Money Matters

Scripture Joshua 24:15.The kids return as special guests to share their thoughts on setting hearts on course for God. They have not listened to the podcast because this is a way we can study and evaluate if what we are saying to the microphone lines up with what we live at home. It shows developmental levels and where we still need to focus and also gives us feedback on where we need to align with God and then tweak our systems with the kids. How much do our systems return us to God, to dependence on Grace, to hope in Him? It is more common to set up a system to become more independent; in parenting how can we build systems to repeatedly turn us back to Him and not self. Back to Him, not a new run at "success". Back to leaning on His Way, not our's, His Plan, not our's, His Desires for us, not what the world describes as desirable. Connecting Activity: do something silly or goofy togetherResource: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” P.27 of Atomic Habits by James Clear.

In this episode we discuss 'balance' not being the best goal. We talk about places we have been unbalanced and some consequences that come from that. Philippians 4:12 and Romans 8:31-39 are focus scriptures.Connection Activity: This particular activity has biggest result if done individually. Time spent building the thankful muscle on and individual level compounds connections to other people. Thankful people more easily connect to others but thankful people don't just exist, God forms them through the discipline of thankfulness. Write down at least things that bring thanks each day. If it is difficult at first, use "breath", arms, legs, water, etc., and don't give up, ask God to help you see and acknowledge His gifts.Resource: The chapter on Belonging: What the Eisenhower's Knew in Donald Miller's To Own a Dragon

This discusses parental effort and prayer in helping children orient to their place in the family, in the world, and most importantly, in relation to God. Physical place is an important part of foundation and benefits from attention, but efforts beyond just physical space pay huge dividends long term in the individual and the relationship.Psalm 78 is a great place to begin in story-telling and then add in what God has done personally in the more recent history of you. Retell the stories of their children. Journal them so you remember and go back and read them on sick days or rainy days.Traditions and small regular, rhythms also add to sense of place. One example is in the following activity.Connection Activity: Repeatedly, build a blanket, sheet, and pillow fort and climb in their with the kids. Let forts get bigger as kids do! No need to stay with them for hours but try to get in before clean up for at least 10 minutes, or peek in throughout to see what all they add to the decor. Are their any elements they have in their 'house' that you could consider incorporating in your permanent space that you don't already have? Be sure to give them the credit and thank them for their ideas. Each time you crawl into a blanket tent, silently remember Your Father God (from 2 Chronicles 6;18 & 2Chronicles 7:1-2; Psalm 116;2) who has humbled Himself again and again to be with us. Imitate your Dad's Crouch. This is worship!

Dream together! Share and shoulder-to-shoulder pour effort, time, and maybe money into dreams. Watch God shape dreams as He sets them in hearts. Our culture and a lot of positive thinking and self-help mentalities can tug in the direction of self, but self-denial is crucial in chasing dreams!Connection Activity: share some "wishes" (things that would be awesome but could happen with just the right circumstances) and "impossibles" (things that could only be done with God) with family members. Write them down and save; regularly pray over them and ask God "how"? See what happens!Resource: Prayer. Talk with God; ask Him what His dreams are. Read about His dreams for all His kids in His Word. Psalm 37:4. Receive the dreams He has for you and chase dreams with Him in the lead. "Father, into Your hands we commit our dreams and nightmares. Take our hands. Hold us...in Your heed-lovingkindness, and no matter how the road goes, You are our road, You are our way." - Ann Voskamp in Waymaker

Money is a tool, not a goal. Having a healthy view and relationship with money is foundational for helping to train kids with money. This episode includes some practical tips like "junk budget" and some spiritual encouragement like May 16th entry in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.Connection Activity: Play Act Your Wage from https://www.ramseysolutions.com/store/youth/dave-ramseys-act-your-wage-gameor MonopolyResource: the Envelope System connected to your family's Valueshttps://www.ramseysolutions.com/store/digital-products/everydollar-budget-apphttps://www.ramseysolutions.com/store/products/starter-envelope-system

This episode describes how maturity curves can affect family relationships and how parents are the primary pursuers.Awareness of maturity curves and where gaps arise in development between siblings and even between parents and kids can help multiply grace in relationships. Finding ways to connect despite the gaps can lessen their impact.Realizing our imitation of pursuit following God's model helps in being a "long-haul pursuer" of our children. This echoes and supports what we discussed earlier about attachment and repair in the parent-child relationship.Scripture informing this episode: Luke 15:11-32Connection activity: 1)Watch Finding Nemo & look for the scene where the bird begins to describe Marlin to Nemo. Ask God to describe His own Pursuit of you to you.2)Grow something together (i.e. Ja-Ru Magic Grow toy; Chia Pet; or a plant for highly developed attention spans)Resource: 1)Journal. where have you seen yourself change over the last year? What books are you reading? What people are influencing you? Have you seen growth spurts in any of your kids recently?2) revisit those Connection quizzes mentioned in earlier episodes from Keeping the Little in Your Girl and Keeping the Good in Your Boy by Dannah Gresh. Can you answer any questions you couldn't answer before? Have any answers changed? Set a reminder on calendar one year from now to re-examine connections with kids.

How can you tell if something is "great" for your family? Use the "G.R.E.A.T." acronym to prioritize what receives most family resources of time, energy, and money. This can be used before having values fully defined and named. However, it is most beneficial throughout the years after values are in place to determine if opportunities are best for certain seasons of life or if they should be allowed to move onto someone else. Some practical examples for this include assessing moves, transitions, promotions, extra-curricular activities, etc. This can also be a useful tool for parents to coach teens in prioritizing.Scripture informing this episode: Luke 9:46-48; Psalm 145; Colossians 3Connection Activity: **This activity is not for social media; just the privacy of your family. If documenting the experience, write the info in a journal.Trading places: Daydream with the kids what they will be like as a "Dad" or "Mom". What will they do to connect with their families, train and correct their people, eat for dinner, etc.? How will they show their love and enjoy each other? Some of the answers will likely be silly and involve lots of sugar, but others may be actual teaching moments God uses in an earlier generation of the family! If you are super brave, role play for 30 minutes letting the kids "parent" while the parents act out the kids' roles- requiring the training and correction! Definitely sit with God during those "clear-brain moments" David talks about to pre-plan and strategize some hypothetical pretend kid scenarios and responses with your spouse beforehand (i.e. being hungry, waiting in line, interrupting, saying "I know" to everything they say).Resources:1) you and me forever by Francis and Lisa Chan, especially the introduction and the first chapter. Yes, it is a marriage book but after reading the illustration and prayerfully imagining the marriage first, ask God to help use that eternal lens to shape the ultimate goal in parenting.2) These blogs support the "effort" and 'attitude" of G.R.E.A.T.https://www.platimebox.com/blog-1/2017/10/19/sick-day-survivalhttps://www.platimebox.com/blog-1/2017/3/29/the

This episode looks at Behavior Circle. We hope to show how targeting Values helps efficiency in behaviors in training ourselves and our kids.Connection Activity: prayerfully play darts with your spouse. Then play darts with teens or bean bag target game with youngers. During play, ask God to help you see some values you tend toward easily and some in which you would like to strengthen your aim. Consider them in setting shared values. If you have set values already, ask Him to help you see any behaviors that clump together in a value that if you train more in that value, the behaviors will flow out.Resources: Remember Think Like Jesus and Scary Close from earlier episodes

Merge together to have prioritized shared values that the entire family team can target.Connection activity: An activity that has guardrails, like a marble track or go-carts that push the items back toward the center.Resource: You Version has a Family ID: 31 Days of Building Your Family's Values which is a great list of values from which to choose with Scriptures. Can you find your top 5?2nd month: examine time to determine current default values. Prune activities that don't align with intended values.discuss with your own parents, top things they value and their perspective on what your family valued when you were growing upwhat frustrates or annoys you this month? jot it down. Why did it annoy? ( Ask why 5 times to get to the core reason.)what brings you joy? Why? Why? Why? etc 5xswhat on next month's calendar brings anticipation? what brings dread? is there a value behind it? is there a value to motivate accomplishing the dreaded activity?what activities can you do without getting tired or hungry? things where time seems to fly?observe kids and see what they value by what they seem to enjoy and what they fight against. Ask "why" more ...(turn "why" around on those little messes!:) Are these preferences in their stage of life or could they be a deeper value?

What are values and why do they matter? How do misaligned values feed conflict? How do coordinating shared values help relationships? What happens to your consistency and integrity when your deliberate values don't line up with your default values?Connecting activity: list personal values, define them, talk about them, can any merge or coordinate or compliment or nest under a combined value? Include kids over 7 in the fun!Resource: You Version has a Family ID: 31 Days of Building Your Family's Values which is a great list of values from which to choose with Scriptures. Can you find your top 5?1st month assessment: 1)Examine relationships. Who do you agree with most? Why? What do you both truly value that connects you? Who do you experience most conflict with and why? Can you see what you value? Simply observe what matters to you; don't evaluate the other person as right or wrong; just notice differences.2) Monetary investment. This is the most tangible assessment.Over a month, observe the values on which you are currently acting. Prayerfully consider if they are actually what you want to value. Be deeply honest to determine the extent of the value and the level of consciousness involved. Discuss with God and spouse throughout the process.-keep track this month of all money, even "little money"-Which money is easy to spend? Why is it easy? Is there any spending that happens when seeking "comfort"?-Which money is hard to spend? Why is it a challenge?-If you had a money tree, what would you buy first?-If saving is easy for you, what value drives that? Security? Preparedness? pride in being responsible or controlled? Something else?-If saving is hard, why? Takes from spontaneity? Want to give extra away? etc?Email [email protected] for worksheets. Check next week's notes for questions about using the more abstract concept of time investment to examine what you are currently valuing in "default" mode.