How Avoidant Attachment Can Lead to Selfish Tendencies

We often talk about the emotional distance of avoidant attachers—but what if that “selfishness” is actually a protective coping mechanism?In this episode, I unpack how avoidant attachment can stem from emotional neglect and how hyper-independence becomes a substitute for unmet emotional needs. I share a personal story, common patterns I see in clients, and why adjusting expectations (on both sides) is key for healthy, interdependent relationships.Whether you’re dating someone avoidant or navigating your own avoidant patterns, this episode will help you better understand the “why” behind the behavior—and how to create more compassion and clarity in your relationships.*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

What if some of your anxious attachment behaviors are actually rooted in…selfishness? Not because you don’t care—but because fear can make everything feel urgent and all about you.In this episode, I share my own hard truths, the rigid expectations I used to set, and how healing started when I finally saw the bigger picture.This one’s for anyone ready to trade “me-focused” survival patterns for truly secure connection. 💛Learn about Attachment Coaching with me HERE.

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by Lexi Stout—a former coaching client who opens up about her journey of recognizing how her avoidant attachment style was impacting her dating life, and what she’s been doing to break old patterns and move toward healthy relationships.We dive into:How her avoidant attachment kept her stuck in unfulfilling situationshipsLearning to open her heart and receive loveBreaking the habit of hyper-independence and accepting supportConfronting her avoidance and becoming more assertive in communicationNavigating her first mature, secure relationship with confidenceTune in for a raw, relatable, and inspiring conversation about healing, self-awareness, and growth in love.*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Ever taken an attachment quiz and thought, “Yup, I’m anxious”… only to find yourself totally avoidant once real intimacy kicks in? In this episode, I dive into why your feelings might say one thing, but your behaviors—especially under stress—reveal the real story. I’m sharing insights, patterns to look for, and a personal dating example that might sound all too familiar. Let’s untangle the truth together.Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica here.Instagram: @thejessicadasilva

In this episode, we explore the hidden struggles behind avoidant attachment through a candid conversation with someone who’s lived it.We discuss:🔹 Why he resisted change in past relationships — believing emotional distance was a strength🔹 How self-protection became self-disconnection🔹 The breakup that made him realize his avoidant patterns were the root cause🔹 Why avoidants do love deeply — and how fear keeps it buried🔹 Reconnecting to his emotional self and finding fulfilling love🔹 Closure for anyone hurt by someone with avoidant attachmentThis one is for anyone who’s struggled to love — or be loved — with a guarded heart.Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.Takeaways include:The difference between chemistry and compatibilityHow to identify your unmet needs in real timeWhy even "kind and available" people might not be the right fitWhat it looks like to actually date from your secure selfHow to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by the lovely Meghan Gatto.Meghan went through the My Secure Self group coaching program this past summer with the goal of deepening her understanding of anxious attachment — and learning practical tools to break unhealthy relationship patterns.In this episode, we dive into:​Breaking the cycle of anxious attachment​Attraction to avoidant partners—and how to stop that​How your body signals when you’re in the wrong relationship​Approaching dating from a secure lens​Knowing your needs, raising your standards, and setting boundaries​And we finish off with my signature Secure Self visualization to help you shift from anxious to secure attachmentMy Secure Self Membership - Join for $1 today 🎉 1:1 Attachment Coaching

Today, I’m excited to introduce Joe Reilly, an incredible human and former coaching client of mine, who has been actively working to break his anxious attachment patterns and step into his secure self. We dive into:The challenges of anxious attachmentHis pattern of dating avoidant partners and where that inclination comes fromHealing through a recent breakupLearning to be okay with being aloneHow he’s been building a secure relationship with himself through this season so that he can be more intentional about his next partner, rather than make decisions from a place of scarcity or insecurity.If you’re looking for a heartfelt conversation about attachment, healing, and self-growth, this episode is for you.Contact Joe Reilly: www.joereilly.orgInstagram: @joereillymusicAttachment Coaching with Jessica:1-1 Attachment Coaching (8-weeks)My Secure Self E-Course

If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you know I love exploring how attachment styles impact all areas of life—not just relationships with people. Through my own healing work, I’ve noticed that as I became more secure and confident within myself, that same transformation began to reflect in my relationship with everything—including money!That’s why I invited Shamina Taylor, a former attorney turned Wealth Consciousness Mentor and author of the Amazon #1 Best Seller Unlocking The Quantum Woman, to share her expertise on:How attachment styles influence our relationship with moneyThe importance of wealth consciousnessUnderstanding masculine and feminine energy in making moneyHow a scarcity mindset—whether with people or money—keeps us stuck in insecure attachment patternsPractical tips to shift your attachment to money and open yourself to more abundanceFind Shamina:Daily CEO Money Making Moveswww.shaminataylor.comInstagram: @shaminataylorPodcast: Unapologetically RichAttachment Coaching with Jessica:1-1 Attachment Coaching (8-weeks)My Secure Self E-Course

In this episode, I explore the difference between commitment and compatibility, sharing my personal experience navigating these challenges in a past relationship. I also discuss how to recognize the distinction, helping you better assess whether you’re in the right relationship.Learn about attachment coaching with me here.