SOC S4E5 - Heartbreak At Alpha Arena, Again

The final match of the regular season. Win and you're in - and Tim's El Tigre Chinos are the ones standing in the way.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.The LIV money has hit the account, so it's Wacky Golf Round at Angle Park: full golf attire, merch with the tags still on, spotty velvet uniforms and the greatest addition in SOC history - checkered wicketkeeping pads. The Wristy Strokers need a win to make the semi-finals. The El Tigre Chinos are playing for pride, draft picks and a shot at being the party poopers.In this episode:- The Newlywed Game, across the whole match: Tim and Luke guess each other's favourite food, secret celebrity crush, and favourite place to make love. It goes about as well as you'd expect.- One of the unluckiest wickets SOC has ever seen- Michael has struck it rich and discovered he is allergic to caviar- Hit the Ivan Cleary Memorial Bus and you win all the LIV money- In New Zealand, do they call chops "chips"? The booth investigates. At length.- Umpires Suu Barrue and Terry Arky- Contract talks with Borange broke down over a black alternate jersey. Black Borange barely makes sense.- Sponsored by Gulf Oil. Or is it Aramco now? We don't care what LIV thinks anymore. We've got their cash.Listening, not watching? The Newlywed Game is played on mini whiteboards - and when Michael asks Luke to sketch him, the result is held up to camera for everyone. Artwork available on request. Leave a comment.Next up: the semi-finals begin.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments, or write in to [email protected]. We're trying to work out who's out there.Chapters:0:00 Wacky Golf Round and the LIV money3:06 Lineups and lawn striping8:35 The toss and first innings20:31 First simulation: the Newlywed Game begins32:57 The unluckiest wicket36:17 Halftime: secret celebrity crushes40:00 The chase begins50:46 Final simulation and the last Newlywed question58:19 Season wrap-upWatch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Vymv9IyuDsMMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

The hosts turn up dressed for two completely different themes and immediately try to explain why.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Tim got the memo: Simulated Online Cricket has been bought out by LIV, and he's dressed like a golf commentator. Luke did not get the memo: he's in a party shirt, ready for Latin Nights. So welcome to Latin LIV round. Pool B round three sees Luke's Mad Kents host the table-topping Hooroo Pubudus at St Lawrence's Ground - their spiritual home, rebuilt after the fire. Nothing was ever proved, everything was alleged, all charges dropped.In this episode:- Halftime is a mashup: Michael picks the music (Shakira), Tim picks the song (Hotel California), and Tim sings one over the other. Live.- A passage of play so confusing nobody can agree what happened - an edge, a drop, a stumping, or all three - argued over from every replay angle available- Umpires Moe Narro and Stan Buyaman- Michael is learning Spanish. "Miguel come pan."- Hooroo Pubudus owner Juzzy T didn't make the trip and is sweating balls at home- Sheldon Cottrell keeps his spot. Remember the name.- Simulations brought to you by Chubb Security and Rod and GunnListening, not watching? Tim spends the episode in golf commentator gear and Luke in a Latin party shirt, side by side, both fully committed to different bits. The LIV cheque Michael writes for them is mostly zeros.Can you explain Simulated Online Cricket in 25 words or less? The boys reckon it can't be done. Prove them wrong in the comments.Next up: El Tigre Chinos vs the Wristy Strokers at Angle Park Oval - the final match of Pool B, and it is not a dead rubber.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments, or write in to [email protected]. We're trying to work out who's out there.Chapters:0:00 Cold open: Latin Nights or LIV round?2:35 Back at St Lawrence Ground3:23 What's at stake in Pool B5:03 Jerseys and lineups7:17 Lawn striping, umpires and weather8:38 Confidence levels and the toss11:16 The Hooroos' innings23:40 First simulation, brought to you by Chubb Security36:49 Halftime: Hotel California meets Shakira39:18 The Mad Kents' chase44:58 The most controversial decision in SOC history52:04 Second simulation, brought to you by Rod and Gunn1:00:06 Post-match1:02:08 Stats and next weekWatch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Gi58Ltds4g4Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Tim and Luke have called plenty of matches together. This is the first time they've been on opposite sides of one they can actually remember.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Pool B round two, and both hosts' teams lost their openers. Tim's El Tigre Chinos - grand finalists in every SOC season so far - take on Luke's Mad Kents at the Imagine Brewing Superdome. Winner survives, loser is out. Nobody in the booth is even pretending to be neutral.In this episode:- Poetry Corner returns at halftime "by popular demand", with two brand new couplets. "It's Poetry Corner, not Poetry Square." Tim responds with an acrostic.- Possibly the first maiden over in SOC history- Sheldon Cottrell finally gets off the drinks cart. Remember the name.- The Imagine Brewing Superdome has kegs and TVs in the bathrooms, so you never have to leave, plus a wind that comes straight off "the Chill Hill"- Umpire Joe Burrow is always on. Joe says no.- So where is Brock the Sock now? The boys have an update.- If it's not Pucker Pies, it's not going in my mouth. The sponsor reads may be getting lazy.Listening, not watching? Keep an eye on Michael's executive suite camera in the very last moments of the video version.Next up: Luke's Mad Kents head to their spiritual home, St Lawrence's Ground - rebuilt after it burned down a few seasons ago. Nothing was ever proven.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments, or write in to [email protected]. We're trying to work out who's out there.Chapters:0:00 Cold open: splashback and a crisp0:43 Commentator vs commentator1:47 Winner survives, loser's out3:00 Jerseys and lineups5:46 Lawn striping and umpires6:56 The Imagine Brewing Superdome: kegs in the bathrooms8:47 The toss and the Tigres' innings10:41 Joe says no21:21 First simulation, brought to you by Pucker Pies35:07 Halftime: Poetry Corner returns36:30 The Mad Kents' chase48:03 Second simulation, brought to you by Chubb Security52:22 Post-match54:00 Net run rate time: is there a pathway?55:34 Next week: St Lawrence GroundWatch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/_yn43T7DgucMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

One late run-out turns the whole chase on its head at Skatt Bros Stadium.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Pool B round two: win and you're in. The Hooroo Pubudus host the Wristy Strokers at Skatt Bros Stadium for the first time - a breezy ground in the tropics, a very biased home crowd, and the well-priced family SUVs replaced by a well-priced family toilet. With a bidet. It all comes down to one of the all-time great stitch-ups.In this episode:- Simulated Online Cricket is hijacked by Brock the Sock - furious about being left off the Season 4 run sheet, and he's taking Luke's mustache with him- Michael Eats The Sandwich returns at halftime, now a "perennial favourite". Smooth peanut butter and jelly. The booth is disgusted it isn't crunchy, and the players refuse to wait around for it.- Luke's university lecturer's Vegemite and banana sandwich: "the sweet and sour of Australian cuisine"- Umpire Willy Wontie is enormous. Possibly on loan from the NBA.- The Big Corn takes the ball, then hands out free burritos and takes selfies in the outfield- Michael has a new like-and-subscribe line, and it involves chest hair- Simulations brought to you by the NRL SuperCoach Talk Podcast and DoritosListening, not watching? Mid-match, the executive suite feed freezes and is taken over by Brock the Sock - a sock puppet with a spicy sriracha persona, his own Instagram and a Patreon. Michael returns a few minutes later in a different outfit, claiming he was in the bathroom. Draw your own conclusions.Next up: Tim's El Tigre Chinos vs Luke's Mad Kents at Imagine Brewing Stadium. Both hosts' teams lost their openers. Loser is out.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments, or write in to [email protected]. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zhi0tsGcQ2IChapters:0:00 Cold open and welcome1:24 Win and you're in3:47 Jerseys and lineups5:18 Weather, lawn striping and umpires7:24 Predictions and the toss8:49 Sponsors and the Hooroos' innings9:44 Meet the giant umpire19:34 The toilet on display21:05 First simulation, brought to you by NRL SuperCoach Talk podcast31:15 Brock the Sock hijacks the broadcast34:41 Back to the cricket39:41 Halftime: the sandwich segment40:49 The Wristies' chase52:34 Second simulation, brought to you by Doritos1:02:13 The final two overs1:06:59 Post-match and the Pool B tableMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Luke's Mad Kents walk into the Stroker Dome as clear favourites. The Wristy Strokers have home ground advantage and a very large field.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Pool B round one wraps up at the Stroker Dome's debut: square boundaries, no lawn striping, and a field so big the batters are running twos all night. Michael is back from his week off, and it's a cold one - 17 degrees, which the Wristy Strokers' owner Maddie H, aka "the bad dad", apparently loves.In this episode:- Halftime is "Critiquing Bad Dad Jokes", in honour of the bad dad himself. Tim and Luke rate the cringe live.- The origin of the Montreal mishap, finally explained for anyone who missed Season 1- Umpires Terry Arky and Tom Arto. Teriyaki and tomato. Some very saucy umpiring.- Will Sheldon Cottrell ever get off the drinks cart?- A beer van gets mistaken for an ambulance- Re-Exporting would like to clarify their business model. It does not get clearer.- Simulations brought to you by the Bloke in a Bar NRL Podcast and New Balance, the preferred shoe of bad dads everywhereListening, not watching? One of the crowd sponsor signs has been completely blacked out on screen. The boys insist it was too controversial to show.Next up: the Hooroo Pubudus take on the Wristy Strokers at Skatt Bros Stadium.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/RYrID6F6NNkMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Pool B kicks off, and a host has real skin in the game.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.New pool, new mimosas. But first, the boys deal with the fallout from the end of Pool A - a formal complaint, a committee that includes Commissioner Al Legedly and Brock the Sock, and a ruling that is not going down well with everyone.Then it's on to Angle Park Oval, a brand-new ground with the CBD right behind it and office workers getting a free view from their windows. Tim's El Tigre Chinos, three-time grand finalists, take on Juzzy T's Hooroo Pubudus - a spin-heavy experimental side captained by none other than the Big Corn. It goes all the way down to the very last ball.In this episode:- Michael's halftime game, The Green Glass Door: you can bring a silly dance through, but not vibes. Good gear, yes. A mimosa, no. Can you crack the rule before the boys do?- The Big Corn takes the ball, then orders a burrito from the outfield- The Ivan Cleary-inspired Tigers bus replaces the well-priced family SUVs- Rebasing would like to remind you they do not install basins. Please stop calling.- Simulations brought to you by Lifeblood and Hilton Plasterers- Joffrey Archer- Michael reveals he was born in 2002 (he was not)Listening, not watching? At one point the boys rotate the entire picture sideways to get a better look at a diving catch. It's exactly as bad as it sounds.Think you know the Green Glass Door rule? Drop your guess in the comments before you hear the answer.Next up: Luke's Mad Kents take on the Wristy Strokers at the Stroker Dome.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/kuE0_ozXFzcMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

The tightest possible finish, at the one ground that just won't let anyone breathe.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.It's conflict round, the last round of Pool A. The Brisbane Burners travel to the Alpha Arena to take on the undefeated Revolution, and a win locks in their first ever finals berth. The Burners are fully zen. The Revolution are fully low-key. It comes right down to the final over.In this episode:- Sage burning is banned at the Alpha Arena, so Michael's halftime show becomes "Michael Eats The Sandwich". It's exactly what it sounds like. - Tim and Luke question whether that counts as entertainment. Michael promises you'll hate next week's halftime show even more.- Michael leaves the executive box mid-chase to put his toes on the turf. It does not go well.- Fan favourite umpire Perry Carditis is back, alongside debutant Lou Spowels- Michael's battery-operated personal fan, a perk of the Alpha Arena's executive package- Luke's mustache enters week five of no growth- Where does an Arctic scientist keep his Bitcoin? Thank you, crypto.com.- "Uncle Wayne magic", and some very unfounded allegations about the final pool gameListening, not watching? Yes, Michael really does eat the whole sandwich on camera, for well over 90 seconds, to music. In the video you can also see him vanish from the executive box for his toes-on-turf trip.Got an umpire pun we haven't used yet? The hosts want to hear it. Drop it in the comments.Next up: Pool B gets underway. El Tigre Chinos take on Hooroo Pubudus at Angle Park Oval.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5OIaT_I-rF4Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Rain, a Duckworth-Lewis parody gone rogue, and a finish that comes down to the very last ball.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.International round wraps up with our first visit to the Alpha Arena, home of the low-key alphas, The Revolution. They host the defending champs, the Dogs of Waugh, in a rematch of last season's semi-final. Then the weather turns. Play gets interrupted, overs disappear, and the hosts rebuild the whole format live on air with their own version of DLS - "the Duck Lois".In this episode:- The Alpha Arena: massage seats in every row, enormous boundaries, no field markings, and a lone waste bin replacing the well-priced family SUVs- Michael's halftime quiz gets pulled forward by the rain - a Sporting Woods trivia question about the boys' own podcast- An umpire's name escalates from "Racha" to "Sriracha" to "Sir Archer" over the course of the match- Luke cramps up mid-game, live on air. He's calling it his flu game.- Luke's mustache hasn't grown in four weeks and he'd like some answers- Hotels are red, houses are green: Michael settles a Monopoly debate- Pirates were the first into crypto. They bit coins. Thank you, crypto.com.- A low-scoring chase, a dramatic run-out, and a contentious umpiring callListening, not watching? The game's loading screen gives Steve Smith an unfortunate bulge, and the booth can't stop talking about it. The rain, the empty unmarked field and Virat Kohli's golden spats are all on screen in the video version.Next up: The Revolution host the Brisbane Burners, with a semi-final spot on the line.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-H_fnnIaIoUMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Retro kits, a halftime sage burning ritual, and another decisive overthrow - business as usual.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Round 2 is the season's first themed round: 1992 World Cup commemorative kits, with the Burners in green and the Golden Nuggets in a yellow the hosts insist is canary, not gold. Both teams need a win. The Burners are fielding exactly three recognised batters and Ramen, the sacrificial burner, back at the top. When they fall behind early, The Burners respond the only way they know how: a full halftime sage burning to waft out the bad energy.In this episode:- The Burns Ward revealed: a no-frills home ground with a sand outfield, one side screen, no boundary boards, $25 coffee and groundskeeping once a year- The MTV Next bus is parked in the background again, and the ball goes under it- A real sage burning at halftime. Commentary tracks its effects for the rest of the match.- Should Ramen be promoted from burner to full-time opener? The hosts want your verdict- A new nickname for Trent Boult, the goat stays benched again, and umpires Tom Arto and Euan Watami take the field- Simulations brought to you by PK Trey Tilts (not to be confused with KP Tilt Trays) and 3 Mobile, from the makers of 2 Mobile- For the second time this season, a stray overthrow matters more than anyone could have predictedListening, not watching? Yes, the sage burning was real - the hosts confirm it on air for podcast listeners specifically. The retro kits, the leftover airline logo still painted on the field and the MTV Next bus are all visible in the video version.Next up: The Revolution take on the Dogs of Waugh at the Alpha Arena.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWcioGQ3UqcMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

A dropped catch at the Canary Islands might be the moment that decides this whole match.Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.Round 1 rolls on at Municipality of Las Palmas Oval, where the Golden Nuggets host The Revolution. A routine chance goes down off Big Goss's hands mid-chase, and the whole game changes from there. The mullet duo of Colin de Grandhomme and Ishant Sharma (the golden mullet, if you're new here) do their best, but it's the drop everyone's still talking about by the final over.In this episode:- Tim and Luke, still reeling from last episode's tie- Stump the Boys debuts at halftime: an officially sanctioned (Michael's words) trivia segment- A detour into dips that nobody saw coming - guac, tzatziki, hummus, baba ganoush - plus Luke's 10kg of gravy powder- A review so dramatic it gets thermal vision- The well-priced family SUVs have been upgraded. They're family work vans now.- Every four and six brought to you by a sponsor. Astral Pipes are back. They still pipe.Listening, not watching? The review uses mock "thermal vision" and slow-mo replays on screen, all played completely straight. Michael is still broadcasting from his executive lounge set.Who do you reckon wins next time? Next up: the Brisbane Burners host the Golden Nuggets at The Burns Ward.New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.How did you find the show? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUJ0uQnaFAMMusic: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com