The Mental Load: Parental Burnout and the Default Parent

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dive into relationship anxiety and the question so many people find themselves asking: Do I actually like this person, or am I just anxious? They explore how to tell the difference between genuine red flags and anxiety-driven fears, how anxious attachment can influence who we're attracted to, and why we sometimes mistake the relief of getting someone's attention for actual connection. They also unpack relationship OCD, reassurance seeking, and why our past experiences can shape what feels familiar in relationships.They answer listener questions about chasing emotionally unavailable people, confusing butterflies with anxiety, losing interest when someone is actually nice to you, and needing validation or reassurance from a partner. They also get into how to communicate without blaming, why we fantasize about exes when we're unhappy or stressed, and how to recognize when you're trying to make a relationship work because of the time you've already invested rather than what it's actually giving you.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 6 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Give the gift of Zenni this holiday season: glasses, sunglasses, whatever they need. Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksCozy Earth: Head to cozyearth.com and use our code SHRINKCHICKS for up to20% off and if you see a post-purchase survey, let them know we sent youTumble: Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dive into mental load, parental burnout, and what it means to be the default parent. They explore the invisible work of running a family, from anticipating everyone’s needs to remembering, planning, and making sure things actually get done. They also unpack why saying “just give me a list” doesn’t always solve the problem, how overfunctioning can lead to underfunctioning, and why dividing responsibilities equitably means more than simply splitting tasks.They answer listener questions about coparenting when one person carries most of the mental load, splitting responsibilities when one partner stays home or works remotely, and getting your partner to take ownership without being reminded. They also discuss maternal gatekeeping, navigating in-laws who don’t see the imbalance, and how personal growth can bring up complicated feelings about your own family and friendships in this week’s Dear Em & Jen.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 5 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Give the gift of Zenni this holiday season: glasses, sunglasses, whatever they need. Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksTumble: Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen are bringing you a full episode of Dear Em & Jen listener questions, diving into topics from career setbacks and complicated relationships to divorce, family tension, and trying to conceive after sexual trauma. They share what they’ve learned from building their own therapy practice, why failure is part of growth, and how comparison can get in the way not only of joy, but of growth too.They discuss falling for someone who may not be compatible with your long-term goals, grieving a marriage while feeling hopeful about the future, and navigating family relationships that feel more performative than genuine. Along the way, they explore how to hold two seemingly conflicting feelings at once, stay grounded in your values, and build relationships that leave room for honesty, vulnerability, and change.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 8 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksTumble: For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dive into the difference between feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, and what’s actually happening in your nervous system when everything suddenly feels like too much. They explore why some people become overstimulated more easily than others, how things like sleep, hunger, noise, stress, and hormones can affect your capacity, and why it can show up as anxiety, rage, panic, or shutdown.They answer listener questions about what to do when your usual coping skills stop working, how to feel less scattered, managing a job that leaves you overwhelmed every day, and explaining overstimulation to a partner. They also discuss what to do when you’re on the verge of a panic attack, how to avoid taking your feelings out on other people, and why recognizing your own warning signs can help you step away before you reach your breaking point.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 4:30 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksCozy Earth: Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code SHRINKCHICKS for an exclusive 20% off home and sleepwear Tumble: For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, we’re talking about sex, baby, and why everyone seems to be having less of it. The “sex recession” is a real thing, and Em and Jen are exploring how stress, lack of sleep, work, social media, and the constant stream of bad news can affect libido. Plus, the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and why improving your sex life might be less about adding more “gas” and more about taking your foot off the brakes.They answer listener questions about mismatched sex drives, separating sex from emotional intimacy, navigating intimacy during pregnancy and while trying to conceive, and friends with benefits. They also discuss rebuilding a healthy sex life after an affair, sexual side effects from antidepressants, and why communication about what sex and intimacy actually mean to each partner matters.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 6 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksCozy Earth: Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code SHRINKCHICKS for an exclusive 20% off home and sleepwear Tumble: For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen talk all about emotional flooding and why you might shut down, go blank, or struggle to find your words when you’re flooded. They explain what happens in your brain and body when your nervous system becomes overwhelmed, why shutting down can be a protective response, and how patterns that helped you growing up can follow you into adult relationships.Your hosts answer listener questions about emotional flooding in therapy, functioning when you’re overwhelmed, and how to work on preventing shut down without relying on willpower alone. They also explore the difference between emotional flooding and stonewalling, how to communicate what’s happening to your partner, and discuss why taking a break during conflict can be an important part of staying connected.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 5 minutes to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksCozy Earth: Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code SHRINKCHICKS for an exclusive 20% off home and sleepwear Tumble: For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/SHRINKCHICKSQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen are joined by licensed clinical social worker and addiction expert Mike Blanche from Ethos Treatment to talk about how technology, social media, and AI are quickly changing our mental health and relationships. Mike shares what he’s seeing after more than 20 years in the field, including why turning to AI for emotional support or relationship advice can leave us missing the vulnerability, nuance, and connection that come from interacting with real people.They explore how to recognize when technology use becomes an addiction, the impact of social media on our expectations of ourselves, and why constant digital distractions can make us miss the small moments that build relationships. Mike also shares how parents can teach kids healthier technology habits, why shame makes these conversations harder, and what AI can, and can’t, offer when it comes to therapy and human connection.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action!Mentioned in today’s episode:The Anxious GenerationThe Social Dilemma documentaryYou can find today’s guest by visiting ethostreatment.com.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksCozy Earth: Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code SHRINKCHICKS for an exclusive 20% off home and sleepwear Quince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dive into mother-daughter relationships and why they can bring up some of our biggest emotions, even well into adulthood. They explore attachment, childhood wounds, differentiation, seeking your mom’s approval, and why one comment from your mother can somehow ruin your entire week.They answer listener questions about setting boundaries, feeling guilty for not wanting a close relationship, dealing with a mother’s anxiety, accepting a relationship that isn’t emotionally intimate, and why we can feel both suffocated by and deeply attached to our moms. Your hosts also unpack why we’re often meanest to the people we feel safest with, how to handle a defensive mom, and what it looks like to stop seeking something from your mother that she may never be able to give you.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 6:30 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen talk all about radical acceptance, a core DBT skill that involves fully acknowledging reality as it is, even when you don’t like it, agree with it, or think it’s fair. They explore how acceptance can actually create more freedom and make change possible, rather than meaning you’re giving up.They answer listener questions about radical acceptance vs. settling and minimization, accepting something you’re still angry about, and whether you can accept someone without accepting or condoning their behavior. They also discuss patience, grief, anxiety, panic, and what it means to accept a reality that wasn’t your fault but is still yours to navigate.Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 7:30 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on ShrinkChicks, Emmalee and Jen are throwing it back to an episode from 2024, Building Self-Confidence. This was one of their top episodes, and during this holiday weekend, they wanted to re-release it to share tips and tricks that can help you build self-confidence and self-esteem. They discuss why doing something new can trigger feelings of insecurity, self-confidence and mastery, how to know if your inner critic is right or wrong, building self-confidence with a core wound of unworthiness, how to validate yourself, when people's opinions matter vs. when they don’t, and so much more!Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 6:45 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.⁠Get Matched With One of Our Therapists⁠ at The Therapy Group!⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠Our ⁠Know Yourself Grow Yourself Journal⁠!!Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube by subscribing here! ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠A special thank you to this week's sponsors for supporting ShrinkChicks! We have these exclusive offers for our listeners:Skims: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of our favorite pieces, at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that followsZenni: Go to Zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65Freestyle: Get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at freestyle.world/shrinkchicks with code shrinkchicksQuince: Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/shrinkchicks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.