Put the kettle on and make some tea & other tales

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for sibling “rugby practice” that ends in A&E, a holiday comeback that goes painfully wrong, a Dolly Parton impression and a truly grim Vaseline mix-up.Nick relives 1984: a beanbag tackle bag, a perfectly executed “chop tackle”, and a sister’s head meeting a handmade doll’s house — followed by a bunk-bed cover story… and stolen cola cubes.Plus: Stephanie tries to thunderstrike her prankster husband, Mr Lloyd double-dips, and Dave’s Dolly Parton watermelon routine has terrible consequences.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for exam cheating in a lucky jumper, a welding lesson that goes catastrophically… south, and a nursing “snapshot” you may not want to hear while eating. First, Homer admits to a very 70s kind of malpractice: smuggling fully-loaded notes into a final exam on official paper and somehow ending up a headteacher. Then apprentice welder Steve hands a gas torch to a hoity-toity naval officer who won’t do her jacket up — cue molten metal, bedlam, and a breakdancing stripper moment. Plus: Emma’s 80s Saturday job prank with “party poppers”, and Susan’s slippery suppository nightmare… Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for naked ramblers, dodgy “shampoo”, and a circus moment nobody in grey trousers will ever forget. Jamie and Sara take a sat-nav shortcut straight into a countryside encounter with a group of naturist ramblers — and a hedge full of nettles. Don’t look… but you will. Then Tim rewinds to bath night, 1968: a seven-year-old, an Action Man mission, and a shampoo bottle that leaves Dad and big brother wondering why the “herbs” smell so weird. Plus: Mick nicks go-kart tickets at the school fête and pays for it in broken bones, and Al’s mum becomes the unexpected star of the big top after one too many bottles of juice. Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for a police mishap, a fishing adventure, a boarding school caper and a teacher prank. First Joe DiMaggio has an eventful break with his fellow police colleagues involving a broken pool cue. Then Steven’s going on a fishing adventure, but watch out for the fish hooks. Plus: Julie is asking for forgiveness for a prank on a fellow teacher Tristram and Dave has a boarding school adventure involving pirate radio, radioactive interference and the World Cup.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre.First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s 80s tin-code mix-up leaves a brother eating chicken soup… plus a black, gelatinous blob of mould, followed by two days in hospital that nobody even notices.Then Alf’s military hangover meets bright surgical lights — and a “silent but prolonged” moment that has a surgeon hauling out intestines in search of a hole that isn’t there.Plus: Alistair secretly watches England v Tunisia during take-off and celebrates by waking a baby, and Penelope’s husband repeatedly breaks into the wrong Caribbean hotel room… straight into a naked German.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster.Nigel relives the wild early-80s logic of collective punishment after a playground scuffle leaves a classmate dangling from a fence — and an innocent kid caught in the mix for reporting stolen trainers.Then Helen’s 1987 FA Cup final is overshadowed by a bone stuck in her throat, a dad who won’t miss the match, and a lifesaving carton of Ribena.Plus: Flora steals one crucial jigsaw piece from her cheating ex, and Rick’s Water Boggan sends a furious passenger out drenched… without the dinghy.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants.Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his little brother. John’s 1999 CFAX football obsession ends in disaster, Richard loses control of some “loose grapes” at Sutton Safeway, and Mike’s sixth-form skinny-dipping leaves a very suspicious puddle in maths.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions.In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the wrong big red lorry.Then it’s Jan’s rabbit escape that ends in an axe, a fingertip flap, and a grandad who chooses bunny retrieval over first aid.Plus: a prison officer’s catastrophic coat-sniffing moment, and a first job interview ruined by dog poo, a blocked loo, and Captain Red Braces.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos.First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene that takes out the call-centre kitchenette. Then Jeanette commits peak springtime mischief by forging a hospital letter recommending “Morris dancing therapy” for her grumpy husband’s dodgy knee. Plus, Maurice’s 1966 snow-sculpture disaster, and Stan’s drama-teacher mate who sleepwalks into an unwanted performance.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode featuring village newsletters, VHS carnage and a cigarette-based science experiment that absolutely shouldn’t be repeated.First, nine-year-old James “helps” his vicar dad with a community email… Then Rebecca admits she turned a brand-new VHS player into a Hot Wheels garage, and let her little brother take the blame.Plus: Andy’s weapon-grade party-popper cigarettes, and a micro-school teacher with the strangest problem of all.Got a confession? [email protected]