with noise or horror stories, but real, grounded guidance from experts who knew what they were talking about. That’s exactly what Tamara and Shari have created with My Next Chapter. Tamara is post-divorce, Shari is in the messy middle, and together, they’ve built something I genuinely believe will change the divorce support landscape. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: The origins of My Next Chapter and why having expert-led support is non-negotiable when you're navigating divorce (4:32) What makes this platform different from anything else out there (11:27) How My Next Chapter is designed to meet you exactly where you are and walk with you as you evolve (24:24) How anonymity, mentorship, and community are changing the way we move through divorce (34:43) Learn more about Tamara Frankfort Odinec: Tamara Frankfort Odinec has spent the past 25 years at the forefront of technology and marketing in various leadership roles, most recently as the founder of My Next Chapter, an expert-led platform and community for people going through every stage of divorce. Tamara also founded and runs Monty Media, an app development company that creates innovative apps for adults and kids, leveraging new technologies. Prior to this, Tamara led successful entrepreneurial endeavors for brands such as Real Simple Magazine and American Express and served as Chief Marketing Officer of Flywheel Sports. Tamara lives in New York City with her three kids and is happily divorced. Learn more about Shari Joseph: Shari Joseph is a global brand marketing leader with extensive experience in digital partnerships and social media communications. She is President and co-creator of My Next Chapter, an innovative content and community platform offering resources and support for every stage of divorce. Shari is also the founder and CEO of Smart Digital, LLC, a brand marketing and communications consultancy supporting clients across PR, social media, influencer marketing, and creative campaigns that build online presences and drive engagement. Before starting her consultancy, Shari was VP, Global Digital Partnerships at American Express. She drove the company’s global digital strategies, starting with the very first tweet from @americanexpress. Shari lives in the NYC area and recently started her next chapter as a single mom of two.  Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective My Next Chapter For a limited time, you can sign up for a complimentary founder's lifetime membership, where you can get access to amazing resources and a community to connect with those navigating similar situations. My Next Chapter on Instagram @mynextchapterofficial =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.  

This episode is a fun twist. Alyssa Dineen of Style My Profile and Jennie Young of Burned Haystack Dating Method are back, but this time they’re interviewing me. I’m in the hot seat as we dive into how their work completely shifted my experience re-entering the dating world, what I did differently this time, and how I met my partner, Ethan. I was done with dating. D.O.N.E. I was perfectly content on my own, independent and fulfilled. But I’m also human. I wanted love, connection, and partnership. What I wasn’t willing to do was settle for anything less than something truly extraordinary. This conversation is a behind-the-scenes look at what changed and what becomes possible when you lead with intention, use the right tools, and hold out for the real thing. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: Why I felt stuck in a dating loop for eight years and what finally shifted after interviewing and then working with Alyssa and Jennie (9:10) How intentional profile choices and using the Burned Haystack Method changed everything on the apps (11:51) Matching with my “needle”: Ethan’s profile stood out with pink shorts, shared values, and genuine communication. And let’s not forget those EYES!! (30:23) What it’s been like to break all the so-called rules and build something secure, drama-free, and full of intention after years of doing the work (52:07) Learn more about Alyssa Dineen: With over 25 years of experience as a fashion editor, stylist, and art director, Alyssa established herself as a seasoned leader in the New York fashion world. In the past decade, Alyssa has also emerged as a pioneering figure in the online dating space. Her innovative approach combines her expertise in styling with her insights into dating, guiding clients on everything from personal presentation to effective communication with potential partners. As an acclaimed dating expert, Alyssa has been featured in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and Oprah Daily. She is also the author of The Art of Online Dating published by Harper Collins in 2021, which offers valuable strategies for success in online dating. You can find more information about Alyssa and Style My Profile’s services at stylemyprofilenyc.com. Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate’s Dating Profile (video)Blog post about deal breakers vs preferences  Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa DineenStyle My Profile websiteAlyssa on InstagramAlyssa’s Facebook Group Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie YoungJennie’s website Jennie’s Facebook Group Jennie on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-325-they-helped-me-find-love-now-theyre-interviewing-me-about-it-with-alyssa-dineen-and-jennie-young/

My friend and colleague Tony Overbay is back, and we’re unpacking one of the most transformative concepts in relational healing: differentiation. At its core, differentiation is the ability to say, “This is who I am” and to stay rooted in your identity, beliefs, and emotions, even when others might pressure you to conform. It’s about holding onto yourself while staying connected to others, without relying on external validation to feel okay. In this episode Tony and I talk about what differentiation really means, and how developing a solid sense of self—what Tony calls a “90% solid, 10% flexible” ratio—can change how you navigate conflict, boundaries, intimacy, and even sex.  Differentiation isn’t something you do to fix the relationship. It’s something you do to help you hold onto or come home to yourself. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: The truth about interdependence and how it is the opposite of codependence (14:03) Tony breaks down the four points of balance in differentiation: building a solid sense of self, self-regulating emotions, managing reactivity, and sitting with discomfort for growth (17:22) The dangers of chasing external validation instead of developing self-worth from within (20:08) Why “constructing your crucible” is both hard and necessary (39:15) Learn more about Tony Overbay:  Tony Overbay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Mindful Habit Coach, and host of two award-winning mental health podcasts, The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism, with over 12 million downloads across 150+ countries. He also co-hosts Love, ADHD with author Julie Lee, The Mind, The Mirror, and Me with his daughter Mackie, and Murder on the Couch, a true-crime-meets-therapy podcast with his daughter Sydney. Together, Tony, Mackie, and Sydney offer live weekly relationship advice to over 20,000 viewers across TikTok (@virtualcouch), Instagram (@virtual.couch) and YouTube. Tony’s first book, He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?, was an Amazon best-seller in Sexual Health and Recovery and he currently has two books scheduled for a late 2025 release. One is based on his “Waking Up to Narcissism” podcast, and the other is on couples communication based on his “4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation,” which he developed while working with over 1500 couples over the past 20 years. He works with individuals and couples on issues including narcissistic traits, states, and tendencies, emotional immaturity, betrayal trauma, faith transitions, and addiction. He’s the creator of The Path Back, a faith-based online pornography recovery program, and offers courses on couples communication, parenting, and navigating faith journeys at tonyoverbay.com (https://tonyoverbay.com/). Tony has four adult children, recently became a grandpa, and has been married to his high school sweetheart, Wendy, for 34 years. Before becoming a therapist, he worked as a software executive and wrote a humor column for nearly eight years. He’s an avid runner with over 100 marathons and ultramarathons under his belt, including a dozen 100-mile races. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with KatePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Tony’s websiteTony on InstagramTony on TikTok =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-324-the-power-of-differentiation-with-tony-overbay/

When you’ve finally left a toxic marriage and your kids, especially adult kids, have spent years steeped in that same environment, the guilt can be crushing. You wonder: How do I help them heal? How do I set them up for success when I feel like I already failed them? Dr. Alexandra Solomon is back, and we’re getting into the deep stuff: parenting through regret, healing alongside our kids, and what it means to let our children hold their truth, even when it wrecks us a little. And, when you’ve walked through fire and come out whole, you get to show your kids that love can look like mutual adoration, and that being single is better than being stuck. Here are some truths you’ll hear: Your healing is the best gift you can give your child. Witnessing their pain doesn’t mean narrating their story. You’re allowed to screw up, and still be a good parent. This one’s for every mother who wonders if it’s too late to get it right. It’s not. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: Why witnessing your child’s pain is step one to their healing (7:25) How healing ourselves supports our kids more than trying to fix them (9:37) Why modeling a healthy post-divorce relationship can be life-changing (22:49) The danger of “I don’t want my kid to make the same mistakes I did” (35:44) How to have emotionally safe relationship talks with your kids (39:59) Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, PhD: Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Solomon is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is on faculty in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, reaches tens of thousands of listeners across the globe each week and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of two books: Taking Sexy Back and Loving Bravely, which was featured on the TODAY show. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodesFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Alexandra’s websiteIntimate Relationships 101Reimagining Love Podcast Alexandra on Instagram Alexandra on FacebookMasterclass Anxiety Toolkit =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-323-parenting-through-regret-and-repair-with-dr-alexandra-solomon/  

Beverly Engel is back, and I’m so grateful to talk with someone who’s spent decades helping people break free from trauma-driven relationship patterns. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same story - same red flags, different partner - you’re not alone. In this episode, Beverly brings clarity to the messy, courageous work of breaking free and putting your past in your past. Beverly is a renowned psychotherapist and author of 27 self-help books, including her latest, Put Your Past In Your Past. In this conversation, we get into how hard it is to break lifelong patterns, especially when you were never taught how to feel your feelings, let alone trust them. But that’s where the work is and that’s how we begin to change everything. Healing is messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also liberating as hell. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: What trauma reenactment actually is and how to begin interrupting the cycle (7:56) How to create a “triggers list” and begin connecting the dots between past pain and present-day reactions (10:51) Why you can’t heal what you don’t feel and what to do when the emotions finally surface (18:44) The fear of naming your trauma in relationships (and how to work through it) (40:08) Tools for building self-compassion and protecting yourself moving forward (43:40) Learn more about Beverly Engel: Beverly is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and expert on trauma. She has written 27 books on the related subjects of abuse, shame, and empowerment, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her books have been translated into many languages, including Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Turkish, and Polish. She has a blog on Psychology Today titled The Compassion Chronicles and her writing has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, The Chicago Tribune and The Washington Post, to name a few. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Beverly’s website Heal My ShameBeverly on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-322-put-your-past-in-your-past-with-beverly-engel/