RE 557: Why the Drinking?

Today we have Lauren. She is 44 years old from Arroyo Grande, CA and took her last drink on April 26th, 2021.   This episode brought to you by Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored   Tonight, our four-week mindfulness course starts in Café RE at 7:30 EST. This is our fourth year doing the course and you’re going to learn a lot about how to sit with those thoughts in the head. Specifically, the ones that tell you it’s a good idea to drink and how to let them pass.   Paul’s next book Dolce Vita will be coming out soon. Once we have a launch date, you all will be the first to know.   [03:22] Thoughts from Paul:   Why the drinking? Well, the better question is why the excess drinking? Why do you drink before you meet up with friends and continue drinking afterwards? Why do you drink after you tell yourself you’re not drinking today? We may never 100% know why, but it’s a good idea to have a simplified mission statement that you tell yourself when you feel the urge to drink.   A key to recovery is discovering the purpose that excessive drinking serves, the why. And then another important key is finding healthier ways to fill the role alcohol was playing. Paul shares that the fourth step of AA played a very helpful role in him learning his “whys”.   Paul encourages listeners to explore within them what it is driving the drinking and then explore what makes them smile without the alcohol and do more of that.   [7:33] Paul introduces Lauren:   Lauren is 44 and lives in Arroyo Grande, CA. She is married and they have a 17-year-old son, a dog and a cat. Lauren works in public affairs and communications for a local college and for fun, they enjoy spending time on their boat at lakes.   Lauren had her first drink at a party when she was 16. She says she didn’t go to a lot of parties so was excited when she was invited. Lauren was upset about something before going and had already made the plan to get drunk in order to change the way she was feeling. In college is where Lauren says her drinking really ramped up. The parties were fun, and Lauren would binge drink on weekends but did not drink during the week.   After graduation, Lauren began working as a TV news producer where drinking during the week became normal. It was around this time that Lauren met her husband. When he got a job out of town, Lauren chose to go with him and soon after became pregnant.   Lauren didn’t drink while she was pregnant but definitely missed it. They had no support since they moved to a new place. After the baby came, Lauren started drinking again and this time it wasn’t for fun, it was to cope. She made attempts to moderate, but the goalposts kept moving. When her husband confronted her about her drinking, she defensively began to hide it.   COVID came and Lauren says she lost accountability by not being able to go to work. Her first drinks would come earlier in the day and before long she was starting her mornings with a shot of vodka.   She kept her concerns about her drinking to herself, but it was starting to show enough for her husband to stage an intervention with her family. Lauren agreed to go to treatment and stayed for 40 days with an outpatient program afterward. For the first time, Lauren didn’t feel alone and was determined to make sobriety work.   The first year of recovery, Lauren avoided anything that would jeopardize her sobriety and began acquiring tools to keep her sober. She read books, listened to podcasts, began exercising and found a therapist. By year three she had more confidence: went back to school and took on more responsibilities at work.   Since quitting drinking Lauren says that her family is closer than ever. Presence, patience and gratitude are huge things in Lauren’s life now.   Lauren’s parting piece of guidance: just try.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have Sue. She is 54 years old from Stewartville, MN and she took her last drink of alcohol on May 9th, 2023.   This episode brought to you by:   Sober Link sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus   Next Monday, October 20th, we start our four-week mindfulness course in Café RE. It starts at 7:30pm Eastern and we hope to see you there!   [02:36] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares that while visiting his parents in Colorado, he lost his wallet at a park. Thankfully, a high school friend’s mom ended up being the one that found it. When he picked it up from her, she told him that her son is recently sober and gave Paul his phone number to reconnect.   Paul had recently tried to rejoin the fantasy football league he had previously been a part of and was denied re-entry. This brought up huge feelings of rejection reminiscent of his childhood. While on a retreat with his sober friend in Mexico, Paul found himself dwelling on the negative emotions when he caught himself looking at a beer a fellow diner was having. The thought that “one or two beers would make you feel better” came over him, but then he looked at his newly sober friend and reflected on the great talks of sobriety that they had shared, and the thoughts went away.   Reeling from this, Paul went outside, shook his head a few times and then was filled with a warm embrace by the universe knowing that his lost wallet put him in Mexico with his sober friend and everything ended up alright.   [07:36] Paul introduces Sue:   Sue is 54 years old and has two adult children and one granddaughter. She works as a housekeeper for a hospital at the Mayo Clinic and for fun she loves nature, animals, hikes, jet skiing, kayaking and birdwatching.   Sue’s parents were both daily drinkers. Sue would sip her dads beer because she thought it was cool, but her first real drinking experience was when she stole some sloe gin from her parent’s pantry at age 13 or 14.   In her teenage years she began to party a lot on the weekends. Sue was a shy girl, and drinking helped her open up and gave her the attention she craved. Her grades in school began to suffer because she was skipping a lot and Sue ended up unable to graduate.   Sue never thought her drinking was a problem even after getting in trouble for underage drinking. Her boyfriend was abusive, but due to her craving for love and attention, Sue kept going back to him. After a long breakup, he returned wanting to reunite, claiming he had changed. Soon Sue became pregnant, got married, quit drinking and focused on having a family.   Sue enjoyed being a mother. Her husband worked a lot, so she did a lot of the parenting on her own while working a full-time job. As the kids got older and were home less, Sue began to drink more. She tried to hide her drinking, but her kids began to notice. Sue and her husband were fighting a lot and eventually had a messy divorce in which her husband got custody, which was very hard on Sue.   Sue got remarried in 2015 and while she cut back a little, her husband started calling her out on how often she was drinking. This led to her hiding her drinking again and several hospitalizations over the next few years.   In 2017, after a hospitalization, Sue was able to get sober with the help of AA. She says complacency led to relapses. Her children had cut her off and there were multiple inpatient and outpatient attempts but nothing stuck until May 9th, 2023.   Sue says the difference this time is that she fully surrendered and is doing this for herself and not others. She checked herself Hazelden and dug into the work of loving herself again. She still stays active with that community and her AA group. Sue says her  spirituality comes from nature and her belief in prayer and hope.  She has been able to reconnect with her children over the past year and has plans to become a peer recovery specialist.   Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have Camille. She's 36 years old, from Coeur d 'Alene, Idaho, and she took her last drink on August 22nd, 2024.   This episode brought to you by Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored   Café RE   [04:26] Paul introduces Camille:   Corrine is 36 years old and lives in Coeur d’Alene, ID with her husband and two young children. For fun they enjoy spending time with friends in their community and spending time outside.   Camille says her father got sober when he was 24 and while growing up, she wasn’t told that she couldn’t drink but her dad gave her things to look out for. She experimented with alcohol in her teens while partying with friends. When she was 18, she began to be very active with church and started dating her now husband.   Camille and her husband got married when she was 21 and she says her drinking ramped up in her mid-twenties. They enjoyed hosting get-togethers with friends and neighbors. Camille says that over time she began to lose the “on/off switch”. She and her husband were still active in church, so Camille found herself living a secretive double life.   Camille was able to quit drinking both times she was pregnant but would always be ready to start back after giving birth. When her first child was five months old, Camille began drinking boxed wine in an effort to believe that she wasn’t drinking as much as she was. Not long after this, she began having alcohol in multiple locations so she could rotate through it.   Working as a hairstylist and taking on more responsibility at church found Camille more exhausted and feeling more shame about her drinking. She began to feel like God was asking her to hand her problem over. She was at the point where she was disgusted with how she looked and felt and tired of the anxiety and mental gymnastics surrounding her drinking.   Camille’s husband never questioned her drinking, and she was scared to bring it up. When he decided to quit drinking in solidarity with a friend, Camille decided to join them a few weeks later.   The first two weeks, Camille says she was white knuckling. She tried to distract herself as much as possible. She started making jewelry, exercising, listening to podcasts and reading quit lit. She tried listening to This Naked Mind again and identified with a lot of things.   Camille began to burn ships with her friends and fellow church members and learned she was not alone. Her parents were very supportive when she shared with them as well. After the first two weeks, Camille began to reap the benefits of an alcohol-free life. She says she now feels free and fully present with the people that matter.   [47:39] Thoughts from Paul:   This is an intro that Paul says he has been wanting to do for a while but has shied away because the subject matter can be triggering for some, including himself. Politics, news, the state of the US, the state of the world. The message he wants to convey is DO NOT DRINK THE KOOL-AID.   The news, social media, politicians and all of the algorithms on the internet are trying to put you in a fearful state. They have learned that fear and fake news hold your attention longer, that they can control you better, and they make more money on advertisements, etc.   One thing on the news that we see is doom and gloom, but Paul shares that he does not see that in real life. He doesn’t want to downplay things, but things aren’t nearly as bad as the news wants you to think. We need to start choosing where to put our attention. We are almost enabling addicts who are addicted to power by giving them our attention.   Go meet you neighbor, learn the names of birds in your yard, and be kind to yourself. Humans are going through a lot of change at the moment. And change is hard. We’re going to be just fine.      Recovery Elevator Rule 22, let’s lighten up and not take ourselves too seriously. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have Mike. He is 50 years old and from Cleveland, OH and he took his last drink on August 9th, 2022.   This episode brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – 20% off your order with code RE20   We offer a free month in Café RE once per year. Starting this Wednesday October 1st, and if you sign up for Café RE during the month of October, you get a free month.   [02:59] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares with us that he recently heard a song by Cameron Whitcomb called “Quitter”, and it’s about his journey into sobriety.   One line says  - “The hardest part of getting clean are all the damn philosophies telling me how this is supposed to work.”   We all want a manual and a clear pathway to healing. A set sequence of steps. And yes, there are The 12 Steps that have helped many. But not all. Paul believes that there isn’t a manual by design. Recovery is all about recovering you and figuring out what makes you function optimally. Discovering what makes you happy. Could there ever be a one-size-fits-all philosophy or manual for that?   You’re supposed to explore different philosophies and go on a deep mission of exploration when recovering the self. We are tasked to heal and find out what philosophies work for us. We are on a mission to find what brings us joy. There isn’t a manual for that.   Whatever philosophy you choose, make sure it involves other people. An addiction wants you alone with a bottle. The antidote is connection. With other human beings, animals, plants and flowers.   Good news, your listening represents you coming closer to the fire. We’re putting aside our difference and coming together to heal. This is an incredible time to be alive.   [06:40] Paul introduces Mike:   Mike is 50 years old and lives in Cleveland, OH. He and his wife have been married almost twenty years and have two daughters, 16 and 18. For fun Mike enjoys a lot of outdoor activities with his family and enjoys reading.    Mike had plenty of exposure to alcohol while growing up but swore he was going to stay away from it. Sometime in his teens he got curious and decided to try it. He instantly had the “warm fuzzy” feeling but that didn’t trigger any concern. Mike continued to drink through his teens into his twenties, accumulating three DUIs by the time he was 25.   Mike learned his lesson not to drink and drive and straightened his act out a little bit. He and his wife both drank so they didn’t consider it problematic. Over time the nightly drinking increased and many times Mike would find himself drinking after getting home from events or get together.   Mike never tried to moderate his drinking, but he tried to keep it under control. Gradually he began losing interest in doing things that didn’t involve alcohol. When COVID happened, the drinking time would get blurred and soon Mike was known to always have a beer in his hand.   Mike’s wife didn’t like how much his was drinking but seemed to accept it for a while. He began to try and hide it, but he knew that she knew he was drinking. Mike knew the only way he was going to quit drinking was if his wife gave him somewhat of an ultimatum.   There was no rock bottom, Mike says. Work was still going well, and his family was doing well, but he knew he needed to change. Mike knew he needed to prove to himself that he could beat this and decided to give it a try. So far he is three years into that first try.   Mike says the first few days were tough but was committed to giving it a try. Mike did a lot of reading and listening to podcasts, started learning more about addiction and taking courses online. He has enjoyed learning about it all and thinks that we are all capable of more than we think. Mike says he feels too good to ever want to go back.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have Emily. She is 28 years old from Denver, CO and she took her last drink on April 25th, 2025.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – 20% off your order with code RE20   Starting Wednesday, October 1st, if you sign up for Café RE you get a free month! Café RE is our alcohol-free community who recently got non-profit status and we’re all about having fun and kicking ass without alcohol.   [03:45] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul has said many times that quitting drinking was the hardest thing he has ever done, but that’s not true. Today he shares with us 20 things that are harder than quitting drinking.   This is the short list of what is harder than quitting drinking and Paul feels that it can all be summarized with this:   Continuing to poison yourself with alcohol is harder than quitting drinking and that’s exactly how we have to frame it. Regularly ingesting poison takes a bigger toll on your overall health than quitting drinking.   [10:14] Paul introduces Emily:   Emily is originally from Delaware but currently lives in Colorado with her boyfriend, two dogs and two cats. She works in tech sales and for fun she enjoys all things outdoors including skiing, backpacking, camping and has recently gotten some paddleboards and golf clubs.   Emily was against alcohol while growing up, began to experiment when she was 16 or 17. She thought it was a great way to escape the regimented lifestyle she was living.   In college, it was normal to drink from Thursday to Saturday. Emily didn’t see it as a problem because everyone around her was drinking the same way. She was able to maintain good grades and work multiple jobs while in college.   Emily was working in the bar and restaurant scene and decided to continue doing that after graduating. At age 23 Emily applied to work for a liquor supplier and got a job in Connecticut. When all of her bar tabs and Uber rides were being paid for and the way that alcohol is glamorized in the industry, Emily was never forced to see the negative impact her drinking was having on her life.   During the COVID pandemic, Emily was supplied with a lot of alcohol and the only thing she needed to do was make cocktail videos since everything was shut down. Her apartment complex became party central.   Soon after everything began opening back up, Emily was laid off by the company she worked for. She and her fiancé moved to Colorado where she got another job working in the wine and liquor industry. This company did not foot the bill for her drinking like the last one. Emily says she and her partner both drank heavily, and it was a toxic relationship. Once she ended that she decided that she was going to become a better version of herself but didn’t change any of her habits.   Emily met her current partner around age 26. She began to notice her drinking habits more around him because he does not drink much. Emily began trying to moderate during the week and then drinking like she wanted to on the weekends when she would blackout and suffer from hangovers.   Before going to her cousin’s wedding in April, Emily told herself she wasn’t going to get drunk. She ended up drinking more than she planned, and it was a disaster. The next morning when she woke up, she decided she needed to quit and immediately began burnings the ships with everyone she knew.   Emily threw herself into recovery by attending her first AA meeting, listening to podcasts, reading books and joining Café RE. Emily says that by quitting drinking she did lose a portion of herself, but it was a portion that she wasn’t happy with. Since quitting Emily says her sleep has improved, the mental clarity she has gained has been amazing and she is now able to trust herself.   Emily’s parting piece of guidance: tell people you love and trust. Lean on people, community is everything.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have Ty. She is 76 years old, lives in Bozeman, MT and she took her last drink on March 8th, 2008.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – THE social app for sober people.   [04:21] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul tells us that every time he goes into a retreat or event with RE, he asks the universe to send us a (safe) wildlife encounter. This past retreat in Bozeman was no different.  This time, it showed up in the form of a bald eagle while we were spending time at the lake pavilion. After it flew in, it perched on a lone pine tree branch about 50 yards away from us where we admired it’s beauty and Ty, an avid birder, shared some facts about the bald eagle with the group.     Paul shared that while editing the interview he did with Ty, he noticed some background noise. Normally, he does his best to avoid this, but this time he welcomed it. You will hear in the background the sound of birds. He says it was if the universe sent the birds to support Ty.   [08:45] Paul introduces Ty:   Ty lives in Bozeman, MT with her husband Dan. She likes to hike (gently), watch birds and enjoys reading. She is technically retired but has been editing the RE podcast since episode 25.   Ty grew up with an alcoholic father in Fort Worth, TX. Her mother did not allow alcohol in the house, so her father was gone a lot. Ty didn’t drink much during high school due to the fear of her mother detecting it on her.   After she graduated, Ty got married to her boyfriend. That marriage didn’t last long because her husband was an alcoholic and became abusive. They divorced when she was 21. During that time Ty would go out with friends she worked with where they would drink together. She says her rebellion against her father came out in that time – it was the early 70’s filled with drugs and rock and roll.   Ty said she spiraled shortly after her dad died and went through a dark time. She sought help from the county health board and after they placed her on mood stabilizers, she started drinking less.   At age 26, Ty went to university where she chose doing well in school over drinking and partying. A month after graduating college, Ty had a baby. Her daughter had a lot of health and developmental issues, so she became a full-time caregiver for her throughout her 30s.   In her 40s, Ty met her current husband Dan, who does not drink. They moved to Bar Harbor, where Ty worked in the restaurant industry. This exposed her to fine wine, which she would enjoy at home after work, while her husband was sleeping. Ty says red flags began to show when she switched to vodka because it has less calories. She began to hide her bottles and drink in secret.   Moderation for Ty was when she would quit drinking for Lent. One year she found that she wasn’t able to which got her thinking more about her drinking. She was attending Al-Anon meetings but was interested in the literature for AA. After taking some quizzes to determine if she was an alcoholic, she started to believe she might be.   The next morning while in church, Ty says she prayed: “I can’t do this will you help me”. That evening she went to her first AA meeting where she introduced herself as an alcoholic. It was the first time she had said it to herself or anyone else.   Ty says she burned the ships early on. Honesty and openness became very important to her. She knew she had to do the work and became comfortable asking her husband for support in various ways. AA has been a big part of Ty’s recovery story since the beginning. She has witnessed a lot of growth and change in the recovery world since quitting. Joining RE opened up so much for her and she says her toolbox expanded in terms of resources and learning different things.   Ty’s parting piece of guidance: it’s harder to get sober than it is to stay sober.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.       RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes     

Today we have David. He is 51 years old, lives in Pinson, TN and took his last drink of alcohol on December 23rd, 2024.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – 20% off your order with code RE20   We have a great lineup of events and courses coming to Recovery Elevator. A mindfulness course is coming up in October, then Dry January as well as a beginner ukelele course are happening in January. In February we have our first AF Songwriting course and later in the month our weeklong sober travel trip to Costa Rica.   [03:11] Thoughts from Paul:   In today’s intro Paul shares with us some statements he heard from Steven Glover (aka Steve-O from Jackass) who celebrates 17 years in recovery this year. Steve-O said that alcoholics are in a sense lucky because unlike other diseases where the best one can hope for is to return to a pre-illness state, when addicts and alcoholics treat their disease, they have the potential to become better versions of themselves.   In Paul’s upcoming book Dolce Vita, he makes the point that addiction is almost a biological mechanism to help wake us up as humans. On the other side of the addiction, if we are to heal, then we have to build a life that is more oriented towards helping others, where we are to be more authentic and where we are to admit when we are wrong in life.   One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they quit drinking is they just quit drinking. Although this is a huge step in the right direction, if this is all you do it leads to the concept of being a dry drunk. You need to address the reasons you drank to excess in the first place.   By listening to a sobriety podcast, you are doing the work. You’re investing in your recovery, and you are not a dry drunk. Your potential of becoming better than before is becoming a reality. And what wonderful timing you have as the world needs your honesty, your authenticity, your smile and your service more than ever.   [08:16] Paul introduces David:   David is 51 years old and was born and raised in West Tennessee. He has three adult children with his wife of 31 years. For work, he manages a manufacturing facility and for fun he is a lifelong musician and also enjoys genealogy and cemetery preservation.   David is the youngest of four children. He says his mother was a teetotaler and his father had a drinking problem, but it had tapered down a lot by the time David came along. David says he was raised in the country and had a small group of friends that his mother would say weren’t the best influences, and David was more of a follower than a leader and he and his friends would experiment with alcohol when he was younger.   When David was 18, he met his wife. They got married in David’s early twenties and began having kids. At this point, David didn’t drink often, and his wife didn’t drink at all. It wasn’t until their thirties that they would start having the occasional bottle of wine in the house.   In his late thirties, the drinking began ramping up. David began to have a regular music gig that was 45 minutes from home. He began going to have dinner and beers before the gig and over time started going out again after the gigs as well. He began drinking more on the weekends and that eventually crept into every day while isolating.   After some negative health reports in 2019, David began to try and address his drinking and says it was like a hamster wheel. By 2021, he knew he wanted to pursue an alcohol-free life and shared this with his wife, who has been very supportive of him.   Since his last drink in 2024, David says all of his relationships have improved, his bass playing has improved, and he started college last year and will be graduating soon. David is looking forward to continuing his personal growth, learning to meditate and travel.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.       RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes  Café RE    

Today we have Odette. She’s 37 years old, lives in San Diego, CA and she took her last drink 486 days ago.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – 20% off your order with code RE20   Registration is open for our next retreat in Costa Rica. That’s February 21st – 28th, 2026 in Guanacaste, a Blue Zone. We are over halfway full, but we have seven spots left.   [03:09] Thoughts from Paul:   When 17 people send Paul an article in the span of 2-3 days, he knows it means something big just came out… and this one is big because it disarms one of the biggest reasons why it’s so hard to quit drinking: everyone else is drinking. Which is no longer true. Several publication released this article and here’s the link for the CBS article.   It says - only 54% of U.S. adults say they drink alcohol, a record low. There is a growing belief that even moderate alcohol consumption is a health risk which is 100% correct. In 2015 28% of Americans though this but now in 2025, that percentage has almost doubled to 53%.   While mostly younger Americans are driving this trend, but older Americans are getting on board as well and the alcohol industry is tanking. Paul says that he can’t help but feel that we all have had a part in this. That we, including you, the listener, have saved lives by doing our part getting the proper messaging out about alcohol, and people are listening.   So, you’re not the only one who doesn’t drink. Paul doesn’t drink, Odette doesn’t drink and 46% of Americans don’t drink either.   [07:57] Paul introduces Odette:   In addition to being interviewed on episodes 128 and 231, Odette was the podcast host from episode 277 to 378.   Odette is from Guadalajara, Mexico but has been living in San Diego, CA with her husband, two kids and a variety of pets. She works in operations for a company called Chosen Foods. Around a year ago, she began teaching breathwork as well. For fun, she and her family enjoy being outside, especially at the beach.   Odette shares that addiction runs in her family, her father, who recently hit 16 years sober, went into rehab when Odette was 18. At the time she was struggling with an eating disorder and clinical depression. She never expected alcohol to be a problem for her.   Odette moved to the US with her husband after she graduated college. She kept her eating, and depression issues a secret for about a year after they got married but ended up going into treatment for it because she knew she needed to be healthy in order to have kids.   After having their first child, Odette says that she fell into the “mommy wine culture” pretty quickly. Playdates included toys for the kids and wine for the moms. Over time she began to look forward to drinking but there was always a knowing that this wasn’t her authentic self, she says. The drinking helped her feel like she fit in.   The drinking and her eating disorder didn’t play well together. She found the lines getting blurry and she wasn’t listening to her body as well as before. Since she didn’t drink much, she wasn’t sure she really had a problem, but it was all taking a toll mentally.   During the time Odette was hosting the RE podcast, her grandmother got sick. She lives far from her family and the uncertainty of the situation and pain of not being there was too much for her. Even with all of her tools, Odette found herself relapsing. She struggled with the shame of it and felt a little lost but leaning into the community and learning how to accept herself has been important to getting her footing back.   Odette says recovery isn’t about fixing yourself, it’s about accepting all of the things that you are.  Breathwork has been helpful for Odette to learn how to get back in touch with her body and be present.   The Harmony House Odette Cressler   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. I love you guys.       RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes  Café RE    

Today we have Justin. He is 40 years old and lives in Northern Ontario. He took his last drink on August 20th, 2023.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – the social app for sober people   [04:03] Thoughts from Paul:   In our question for sobriety, we often ask ourselves why the drinking? Why can’t I stop? What’s the problem here?    Paul shares his experience with the 12 Steps of AA, more specifically, step 4 where you list all of your resentments. He filled an entire notebook for his fourth step and after reading this out loud to his sponsor, it became clear to him that he was at least 50% of every problem that he encountered or had been part of. The fourth step showed him the patterns, and the data was clear – he was the problem. The same is true for all of us.   It turns out, in a non-shaming way, you are the problem, and you are not the solution. This should be empowering because if you are the problem, you’re the only thing you can control. The solution is not a one and done thing. The big one here is to burn the ships and to start building community.   We used alcohol to numb the pains of living in a super challenging world, and the solution is that we have to find a better way to respond to the world and we have to come together to make this happen.   [08:39] Paul introduces Justin:   Justin is from Northern Ontario, has been married for 14 years and they have two dogs and cat. Formerly an electrician, Justin is now a part-time day trader. He enjoys hiking, yoga and meditation. Justin and his wife Danielle quit drinking together just over two years ago.   Justin had his first drink at age 15 with some friends. He didn’t see the point in drinking at first but was happy to have friends to drink with. Over time he not only enjoyed spending time with friends he also began to enjoy the drinking too.   At 18, Justin had a job with a sound and lighting company, and they would do a lot of concerts. He reflects that the amount of booze that was around and available to him for free was insane. Within the next two years he developed a habit of drinking 10 to 20 beers a day. In addition to the drinking, Justin had developed an addiction to harder drugs.   When Justin was around age 23, he quit the job and doing hard drugs but used alcohol to help him. This contributed to his intake increasing and he was still drinking daily. Because he wasn’t doing hard drugs anymore, he thought it was ok, and he was living clean. After Justin’s third DUI charge in 2015, he begins to realize that he might have a problem. He quit for five days and decided he didn’t have a problem, so he went back to drinking.   Living in a small town where many people drank more than them, Justin and Danielle had the illusion that they “weren’t that bad”. They enjoyed drinking together most of the time, but when they began fighting more often, they acknowledged that there might be an issue. They began trying moderation techniques, but eventually knew they just needed to stop altogether.   They drank one last time after losing their horse and Justin says he had the worst hangover the next day. They both had already been listening to the RE podcast and had joined Café RE. Justin is grateful to being doing this with his partner and they find strength in one another.   Justin was just diagnosed with a brain tumor, so they are planning a big move back to Southern Ontario to be closer to family. Being sober for these life changes is a gift, Justin says. When asked what his mantra has been for the last few months Justin says “go with the flow, keep on truckin’, be like water. You can’t fight life. Life is just going to push you as it pushes you and generally, you’ll get what you need”.   Justin’s parting piece of guidance: the only way out is through. You gotta go through it to move out of it.       Recovery Elevator We took the elevator down. We gotta take the stairs back up. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes       

Today we have Amy. She is 41 years old and lives in Raleigh, NC. She took her last drink on December 12th, 2023.   This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – use code RE20 to save 20% off of your order   October 2026 we have a new retreat we have yet to do. This is an in-person alcohol-free ukulele retreat taking place in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. There will be ukulele instruction in the mornings and Spanish immersion courses in the afternoon.   [02:01] Thoughts from Paul:   Addiction is disconnecting with the self and your fellow humans. More sobriety is connection with the self, your fellow humans and more. “I” equals illness, “we” equals wellness.   Quitting drinking is a perfect circle. Your drinking crisis is an opportunity for someone to help. Phrased with 12 step verbiage, your first step is someone else’s 12th step. And when you find your footing, you can then assist someone else in their drinking crisis.   When the soul is hurting, the healing only happens when you’re not alone. And speaking of being alone, listeners, you are not alone. You are not the only one who struggles with alcohol. You, along with the other listeners, are seeking not only sobriety but seeking a deeper connection with all. Seeking answers that the bottle can’t deliver. You are in the right place.   [07:37] Paul introduces Amy:   Amy is 41 years old and lives in Raleigh, NC with her husband and a three-year-old son. Amy says she is a theater nerd and does improv comedy for fun.    Amy grew up in the southwest side of Chicago where she says her father was an alcoholic. She has memories of being a child at AA and Al-Anon meetings with her parents as well as memories of her father taking her to bars when they would tell her mother they were somewhere else.   Amy had her first drink when she was 15 while going to a concert with older teens. There was a bottle passed around the group and they all got drunk. Later that night she was found in the field of the concert venue by paramedics and taken to the hospital to have her stomach pumped.   She began to live a double life throughout high school and college. Amy saw that if she got good grades and joined all of the clubs, she would get praise and recognition. On the flip side she would drink very hard, and it wasn’t uncommon for her to get alcohol poisoning. Only after going to grad school in New York was Amy able to calm down a bit.   After COVID, Amy and her husband were doing IVF. Amy says she didn’t drink much at this point, but after having the baby, she suffered from postpartum anxiety which led her to daily drinking as a tool to cope with it. Over time she would begin to try moderation but limiting herself to two drinks was difficult and led to binges.   Amy’s last bender was at a holiday work party. The next day she found herself hungover and asked herself how her drinking was any better than her father’s was when she was younger. She knew that she may be heading down a dangerous path, so Amy decided to call the local AA helpline.   Amy began going to AA meetings and found a sponsor. She shares that her mother was a great support because of her experience with Al-Anon and she understood what Amy was going through.   One of the best things for Amy was burning the ships and gaining accountability. Even after 18 months, Amy admits there is white knuckling at times. She realizes that after 25 years of drinking, it doesn’t all heal within 18 months, but she is grateful to be where she is and says that since getting sober, she hasn’t missed a day of her son’s life.   Amy’s parting piece of guidance: everything that she was looking for while getting drunk can be found in recovery and she found it in Café RE and AA. Take what works and leave the rest.   Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys.   Café RE – the social app for sober people RE on Instagram Recovery Elevator YouTube Sobriety Tracker iTunes