Empowerment vs. Entitlement

This week I was on CBC Radio’s Calgary Eyeopener with my dad. We see the upcoming vote differently, and the host wanted to know how we keep having those conversations when so many families have stopped or just keep thanksgiving conversations in the safe zone of the weather.It’s a fair question. Today in Alberta, and very soon in the US and around the world, people are heading into voting booths, and many of us are bracing for the holidays, the group chat, the phone call with a sibling. We already know how it goes. Someone says something. Our chest tightens. The rebuttal is ready before they finish their sentence. And twenty minutes later, nobody has changed their mind and everyone feels a little more alone.Why it happensWhen something we value feels threatened, the brain treats it like a threat to our safety. We shift into survival brain: fast, defensive, scanning for danger. Shirzad Chamine describes it like keeping your hand on a hot stove. With a real stove, we’d pull back instantly. With a hard conversation, we keep our hand right there, replaying the argument, rehearsing what we should have said, judging the other person and ourselves.In that state, we can’t hear the person in front of us. Not even someone we love deeply.What my dad and I do insteadThe tool comes from one of the Sage powers I love teaching and using for myself… its called the Explore power.Explore is what keeps you curious instead of certain. Its question is simple: what more can I discover?Here’s how we use it:1. Catch the heat. The moment you feel your chest tighten or your rebuttal forming, pause. Take ten seconds and rub your hands together slowly, noticing the texture and warmth. It sounds too simple to work… but try it.. it’ll bring you back into your body and it’ll bring your wise brain back online.2. Get curious instead of certain. Your Judge will tell you that you already know what the other person thinks and why. Set that down for a moment. Ask yourself: what more can I discover here?3. Go one layer deeper than the position. A position is where someone lands. Underneath it is the reason they landed there. Ask: “What matters most to you about this?” or “What are you hoping this will protect?” Then answer the same question for yourself.4. Find what you want for each other. One layer down, you’ll almost always find something you share.Before my dad and I sat down to talk about the referendum, we used these tools to slow our defensive brains down. Then we got curious about each other. What we found is that we both want respect and to have our voices heard. And we want that for each other too. We couldn’t have had that heartfelt a conversation without slowing down first, and I’m so grateful he was game to try the experiment.We will still vote differently today… AND... We’re going into the vote respecting each other deeply.This matters beyond the dinner tableI teach this same tool to leadership teams. Every boardroom has its own version of the family argument: the budget call, the strategy split, the decision half the room resents but won’t name. When disagreement pushes a team into survival brain, trust erodes and decisions get worse. When people can stay in their Sage, disagreement becomes one of the most valuable resources a team has.And I believe it matters far beyond that.If enough of us can sit across from someone who sees the world differently and stay grounded, open, and kind, we start to build something our world badly needs. Peace between people starts with peace within each of us.Every conversation like this is a small step toward creating massive shifts on our globe…which I think we can all agree…. we desperately need.A question for youWho is the person you find it hardest to disagree with right now? What would it feel like to walk away from your next conversation with them feeling closer?Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.🎧 Listen to the interview: The audio is at the top of this newsletter… or if you want to hear it on the CBC site you can do so here: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-5-calgary-eyeopener/clip/16242690-working-disagreements-separationHere’s to more peace at our tables, in our teams, and in our world.~NancyWant to see what pulls you into survival brain? Take the free 5-minute Saboteur Assessment: www.centered.ca/saboteurs, then book a Saboteurs to Sage session with me: https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/saboteursLeading a team that could use a better way to disagree? Let’s talk: https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/org Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

This week’s Saboteur is the The Hyper-Rational. 🎥 Watch the video clip of this Saboteur in action. I’ve purposefully made it a little silly, but I think you’ll get the picture.Here’s how it might be showing up, and how you can shift into your Sage perspective instead.Why this matters: Hyper-Rational prioritizes logic over emotion. Noticing it helps integrate feelings with decisions for wiser, balanced choices.Here’s a simple reframe to move from Saboteur to Sage:Spot ItThe Hyper-Rational claims, “Feelings are messy. Logic is what matters.”Shift ItAsk, “What wisdom might emotions bring to this decision?”Step ItCheck in with your body and name one feeling you notice.If you notice this saboteur showing up in your life, I’d love to help you shift it. ✨ This post is part of the “From Saboteur to Sage Series.”We all have inner saboteurs… the voices that keep us stuck in fear, overwork, or doubt. They think they’re protecting us, but they often drain our energy and hold us back.The good news? Once you can spot them, you can shift them. That’s when your Sage the wise, calm, creative part of you takes the lead.Has this got you wondering which Saboteur is most impacting your performance at work, or interfering with your relationships?You can take the 5 minute assessment here.And schedule a 1:1 debriefing call with me here. It’s a game changer!Here’s to creating a more Centered and peaceful world for us all!~Nancy💫Want some quick actions you can take to manage these Saboteurs? 💫Here’s a sheet you can download and print off to have on your fridge! Doing even 10 seconds of one these tools really does make a difference in lowering your stress and creating more peace in you… and those around you. Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

This week’s Saboteur is the Stickler. 🎥 Watch the video clip of this Saboteur in action. I’ve purposefully made it a little silly, but I think you’ll get the picture.Here’s how it might be showing up, and how you can shift into your Sage perspective instead.Stickler is about rigidity and perfectionism. Noticing it helps create flexibility and release energy spent on unnecessary control.Here’s a simple reframe to move from Saboteur to Sage:Spot ItThe Stickler mutters, “It has to be perfect or it’s a failure.”Shift ItSmile and ask, “What is good enough to move things forward?”Step ItRelease one small detail today that doesn’t need your energy.If you notice this saboteur showing up in your life, I’d love to help you shift it. ✨ This post is part of the “From Saboteur to Sage Series.”We all have inner saboteurs… the voices that keep us stuck in fear, overwork, or doubt. They think they’re protecting us, but they often drain our energy and hold us back.The good news? Once you can spot them, you can shift them. That’s when your Sage (the wise, calm, creative part of you) takes the lead.Has this got you wondering which Saboteur is most impacting your performance at work, or interfering with your relationships?You can take the 5 minute assessment here.And schedule a 1:1 debriefing call with me here. It’s a game changer!Here’s to creating a more Centered and peaceful world for us all!~Nancy💫Want some quick actions you can take to manage these Saboteurs? 💫Here’s a sheet you can download and print off to have on your fridge! Doing even 10 seconds of one these tools really does make a difference in lowering your stress and creating more peace in you… and those around you. Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

I’m so delighted to be ending an old and starting a new year with you!As I looked back at 2025, I found that in every area of my life… there was more ease and flow! And that was not just a me thing… while things got crazier and crazier in the world around us, all of my clients also reported that as they’ve grown their mental fitness muscles, they have grown in feeling like life is so much more ease filled for them as well!That is my wish for you this year! May you find the path of Ease.I created a future self visualization for you to do this weekend to help you hear from your wiser elder self at the end of 2026 how you were able to create more ease in your life. We will time travel and hear what insights they have… so you can start implementing those changes today! You can access that visualization here: https://www.centered.ca/newyearHere’s to you creating your most ease filled year yet! I’m already celebrating all that will open up for you!💗 ~Nancy Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

I’ve been a part of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Substack community, Letters From Love for the last 2 years and it has truly been transformational for me. This group of us who we call “The Lovelets” has become a safe space to connect with the spirit of unconditional love (SOUL). Each week, Liz offers a prompt to write a letter from love to ourselves. It has been a beautiful way to start my day feeling held in love. Then I show up differently because of being first filled up. Today’s prompt was: “Dear love, what would you have me know about why I am here?” It feels vulnerable… but I feel called to share the response I got from love. I’ve attached the recording of me receiving the transmission in real time. (I don’t tend to write these letters as much as I like to speak them out loud as I hear them from love.)I’ll put the words here, in case you’d rather read it.Dear love, what would you have me know about why I am here?Oh, sweet baby girl… we thought you’d never ask.We know you’re scared to ask that question… you don’t want to find out that you’ve wasted your time, or that you’ve been climbing the wrong mountain. We know you’re afraid the answer might be too hard… or too easy.But we are here with you today to tell you this:The reason you are here is to be here.There’s no fancy explanation we can give you… nothing flashy enough to satisfy your ego’s need for justification. You are here to be here, baby girl. That is all.Sit with that for a moment.Being here means being in your senses… It means being present with the people we’ve gifted you to do this life with… Being here means feeling the full range of emotions this life brings… from the highest highs to the lowest lows… and most especially, the middle. The quiet, ordinary middle. Just being.And sweet, sweet girl… we know you. We know that, being an Aries, you love fiery things… you love excitement… you want a big, bold purpose about changing the world. And you are trying so hard to live that out so beautifully.But you don’t have to.You can simply be.We know you’ve started to sense this in recent days and weeks… you’re beginning to follow the desires of your body… your “meat suit”… letting it guide you toward what you want to do next. You’re no longer driven by the push to do more… create more… save more… change the world more.You’re following your bliss.You’re going swimming, and instead of pushing for one more lap, you’re floating… held by us. Just being.Doesn’t that feel good?More of that, please, sweet girl… More just-being time… Get your hammock out… rest… feel held by us.That is the juiciest part of life… feeling how thin the veil is between forever and this moment… right here… right now.And when you can balance in that surf… that wave of being both an infinite starseed, always moving… and a very human person, sitting in the here and now, feeling everything in your body… that is where it’s at.So sweet, girl. Rest.Know this… it doesn’t really matter what you do.We know that might piss you off… We know it worries you… that you’ll become lazy or complacent or not live the life you truly want. But we know you, sweet fledgling… little duckling with her legs always flapping under the water.We know you.We know the desires of your body will guide you to beautiful things… things that may very well transform the world. But don’t let that be what drives you.Let love compel you… Let love inspire you… Let love bubble up within you so fully that you can’t contain it… that it spills over and surrounds the people around you.Even as you know… it can’t do the work for them. It’s an inside job.But you also know this… the act of feeling our love so deeply… of loving yourself so deeply… is contagious. It’s inspiring.So keep going, little one…Keep sitting with us every day… let us speak to you… let us hold you.We love it when you come to us… when you’re sad, disappointed, frustrated… We love it when you come to us full of joy and excitement… We love it when you meet your older, wiser self on the porch and let her speak into your current challenges… we love how much peace and perspective that gives you.Keep being here… Keep living fully… Keep experiencing all the things you want to experience… Keep being the most YOU you can be.We love you.Love, love.There’s my letter. Have you tried this practice before? I’d love to hear your version. What would love say to you about why you are here?Big love to you!~N. Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

For the past 15 years, I have carried a dream that I share whenever anyone asks what my ideal life would look like. I envision myself sitting on a front porch somewhere in East Vancouver—one of those big, old porches with lots of pedestrian foot traffic. I'm there in a rocking chair as people come at different times to visit and sit with me on the porch. They tell me about their lives and what's happening for them, and I help them hear themselves. I ask questions and help them see the beauty of who they are, sending them back into the world feeling more refreshed and with new perspective. Whenever anyone asks about my dream job, that's what I imagine.This vision became so compelling that about five years ago, I started offering "Front Porch Sessions." I put this on my website, and people would sign up to come and sit with me so I could help them hear themselves. The tagline was "Come and hear yourself into being," and I still really like that—it still stands true for me.And this was the commercial I had on my podcast… I still kinda like the ring to it!What's been fascinating is how this concept has evolved. Lately, I've integrated a visioning exercise into most of my one-on-one sessions where I help people sit on the front porch with their own older, wiser version of themselves. It feels like time travel in some ways—they get to sit there with the future version of themselves who is wiser, who has seen it all, and who remains unphased by most of the things that stress us out day to day.This experience has been so calming and nourishing for my clients. We usually explore two key questions: "What is truly important in this situation?" and "What is not important at all about this situation that I'm feeling stressed about right now?" That older, wiser self always has sage wisdom to share. It's truly beautiful.I was reflecting on this today and realized that for so long, being the person sitting on that porch helping others hear themselves was my dream job. Now I'm doing that regularly, but in such a different way. Instead of being the sage on the porch, I'm helping people connect with their own older, wiser self—and this is so much more impactful because our own voice is our most believable voice. When people can hear that inner wisdom… directly from them, it's incredibly powerful.I've been having so much fun with these sessions lately. One of my clients told me they love these sessions because in a single meeting, we connect with both their child self… that playful, innately wise being who knew so much before they "actually knew"…and their older, wiser self. Having both connections in one session has been remarkably powerful and really fun to facilitate.This work has inspired me to do more of this practice myself. Tonight, I listened to a meditation I made for my kids almost five years ago. I could hear both the wisdom I had then and the pain I was experiencing during my divorce. I was able to time travel to that younger version of me and give her love.Then, when something difficult happened today and I felt activated, I was able to time travel to sitting on the porch with my older, wiser self. I ended up leaning into her arms as she stroked my face and hair, saying, "It's okay, honey, it's okay. I've got you. None of this is important right now. All of the stuff that's frustrating you is not important in the grand scheme of things. Keep going. You've got this."That experience was so powerful and helpful to be able to access. I wanted to share this because it's a powerful tool that you can tap into at any time. If you'd like help getting started and experiencing it with some prompts for the first time, I would be happy to share that with you. Hit reply, and let me know if you’d like some help meeting with your older, wiser self—your sage self, your essential self, whatever you want to call them…. This is powerful stuff and truly such a helpful practice for creating more peace in our lives.Big love… from little Nanc. & Elder Wiser Nanc. and me now! Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

Hi friends! I shared this soul stirring moment on my social media this week, but I realized you might not be on my socials and might be inspired by it too. Perhaps you also have something in your life that feels like you’ve been pushing and struggling and trying to make it happen for so long. I so feel you! And I wanted to share the moment this week when it felt like all the sudden, the doors opened and the way has been made clear!This past week at a conference in Toronto was more than a career milestone—it was spiritual alignment. I brought my whole self to the table: queer, intuitive, deeply committed to the healing and spiritual work I’ve nurtured for years. And for one of the first times, I felt the future alignment of that flash forward in front of me. 4 RBC executives sat in my workshop. (One of the largest banks in Canada) We talked about healing, self-understanding, and the courage it takes to stay soft in a hard world. One of them said, “If these tools reached everyone, our world would be transformed... there would be no more war!” And I believe her. For years, I held fast to my calling—despite pressure, poverty, and people telling me to “get a real job.” But I stayed rooted. I pivoted when I had to. I grew. And now? It feels like the world is finally ready to receive it.On top of all that… I also received an award at this conference!The Innovative Supplier of the year award! Wow! What an incredible honour. Feels like a perfect recognition of someone who has felt like they’ve had to pivot multiple times. All this to say… keep going my friend! Whatever is feeling stuck for you… keep innovating and eventually it will come through.Here’s to bringing sacred work into everyday spaces. Here’s to everyone thriving. Here's to healing our world!With warmth,NancyP.S. What is the thing you’ve been trying to see change in your world? Would you share in the comments what’s been calling you that seems unconventional to others? Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/sab to discover what your top Saboteurs are and how to embrace them.Finding My Calm (And How You Can Too)When Glennon Doyle joined Substack with thousands of subscribers while I struggled with my 400, I felt the jealousy rise. Instead of spiraling, I used my Positive Intelligence tools to identify my "controller saboteur" at work.What's Working for Me:Daily "Letters from Love" journaling (voice-to-text style!) inspired by Elizabeth GilbertPositive Intelligence training with Shirzad Chamine - moving from struggle to ease & flowFollowing my enchantments (like dressing as Ted Lasso, which led to a meaningful moment with Glennon Doyle & Abby Wambach at Brandi Carlile's event)Quick Calm Practice:Close your eyes. Hand on belly. Notice your breath. Identify the furthest sound you hear, then the closest. Simple but powerful!People are noticing the difference. A person from my past recently said, "You are so calm. This is so different than the you I met years ago." These tools work even in traffic jams and stressful moments.Want to learn how to identify your saboteurs and find more calm? Reach out - I'd love to connect.Believe in yourself. I do.With calm,Nancy Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe

Want help accessing your Sage? I've got a really fun way to do that!Sign up for a Saboteur Discovery Session with me: https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/sabWe will unpack the results of your Saboteur Assessment: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/And help you develop powerful ways to access your Sage wisdom rather than be driven by your saboteurs.We don't need so many cages! Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe