409. Self-Discipline Is the Highest Form of Self-Love

You say you want to trust yourself more. To feel consistent, confident, and grounded. But then you don't follow through. Again. You avoid the thing, break your own promises and move a little farther away from building the life you say that you want. Worse yet, you slowly stop trusting yourself. In this episode, we're reframing self-discipline, because it's not about punishment or forcing yourself to be better. It's about devotion, and self-discpline being the highest form of self-love. If you've been stuck in cycles of starting and stopping or waiting to feel ready, this episode will show you why. And the real question becomes: What am I protecting myself from? In this episode, we're talking about: Discipline as devotion, not punishment Where avoidance can look like gentleness The fears underneath lack of follow-through How to rebuild self-trust through consistency Choosing yourself, one small action at a time Tangible tools to start to take action and build the self-discipline muscle   RELATED EPISODES #352: The Subtle Ways Self-Abandonment Sneaks Up On Us #366: Self-Love, Loneliness & Learning to Like Yourself #277: Are You Waiting Around to Be Chosen?   CONNECT WITH EMILY Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together Love in Practice: Couples Coaching with Emily & Kelly Gardner Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

The most addictive feeling is the one that confirms that you are who you think you are when you receive feedback - for better or for worse. Because what if your life isn't repeating the same story, but the same stories keep creating your life? For example, why do you keep finding yourself in the same relationship dynamics, even when you know better? In this episode, I'm breaking down one of the most powerful (and often invisible) forces shaping your life: your identity. Because the truth is, you're not just repeating patterns. You're unconsciously confirming who you believe yourself to be. And that confirmation can feel strangely satisfying, even when it hurts. We explore why your nervous system prioritizes familiarity over happiness, how your core beliefs were formed, and what it actually takes to shift them. Today we're talking about: Why your brain seeks confirmation, not happiness The hidden addiction to familiar identity Why certain feedback triggers you (and others don't) How "I'm not enough" shows up in relationships Fear vs. hope and which one is really driving your life What it takes to rewrite and rewire your identity Your brain is wired for coherence, not happieness. Even when it's deeply painful. But when you shift your identity?  Everything changes. Can't wait to hear how this one lands for you. New episodes weekly!   CONNECT WITH EMILY Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together Love in Practice: Couples Coaching with Emily & Kelly Gardner Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

We talk a lot about boundaries, but almost always in the context of protecting ourselves from other people. This episode is about the boundary no one talks about: the one you hold with yourself. I'm diving into containment, which is the ability to feel your emotions fully without discharging them onto someone else, and why lack of containment quietly destroys intimacy, even when you think you're "just being honest."  Moreover, I truly believe that every human is capable of emotional regulation, and am pulling apart the idea floating around the New Age / polarity world that men should be the stoic containers for the unbridled rage and emotional expression of women.  We'll explore: Why the most important boundaries are self-boundaries How emotional dumping differs from real vulnerability, and examples of the difference between the two Why anxiety, sadness, and fear can be just as uncontained as anger The difference between sharing to connect vs. spilling to feel better How to be raw, honest, and unrehearsed without abandoning responsibility Why containment is a human relational skill - not a gendered one This isn't about suppressing emotions or trying to be nice (which is often dishonesty in disguise.) It's actually an invitation into deeper intimacy, true connection, and allowing your authenicity to shine through in a way that invites others in rather than pushing them away unconsciously. It's about self-leadership, relational safety, and learning how to feel everything without making the people you love pay for it. So much to unpack here! Let's dive in, AND... Don't forget to check out my BRAND NEW podcast Love in Practice, co-hosted with my husband Kelly Gardner. You can find it on Youtube or anywhere you listen to podcasts! Listen here.   CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

2025 didn't ask for transformation, it demanded it. For me, that meant shedding so many layers of protection and armor to let myself be truly seen. In today's episode, we go deep on the difference between performing vulnerability and actually letting someone in. Because you say you want intimacy…but are you actually bringing your vulnerability, or are you throwing it like a weapon and calling it connection? We explore: What vulnerability actually means versus performing it or using it as a weapon Activiely choosing to go first in vulnerablity and how it can shift your entire relationship and love life, even when it doesn't feel fair - and how to completely shift that resistance entirely The art of feminine communication and learning to speak from your heart instead of your head The IMMENSE power you as a woman wield in relationship and in the world, and how to use it from a place of deep devotion to love itself The four questions you can ask yourself to access true vulnerability with an open heart The total energetic shift that makes you more magnetic than ever How to exercise more presence and trust with your partner   You'll walk away with tools to access your true needs, speak from the heart, and embrace vulnerability as a source of connection rather than depending on intellectualizing or allowing fears to take over.   --> Book a call with me to talk about options on how we can work together in 2026!     EPISODES REFERENCED Episode #375: Can You Trust Him More? how to Love and Trust More Deeply Episdoe #117: The 9 Year Affair: Lessons in Infidelity     CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

Today I'm sitting down with my incredible former client Haley, who very bravely volunteered to share some of her story publicly and to allow me to coach her while you get to listen in. Haley was part of the last round of my women's group Grown A$$ Woman Era, and you get to hear directly from her how much of a massive impact the group had on her. It was truly a joy for all of us in the group to get to watch her life completely transform as a direct result of the changes she made throughout the program, the connection she created with herself, and the patterns she completely rewrote to step into a whole new chapter of her life. This episode is a powerful look at what happens when you choose to face your fear and trust yourself. Haley's story is raw, relatable and a reminder that your next level is probably going to be uncomfortable...but it's all in the name of creating the life and relationships you say you want. --> If you're craving the kind of support and life-altering shifts that Haley experienced, book a call with me about joining my women's group, Grown As$ Woman Era. Starts in october and only a few spots left! More details here.   CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection  

So often we choose safety over purpose — pulling back, isolating, or waiting for the "right" moment instead of leaning into the uncertainty of what our soul is calling us toward. True safety isn't found in control or certainty, but in the trust we create within ourselves and the connections we nurture with others. Playing it small might feel comfy and familiar, but it keeps you from the aliveness, love, and freedom you're craving so deeply. Here's a different thought: what if the uncertainty you're resisting is actually proof that you're aligned and growing? Today we're talking about: Staying connected to your body, listening to the whispers and taking that leap of faith When to seek safety...and when that safety you're pulled towards is actually the biggest block holding you back Sometimes your most solid foundation is built from navigating uncertainty  Letting go, surrendering, and opening to the possibilities a bold life will both offer and demand from you --> Book a call with me to join my women's group, Grown A$$ Woman Era. Starts soon and only a few spots left! More details here.   CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

"When you make your partner your entire world, you slowly stop being YOU. And the very things that drew them to you in the first place, your energy, your passions, your independence, your joy, they all begin to dim." Today I'm giving you the tools you need to not just keep the spark alive in your relationship, but to keep the fire thriving - and it's not about the latest polarity trend.    CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

The next round of the Grown Ass Woman Era group is here! We start May 21st, 2025 - get the details HERE. Next steps: Book a call with me and we'll make sure it's a great fit! This is an intimate and curated group, and I personally chat with each person before joining so everyone has the best possible experience. ************************** I'm bringing you this powerful conversation with my best friend Kat, who is also the co-coach I bring in to work with me for my Grown Ass Woman Era coaching group. We're talking about: The power of being witnessed in your pain and celebrated in your joy Wounding many women carry around not trusting other women - and how it's standing in the way of some of the most powerful and healing relationships available to you Being safe within yourself to put the sword down and truly come home within yourself, rather than feeling a constant hypervigilance and need to be the strong independent woman 24/7 Killing off your good girl and FINALLY taking full responsibility for your life and relationships by having your grown woman take the wheel Stepping into your full power, unapologetically. Welcome to your Grown Ass Woman Era.    CONNECT WITH EMILY Grown Ass Woman Era: Group details HERE Book a Connection Call With Emily To Work Together COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection   CONNECT WITH KAT I Am Love Healing Centre   EPISODES REFERENCED Episode #337 - Touch Starvation, Cuddle Therapy & the Power of Healing the Masculine with Kat

Are you familiar with the ways (both conscious and more often subconscious) you source your value in relationships? In the past, I often fell into the trap of thinking it's about what I could do for another person, or what they could do for me in terms of meeting my needs and filling some sort of void. Instead, start asking yourself different questions about the person or people you have relationships with. How do they inspire you? Light you up? Shift your perspective? Challenge you? Help you to grow and evolve? Open more to love? Make you feel more alive? How do they add to your life in indescribable ways? Perhaps most importantly, if you fully believed you were enough as you are, how would that change your energy, behaviour and demeanour in relationship? In this episode, we're getting into: How to spot the stories you're telling yourself  - and the ways those stories will dictate the quality of your life and relationships Sharing some very personal struggles that have come with finding new ways of valuing myself as I settle into being married and having kids How to handle insecurities when they arise The unexpected ways getting married changed the way I felt with my partner And so much more that will shift how you're showing up in your relationships If you liked this episode, I recommend checking out ep. 393: Why Being is So Much More Attractive Than Doing.   CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Join Emily's email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

There has been a lot going on behind the scenes over here the past 6 months, and I've remained quiet about most of it. So many beautiful manifestations coming to fruition along with some major challenges. I'm excited that I'm finally giving a MAJOR life update today, along with how to embody being bold in 2025. In this episode, we're talking about: -Choosing a word (or words) to use as an anchor point to come back to throughout the year -The ways grief and joy get to co-exist -Embodying and stepping into your highest self, because you already have everything you need right now -How to cultivate a nervous system that can hold the very full life you've been begging the Universe to deliver I can't wait to hear your thoughts.  My new book "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection" co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast) is available now! It's a big "f**k you" to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Please read and let me know your takeaways! Email me or DM me on Instagram. CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide "The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship" here Join Emily's email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: "You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection