The Pain Cave | Ep. 355

Old Cracked friend and the only exception to the show’s official no-guest policy, Jason Pargin, returns to join Daniel and Soren for a deep dive into the enigma that is Tom Cruise.Former executive editor at Cracked.com, Jason is a bestselling horror-comedy novelist and TikTok star whose latest book, There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel, is the fifth installment in the John Dies at the End series. It is in fact a novel of giant crabs.Thanks to ASPCA for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit http://ASPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Soren has a bone to pick with Tolkien’s naming conventions, so he challenges Daniel to distinguish Lord of the Rings characters from old-timey mobsters. The resulting quiz introduces the Artichoke King, Fatty Bulger, and the identity reveal of a wizard called Sharky.Plus, the guys discuss getting credit for their writing, the questionable longevity of Robin Hood movies, and why Spielberg’s best work might be behind him.Thanks to ASPCA for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit http://ASPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel introduces Soren to Year to Beat, a music trivia game that tests their ability to remember when songs came out. After a surprisingly successful round, they try Anthropeum, where Daniel discovers that Soren has a mind for ancient artifacts. Along the way, they discuss the appeal of movies that are just men saying numbers, and why remembering your own life is sometimes the best way to remember history.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel enjoys his first boys’ night in fifteen months, only to relearn a lesson he already knows: three beers is the right amount. Soren recalls wandering into a stranger’s party and waking up locked in a bathroom. The guys compare the indignities of getting older, from stubborn injuries to the impossibility of recovering from a hangover while parenting. Plus, why Daniel is perpetually sick and how daycare turns children into tiny disease delivery systems.We want to thank Mint Mobile for supporting this episode. Make the switch! MINTMOBILE.com/QQThanks to ASPCA for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit http://ASPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel mourns the loss of a beloved bit after a new ferry terminal prevents him from shouting embarrassing encouragement at his wife. Then Soren admits he’s taken some unusually big swings in his latest script, prompting the guys to compare the strange jokes they couldn’t believe survived — including Daniel’s extremely long fantasy about living nude and wet inside an egg. They also discover the horrifying usefulness of simply letting another writer look at your work.Thanks so much to Larine for sponsoring this episode! Get up to 50% off at http://BUYLARINE.com/QQFollow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel and Soren build their own baseball teams, beginning with the Albuquerque Weird Ants and eventually creating Potatoes, a frazzled mascot who sheds potatoes, carries backups in a briefcase, and never quite gets the win. Soon they’re designing stadium traditions and wondering why mascots don’t engage in more psychological warfare against opposing teams. Along the way, Daniel makes his case for bringing professional baseball to New Jersey and restoring the dignity of the Garden State name.Thanks to ASPCA for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit http://SPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Soren finds a lost wallet and decides to personally return it to its owner, only to discover an adult human tooth hiding behind the ID. His good deed quickly becomes a mystery when the owner refuses to explain the tooth — and Soren absolutely refuses to stop asking. Daniel tries to convince him that sometimes being a good Samaritan means knowing when to leave.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel heads to the Emmys expecting five uninterrupted hours of bad movies, only to discover his “janky flight” has no in-flight entertainment. Things improve in Los Angeles when he finally experiences the privilege of losing an Emmy — leaving him free to enjoy the ceremony, celebrate everyone else, and end the night eating Del Taco in bed while watching Big Daddy.We want to thank Mint Mobile for supporting this episode. Make the switch at http://MINTMOBILE.com/QQFollow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel and Soren imagine the deeply glamorous riders they’d demand if anyone actually needed them for a weekend. Daniel wants a 10 a.m. beef stick, while Soren makes the case for a Payday as an any-meal candy bar. Eventually, their ideal accommodations expand to mysterious party mixes — just don’t insult Soren with something as pedestrian as Chex Mix.Thanks to ASPCA for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit http://SPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Daniel spends a peaceful morning fishing while two strangers loudly debate California infrastructure and the WNBA, leaving him to wonder whether it’s worth arguing when everyone is trapped on the same boat. Soren has confrontation problems of his own — including apologizing for something he didn’t do at Whole Foods and accidentally discovering that shouting “mango” at strangers does not always mean “leave me alone.”Thanks so much to Larine for sponsoring this episode! Get up to 50% off at http://BUYLARINE.com/QQFollow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts