What is Love?

* The purpose of this podcast is not to convey information: it is to....?* The paradox of productivity: you are most productive when you are not concerned with the end product.* Work as letting go, work as rest."My prayer for all of you that you will feel like a bird feeding from the hand of a stranger, you'll know the trustworthy from the untrustworthy in perfect simplicity, and life will take care of you. This safety is... ready and waiting like a warm pillow. It's always here, here in the heart of God, the heart of the living moment."You can find the full excerpt from my book and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment further ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.⁠ ⁠⁠⁠If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

What is love?* On the delusions & liberations of romantic love * How I left Mormonism (and how nothing real was lost)* Loving my husband meant sacrificing what I thought was my identity* A reading about how love collapses time. You can find the full excerpt from my book and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment further ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.⁠ ⁠⁠If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

Intimate musings on creativity, the self-enjoying nature of time, and the richness of reality beyond a plot-line. Then, a poetry reading of Mary Oliver's "Wild Geese." "And when we allow ourselves to be consumed by time, by light, by darkness, by the persistent force of our own aching lives, we stop suffering because we stop thinking that we are somehow separate from the pain and separate from the joy and separate from the love that we are seeking. When you become the goodness...there is nothing more to do, and so everything is simply done—done in you and through you. Trying to be good is denying your true nature; and the more you deny it, the more difficult it is to embrace the goodness you already are."You can find the full poem and a convenient place to suggest future poems and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.⁠ ⁠If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

How do we live in a world that's becoming ever more painful, dangerous, and absurd? You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.⁠  Key points in this "speaking": In the aftermath of Trump's inauguration, many of us are feeling stunned and immobilized, wanting to resist politically but not knowing how or whether such resistance will matter. Two kinds of resistance: the kind that causes suffering and the kind that heals suffering. Resistance to emotions/ sensations/ states causes suffering. Decoupling the relationship between feelings and actions can help us heal this suffering. Usually what we interpret as a failure to "control" one's feelings is in fact a failure to feel one's feelings fully. Feeling fully is never dangerous— in fact, it enables us to act freely. Non-violent resistance requires creativity, humor, and playfulness to "trick" the other side without reinforcing duality and hatred. This can be applied both politically and interpersonally. An open heart is an open mind. At their roots, rationality, goodness, compassion and truth are all the same. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": This podcast episode is a follow-up to the episode "Can pleasure be trusted?" A bit more colloquial than the average episode, I offer more details about my relationship to intuitive eating and why the paradigm of self-discipline is no longer of interest to me. Check out the blog post for a more extended case against self-discipline. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": On the sensation of time passing, the threat of invisibility as we age, and the trauma of constant visual exposure. We can no longer feel what it is to be human; we only see it. In contrast to the image, to feel yourself (your inner and outer states) is always to feel yourself as a wholly ephemeral and constantly shifting creature.  The age of the image, the age of the screen, the age of the spectacle is an age in which our social signifiers make everything appear to be the same. We live through these mediated symbols to such a degree that we can no longer feel the particularity of our own experiences. To be truly yourself, you have to die to the public gaze: you must accept that the truest happiness and deepest love cannot be expressed. You must travel your vast terrain of inner experience alone (but this is precisely the intimacy with others that you seek—intimacy with the other of your self). If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": Of course, all categories (male, female, white, black, cis, trans, etc.) are imaginaries. No individual can be captured fully by a category, and many individuals lie outside these patterns. The man is the neutral, the normal, the standard. The woman is the aberration, the abnormal, that which stands out. Man is the genderless gender, just as whiteness is the raceless race.  This relation is a mirror is a more fundamental internal relation between the self: the self is two, both subject and object The earliest surveillance is a self-surveillance that happens when the self becomes two, both subject and object. In society, man takes the place of the neutral gaze, and the woman takes the place of the contingent object of sight. Women are anxious because we are aware of our contingency, our nakedness beneath the constant gaze of patriarchal society. This includes people of other marginalized identities as well. Because abstraction requires temporal extension, the present moment is where categories go to die. In the now, the self as subject and the self as object folds back into itself, becoming self-identical. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": Desire keeps us stretched into the future, looking for an otherwise or a not-yet. Because it feeds on the future, desire is inherently insatiable. We are terrified of the present moment because to belong fully to the moment is to die. Time as the living present vs. the abstracted, artificial timeline of our story-lives. We live in an abstracted temporality in order to flee from the fear and shame of simply being alive. All desires are innocent. They are just feelings that refuse to be felt fully, so we externalize them outward. While desire stretches the self perpetually into the future, "pleasure is the present, savored with the totality of the flesh." If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 

You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": Do religious beliefs inhabit the same epistemological sphere as scientific or historical facts? God as “Santa Claus" vs. the God beyond atheism, theism, and all categories of belief or disbelief Jesus as archetype of paradox, truth, and love incarnate. Anything true is already here, always present, and always happening. Religious truth claims should not be essentially historic or predictive. Can there be religion beyond historical claims to authority? If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at ⁠[email protected]⁠. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.

"Live a life without closure, and your compassion will broaden you, stretch you, widen the walls of your flesh until you're able to receive the unthinkable joy and the unthinkable pain." You can find the synopsis of this episode, further notes, and a convenient place to ⁠⁠⁠comment ⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠.  The key points in this "speaking": Great joy and great pain alike are dangerous to the ego. There's a gap between the "I am" and the "I think I am." Forgetting this gap is the origin of suffering. We tell easy stories to contain grief, pain, or evil. But any movement that universalizes a group of people is refusing to accept reality, and all universalization is dehumanization. If you truly want peace, inward and outward, resist the impulse to see categories rather than individual human beings (and events, and sensations). Pay attention to the particular. If we don't allow the oppressor to change, then we don't truly want peace. We must be open to forgiveness if we desire reconciliation. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, you can email me at [email protected]. You can also check out my website at ⁠⁠⁠www.sondrawriter.com⁠⁠⁠, where you'll find my essays and links to ⁠⁠⁠my memoir⁠⁠⁠. Music is L'épisode cévenol by Circus Marcus, from the Free Music Archive. License type: CC BY-NC.